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Family issue with wedding date

MelyMel0122MelyMel0122 member
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in Chit Chat
We had to move the date of our wedding from a Saturday to a Friday do to the number of guests. So it was a choice between sept 6 and October 25. We deceided to go with October figured it'd give us some more time to get things together. Our original date was sept 14. Anyways I'm having a problem because my sisters bday is October 23 n she says she goes away every yr during the wk of her bday n asked me to change the date to sept 6th. So right now we have both dates on hold the venue but need to let them know by Friday. My fianc doesn't want I change the date bc he feels we are caterering o my sister if we do so. So he pretty much gave me a choice of keeping the 25th or not getting married all. But if we have it the 25th my sister n the rest of the family I asked to be in the wedding won't b in it per my sister bc she'll choose to go away over postponing a couple of days to attend my wedding. What do I do???????? Help please
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Re: Family issue with wedding date

  • ElleB87ElleB87 member
    1000 Comments
    I wouldn't change the date. Your sister can weigh her options and decide whether she wants to go out of town for her birthday or go to your wedding.
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  • GardenMavenGardenMaven
    100 Comments
    I wouldn't change the date either. Your FI is correct, changing the date because your sister won't change her plans IS catering to your sister. If she wants to be there she will show up. If not, that is her choice.
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  • BriLeigh89BriLeigh89 member
    100 Comments
    My sister would do the same thing. I would leave your date alone. Your wedding happens once she will have a lot of birthdays and if she really wants to be there she will postpone her birthday trip. It is not like you are doing it to overshadow her birthday you just need more time to prepare. Its your day not hers and as much as you really want her there if she can't wait a couple days then she is immature. 

    If you HAVE to have her there you will have to convince your fiance. Is it worth the argument you may have with him since he seems set on the 25th of October?

    Its not an easy situation but I hope it turns out ok. :-)
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to Re:Family issue with wedding date:[QUOTE]I wouldn't change the date. Your sister can weigh her options and decide whether she wants to go out of town for her birthday or go to your wedding. Posted by ElleB87[/QUOTE]

    This. Your sister has a birthday every year. Hopefully, she will see that not being willing to postpone her birthday trip by a day or even a week is pretty immature.

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  • sonya+adamsonya+adam member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    I agree with everyone. You definitely shouldn't change your date. I think it's a little ridiculous and selfish that your sister is asking you to revolve your wedding around her birthday plans. She can go on her trip the weekend before her birthday, instead of the weekend after if it's that big of a deal for her. If she doesn't want to do that, then she'll have to decide whether her sister's only wedding is important enough to postpone her trip or not. Unfortunately, you'll have to prepare yourself in case she decides to take her trip anyway. I'm sorry that this is an issue for you, but I hope everything works out.
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Don't change the date. Your sister is being wildly immature.

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  • BunnyChiiBunnyChii member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    Your sister is being ridiculous. Does she really go away EVERY YEAR for her birthday? Well, lucky gal. I've had to work on my birthday for the past few years, but I haven't complained cause, y'know, that's life. It doesn't stop just because I'm having another birthday. I'm shocked that your sister thinks it must for her.

    Don't change your date. Your sister is being immature and selfish. Your wedding only happens once. She has a birthday every year. She'll get over it if she misses or has to postpone her yearly trip.
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  • sarabellamsarabellam member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Your sister is ridiculous, but I can't believe I am the only one who has issues with your FI's stance of not getting married at all if you don't have the wedding October 25. Really? He's not willing to compromise on a wedding date?
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    2 things:

    I wouldn't change the date because your sister is being selfish.

    I wouldn't marry a man who would use your wedding to make me choose between his ego (we are not catering to your sister!!) and your sister.

    Ditch both of them if they want to treat you this way.

    Your FI is incredibly immature and selfish to put you in this position just so your sister can't have her way.  Neither one of them is showing any love or care for you in this.
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  • cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    You know what I did for my birthday this year?

    I went to my then-Fiance now-Husband's cousin's wedding out of town. ON my birthday.

    Because
    a) That's what family does.
    b) She didn't choose that date thinking of me (she barely knows me).
    and
     c) I'm a grown up and my birthday is not that big of a deal. It's just not.

    Do what is best for you and your sister can decide if she wants to be selfish and push you around.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_family-issue-with-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:69e80529-734d-4b87-aaeb-cec86d2ebbf7Post:1c4471bd-91e5-4e2f-b286-06f9b213a75d">Re: Family issue with wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your sister is ridiculous, but I can't believe I am the only one who has issues with your FI's stance of not getting married at all if you don't have the wedding October 25. Really? He's not willing to compromise on a wedding date?
    Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]


    No, you are not.  That would piss me off also.

    I also do not have a problem with the sister having a long standing plans to take vacation every year on her birthday.    Tons of people on here get all up in arms about weddings over holidays and how they have long standing plans they don't want to give up.  Just because her long stand plans are not on a federal holiday doesn't mean they are any less important to her.  Geez.

    I don't think that her sister asking is a big deal either.  I don't know how the conversation went down, but  how did the sister even know about the Sept 6th date in the first place?   I have to say if my sister mentioned they were 2 dates and one of the dates interferred with my long standing plans I would say something.   Nothing ventured nothing gained, right?

    All that said,  if the Oct 25 date worked better for my sister, then I would just change my birthday plans for that year.


    BTW - Sept 6 is GREAT day to get married.  I might be bais, It's my anniversary day. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_family-issue-with-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:69e80529-734d-4b87-aaeb-cec86d2ebbf7Post:1c4471bd-91e5-4e2f-b286-06f9b213a75d">Re: Family issue with wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your sister is ridiculous, but I can't believe I am the only one who has issues with your FI's stance of not getting married at all if you don't have the wedding October 25. Really? He's not willing to compromise on a wedding date?
    Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

    I took this as him seeing a red flag with her and her family.  The same words may have come out of my mouth if DH was considering changing our wedding date to accomodate birthday plans for his sibling.
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  • beardo1111beardo1111
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_family-issue-with-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:69e80529-734d-4b87-aaeb-cec86d2ebbf7Post:1c4471bd-91e5-4e2f-b286-06f9b213a75d">Re: Family issue with wedding date</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your sister is ridiculous, but I can't believe I am the only one who has issues with your FI's stance of not getting married at all if you don't have the wedding October 25. Really? He's not willing to compromise on a wedding date?
    Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

    I was shocked when I started reading posts that no one was bringing this up - glad someone finally did.

    OP - I think your wedding date may be the least of your problems....
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