Catholic Church -6 to 8mth prep period??? Anyone do it in less time?

Bonniekf · May 2012

My fiance and I decided we don't want to wait any longer to get married and want to get married in September. I found a place, that I love and it is available. I called the church to start the process and the Priest told me they require a minimum of 6 mths prep. We are going to see him in person, anyone know the best way to get around the 6mth prep.. and get him to do 3 mths???

agapecarrie · May 2012

There are parameters in place for very good reasons. Please don't try to "get around them".

They have to be sure you are both free to marry, and the 6 month time insures that, as well as making sure that there are no other impediments.

The 6 month policy is pretty standard as a minimum. Only in very rare cases can there be an exception for very serious reasons, and even then the priest still knows that the couple is in the proper mindset and is free to marry.

lalaith50 · May 2012

The people who are most eager to get married in as short a time as possible are more likely to be getting married either for the wrong reasons, or who don't know the other person as well as they should. That's also why the 6-month minimum is there. Some diocese's even have 9 months and I know of one church that has 12 months.

Once someone decides to get married after having dated long enough to make an informed decision about whether they should marry a particular person, then 6 months shouldn't be that long. Most people can't even plan a wedding in less than 6 months.

OP, I have no idea if this is your situation, but if someone has only dated for 3 months, then thinks they are so passionately in love that they want to get married in 3 months, that is very unwise, and that is a huge reason why the Church has these guidelines. If, however, someone has been dating 1-2+ years, an additional 6 months wouldn't be a big deal at all.

Tami87 · May 2012

The only cases I have heard of an exception for the 6 month minimum is with military couples, and even then it is up to the priest if feels comfortable marrying the couple in such a short time frame.

I agree with carrie that trying to "get around the rules" and convince to do what you want is really not a great attitude to go in with. The church considers marriage a very big deal and wants to make sure couples are prepared for the sacrament.

My only advice is to be open and honest with your priest about the reasons you want a short engagement, and if he finds them serious he may work with you, but I would still be prepared for him to tell you no and I wouldn't book anything else until you have a date set with the church.

Bonniekf · May 2012

Thank you both for your insight. My fiance and I have been togather for 6 years, 3 of which he was unemployed and we kept putting off the financial burden of a wedding, and I wanted to see him secure. Now that he has been working 6 mths we got engaged, and both want to start a family right away. I am 37 and he is 40, . Please note I AM NOT PREGNANT! In addition the location we have been wanting to get married in, must be in warm weather, so that is another reason for the rush. this place is VERY special to us and to wait another year, or pick another location is a hard choice. But this being said He is the one of Catholic faith and it is important to him and his family. My next question would be, IF we got married in a protestant church... or Justice of the Peace. Will we one day be able to renew our vows in a Catholic church, if we are already married.

lalaith50 · May 2012

Actually, since you are 37 and want to start a family asap, that is one of the FEW reasons that a priest might make an exception. When he told you the minimum was 6 months, did you tell the priest that part?

egm900 · May 2012

The vow renewal you mention would be a convalidation, and these are typically difficult to get. It's all going to depend on your priest and Archdiocese, but I live in one of the more permissive Archdiocese's and convalidations are difficult to get without a valid reason.

I would explain the situation, but as everyone else, the only instances I've heard of them shortening the time frame is military couples and one pregnancy, but the priest knew the couple and their relationship extremely well.

ootmother2 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-church-6-to-8mth-prep-period-anyone-do-it-in-less-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e9080010-e673-449b-ab73-ab597d455248Post:b17bddf2-4884-43ae-be5d-3b66fd6f4df6">Catholic Church -6 to 8mth prep period??? Anyone do it in less time?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I decided we don't want to wait any longer to get married and want to get married in September. I found a place, that I love and it is available. I called the church to start the process and the Priest told me they require a minimum of 6 mths prep. We are going to see him in person, anyone know the best way to get around the 6mth prep.. and get him to do 3 mths???
Posted by Bonniekf[/QUOTE]

I really don't know what the minimum you can do these days would be as I am MOB and I'm pretty sure the rules have changed in a generation.

We decided to get married on a Wednesday, planning the wedding for a week that Saturday. (a real thrill for my poor late father) After a lot of discussion, he agreed and called his friend J.C. (the Monsignor to get things on a roll) The prep was minimal, three meetings but not pre cana as I have seen it on the boards. He knew us well so he couldn't think of a reason to delay the process. Porr guy, I think that he regretted his decision, we divorced within a few years. I do love him dearly for being part of our family though! And how could he have known?

AmandaSC1988 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_catholic-church-6-to-8mth-prep-period-anyone-do-it-in-less-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:e9080010-e673-449b-ab73-ab597d455248Post:ef2ee59e-f0ca-406e-96cf-460f80abfbf9">Re: Catholic Church -6 to 8mth prep period??? Anyone do it in less time?</a>:
[QUOTE] Thank you both for your insight. My fiance and I have been togather for 6 years, 3 of which he was unemployed and we kept putting off the financial burden of a wedding, and I wanted to see him secure. Now that he has been working 6 mths we got engaged, and both want to start a family right away. I am 37 and he is 40, . Please note I AM NOT PREGNANT! In addition the location we have been wanting to get married in, must be in warm weather, so that is another reason for the rush. this place is VERY special to us and to wait another year, or pick another location is a hard choice. But this being said He is the one of Catholic faith and it is important to him and his family. <strong>My next question would be, IF we got married in a protestant church... or Justice of the Peace. Will we one day be able to renew our vows in a Catholic church, if we are already married.
Posted by Bonniekf[/QUOTE]
</strong>

Depends on the priest. Like the ladies said before, marriage is a BIIIGGG deal in the Catholic church, and while I don't know anyone that has had a convalidation (renewing the vows in a catholic church), it only seems logical that the priest has every right to deny you that privilege. My understanding is that a convalidation is more readily performed for people that were married before converting to the Catholic faith, and once becoming Catholic want to make their marriage valid in the eyes of the Church. NOT Catholics who felt the rules didn't apply to them and want a free pass later.

ETA- Just make sure any talk with the priest and see if you can work something out. He might be a little hesitant because didn't you say you just found this church? Try going through marriage prep with your home church and having your home priest sort of vouch for you.

Good luck

Bonniekf · May 2012

Thank you all again. From my original wording I didn't want anyone to think I did not respect the reasons for the 6 month prepration period. We just realized that we are truley finallly ready since our lives seemed on hold, that we wanted to move forward sooner then later.I got a little excited when we found the perfect reception spot that was available. Guess I just felt the wind got knocked out of my sails. We will be meeting with the priest on Saturday, Erik's 90 year old grandmother is making the introduction. If this does not work out then we will either make other arrangements or if it means waiting then we will wait and follow the proper procedures.

agapecarrie · May 2012

Clarifying a few things:

The church believes that non-Catholics can marry validly. When one or both of a non-catholic couple converts, there is no need to convalidate their marriage, as it is already valid.

Bonnie, what you are talking about here is a Very very serious problem. A Catholic is bound to canonical form in their marriage, and they have deep reasons why the form is there, its not just to put up guidelines for the sake of themselves. The church takes marriage very seriously, and for someone to skip around it and turn away from the church (which is what a Catholic is doing when they choose to marry outside of it), for the sake of a reception location, well, the priorities are out of line.

A catholic who marries outside of form without the proper permissions, etc, is removing themselves from the state of grace, and can no longer receive the sacraments. A catholic who marries outside the catholic form is not considered married.

Bonniekf · May 2012

The church is located in the seaside town that his family orginated from, and his Grandmother has lived for 90 years. The family history, and all the good times we have spent there are why this location means so much to us. We will speak with the priest on Saturday, and see how it goes. We go to Mass in our current town and Erik's home town, where he grew up,but they recently got a new priest, who is young and seems very "cool" we have not made a huge connection with him, but he will be on our list to call after we visit with the Priest at his grandmother's church.

Riss91 · May 2012

I think it will depend on your situation. There are reasons for the 6 month rule, but if your circumstances aren't in conflict with these reasons, and a priest is comfortable with you as a couple, you may be able to do things more quickly.

We notified our Church well in advance, but didn't do anything with the priest or marriage prep until two months out.

jenjlgsings · May 2012

Agape Carrie answered wonderfully, but I wanted to comment as well.

