Proposal, Ring or Not?

GuyinToronto · July 2011

Hello everyone,

I think I am getting to the point that I am actually going to propose, I have a question though, my hopeful bride has told me a number of times she wants to pick out her own ring. I would rather just pick it myself but I mean she has to wear it for the rest of her life (hopefully) she should have a big say in it.

So this is where my problem is, do I get down on one knee and just ask her and give her nothing? do I give her an empty box? do I give her a ring with the intention of returning it?

Any thoughts?

swhite2012 · July 2011

I'm sure that if you are at the point where you want to get engaged, she is aware of that, whether by women's intuition or the two of you have talked about it at least in some form. I think that your best bet is to take her ring shopping to get an idea of what she likes. She doesn't have to be there when you buy the ring or even know when you do. That's what my BF and I have been doing. It will still be a surprise to me how and when he decides to propose, whether it be next month or next year. Good luck!

SKP82 · July 2011

Hi Guy! I agree with White. BF and I went ring shopping together and picked the perfect ring that we BOTH loved. I have no idea when he purchased it or when he will propose. So, it's still very much a surprise.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

zipis1 · July 2011

As PPs said, go ring shopping with her. This is what my FI and I did, because I'm so chosey about my jewelery even I wouldn't know if I liked it until I saw it. We chose my ring, but he bought it later without me there and planned his proposal so it would still be a surprise.

That said, there are couples wherein the proposal happened without the ring and then they later went to pick out a ring together, but it's really up to you and your GF on how you feel about that vs. the way I mentioned before.

CCO2012 · July 2011

BF and I went ring shopping together and I was there when he purchased. If having her involved before the proposoal is what you do not want. I have heard of people picking the stone they want to give her and having it set in a temporary setting. Then after she says yes, you tell her that you are taking it back so she can pick any setting she wants. I think it would be super romantic that way!

becunning2 · July 2011

You could kind of drop hints if you REALLY don't want to take her ring shopping (though that's the best bet, I think), you could kind of casually mention something... like if you had a friend who just got engaged or something, you could use that as a segway into finding out which type of metal she prefers... or setting styles or something. Girls can pick up on those hints pretty quick though, but they'll also tell you exactly what they like or dislike!

lunarsongbird · July 2011

You could also pick out the center stone- put it in a simple, simple solitaire setting- Propose with that.

And then after the proposal- you can go and pick out a setting she likes. You could even do it the same day if you wanted- and then go to dinner.

GuyinToronto · July 2011

See that is all well and good, but I already find the idea of her picking her ring ruining the surprise a bit. Even if she does not know if/when I have bought it and if/when I will give it to her she still knows.

I want her to be completely shocked, we have discussed it and have been dating for awhile and I wouldnt do it unless I was very confident it was what we both wanted.

I just feel like she is a smart girl can easily read what my plans are and if we go and pick out a ring and then I take her to where I want to she is gonna know and it will ruin the suprise.

But then to completely surpise her I dont know what to do with a ring.

GuyinToronto · July 2011

Also don't get me wrong people I have no desire to pick out a ring for her and force her to take it. I have decided that I will stick to her wishes and let her pick one, I just think I will let her pick one after the fact.

My current plan is to just buy her a basic ring just to propose with then after I will tell her we get to pick out whatever she wants. So she gets to select her ring and I get to suprise her. We both win right?

[Deleted User] · July 2011

Guy - I love the idea that you want to surprise her! BF and I did go ring shopping together, but I would have loved the surprise of not knowing something was on the way.

My guy used to joke that since I am so particular about jewelry, he would be proposing with a crackerjack ring...and then we'd go pick something out later. I actually love the idea of proposing with something else and picking the ring out later. I would make the proposal ring something she can keep for years and years to tell the story. It doesn't have to be fancy or anything, just something that is tangible. Go to a department store or somewhere like Clair's and find something inexpensive to propose with.

I think that would be absolutely ADORABLE!

SKP82 · July 2011

I understand you wanting it to be a complete surprise. In that case, I would suggest that you just propose without a ring and take her ring shopping ASAP (that day or the next).

