Age difference

mrsamyjones · March 2010

One of my close friends is head over heels in love with an awesome man. Only thing is they are 16 years apart in age. While in their situation, knowing both of them, this doesn't matter at all to me. I actually think they are perfect for each other, but she's in her early 20s and he's in his late 30s and many people give them judging looks and comments.

What age difference would bother you if you knew couples like this? Or were a couple like this?

eastunder1 · March 2010

A late teens and upper twenties paring would bother me, not because of age but because the lifestyles and life experiece are so vastly different. They aren't equals in any sense.

But really, once both parties are matured fuctioning adults, which can happen at different ages in the twenites for different people, I'm fine with any age difference I think. You're both on the same level with a lot of lifes main points, even if there are smaller age differences that come into play. I might give a second look at say, a 27 year old and a 52 year old, but I wouldn't find it wrong or creepy. It would just throw me for a second because you don't see it a lot.

crfische · March 2010

Depends on the time of my life. If I were in my late teens early 20's, I wouldn't do more than 4-5 years different, just because of the power and control dynamic that I think would be all off and wonky.

If I was in my late 20's and on, I could see about 10 years being ok FOR ME.

I hate to say what I think it right for OTHER people, but that's what it would be for me.

salt78 · March 2010

I usually don't judge unless the girl is like a teenager and the guy is in his late 30's.

Personally, I always preferred to date around my own age. I'm a year and a half older than my husband.

SwedishChick2011 · March 2010

I think it depends on how young the younger person in the relationship is. If one person is 18 and the other is 28, that's weird to me even though it's only 10 years. However, if one person is 28 and the other is 48, that's 20 years but it's not as weird to me because both are pretty well established in adulthood. Does that make sense?

BecW2be · March 2010

My sister is 32 and her husband is 50, and I've never seen two more perfectly matched people. It's not as big a deal once someone hits mid to late 20s, IMO.

Kati0105 · March 2010

One of my bridesmaids is 25 and dating a guy who is 41. She's really mature (her parents were totally BSC so she basically raised herself and her younger brother) and has always dated older guys so I think it works.

britne28 · March 2010

As long as they are functioning adults and have a good head on their shoulders it doesn't matter.

Situations like Anna Nicole Smith on the other hand, I find strange.

ZoeTheDog · March 2010

I dated someone 11 years older than me...I think he looked pretty young though so we didn't get too many stares.

salt78 · March 2010

Oh and the fact that Madonna is dating that little boy screams of creepy mid-life crisis.

tidetravel · March 2010

Well, my ex-FI and I were 22 years apart. We got weird looks all the time; admittedly, it was kind of fun to screw with people that gave us those weird looks.

FutureMrsTR · March 2010

I agree with PP that the late teens/early twenties is vastly different from late twenties/early thirties, but that once both people are out of their late twenties, age differences don't really bother me for other people.

When I was 24 I dated a guy who was 30 and it was a little too much for me. He was also divorced, so there was that life difference, but he was just way more established in what he wanted in life whereas I was still figuring that out.

evabee · March 2010

A friend of mine is 18 years younger than her boyfriend. They started dating when she was only 17, and it REALLY bothered me. They've been together for longer than FI and I and have been doing the whole LDR thing for the last three years, and I really do believe he loves her now, but I can't help but think she's way out of his league. In general, I think one's "age" is subjective and each person has to make that decision for themselves, but in her case I have never truly supported the relationship (although I do support her) because I think at 17 she wasn't mature enough to have entered into that relationship with a healthy mind and reasoning. I go back and forth, because the other side of me says "she's continued to make that decision for all those years since, maybe there's some validity there". Either way, it was definitely weird to come home from college and find out she'd run off with a short 35 year old man with long hair and black jeans.. threw me for a loop!

arbolita · March 2010

No, it wouldn't bother me at those ages. Mr. Arb and I met when I was 21 and he was 32. I do agree that if you're still a teenager and dating someone with that large of an age difference, it's a little creepy, but some people just mature way faster than others. I started working full time in an office when I was 19, working with people in their 30s and up, and I just couldn't relate to guys my age. it all depends on the people in question.

