Bridesmaids Dresses (venting)

solemnlyswear · April 2010

Please disregard my prvious post I was having an extremly agitiating day. Better now that the FH brought me home flowers....
Anyways I am just venting as I am sure this has been posted before. When I chose my bridesmaids I made sure they all knew they would have to get thier own dresses becasue we are on a very TIGHT budget and everyone agreed, which is why I picked out the color and length but I decided to let them choose thier own style that they would definatly wear again. The only problem now is that it is a month and a half before the wedding and not ONE of my bridesmaids has gotten thier dresses. Nor have they said anything about getting them. Then they are all arguing about the shoes that I should choose. I refuse to let them wear flip flops but I was thinking about flat heeled sandals in black. and no one has given me a response. I am not trying to be a bridezilla, at all but is it to much to ask of my BP to get thier dresses in at a reasonable time so we can make sure everything looks alright together. I sent them all emails and sadi they needed to have thier dresses by the 15 of may. So I am hoping we can get it all done.

jagore08 · April 2010

They really need to get their dresses. As for the shoes just tell them no flip flops and let them choose whatever they want.

gottahavashorti · April 2010

[QUOTE]Please disregard my prvious post I was having an extremly agitiating day. Better now that the FH brought me home flowers.... Anyways I am just venting as I am sure this has been posted before. When I chose my bridesmaids I made sure they all knew they would have to get thier own dresses becasue we are on a very TIGHT budget and everyone agreed, which is why I picked out the color and length but I decided to let them choose thier own style that they would definatly wear again. The only problem now is that it is a month and a half before the wedding and not ONE of my bridesmaids has gotten thier dresses. Nor have they said anything about getting them. Then they are all arguing about the shoes that I should choose. I refuse to let them wear flip flops but I was thinking about flat heeled sandals in black. and no one has given me a response. I am not trying to be a bridezilla, at all but is it to much to ask of my BP to get thier dresses in at a reasonable time so we can make sure everything looks alright together. I sent them all emails and sadi they needed to have thier dresses by the 15 of may. So I am hoping we can get it all done.
Posted by brittersdamod[/QUOTE]
BMs paying for their own dresses is normal. Did you choose the designer as well? If not, they've got plenty of time. Or if they're from David's Bridal they can probably go in and pick up a sample off the rack and walk out with it that day. If you did choose a designer, were they okay with the price?

You should let your BMs choose their own shoes. A shoe may be super comfy for one person but painful for another. You can give them guidelines like "black sandals" and let them choose their own or pull something out of the closet.

stina93446 · April 2010

I was JUST going to ask whether or not you specified a designer? If you didn't, then they probably think they can find the color at a department store. What it all comes down to is letting go of the issue. There's nothing you can really do about it....well, you could yell at them, or write a million emails to them about their dress, but honestly, none of that is fun or pleasurable. If you already gave them the info, leave it be. They are adults and should be able to do this on their own. If they don't, you can either take them in whatever dress they show up in (yes, whatever color the took out of their closets) or they will know that they've already removed themselves from your BP for not getting the required dress.

lharri12 · April 2010

I used to think it was common for brides to pick shoes for their bridesmaids, but apparently it isn't. Nobody will be looking at their shoes, anyway, so it probably isn't worth the fight, except to say no flip-flops.
Since you told them they could pick out their own dresses in a certain color and length, you don't really need to "make sure everything looks alright together" ahead of time. What would you do, tell someone to get a different one if you don't like it? But don't feel bad about making them pay for their own dresses - the vast majority of brides don't pay for their BM dresses.

andy71781 · April 2010

Furthermore, if you tell your BMs to get something done by May 15th they will all probably get it done on the 14th or maybe even the 20th. That's what mine did. Its annoying but people are human. Ditto PP on the shoes. I have little feet that hate heels and I love it when I'm a BM that gets to pick my shoes.

emilyinchile · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dresses-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:06f1737f-2938-4568-8e04-fb3412c0ea20Post:02cf362f-b229-4aab-a760-9c53232b417d">Re: Bridesmaids Dresses (venting)</a>:
[QUOTE]I was going to let them pick their own shoes because yes some shoes are comfy for some and not others, but I would like them to a least resemble each other a little. A few of my BM's talked about going shoe shopping together And no high heels because we are going to be outside so they would just sink in the dirt. When I said to make sure everything looks alright together I mean to make sure all of the dresses look ok together. If it's not right I will help them get a different dress but I have faith in them. I'm not that worried but I would like to see wat they look like at least, so they don't surprise when walking down the aisle with the wrong dress. And I thought that if I least give them a guideline date it would work better for everyone. And when we talked about dresses I told them the designer didn't matter as long as the color and length are correct. I even emailed several samples of what I was talking about.
Posted by brittersdamod[/QUOTE]

Overall, it's great that you're being so flexible on dresses, and it sounds like your shoe guidelines are fine too. But the bolded part...less fine. If you asked your friends to please buy a dress in a specific color and length of their choice, it's not fair for you to then make them do a fashion show and say "actually, you stuck to what I asked for, but I don't like it, please get something else." If you wanted to do that, you should have said so in the beginning - I'd be fine with a friend asking me to run my dress choice by her first, but I'd be really annoyed if I went out and got something based on what she asked for and then was told I'd done it wrong.

Your guidelines are so flexible that there's really no reason for them to have their dresses too much in advance. I'd probably be a bit stressed too, but just forget about it and have faith that your best friends won't let you down on your wedding day.

CTGirl30 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-dresses-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:06f1737f-2938-4568-8e04-fb3412c0ea20Post:02cf362f-b229-4aab-a760-9c53232b417d">Re: Bridesmaids Dresses (venting)</a>:
[QUOTE]I was going to let them pick their own shoes because yes some shoes are comfy for some and not others, but I would like them to a least resemble each other a little. A few of my BM's talked about going shoe shopping together And no high heels because we are going to be outside so they would just sink in the dirt. When I said to make sure everything looks alright together I mean to make sure all of the dresses look ok together. If it's not right I will help them get a different dress but I have faith in them. I'm not that worried but I would like to see wat they look like at least, so they don't surprise when walking down the aisle with the wrong dress. And I thought that if I least give them a guideline date it would work better for everyone. And when we talked about dresses I told them the designer didn't matter as long as the color and length are correct. I even emailed several samples of what I was talking about.
Posted by brittersdamod[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure what you mean by you'd help them get a different dress? Do you mean ask them to return the one they'd already purchased and then have to find another one? I'd focus more on the second half of that sentence - have faith in them. You have given them guidelines so trust that they'll stick to them and show up in something appropriate, feeling comfortable and happy since they got to choose their own dress (which I think is great). I'd probably be getting a little nervous, too, honestly with a month to go but this isn't something for you to stress yourself over if you think about it - they can go into any dept. store and find a gown meeting your criteria sicne the designer doesn't mater with a week before the wedding and they'd be fine. I'd try to relax on this one and let them worry about when they'll get their dresses. I'm sure it will work out fine - you've given them the guidliness and date...they have a couple of weeks still.

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