White Ribbon During Ceremony?

Schroeder246 · July 2010

Marriage equality is really important to my FI and I, and we purposely chose an officiant that also does commitment ceremonies (since gay marriage is not legal in Illinois). We have many gay friends, some of whom will be in attendance, as well as my cousin, who lives in Utah but got married in Iowa shortly after it was legalized.

The thought came to my mind today about wearing white ribbons to support marriage equality during the ceremony. I of course would not force anyone in the party to wear them, but would give them the option if they wanted to. Part of me thinks that it would be very neat to look back on our wedding photos and be able to tell our future children what the ribbons were for.

However, part of me also doesn't want to force my and my FI's beliefs on anyone in attendance who might feel the same way. In other words, I don't want to use our place at the front of the room as a soapbox. However, it is something I believe in very strongly.

Would any of you wear a white ribbon during your ceremony to support marriage equality?

Schroeder246 · July 2010

Ugh. I swear I didn't post this twice. Sorry for the double post. Mods, feel free to delete this one.

cnbrantner · July 2010

I have actually considered this and even putting a little station up so others could wear them as well. Both FI and I have gay family members and friends who feel strongly about it. We are also having a really small wedding of about 35-40 people

kaesha · July 2010

My friend's husband wore a turquoise bracelet to raise the issue cervical cancer (his mother died of it) at their wedding, and no one questioned whether that was an appropriate thing to do... or if he was trying to force the issue or raise funds to support it because he wore it. In all honesty, I don't see why this should be any different. It's not like you'll standing at the front of the church saying "look at my ribbon"! I think wearing it (or using it somewhere) and just leaving it at that doesn't force your opinion on anyone. If it's the attention you're worried about, why not put it on your bouquet?

I do a lot of work with my school's LGBTQ-Straight Alliance club... and if half of these kids knew that there were adults who supported them this way... well... that would be nothing but good.

cnbrantner · July 2010

well now that I think about it, I would only do it if the location approved. Like if you are getting married in a church make sure they approve of what you are going to do because I could see it being frowned upon in some places.

PharmacyBride · July 2010

I believe it is the perfect time! People are observing your right to say to the person you love that you vow to be with them for forever. You have this right.. but not everyone does. There is a purity of marriage that people forget about when they talk about the politics of it.

microkelly · July 2010

Sorry but I think it's about YOUR marriage and I think you are risking making people who don't feel the same way very uncomfortable. If it's that important to you then do something low key but if every member of the wedding party were to do it, I think it would be overkill. You don't know every person you invite is on the same page as you and it's one of those touchy topic that could make people have a sour taste in their mouth when they remember your wedding. I personally have no problem with it but I just don't think it's appropriate.

PharmacyBride · July 2010

I realize the topic makes people feel uncomfortable. Seeing a 25 year old marry an 80 year old makes me uncomfortable.. my my disgust or discomfort has no bering on their right.

I think the problem with this topic is that people think their discomfort gives them the right to deny someone else a legal right.

People's discomfort doesn't come close to the discomfort gays feel over these laws! Your gay friends have to watch you get married.. knowing they can't do this in Illinois... does anyway care that this may make them mad/jealous/uncomfortable?!

microkelly · July 2010

What I'm saying is that her wedding is about her and her husband's love for eachother, not her cousin/friends. It's not fair that gay couples can't wed but you can't ignore that fact that it IS a politcal issue (hello? isn't the law the whole problem here) and politics is not something I'd want to damper in on my wedding day.

I'm all about making my guests feel comfortable as a host, but that's just me I guess. That's why love and politics don't mix.

ThePinkSuperhero · July 2010

I thought about putting the White Ribbon on our program, but I couldn't find one to fit on the one we were putting together. I like the idea!

ErinGoBragh77 · July 2010

I am happy to live in a state where gay marriage is "legal" so I would definitely wear a ribbon- nobody gets hurt from it, and if you feel strongly about it, go for it.

Meg1979 · July 2010

I plan on wearing one in my bouquet and if members of my wedding party would like to wear one, that's fine. I'm not going to push them or be annoyed if they want to wear them. My family knows about my beliefs and, well, they are used to it. My friends are respectful people. I don't think it would get messy and political.

karmellah · July 2010

just put a basket of ribbons with a small sign explaining it where they pick up their programs. if they know you, they know your stance and shouldnt feel offended. i thought of doing that for colon cancer.

kaesha · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_white-ribbon-during-ceremony-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42929134-223e-437a-af97-082f2fb88c2cPost:64792adb-adce-4690-9a89-6514393ef7fb">Re: White Ribbon During Ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]I realize the topic makes people feel uncomfortable. Seeing a 25 year old marry an 80 year old makes me uncomfortable.. my my disgust or discomfort has no bering on their right. I think the problem with this topic is that people think their discomfort gives them the right to deny someone else a legal right. People's discomfort doesn't come close to the discomfort gays feel over these laws! Your gay friends have to watch you get married.. knowing they can't do this in Illinois... does anyway care that this may make them mad/jealous/uncomfortable?!
Posted by PharmacyBride[/QUOTE]

This.

I'm Canadian and so thankful that I live in a place that recognizes that marriage is a human right - not a straight right. Here's my opinion on the bottom line: people have the right to their opinion - they have the right to be uncomfortable with gay marriage - but as part of the deal for their opinions, they have to respect others'. Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you get to take away their human rights.