GuyinToronto · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_proposal-ring-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4e311208-a48e-49b9-9126-4b0c02c707afPost:3864db73-5965-412f-84a4-d44363ffa33c">Re: Proposal, Ring or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Guy - I love the idea that you want to surprise her! BF and I did go ring shopping together, but I would have loved the surprise of not knowing something was on the way. My guy used to joke that since I am so particular about jewelry, he would be proposing with a crackerjack ring...and then we'd go pick something out later. I actually love the idea of proposing with something else and picking the ring out later. I would make the proposal ring something she can keep for years and years to tell the story. It doesn't have to be fancy or anything, just something that is tangible. Go to a department store or somewhere like Clair's and find something inexpensive to propose with. I think that would be absolutely ADORABLE!
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

I like this, this is good. I wanted to just buy her a ring and then return it but your right it is going to be something she is going to want to keep for years to come. I don't know if I will go as far as a cracker jack ring but yeah if I just go to a cheap store and by something that maybe at first glance looks like a diamond that would be great.

I just feel like if she gets to pick the ring I should still be able to surprise her.

Elle1036 · July 2011

I really like Allusive's suggestion, and Lunar's is good if you at least know what shape diamond she likes.

Is there anything else she really wants right now? Like an iPad, puppy, new TV, or, ideally, a different piece of jewelry like a bracelet or earringss?

If so, get her that and propose with it. She'll always have a souvenir from the proposal and she'll be completely surprised. Afterward, you guys can enjoy ring shopping together.

becunning2 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_proposal-ring-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4e311208-a48e-49b9-9126-4b0c02c707afPost:f0ea73e9-8b03-41f0-9317-b42fd20f4b70">Re: Proposal, Ring or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE] My current plan is to just buy her a basic ring just to propose with then after I will tell her we get to pick out whatever she wants. So she gets to select her ring and I get to suprise her. We both win right?
Posted by GuyinToronto[/QUOTE]

Sounds like a good enough plan to me if you think it'll work for you two. I'm a sentimental fool. I'd love to love the ring my BF proposed with (should he go that route) and not have to go hunting for one after the fact. But that's me, and I know that like you, my BF would want me to be shocked and would not want to take me ring shopping. But I also know he'd not be happy if I didn't like what he picked out. Boys, I tell ya!

If the surprise is important to you (and it is), and you're willing to let her pick something else out, then I say go with your plan. And have fun.

[Deleted User] · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_proposal-ring-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4e311208-a48e-49b9-9126-4b0c02c707afPost:0f113c07-df58-4658-a925-e82aa29bb412">Re: Proposal, Ring or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Proposal, Ring or Not? : I like this, this is good. I wanted to just buy her a ring and then return it but your right it is going to be something she is going to want to keep for years to come. I don't know if I will go as far as a cracker jack ring but yeah if I just go to a cheap store and by something that maybe at first glance looks like a diamond that would be great. I just feel like if she gets to pick the ring I should still be able to surprise her.
Posted by GuyinToronto[/QUOTE]

I think she will love that, Guy! After you propose, you have to tell her to log on here and come let us know how it all went! We'd love to "meet" her and let her know what an amazing man she has...and how much thought you really put into this.

mattycam · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_proposal-ring-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4e311208-a48e-49b9-9126-4b0c02c707afPost:f0ea73e9-8b03-41f0-9317-b42fd20f4b70">Re: Proposal, Ring or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also don't get me wrong people I have no desire to pick out a ring for her and force her to take it. I have decided that I will stick to her wishes and let her pick one, I just think I will let her pick one after the fact. My current plan is to just buy her a basic ring just to propose with then after I will tell her we get to pick out whatever she wants. So she gets to select her ring and I get to suprise her. We both win right?
Posted by GuyinToronto[/QUOTE]

My friend proposed to his fiance using a decoy ring and got her the ring of her dreams soon after, so your idea can work!

CASK85 · July 2011

Guy you should stick around - it'd be nice to have a male perspective from time to time!

cu97tiger · July 2011

Guy, I think other poster's had great ideas, especially the one about giving her a ring that she can keep (maybe wear on her right hand?) and then you can pick out a ring together.

To let you know, though, I had a pretty good idea what day my BF (now FI) was going to propose, due to some strange actions from him (making reservations w/out checking with me, etc), however, the moment he got down on his knee was a complete surprise.... so even if she's expecting it, nothing can prepare her for the moment that you are actually down on one knee asking her to marry you.

