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I'm in a bridal party rut!

nboggess92nboggess92
in Moms and Maids
I've been engaged for a year now and i've already chosen my bridal party, but over the past year i've been engaged my Best friend since 2nd grade who has been titled my MOH hasn't really been there for me, Her reaction to my engagement was "Oh wow...." and no congrats. and she "ditched" my dress shopping day, and her excuse was she felt I was moving to fast with the finding a dress. meanwhile i've been contemplating asking my a friend at work who has been more interested in my wedding and planning it with me than my own "best friend" to be in it. and then about a month or two ago, after I finally got my BF to go with my Fiance my mother and my MIL to a taste testing, she tells my parents she doesn't know if she even wants to stand up for my wedding and doesn't like the man I'm marrying. After heAring that, I just had it with her. we stopped talking and I proceeded to ask my friend from work to be in the wedding and to be the maid of honor. well.... My bf and I have talked things out and she still says she will be there for me but she won't settle for being just a bridesmaid so now  i decided to tell both my bf and friend from work that I do not want any titles, to me there is no "maid of honor" so I don't hurt anyones feelings and that is how I now sorta feel about my whole bridal situation but now my parents, fiance and my fiances family has ill feelings towards my "BF" and I have yet to tell my fiances parents i've accepted my bf back in the wedding, I just want them to understand I don't want to regret NOT having my bf of 14 years not be in it, but I still don't have faith that she can have that excitment for me so I don't believe in the "title" of a maid of honor. It's like this whole wedding planning has been more about my friend than marrying the man I love, But I keep telling myself in the end The only thing that matters is Him, I and the futire we are creating basically I need input.. Was I wrong for feeling like I couldn't count on my BF and kicking her out? Should I stand up for her and the fact that I do want her in the wedding still even though everyone around me thinks kicking her out was the best decision? Do I have to have a "Maid of Honor?" If my friends don't understand where I'm coming from with choosing not to have the title then do they really support me or is it really about them in thier mind? HEEELLLLPPPP PLEEASSSEEE!? 
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Re: I'm in a bridal party rut!

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_im-in-a-bridal-party-rut?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:8de9248e-f7e2-433f-93c2-1d9316bfb4faPost:c344a714-c778-4844-8365-3370ff7e82f8">I'm in a bridal party rut!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've been engaged for a year now and i've already chosen my bridal party, but over the past year i've been engaged my Best friend since 2nd grade who has been titled my MOH hasn't really been there for me, Her reaction to my engagement was "Oh wow...." and no congrats. and she "ditched" my dress shopping day, and her excuse was she felt I was moving to fast with the finding a dress. meanwhile i've been contemplating asking my a friend at work who has been more interested in my wedding and planning it with me than my own "best friend" to be in it. and then about a month or two ago, after I finally got my BF to go with my Fiance my mother and my MIL to a taste testing, she tells my parents she doesn't know if she even wants to stand up for my wedding and doesn't like the man I'm marrying. After heAring that, I just had it with her. we stopped talking and I proceeded to ask my friend from work to be in the wedding and to be the maid of honor. well.... My bf and I have talked things out and she still says she will be there for me but she won't settle for being just a bridesmaid so now  i decided to tell both my bf and friend from work that I do not want any titles, to me there is no "maid of honor" so I don't hurt anyones feelings and that is how I now sorta feel about my whole bridal situation but now my parents, fiance and my fiances family has ill feelings towards my "BF" and I have yet to tell my fiances parents i've accepted my bf back in the wedding, I just want them to understand I don't want to regret NOT having my bf of 14 years not be in it, but I still don't have faith that she can have that excitment for me so I don't believe in the "title" of a maid of honor. It's like this whole wedding planning has been more about my friend than marrying the man I love, But I keep telling myself in the end The only thing that matters is Him, I and the futire we are creating basically I need input.. Was I wrong for feeling like I couldn't count on my BF and kicking her out? Should I stand up for her and the fact that I do want her in the wedding still even though everyone around me thinks kicking her out was the best decision? Do I have to have a "Maid of Honor?" If my friends don't understand where I'm coming from with choosing not to have the title then do they really support me or is it really about them in thier mind? HEEELLLLPPPP PLEEASSSEEE!? 
    Posted by nboggess92[/QUOTE]
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Lots of drama queens here. Remember NOBODY is going to be as excited about you are about your wedding. We're you wrong for kicking her out? You were wrong if it was because she ditched dress shopping as she doesn't have to do that. You were not wrong if she dissed your FI. It seems, however, she didn't diss him too much as you invited her again to be in the BP. Now that she is back in, yes, you should stand by this decision. Don't have a MOH. You don't need one. If they don't understand that, then that's on them. I think you need to take a break from your friends and from wedding planning talk. It's only going to get you in more trouble. You're skating on thin ice with your friends right now. Cool it and give everyone, including yourself, a breather.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    This is all so ridiculous and such immature drama.


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  • LiLe422LiLe422 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Wow, what a clusterfluck. Oh yeah, what retread said.
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with what some people have posted (like her not needing to be there for certain aspects of wedding planning), but I'm concerned that not only did this girl insult the FI and say she didn't like him, but now that she is back in she is insisting to be MOH.  I think both OP and her friend are approaching this situation poorly and need to reasses. 
    Tell her that her being MOH made you realize that you don't want to value any of your bridesmaids over another and that you would prefer not to have a MOH.  This might avoid some drama.  And if she has difficulty with that, then it sounds like she is just creating drama for drama's sake - a true friend would have no trouble being just a bridesmaid. 

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  • Salsera29Salsera29 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I'm going to repeat what I was told. MOH isn't a title used to designate who does the most for your wedding. It's a titale of honor for someone you are very close with, who you want standing next to you on your wedding day.

    If I was your friend, I would never have agreed to be in the bridal party after you kicked me out the first time. You are lucky she is going to forgive you. Since you have created a mess and asked both of them, not you have two MOH. That's fine. 

    Please use some periods next time. It was very difficult to read your post. 
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