Pirata13 · March 2010

I think as long as people are in their 20s and beyond, it's fine. I dated one guy 11 years older than me, and several guys 5-10 years younger than me. I always tend to fit best with younger guys, and finally I found one who was on the same page as me. FI turns 33 in April and I will be F*#&orty in November.

noelle24 · March 2010

I have a friend who is 24 and dating a man who is 54. It took me a few weeks to recover from shock when she told me. I just have to wonder what a 54 year old man can possibly want from a 24 year old woman, other than just being a fling. I wonder why he can't find and maintain a relationship with a woman closer to his age.

There are a bunch of other things about their relationship that throw up red flags for me. Honestly, I do judge the age difference. The idea of dating someone who is older than my parents is just off-putting to me.

However, it's her life. And she is free to do whatever she wants with it, so I keep my opinion to myself. It could end up working out and being a fabulous relationship. Everyone has to do what works for them.

ac_in_dc · March 2010

Once a person is a consenting adult, it depends on the individual couple.

Huge age differences bring risks and challenges to a relationship. But some couples are strong enough to overcome that and turn it in to a source of strength.

tannymcgee · March 2010

my boyfriend before FI was 11 years older than me (I was 22, he was 33 in the beginning). At first, it didn't really seem like a big deal. But then as the years (3) went by, I grew up a lot, and he stayed the same. I realized why he needed to be with a 22 year old; he was very immature.

scoetto · March 2010

My dad is 62, his wife is 38. I don't really have a problem with it.

ZoeTheDog · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_age-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e62aaa1-e351-4a5e-9b3e-863ddcf5900ePost:738066fe-6548-449c-873b-fa4ba25b6d5b">Re: Age difference</a>:
[QUOTE]my boyfriend before FI was 11 years older than me (I was 22, he was 33 in the beginning). At first, it didn't really seem like a big deal. But then as the years (3) went by, I grew up a lot, and he stayed the same. I realized why he needed to be with a 22 year old; he was very immature.
Posted by tannymcgee[/QUOTE]

Hey, I think we dated the same guy LOL <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-money-mouth.gif" border="0" alt="Money mouth" title="Money mouth" />

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

It really, really, really depends on the couple.

Anyone watch Millionaire Matchmaker? The 40 somethings in that show always want 20 something women and the matchmaker ALWAYS tries to dissuade them. Because the girl will end up quoting a song and the guy will have no clue who the band is. Or she'll be into kickboxing and surfing and he'll be into scotch tasting and golf. It is much more likely that you'll have something in common with someone closer to your own age.

FI and I are 8 years apart, which I think is fine, FOR ME, but I personally wouldn't go any higher than 10-12 years. And as a teenager I seriously wouldn't have dated someone more than 2 years older than me. Sometimes FI will mention something like a childhood show and say, "Oh, you might be too young for that." But other than that, we're super compatible.

A girl on my club board is 24 (I think) years younger than her FI, and he has adult children close to her age. But they work.

golden1215 · March 2010

When I was 21 I dated a guy who was 37... so really old enough to be my dad. We went to an R rated movie once and BOTH got carded, that's how young he looked!

FI is 6 years older than me.

As long as they are both over 21- because I think the social scene of bars/drinking vs not being able to drink yet is huge- then it's fine.