Good luck

swhite2012 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_proposal-ring-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4e311208-a48e-49b9-9126-4b0c02c707afPost:1ee11857-d8c5-4706-85ff-87ac30b4b1fe">Re: Proposal, Ring or Not?</a>:
[QUOTE]Guy, I think other poster's had great ideas, especially the one about giving her a ring that she can keep (maybe wear on her right hand?) and then you can pick out a ring together. To let you know, though, I had a pretty good idea what day my BF (now FI) was going to propose, due to some strange actions from him (making reservations w/out checking with me, etc), however, the moment he got down on his knee was a complete surprise.... so even if she's expecting it, nothing can prepare her for the moment that you are actually down on one knee asking her to marry you. Good luck :)
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree. Chances are she knows more about your plans than your realize. Guys don't realize how much of the little stuff us girls pick up on, and then put it all together. I think that any way you do it, she is going to love it.

</div>

peekaboo2011 · July 2011

Guy - I understand. FI and I went ring shopping about 6 months before he proposed, and I had picked out this super expensive ring that we couldn't afford. But it gave him an idea of what I wanted. Instead of saving the money for the setting I fell in love with, he did me one better. He took the concept to another jeweler who designed the ring he got me. He hand picked the diamonds, and I have to admit, it's more than I ever would have expected. It's super special because he designed it, and I had no idea it was coming. The week before it happened he kept talking about wanting to take me shopping again. It made it that much more of a surprise.

And please, do stick around.

marleylikeair · July 2011

Guy, what about enlisting the help of her best friend, sister, mom, etc? Maybe they could look with her and report back to you what she likes.

ravenray · July 2011

Why don't you just pick a ring to best of your abilities? I don't want to know what kind of ring BF gets me. I know I will love it no matter what. We have talked about possible things I like and I even looked some up to show him but I have no idea what I am getting or when. He, like you, wants it to be a complete surprise. I think even if you picked something out that isn't her style you can always buy a ring she likes for the wedding band (which is what BF and I plan to do).
GL and come back and tell us how it when!

SeaTea02 · July 2011

You could propose with a stone and then go pick out the ring.

FI and I did pick out my ring together though.

amsmith1989 · July 2011

I helped BF pick out my ring...and I was there when he bought it. This was a satisfactory compromise: he wanted to surprise me, and I am picky about jewelry. I'm still NEY, but it's coming...probably when I least expect it.

Good luck!

lilphillips14 · July 2011

I'd say just do a heartfelt proposal with all the surprise, bells and whistles (or not) you want and then do a whole day of just her and you, looking at rings and picking one out and having a romantic day together. That way, picking out a ring for her can be just as special to you both, plus she gets something she'll love forever.

Bumbles18 · July 2011

A few of suggestions:

- I like the idea of proposing with the stone and then going together to get it set

- You could propose with another piece of jewellery, not necessarily a ring. My cousin's now hubby proposed with a bracelet and it was something she wore on her wedding day

- Me and BF always joke about proposing with a sweetie ring (I mean an actual sweet!) Haribo do good ones! I always thought that would be cute.

Alternatively, unless she has something specific in mind, if you keep it simple you can't go wrong IMO.

Good luck

PaigeMcC · July 2011

A BOY?!

A CANADIAN BOY?!

*faint*

Hi fellow Canadian.

I think that it's really sweet that you're asking opinions on this. It really shows that you want her to be happy (DUH!) with what you chose. I think a decoy ring, or something equally as cute (an engagement pony?!) would be really nice. I understand wanting to give her *something* but not wanting to ruin the suprise by getting feedback. Good luck, and let us know how it goes:)

leia1979 · July 2011

I only half understand the surprise bit. If you've discussed marriage at all, it's not a complete surprise. I don't think it should be a complete surprise--that's how people get in the situation where the answer is "no."

Anyway, if you're dead set against shopping together beforehand, then I also recommend the Claire's/department store inexpensive ring. FI and I did pick out the ring together, but it wasn't ready in time for our trip, so FI proposed to me with a ring from Claire's. It was still wonderful--it just didn't fit at all, because I'm inbetween sizes.

Peaseblossom55 · July 2011

I agree with pp's have said propose with some small inexpensive ring and then go ring shopping together for what she wants. Personally I'd love whatever my BF picked out. I'm not super picky about jewelry and would wear anything he got me.

Please stick around it would be great to have a guy around!

dragonwagon · July 2011

Take her to the diamond store, tell her to pick one, buy it, and then get on one knee right there and pop the question!

SKP82 · July 2011

I keep thinking it would be funny to propose with a fake ring that isn't her style at ALL or something that is completely hideous. That way, when he tells her they are going ring shopping, she will be even MORE happy. Hahaha. I am evil, I know.

Here are some ideas:

Proposal, Ring or Not?

Re: Proposal, Ring or Not?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards