Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: My best friend from middle school died.

One of my friends from my hometown just called me to let me know he'd just recieved a Facebook invite to a group regarding the passing of our best friend from middle school.  He died in a bike accident about a week after he came home from Iraq.  This was 6 months ago.

We were best friends with him in middle school until his family moved at the end of 7th grade.  We stayed in touch, but got very distant after we graduated high school.  The last I knew he was going to basic.  He was a wonderful man, a great friend -  I'm grieving the loss of a great guy.   I would love to send his family a sympathy card, but I almost feel like 6 months after is reaching the mark where it looks like I knew and waas too lazy to send one out when it happened.

I joined the group and wrote on the wall, as did my friend, but we are hesitating about doing more.  What would you do?  How would you feel if you were the family who recieved that card, 6 months after the fact?  Would it rip open a wound, or be another step towards healing?  I'm at a loss.

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Re: NWR: My best friend from middle school died.

  • A similar thing happended to me with my high school boyfriend - except that I found out from googling him one night while I was bored.  I sent the card and it was a good thing.  His mom was obviously not done dealing with her son's death and it wasn't untimely.

    I am so sorry for your loss.
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
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    I'm sorry you lost your friend.  I would go ahead and send a card - maybe mention that you just heard about his passing.  His family will understand.
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  • Oh sweetpea, I'm so sorry. And I agree with LesPaul - a card is always welcome.
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  • so sorry to hear about that :(


  • I'll pick up a card tomorrow and send it out.  His sister just added me on Facebook - am I wrong to be happy in a way, since I'm reconnecting with his family?  Anyway, I know sending a card will make me feel better.  Thanks for making me feel like I didn't miss the boat on that entirely.

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  • Sorry to hear about that. I would definitely drop a card in the mail. I am sure it will be very touching and appreciated by his family.
  • My brother died six years ago and even today it means alot when we get cards and calls from his friends especially when they share specific stories or memories that they have of him. It is encouraging to know that we aren't the only ones still missing him.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-friend-middle-school-died?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:39666640-3736-4b37-9560-9b6cd8cdaf2aPost:bf354014-dfbf-4dd4-ab9c-c256bbdc4545">Re: NWR: My best friend from middle school died.</a>:
    [QUOTE]My brother died six years ago and even today it means alot when we get cards and calls from his friends especially when they share specific stories or memories that they have of him. It is encouraging to know that we aren't the only ones still missing him.
    Posted by kirstenor10[/QUOTE]

    Wow - I was just going to post something like this.  My brother died 20 years ago at the age of 34. 

    My parents cherish the letters and cards they received from people, many of them friends to him but strangers to us.  The notes of the caring acts that my brother performed for others are something that my parents still read and treasure.

    I am sorry for the death of your friend.
  • My experience with parents who have lost children is that they do want to hear from friends who knew their child and he will always be their child. They want and often need to know that people have not forgotten their child. By contacting them you let them know someone remembers, someone cares.
  • I'm sorry for your loss. I think that the family probably got a lot of cards and things right after his passing, and that sending something now would be nice - it will let them know that people are still thinking about their son, rather than forgetting about him, you know?
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