Invitation Wording(long)- prayers, please!

AshNoel8 · January 2011

My mom and I are having a disagreement on how to word my wedding invitations. The wedding is going to be right in between formal and casual (elegant and classy, but not like white gloves and caviar) and I am going for a modern feel. I want to word the invitations like "Together with their parents, A______ ______ and R________ _______ invite you to their wedding celebration..." Mom wants it to say, "A_____ ____ and R_____ ______, together with their parents, B_____ ______ and T____ ______ , and P______ _____ and G_____ ______ request the honor of your presence...." I do not like her way because it is too formal for me (not to mention too wordy, too many names). There is nothing wrong with her way, but it's just not me. However, she just can't understand why I don't want my parents' names on the invitation. I explained that it would say "parents", so they are included and their names will be on the programs that day, too. I also explained that weddings are different than they were when she got married and there's no one right or wrong way to do things. I should add that we are all paying for this wedding- my parents, FI's parents and FI and I are all contributing equal amounts. We have talked about it, and e-mailed too, and she still doesn't want to budge. I don't either, but I definitely don't want to cause trouble with my family, who has always been wonderful and supportive and loving. I want to do what God wants me to do, so I have been praying about it and I will continue to... My question to you- should I give in and do it her way even though it goes against the "vision" i had for my wedding or should I stand my ground because it is my wedding? In the grand scheme of things, this is not that important- my marriage is important, not the invitation wording. But I'm sure you girls understand that things like these can be disheartening sometimes. Any ideas on how we can work this out so that we are both happy? Please pray that the decision we make is the one that God wants for us. Thanks girls!

kellya01 · January 2011

I think there are some battles that aren't worth fighting. As long as the invitation has both you and your FI's name on it, I'd just let mom do it however she wants as long as it doesn't breach etiquette. I agree it seems like a lot of names when they're put together like that, but I'm also used to seeing brides parents, bride's name, groom's name, groom's parents. Either way you put it... I think it's still going to be a lot of names.

The way she wants to do it actually gives you and your FI's names a little more emphasis in the wording, and the parents more as an afterthought, IMO. Not sure what else to say, though. All my opinion. It's better to preserve the relationship than to damage it over invitations, for sure. My mom and I have had bigger fights over lesser stuff.

SaraAndrew2010 · January 2011

If your parents are paying for a significant portion of the wedding and want their names on the invitation, I would let them have their names on the invitation. After all, if they are contributing as much as you are, they have just as much claim to being on the invite. I guess I don't really see how having your parents' names on the invitation ruins your "vision".

naomikb · January 2011

This might not be worth fighting. I agree that I would prefer just "together with their parents" but I also know that the invitation is the place where parents get to proudly announce your wedding and also indicate that they are helping to pay.

Are both of your sets of parents divorced? It's hard to tell from the _____ blanks but if they're not I would just do:
A__(first)___ _(middle)____
and
R_(first)____ __(middle)____
together with their parents
B and T_(last)_____
and
P and G_(last)_____
....

If you have the same last name as your parents then no need for your last names as well.

DramaGeek · January 2011

You could also do:

The honour of your presence is requested as
Bride
daughter of
Mom and Dad
and
Groom
son of
Mom and Dad
unite in holy matrimony

If you want to update the wording, something like

Please join us for the wedding of
Bride
daughter of
Mom and Dad
and
Groom
son of
Mom and Dad

or

Bride
daughter of
Mom and Dad
and
Groom
son of
Mom and Dad
invite you to witness their vows as they unite in marriage.

mattycam · January 2011

I like Drama Geek's idea. If you feel that your mom's wording is too formal maybe you can try the route Drama Geek mentioned.

loves2shop4shoes · January 2011

Personally, I 100% agree with your "vision". I don't like the way your mother's idea looks.

That being said, if she's paying for a large part of your wedding, just let her have her way. You have to learn to pick your battles. If your mother was dictating to you which wedding dress you should wear, then by all means, put your foot down. But this is a relatively small matter.

