Not having ANY bridesmaid or maid of honor?

kh1231 · December 2010

My wedding is in three months, and the people I expected to be standing next to me on that day are having the WORST attitudes. I'm extremely anti-drama anti-stress, however my two sisters thrive on it. My oldest sister, who would be my MOH will be six months pregnant on my wedding day and only complains about how she doesn't want to wear a dress in front of lot of people because she feels fat. I offered to let them pick their own dresses, but it still isnt good enough. Both my sisters continue to trash where I want to have the wedding, how I want to decorate, or anything else they can complain about. They have both even said how they don't want me getting married right now - it's not convenient to them.

So, instead of having to deal with the pain of constantly listening to them complain and whine about MY WEDDING (when both of them have had their own and I didn't say a word) is it bad just to nick the idea of having ANY bridesmaids at all? I'm looking for the least stressful, least dramatic option...

Summer2011Bride · December 2010

Have you already asked them to be your BM's? If so, I am just generally against "kicking people out" of your wedding, which is what you'd be doing essentially, unless something drastic happened (ie. they tried to sleep with your FI, etc.). They sound like they're being pains, yes, look at it this way: If you've worked with them on the dresses and let them pick their own and they choose NOT to by a certain date (and I'd give them a date), they are essentially removing themselves from the wedding. It's not rude on your part and everything works out. If they DO get the dresses in time, I would say try to grin and bear it. I know it sucks, trust me, but even though your relationship with them may be strained now, it can get better. If you kick them out, that's a huge slap in the face that may not be easily fixed in the future and they are your family. Have you always had a bad relationship with them or is it just lately? Any other stuff going on that may put them in a crappy mood?

kh1231 · December 2010

I haven't really come out ask them, they just assumed. The reason the conversation came up with the dresses is because I asked my oldest sister how shed feel going to my wedding six months pregnant - and yes it is lately. My oldest sister is pregnant when she really wasn't trying - however my other sister was. So, as sad as it is, there's drama going on because one sister is pregnant and the other isn't. Also, my sisters are 6 and 12 years older than me. I'm the baby, so they've always had this idea that everything they have should be better than what I have. My fiance is better off than their husbands, and spoils me a bit with things that they want (and things that i NEVER ask for, he just gives them to me) so they have a little bit of a grudge towards me. They're not big fans of the idea that marriage for me will start out financially easier than it did for them. If that makes any sense at all

AdeleDazeem · December 2010

They're your sisters! You can't kick them out. But, what you can do is ignore them and not discuss the wedding with them. Master changing the subject. Bring bean dip everywhere you go.

Seriously, you can't kick your own sisters out of your wedding. I'm sorry they have crappy attitudes, but all you can do at this point is not give them anything to feed off of.

mbcdefg · December 2010

You said you were willing to let them pick their own dresses, right?

So, if the dresses haven't been selected yet, just say, "Pick out a knee/full-length dress in [color]. The rehearsal is at 6 p.m. at the church the night before the wedding, the rehearsal dinner's immediately following at Franco's Restaurant, and be at our parents' house at 8 a.m. on the wedding day to start getting ready."

Then, wash your hands of them and don't discuss wedding details any further. That is the ONLY information that you really need to speak with them about. If they complain beyond that, just walk away.

Kicking them out won't do anything except create MORE problems with them.

ckonidak · December 2010

Okay, not to be the voice of dissent, but if you haven't actually asked them, then just don't have anyone in the WP if that's what you really truly want. Just you and FI. Honestly, I love, I MEAN LOVE, our WP, but now that I'm fully into planning-mode, I dont think I'd choose to have a WP if I was doing it all over. By no means am I unhappy with anyone, I just think it would have been easier (however my current MOH would be mortified if I didnt have her standing up with me, so no WP was not an option really lol).

Otherwise, the advice from PP is good. Make it as simple and painless as possible and don't count on them for anything other than to be present on your wedding day.

**Edit** Perhaps I should have focused on what you said to them about letting them pick their own dresses, because that certainly implies WP involvement. Sorry OP, I change my vote, you gotta deal with your sisters if it's been implied to the extent that it has. :-( Good luck!

orangecrush32 · December 2010

If you haven't asked them, then don't ask. But if you have you gotta deal.

jagore08 · December 2010

At this point it's not the fact of did she ask, they were led to believe that they were going to be in the wedding party and they are her sisters. If you think they've got a grudge now, wait until you tell them you don't want them in your wedding. Unless they say, 'Hey sis, I don't want to be in your wedding' then you're golden. If not, then do as Joy and malphabet said and give them the basics and just be done with it. If they do ask you about the wedding and you know it's going to lead to drama and disappointment then change the subject quick or get out of the room.

lalap69 · December 2010

If you're looking to avoid drama, then the LAST thing you should be thinking about is kicking your sisters out of your WP. Keep them, or the drama will extend long past your wedding day.

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

I never actually asked my sisters, either, but if I had told them they weren't going to be in the wedding, it would have been effectively kicking them out. It sounds like OP's family is one where sisters are an automatic in. ETA: Plus, if she's already discussed things like dress selection with them, she's acknowledged them as bridesmaids, so whether she actually said the words "will you be my bridesmaid" is moot.

OP, remember that your wedding is not an end, it's a beginning. If you keep your sisters in, you'll have to deal with this specific drama only until the wedding day has come and gone. If you kick them out, you'll have to deal with this specific drama for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Not exaggerating here. Now really, which sounds worse?

squeakyduck · December 2010

If you kick them out, it will cause way more drama. I've been kicked out of a wedding and it was very hurtful and the bride and I are no longer friends.

Tell them to choose a dress, tell them it has to be ordered by such and such date, and if they don't do it, you don't have to worry. And if the pregnant sister says she feels too fat, tell her you understand if she doesn't feel up to it.

But stop talking wedding with them if they're just being mean about it.

sister2groom · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-having-bridesmaid-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c85fd47b-8be1-49ae-9ca4-920d4b6418f5Post:db9d4ded-dfd2-4e22-89ef-41c40bccc467">Not having ANY bridesmaid or maid of honor?</a>:
[QUOTE]I offered to let them pick their own dresses
Posted by kh1231[/QUOTE]

If you've discussed bridal party attire with them, you've basically asked them and cannot unask them without causing serious damage to your relationship. However, it sounds like your pregnant sister may not want to be a bridesmaid (since she's uncomfortable standing in front of all those people) so she may very well bow out on her own.

Not having ANY bridesmaid or maid of honor?

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