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Excluding Someone From Family Pictures

missyprunemissyprune member
First Comment
in Wedding Photography and Videography Forum
How should I go about telling my FSIL her boyfriend can not be in the family pictures even though my sister's fiance will be in them?  I know my sister isn't married yet but she is getting married a few months after my wedding.  Her and her fiance have been together for 6 years.  My FSIL is only 23 and who knows what is going to happen with her relationship down the road.  My fiance said I need to handle this because she is going to be pissed off.  What is the best way to go about this with out offending anyone?  The last thing I want to do is piss off my In Laws before getting married!

P.S,  Me and my fiance are on the West coast while our families are back east.  My fiance only met her boyfriend a few times.....
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Re: Excluding Someone From Family Pictures

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    easy, they are your photos, you make the decision...another option is that you can put it in the hands of the photographer as well by giving them a shot list that includes some with and some without "the boyfriend" that way no one gets hurt. it only takes a minute or 2 to get someone in and out of a group photo session. you end up with the photos you want and your sister does not get offended in any way.
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  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with somePP. Do some with him and some without. At 23 it is not unreasonable to think that they may end up married. (Based on age alone, not the relationship or her maturity etc) If they do end up together it will be nice for the entire family to have pictures of him included in a family affair. If it ends then it is not a big deal for you to have a few pictures with him included, and you will have some without him as well. Plus there will be less hurt feelings and drama.
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  • missyprunemissyprune member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you!!! I think having some with and some without will be the best way.  As the day gets closer I have been picking little things to stress over, HAHAHA!

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  • angybanezangybanez member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Have your photographer call out the people who's next to take pictures. Your photographer (and you of course) are in charge of the photographs! More so your phtoographer. Let your vendor know you really want a family picture and not the random boyfriend of your sister. Your sister can have a picture if she really wants one of the 4 of you, but he doesn't have to be in the family pictures if you don't want him to. Good luck!
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  • davisphotosdavisphotos
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Doing them both with and w/out the guy is probably the best course of action. As a funny but kind of sad story, I once had to redesign an entire page of a wedding album, because none of the couples on that page were together any more (this was maybe 2 months after the wedding).
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  • palrmtpalrmt member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    You are absolutely within your rights to tell her he is not allowed to be in any of the family pictures.  But please don't be hurt when she doesn't want you in any of her family pictures at her wedding. 

    I am not sure what your issue is with the boyfriend.  It certainly seems like you are judging their relationship and don't expect it to last.  How would you feel if someone made if blatantly obvious that they expected you and your FI to get divorced?  There may very well be issues that you didn't mention.  Your reasons may be valid.  That doesn't change the fact that she is going to be very hurt when you tell her you don't consider her future husband family. 

    You said the last thing you want to do is piss off your in laws right before the wedding.  Trust me when I say that they will pissed off for a very long time and you may permanently sever that relationship if you try to pull this. 

    Your FI has told you that she will be pissed.  I certainly can't blame her.  And I certainly don't blame him for making you be the one to deliver this bit of cheerful news.  There is no nice way to do this. 

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  • missyprunemissyprune member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's not her fiance it is her boyfriend.  I said it might be awkward that my sisters fiance will be in the family pics and not her BOYFRIEND.
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  • missyprunemissyprune member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    See that is what I am afraid of!!  that's why I think the some in and some out will be the best way, this way if it works out then he is in and if not we have some with out him.
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  • RobigigRobigig member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree w PP that you should give the photog a list of family shots with and without. I was at my now fiancé's brother's wedding in August, which was before we got engaged, and the photographer took several family photos with and without me. I was not offended and totally got why she did that, even though they might have known the engagement was coming.
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