A friend of mine just got "married" at Disney in a non Catholic wedding and both her and her (now husband) are Catholic. Her priest did not give her permission or a dispensation because there was no reason there should have been one.

She did have a Catholic ceremony after the Disney one to "remedy" the situation and even went to confession in an attempt to put herself into a state of grace with the Church. However, since she saw nothing wrong with the fact that she tried to get around the rules of the Church, it could be argued that the confession was not valid and neither was the Catholic cermony.

If you had total ignorance of the fact that getting married outside of the Church was wrong, it is one thing. But when you willingly disobey the rules of the Church and seek to have your marriage elsewhere because you prefer the location or it is the only way your dad will pay for the reception, your priorities are messed up (please note, original poster, I am not referring to you and your priorities here but sort of venting about my friend...).

Doing things in accordance with the Church are important. After all, your soul is at stake. ANd what is more importnat - a fancy wedding or your eternal salvation? I wish my friend that just got "married" would have considered this question a little more carefully.

Calypso1977 · May 2012

depending upon your standing with the church, you may require less.

our entire engagement was only 7 months; our pre-cana took about a month. but we were regular parishioners/lifelong catholics.

futuremrsbruno · May 2012

I found this on a Catholic website. I read the comments, and the one about a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic outside of the Catholic church being an invalid marriage struck me, so I looked it up.

3. What is the difference between a valid and an invalid Catholic marriage?

Just as individual states have certain requirements for civil marriage (e.g., a marriage license, blood tests), the Catholic Church also has requirements before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by church authority.

4. If a Catholic wants to marry a non-Catholic, how can they assure that the marriage is recognized by the Church?

In addition to meeting the criteria for a valid Catholic marriage (see question #3), the Catholic must seek permission from the local bishop to marry a non-Catholic. If the person is a non-Catholic Christian, this permission is called a "permission to enter into a mixed marriage." If the person is a non-Christian, the permission is called a "dispensation from disparity of cult." Those helping to prepare the couple for marriage can assist with the permission process.

5. Why does a Catholic wedding have to take place in a church?

For Catholics, marriage is not just a social or family event, but a church event. For this reason, the Church prefers that marriages between Catholics, or between Catholics and other Christians, be celebrated in the parish church of one of the spouses. Only the local bishop can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.

6. If a Catholic wishes to marry in a place outside the Catholic church, how can he or she be sure that the marriage is recognized by the Catholic Church as valid?

The local bishop can permit a wedding in another church, or in another suitable place, for a sufficient reason. For example, a Catholic seeks to marry a Baptist whose father is the pastor of the local Baptist church. The father wants to officiate at the wedding. In these circumstances, the bishop could permit the couple to marry in the Baptist church. The permission in these instances is called a "dispensation from canonical form."

7. If two Catholics or a Catholic and non-Catholic are married invalidly in the eyes of the church, what should they do about it?

They should approach their pastor to try to resolve the situation.

Basically, you are going to need to talk to the priest either way you look at it. They would have to grant you permission. If permission is granted, your marriage would be valid in the eyes of the church regardless of where the marriage took place. I went to an inter-faith marriage a few years ago. The marriage took place in the church of the bride, who is not Catholic. When the couple had their first child, they decided to raise him Catholic. He was baptized in his father's Catholic church. According to what they told me, their marriage was considered valid because the priest of the groom signed off on them having the wedding somewhere else.

Also, this is the website I got the information from: http://old.usccb.org

As far as getting it done in a few months, good luck. It will all depend on your priest, and they will probably require you go through the marriage prep course. If your diocese is like ours, you will have to still meet with the priest, but you will also have to attend a series of workshops. That may be the hard part since they are only done certain times and dates of the year.

Good luck! I do hope it works out for you, I think if anything your ages will work for you since your age to have children is starting to dwindle. (please don't take that the wrong way, you are by no means old, or anything close to it - just from the Catholic viewpoint on having children, your window of opportunity is starting to get smaller. It may help you!)

Bonniekf · May 2012

Thank u to all the POSITIVE feedback... I am happy to report we will be getting married in the catholic church we want to. We are ecstatic and ready to start this journey

professorscience · May 2012

Great news!

Catholic Church -6 to 8mth prep period??? Anyone do it in less time?

Re: Catholic Church -6 to 8mth prep period??? Anyone do it in less time?

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