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awkward invite

lilgina64lilgina64
500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

So I've known this girl since I was 10. She's a nice girl. She was datign this guy for years, broke up with him, dated my brother for about a year, and then dumped my brother and went back to the other guy. Nobody is a big fan of this other guy, he's controlling. All of our mutual friends are causing a rukus because they "don't approve of her marrying this dude". I don't really talk to her, so I just said congratulations and left it at that.

She is inviting me to her wedding. I had no intention of inviting her to mine because we talk maybe once or twice a year when we run into each other at mutual friends' parties. Should I just decline and send a gift? I hate the whole "you invited me to yours so I have to invite you to mine".

disclaimer: some information may be completely irrelevant, this is just how I view this weird situation going on.

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Re: awkward invite

  • beatlesgirl25beatlesgirl25
    5000 Comments
    It doesn't sound like you want to go, given the weird history with your brother and general dislike for the groom. And she is not a close friend, otherwise you wouldn't be surprised at your invite to her wedding. I would decline, and don't feel obligated to invite her to your wedding. You will feel even less obligated to invite her if you don't attend hers. Isn't your guest list all set anyway?

    p.s. HI!



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  • mwhitson14mwhitson14 member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Haha, your SN is showing up as anna's.

    I hate people that invite you randomly, I've been invited to a lot of people's weddings that I knew in high school, and haven't seen nor talked to maybe more than once or twice a year.

    Decline for sure, and send a gift if you want. I usually do, something small.
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  • squirrlysquirrly member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    You don't have to invite her just because she invited you.  They're mutually exclusive things.  Go to hers if you want, or don't.  Invite her to yours if you want, or don't.  She may get her panties is a twist, but that's her problem, really.  There's zero obligation on your part.
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_awkward-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b8cebadb-d329-45a8-a8ac-4cae67d2395bPost:168f4fe7-3714-4c7e-bc64-aeb576e00d00">awkward invite</a>:
    [QUOTE]I hate the whole "you invited me to yours so I have to invite you to mine"
    Posted by lilgina64[/QUOTE]

    You don't owe someone an invite because they invite you to theirs.  Go to hers or don't, but don't feel like you have to invite her now because she invited you.  Everyone's circumstances are different. 
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  • Pirata13Pirata13
    2500 Comments

    If you really don't want to go to hers, don't and don't feel obligated to invite her even if you do go to hers. But it sounds like you wouldn't even want to go anyway. I know I wouldn't.

    Crosswalk
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  • lilgina64lilgina64
    500 Comments
    k thanks that's what I thought! I have no desire to go, so I'll just decline. I already have my guest list all set and we're at comfortable capacity for our venue so I feel no need to invite more and reach fire law capacity haha.

    ps Hi beatles! I'll AW pics from my brother's wedding in a day or two when I get them up. It went beautifully and dad made it through the whole thing and even made a speech. Not a dry eye in the whole place! I feel immense RELIEF.
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  • TheSaltyPeanutTheSaltyPeanut member
    1000 Comments
    With what you said about the relationship and not even speaking to her often, I would decline and not even feel obligated to send a gift.

    I'm going to clarify by stating that there have been a couple friends from high school who invited me to their weddings and I haven't spoken to them except on FB for YEARS.  We were really good friends in high school who just kind of fell out of touch after we left.  I sent a nice gift for those.
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  • thesuninherheadthesuninherhead member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker

    I had a similar situation in that a girl that I wasn't a huge fan of, but had been long-term 'friends' with for years beforehand, invited us to her wedding just before ours.

     

    We declined the invite and I emailed them and explained that given the small size of our wedding, we couldn't fit everyone onto our guest list and thus didn't feel right about attending theirs.

     

    Neither of them replied and I got a few evil glares from said girl next time I saw her at a mutual friend's house, but she seems to be mostly over it now. There was no way that I wanted her at our wedding, and despite the awkwardness I was glad that I was upfront with her about declining and not inviting them.

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