Bridesmaid who is Best Friends with FI
My FI and I both have opposite sex best friends. My best friend is a man who I have known since I was 2 years old who has in the last 4 years came out to me as a gay man. When my FI and I got engaged he automatically knew he was going to be part of the wedding. He asked to be on the grooms side instead of my side to get away from the cliche gay best friend stereotype. My FI has a female best friend who he has known for maybe 10 years. She recently got married and he was a member of the wedding party standing on her side. However, my FI and I decided that she would stand on my side at our wedding since my male friend is standing on his. We have been engaged since December 2008 and have made the decision about this since then. Since December she has made numerous comments about her desire to stand up on the FI side. I take offense to this desire since we have already tackled this issue. I recently wrote her an email about her comments and my desire for her to keep them to herself when I am around since I have become super sensitive to her negativity about our wedding and her role in such. She called immediately to my FI and complained that I was mean in my email. What should I do to remedy this situation before we get married?
Re: Bridesmaid who is Best Friends with FI
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Do you see a double standard here? And the sexuality of the PIQs have nothing to do with the issue.
If your bff gets to stand where he wants, his bff gets to stand where she wants.
We did ask her in the beginning (before she was even engaged or married) if she wanted to be on his side and she said no. Now since she had her wedding and had FI on her side she all of a sudden wants to jump ship.
Talk to your FI. It's his friend - what does HE want? Uneven numbers or genders are just fine. Have him decide and then talk to her to figure all this out. I think an e-mail from you saying "sorry if I came across rudely in my last e-mail, I think I was having a moment of wedding-stress and didn't mean to hurt your feelings" wouldn't be a bad idea either since this girl's clearly going to be around for a while if she means so much to your FI.
ETA: Just saw that you also consider her a close friend. In that case, I don't think you were wrong to be the one to get in touch, but over e-mail probably wasn't the best choice since it leaves too much up to the other person's interpretation. Have FI talk to her in person or over the phone.
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"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]My FI and I both have opposite sex best friends. My best friend is a man who I have known since I was 2 years old who has in the last 4 years came out to me as a gay man. When my FI and I got engaged he automatically knew he was going to be part of the wedding. He asked to be on the grooms side instead of my side to get away from the cliche gay best friend stereotype. My FI has a female best friend who he has known for maybe 10 years. She recently got married and he was a member of the wedding party standing on her side. However, my FI and I decided that she would stand on my side at our wedding since my male friend is standing on his. We have been engaged since December 2008 and have made the decision about this since then. Since December she has made numerous comments about her desire to stand up on the FI side. I take offense to this desire since we have already tackled this issue. I recently wrote her an email about her comments and my desire for her to keep them to herself when I am around since I have become super sensitive to her negativity about our wedding and her role in such. She called immediately to my FI and complained that I was mean in my email. What should I do to remedy this situation before we get married?
Posted by brub428[/QUOTE]
<div>This is ridic. What cliche? Who cares? If he's your friend, he should stand on your side, and if she's his friend, she should stand on his side. Are you doing this also because you don't want to have a guy on your side and vise versa? Again, ridic. And stupid that you wrote her a mean email. To remedy, I'd let them stand on the side of the person their friends with and also apologize for your crazy blip moment.</div>
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"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
Uneven sides are fine, as are mixed-gender sides. If your friend asked to be a GM, then he got his preference. She is asking to be on the groom's side too. Why, if you gave your friend his choice, would you begrudge her the same courtesy? That's just mean-spirited.
She is having an issue with the BM dresses too. Telling me that they are too high $200) priced and becasue of the price of the dress she will not come to the bachelorette party to save money. She doesn't understand that even if she would stand on FI side that she would still have to wear that dress.
I don't care if the sides are uneven but I do care that in the past 10 months she didn't have a problem with it until we are getting closer to the event.
If she considers FI her best friend she should have asked him rather than making rather off the cuff comments at get togethers in front of people who are not close friends and strangers. Or...since we are friends as well, she should have come to us privately.