I have had a student commit suicide because his parents rejected him (threw him out of the house) for being in a gay relationship, so I will not apologize for feeling passionately on this subject. By their definition, minority rights will go against popular opinion! I, for one, am all for supporting loving, committed, healthy relationships in all of its forms. The world could use a whole lot more love and respect in it.

mysticl · July 2010

Go for it.
My question though is would people even realize what it was? Since it's a wedding people kinda expect to see white ribbons all over the place. I didn't realize it was a symbol of support for gay marriage till I joined the Knot. Somehow I missed that one.

Chikara Nadir · July 2010

I think that the fact that it IS your wedding gives you all the right in the world to decide what is or isn't included. Most people at the ceremony won't even know what the white ribbon represents unless you tell them (white ribbons have made sense in weddings long before they became political), and as long as you're not forcing anyone to wear it there's no harm done. Honestly, if all the people coming to your wedding know and care about you personally, then they should be able to understand your choice.

If you do want your wedding party to be a part of it, offer it to them while being up front that you respect if they don't want to. Make it something low-key like in the bouquet or boutonnieres as Mrs.Jesse suggested and it won't stand out but it'll still be visible to point out in pictures to future generations.

PreppySailor · July 2010

Maybe you could put a note in the program explaining the meaning behind the white ribbons, and that you hope some day everyone will be able to enjoy the rights of marriage.

bonnyandtim · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_white-ribbon-during-ceremony-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42929134-223e-437a-af97-082f2fb88c2cPost:c03fd761-941f-4e1d-9238-7e182c39c91e">Re: White Ribbon During Ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Sorry but I think it's about YOUR marriage and I think you are risking making people who don't feel the same way very uncomfortable.</strong> If it's that important to you then do something low key but if every member of the wedding party were to do it, I think it would be overkill. You don't know every person you invite is on the same page as you and it's one of those touchy topic that could make people have a sour taste in their mouth when they remember your wedding. I personally have no problem with it but I just don't think it's appropriate.
Posted by microkelly[/QUOTE]

Ditto for me.

I support gay marriage & everything, but your wedding is about YOUR love.

A PP mentioned a cervical cancer bracelet kind of statement...which I think falls into a different category. Cancer is a illness that can come to everyone. It is not a political issue that can offend & divide.

bonnyandtim · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_white-ribbon-during-ceremony-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42929134-223e-437a-af97-082f2fb88c2cPost:0a817445-5d2b-4562-a412-37b307643cc5">Re: White Ribbon During Ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]well now that I think about it, I would only do it if the location approved. Like if you are getting married in a church make sure they approve of what you are going to do because I could see it being frowned upon in some places.
Posted by cnbrantner[/QUOTE]

This is an important consideration, too.

hcbrowne · July 2010

I don't really post on these boards, but I still lurk on occassion (this board in particular can be helpful). I just wanted to add something on this b/c it hadn't been said.

I think your idea is very well intentioned. I think if you are going to do this you should restrict the ribbon to yourself and the groom (if his feelings are the same). If you have a bowl with ribbons and a note explaining, etc. it could turn very awkward very quickly when some ppl decide to wear them and some do not. I keep picturing the old Dr. Suess cartoon and the yellow bellied sneeches. While some (if not most?) of your guests would be happy to wear one, everyone would find out very quickly how other ppl feel on the matter; its not that this isn't something maybe ppl should know abt each other, but at your wedding? I think its the wrong time/place. I also think seeing some ppl not wearing one might end up upsetting you more than you realize, or upsetting other guests.

tenofcups4me · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_white-ribbon-during-ceremony-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42929134-223e-437a-af97-082f2fb88c2cPost:8e1d6461-3b56-494e-bb71-cff6443116fe">White Ribbon During Ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE] In other words, I don't want to use our place at the front of the room as a soapbox. Posted by Schroeder246[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't worry about that. Really, everything you do -- or do not -- say during your ceremony is an expression of who you are as a couple and what's important to you so I don't see how this is any different.

If this is important to you, I think your wedding is a perfectly appropriate place to make that statement in whatever way you think best expresses it.

tldh · July 2010

I agree with HCBrowne. While your intentions are good, and I would be a guest wearing a white ribbon, you would be politicizing your wedding. I would think twice about this unless you know for a fact that 100% of your guests agree with your views.

melissamc2 · July 2010

I'm just wondering exactly how the guests who choose not to wear one would feel, and be regarded by others, having it glaringly obvious that they do not support this particular cause. Particularly if, say, ONE wedding party member opted not to and had to stand up there with everyone else wearing one. They might as well have a ribbon on them saying "I'm the conservative homophobe!" (Not that not supporting marriage rights means that, specifically, but you get what I mean.)

People freak out about not risking making guests feel uncomfortable by having to pay for a drink or stand during a service...I can't imagine it'd be less offensive to have their political views put on display.

I think it's a nice sentiment, but this rates right up there with "donations in lieu of favors" for me. Weddings are about two people. Politcal rallies are about the rights of the masses. Maybe that's just me, though.

auntb86 · July 2010

There is too much hate in the world to deny love in any form.

Wear the ribbons. This is a time in history that we'll look back on as a "what was society thinking by denying these people of their basic rights as human beings" moment in our history... An embarrassing past, and eventually, with any luck, a triumphant future with a leap towards equality. One of my dearest friends was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and she cried the day she received the invitation to my wedding addressed to both her and her partner.

Chances are, your friends and family who will be in attendance know your views prior to that day, and honoring the cause is a beautiful thing. I think it's a great way to show your gay friends in attendance that you love and respect them and are hopeful that one day you can join them in the same way they have come to support you.

srkropf · July 2010

My suggestion would be to place these ribbons with the programs in a basket/usher with an explanation as to what they are for and then people can choose for themselves-- and then just talk with the wedding party and worst case, have a white ribbon on the guys botineeres and white ribbons around the BM boquets

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