Demi got herself hot little Aston- go girl!!!

lilgina64 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_age-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e62aaa1-e351-4a5e-9b3e-863ddcf5900ePost:738066fe-6548-449c-873b-fa4ba25b6d5b">Re: Age difference</a>:
[QUOTE]my boyfriend before FI was 11 years older than me (I was 22, he was 33 in the beginning). At first, it didn't really seem like a big deal. But then as the years (3) went by, I grew up a lot, and he stayed the same. I realized why he needed to be with a 22 year old; he was very immature.
Posted by tannymcgee[/QUOTE]

my parents got married when my mom was 22 and my dad was 33. they had been dating for two years. my dad had already been divorced once. they are still together. so I guess I didnt know age differences were weird because i always thought it was normal to date older guys. Mr lil is 4 years older than me.

tannymcgee · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_age-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e62aaa1-e351-4a5e-9b3e-863ddcf5900ePost:f70cc420-e4da-487a-8333-d80516be737e">Re: Age difference</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Age difference : my parents got married when my mom was 22 and my dad was 33. they had been dating for two years. my dad had already been divorced once. they are still together. so I guess I didnt know age differences were weird because i always thought it was normal to date older guys. Mr lil is 4 years older than me.
Posted by lilgina64[/QUOTE]

oh yeah, its definitely a case by case basis. my ex was such a child, I can't even believe I dated him.

Zoe -- did he collect vintage video games too? (::shoots self::)

Pirata13 · March 2010

Noelle--eww that's icky. Yeah I could never date anyone 30 years older than me. Even approaching 40, I couldn't imagine myself with a 50 year old guy. But yeah if someone is my parents' age, it's ew, yeah, blech.

Scoetto--my uncle & his 2nd wife have a similar age gap like your dad & his wife. They are very good together and are a good match as well.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_age-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e62aaa1-e351-4a5e-9b3e-863ddcf5900ePost:f70cc420-e4da-487a-8333-d80516be737e">Re: Age difference</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Age difference : my parents got married when my mom was 22 and my dad was 33. they had been dating for two years. my dad had already been divorced once. they are still together. so I guess I didnt know age differences were weird because i always thought it was normal to date older guys. Mr lil is 4 years older than me.
Posted by lilgina64[/QUOTE]

My dad was 2 years younger than my mom. Which I still figured out was maybe sort of abnormal, since women tend to date older guys. But not unheard of.

Oh, and FI's parents started dating when his mom was 16 or 17 and his dad was 24 or 25. They got married at 19 and 27.

Oh, and also, my dad is only 25 years older than I am, so anyone closer in age to him than me is automatically a little creepy. However, if my dad were 40 years older than me, I would probably be more open about it.

amlaplante · March 2010

I try not to judge. I believe age is only a number. The only time it would bother me is if the girl was in her teens and the guy was late 30s or something. FI is 5 years old than me, no big deal, even though his friends try to make it sound like he is "robbing the cradle". **Rolls eyes**

pooh8402 · March 2010

meh. I'm comfortable with age differences. FI and I are 5.5 years apart (he's older). that's potatoes compared to my parents.

mom and dad are 9 years apart. they got married when she was 19 and he was 28 (her birthday was 3 days prior to their wedding, so they dated when she was 18). they divorced after 11 years of marriage and 3 kids.

now dad and stepmom are 10 years apart and totally in love. mom and stepdad are 14 years apart and totally in love. stepdad had his oldest daughter kind of young, so mom is only 5 years older than her oldest stepdaughter.

meh, whatever. you love who you love, age is nothing but a number, and all that jazz.

Shawnee11507 · March 2010

I thought it was icky until I dated someone 20 yrs older than me at 26. We were a good match interest and personality wise (except he never wanted to marry or have kids and I did). Lasted 2 years 'til I was ready to find someone ro settle down with. Now I'm not as judging. I think it's ok once the younger person reaches their mid-late 20s.

mimandjon · March 2010

DH is almost 11 years older than me. When we met, I was 24 and he was 35. I was hesitant at first, but turns out we are perfect for eachother!

katiewhompus · March 2010

Dh and I have a 10 year difference and met when I was 24.

I also have a friend who started dating her now husband when she was 18 and he was 32. She was pregnant at 19, married to him at 21. It creeps me out sometimes.

Age difference

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