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I still don't know what to do.

Since the pants incident happened, things just aren't the same between us. I struggle with my anger anyways, but I find myself angry with him all the time. I find fault in most things he does, but I don't know if it is truly fault or if I am only looking for the worst in him. It's like things are ok for him to do or say but if I do or say them, he chastises me. I don't want him to hold me or hug or touch me period. I don't even want to kiss him goodbye 90% of the time anymore. He says things that hurt my feelings and then plays them off as a joke when he sees that it upsets me. For example, I have always struggled with self-image and body issues. I don't think Kurt fully understands to what extent though. I have gotten better with them and have come to accept myself and my body. Today, Kurt and I picked up dinner for us and my parents and were bringing it home to eat. I took 1 tortilla chip out, ate half, and offered him the other. He refused it, called me a "Pork" and begin yelling at me saying that I never wait to eat with him and that all I do is eat all the time. When I became upset and held back tears, he said he was just joking.

I love Kurt. I really do. And I am trying my best to fix this relationship. But it's like he's not even trying.

Re: I still don't know what to do.

  • azdancer8azdancer8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited September 2012
    My H jokes around a lot, but he would NEVER say mean things and then laugh them off that way. Are you two in counseling? I'd start there for sure. 

    If you aren't wanting him to touch or kiss you, something is definitely wrong. You may need to sit down and ask yourself why you still love this guy, and whether you want to stay with him if he treats you this way.
  • Ash61612Ash61612 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2012
    I agree with everything PP said. Have yall done any premarital counseling?
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  • From what you have shared, it sounds like this guy doesn't respect you.  You know that you deserve that respect, but the question is how to get it.  Unfortunately, I have a feeling that if he doesn't respect you now, he will never respect you down the line when life gets more challenging.  I would do counselling, but it also sounds like he needs to learn boundaries and that no means no.  I get the feeling that he takes you for granted, and if he stops to think that way, things might improve.  Maybe it means threatening to break off the relationship.  But you definitely have to be the strong woman that you are.  Definitely don't let him abuse you, either emotionally or physically.  

    You also said that you have a problem with anger.  I don't know what you mean by that, but if you are, in fact, angry all the time, he may be laughing it off thinking it's just anger over unimportant things when more important things are at stake.  I would try to work on that anger so that when you're angry, he knows that he has crossed a line.

    I hope things work out!  
  • From this and the other post I'd again take him to counseling... If you feel like you have to fix it and he isnt trying it dosnt sound like he values or respects you.

    Take the step and ask him to seek counseling.  The rest has to come from him. You will become more upset if you keep trying to fix it and he dosnt.

    Love is All You Need
  • edited October 2012
    I do not say this lightly. But I have been exactly where you are and counseling is not going to help. If he goes to counseling, he might get better for a little while and then he will revert back. Eventually it will get worse. He his abusing you - both emotionally and physically. I have been there and I know exactly how it feels. You need to get out of that relationship now and don't look back. I know what it's like to rationalize it and tell yourself that it was really your fault that he did what he did - that he really does love you. I know what it's like to get angry one minute and then the next minute be depressed and the next minute he says just the right thing to make you think you were the one who was in the wrong. 

    Get out. You deserve better. He doesn't love you. He might care for you in some ways, but he does not love you. And if you get away from him, you'll be able to see it, too. 
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  • Honestly, I'd end the relationship.  He is being abusive.  No amount of counseling is going to fix that.  This is a nasty, nasty cycle and it needs to be broken.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_i-still-dont-know-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:db95c65b-2a93-47df-ae3b-adbd01f10c36Post:b7656e5f-165d-4536-89cf-1bd6bb6cf6b0">Re: I still don't know what to do.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I'd end the relationship.  He is being abusive.  No amount of counseling is going to fix that.  This is a nasty, nasty cycle and it needs to be broken.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
    This.  I'll pray for you.
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  • Get out now. I totally agree with Drama.
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