SE+MB · January 2011

I agree with PPs that you should pick and choose your battles. I would include your parents names because they ARE helping host the wedding. It's quite honestly not that big of a deal. I don't see how it would really change the "vision" of your wedding.

I have friends that didn't include the groom's parent's names and it has caused such an uproar that it is still being talked about today -- 1 year after their wedding.

sessionswedding · January 2011

If they are paying, they get to have their names on it. I am in the same boat, and here's my wording:

D___ and D___ (Bride's Parents)
and
A___ and E___ (Groom's Parents)
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Bride's First and Middle Name
and
Groom's First and MIddle Name

heyimbren · January 2011

Like Shoes said, pick your battles. If it means that much to her, then my suggestion would be to honour her (and your father, and your FI's parents) with that.

Plus, she is contributing financially. Don't let it get you down, because you're right, in the end you'll still be married.

sister2groom · January 2011

This is not one of those things you need to stand your ground on because of a righteous principle. It is somewhat common to write "with their parents" when the parents aren't hosting (although that's not the only time that wording is used) so maybe your mom feels she isn't getting her due credit for helping you with the wedding. And being that she's been so generous it would be nice if you were a little flexible. Plus, if you give her this one (and let's face, who remembers the invitation wording? can you remember the wording on the last two wedding invites you've received?) maybe she'll be more willing to see your side next time.

AshNoel8 · January 2011

naomikb- I think I wrote the blanks incorrectly. Both of our sets of parents are still married- same last names as us.

I do appreciate everyone's opinions and I do know that this is a small matter. It is just something that is bothering me and I always felt that I could talk to the girls on this board about those things- that's why I put it on this board instead of my local board. I guess more than anything, I just was hoping for a prayer or two that I would do whatever is in God's will.

kellya01 · January 2011

Definitely will pray for you to find wisdom in this decision. It may seem small in the scheme of things, but every decision, small or not, is something we can rely on the will of God to show us the way.

Feel free to post without attacks, Ash! We're here for you! I also feel more comfortable here than on my local or month boards, so I'm with you on that account too. Plus, it helps that many of us tend to be lovingly supportive, even on the internet... :-)

AshNoel8 · January 2011

Thanks Kelly!

iamjoesgurl · January 2011

Sorry that I'm coming into this late but I will echo the feedback that you and your guests will not remember the invitation so if you end up giving in, it will not be something that you will really remember unless you dwell on this disagreement. I don't want to tell you what to do because ultimately that is for you to decide but I'll say a prayer that you'll feel at peace with whatever the decision is.

sister2groom · January 2011

Thanks kelly and Joesgurl for the reminder that nothing is too little or insignificant to ask for prayer about. OP, I hope that doesn't come across as condescending because I'm not trying to belittle your problems, I just mean that it's encouraging to remember that even when you consider things to be small problems you can still bring them to God.

AshNoel8 · January 2011

Thanks girls! I actually thought of a way to make it work. My parents' names and FI's parents' names are on the invitation, which is what my mom wanted, but the wording is very non-traditional and unique, which is what I wanted. Plus it goes along perfectly with the theme of our wedding, which is "Our Love Story". I called my mom tonight and shared my idea with her and she likes it! So I think we will both be happy and it is definitely not worth causing friction over. The prayer helped. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me (and taking the time to read the super long post).

DramaGeek · January 2011

I'm glad it all worked out. Now you need to share this unique wording. You've got me intrigued!

AshNoel8 · January 2011

Dramageek- I PM'd it to you. Don't want to post it on here in case anyone that's coming to my wedding reads these boards. I want it to be a surprise!

If anyone else wants to see the wording, let me know and I'll PM it to you too.

Thanks again!

DramaGeek · January 2011

I said it in the PM but I'll say it here too - I love the wording you decided on!

kellya01 · January 2011

OOO -- May I see your wording too? Thanks, Ash!!

naomikb · January 2011

Me too! I want to see what you were able to compromise on!

AshNoel8 · January 2011

Thanks dramageek! kelly and naomikb- YGPM!

Invitation Wording(long)- prayers, please!

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