[QUOTE]I don't care if the sides are uneven but I do care that in the past 10 months she didn't have a problem with it until we are getting closer to the event. If she considers FI her best friend she should have asked him rather than making rather off the cuff comments at get togethers in front of people who are not close friends and strangers. Or...since we are friends as well, she should have come to us privately.
Posted by brub428[/QUOTE]
This I agree with. That was crappy of her not to talk to you guys directly.
[QUOTE]My thoughts that she is standing up the for the couple not one friend. I did let her choose in the beginning and no takebacks is correct. She is having an issue with the BM dresses too. Telling me that they are too high $200) priced and becasue of the price of the dress she will not come to the bachelorette party to save money. She doesn't understand that even if she would stand on FI side that she would still have to wear that dress.
Posted by brub428[/QUOTE]
This I do not agree with. Did you ask her (and all the BMs') budget first? Yes, BMs have to buy the dress, but you need to do them the courtesy of sticking to their budgets (not what you think she can spend because she makes a lot of money or goes out to eat all the time or whatever). If you didn't do this, and her budget it less than that, you should either pick a new dress, help her find it for less (secondhand on ebay?) or pay the difference.
Your bach party is not a requirement for the BMs either. They don't have to throw it or attend it, it's a tradition not a law. So if she just didn't feel like coming that would be fine, and if she has money problems with participating in it that's even more justifiable.
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"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
If she agreed to stand on your side in the beginning and was fine with it for awhile, and is now changing her mind, then she needs to suck it up. She made a commitment and needs to honor it. You said you consider her a close friend, does she feel the same way? If so, it's kind of an insult to you, basically saying she doesn't want to stand for you anymore and how much would that suck to know on your wedding day that someone in your WP didn't give a damn about you. The fact that she went running to your FI after your email also makes me a little suspicious.
Then again, I'm always suspicious of female best friends for men, married or not (seen one too many female friends try to take a man away from his SO). Her sudden need to change sides, then bitch to your FI instead of talking to you is weird to me. Plus, since she is badmouthing you to strangers that screams jealousy to me. Again, I am always very suspicious in nature, but this chick doesn't seem right to me.
[QUOTE]You honored YOUR friend's request for where HE could stand, but your won't honor your FI's friend's request for where SHE could stand? Do you see a double standard here? And the sexuality of the PIQs have nothing to do with the issue. If your bff gets to stand where he wants, his bff gets to stand where she wants.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Ditto this.
And she had every right to tell your FI you were mean, because no matter how "nicely" you told her to keep her comments to herself, there's no "nice" way to say that you were thought honoring <strong>your</strong> friend's feelings was way more important than honoring <strong>his</strong> friend's feelings (Which is what you told her no matter how you word it).
You want a "remedy": apologize to her and admit that you and your FI were extremely inconsiderate to her feelings. See if she'd still be interested in standing on your FI's side (Again, you honored your friend's feelings, you should honor her's as well).
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
"Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
When we approached them on the subject (Separately), we both laid it out and said "Listen, we really want to to be in our BP, but we know that you're not really close to Meg/Meg's FI ... so we want you to know that if you want to stand on my side instead, that's totally cool". And we seriously meant that. Aside from them, I had 2 girls on my side, and he had 2 guys on his. So depending on what decision they both made, this could have resulted in in mixed sides, or (gasp!) uneven sides. We really didn't care. Our wedding was about our 2 families coming together, and it meant the world to us to "start on the right foot" with everybody being joined.
They wound up each deciding to stand on the more "traditional" side, but they made that decision completely on their own, and they knew that if at any moment they changed their minds and wanted to "switch" we'd be fine with that as well.
Had both of them picked his side or my side, we wouldn't have dreamed of convincing one of them to switch or telling one of them that they couldn't stand there.
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
"Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
Let her stand wherever she wants.
And yes, in my book, 200 is a lot to spend on a BM dress (and I'm sure that doesnt' include alterations).
This "no takebacks" crap makes you sound like you're a 2 year old. Is all this drama you are causing really worth it especially considering your FI will suffer more than you if you ruin the relationship.
But she already said that she gave her a choice at the beginning, and she chose the other way.
I think it sounds like a frustrating situtation. I know weddings can be really stressful already, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this.