Shy Flower Girl?

Barakins · February 2010

My daughter is going to be the flower girl at my June wedding. She'll be 5 at the time, but I'm starting to run into an issue... there are times that she seems REALLY excited about the wedding and being a flower girl. She often wants to try on her dress and dance around in it, and most times I happily oblige to get her used to it and to help foster the happy feeling that she has with it. Sometimes she wants to wear it for guests that come by, but this next scenario that I'm going to describe to you is becoming more common:

Sunday, we were next door at my grandmother and mother's home. My daughter's godfather had come to visit, and my daughter was playing down there. She asked if she could wear her dress. She happily waited while I got it on her, and then walked out the door into the hallway and froze. She no longer wanted to walk out... she didn't want anyone to see her, and she wanted the dress off.

Does anyone have any suggestions that I could use to help ease her shyness a bit? Thanks!

Manda

mbcdefg · February 2010

Personally, I would just not make a big deal out of it. Hopefully that will show her that it's not this huge, gigantic thing (which I think would put a lot of pressure on her and make her more nervous).

I would just see what happens on the wedding day. If she makes it down the aisle, great. If she gets stage fright and refuses to walk, or if she cries the whole way down the aisle, she won't be the first or last kid to do so.

Huskerfanz · February 2010

Our RB took one step into the chapel, saw everyone, and walked back out. The FG ended up going by herself which worked out just fine and was really cute. There isn't much you can do.

Maybe if she seems nervous the day of, she could walk with the last pair of BM & GM? Or just be prepared for her not doing it.

britne28 · February 2010

Don't pressure her and maybe have one of your relatives be prepared to walk her down the aisle. It can be scary for kids that age. My sister's H will be bringing down my neice (as she's a baby) but he'll be there to walk the other 3 down if they need it.

Barakins · February 2010

Ok, thanks... I've not been trying to pressure her about it, but rather trying to generate interest as she's one that hates surprises. But taking it as it is will be the way to go if she flat out refuses to walk...

Thanks!

Oh, and btw, Trix, we had very little problems with getting her to wear her Halloween costume to school. And I think she was more excited about it when she got home than when she left!

megandjay · February 2010

As PP said, it seems that she is understanding that the day/role is important and this is making her nervous. I would just not mention it, and if she wants to put on the dress let her, but ask people to not make too big a deal out of it. Not ignore her, but you know, just say "oh you look nice, so how is school", to take some pressure off. The more people that ask her about it and the dress, the more she might become nervous about it.

trix1223 · February 2010

Bara-it's always interesting. Some kids can't wait to wear their costumes, and then some just don't.....we also have (tomorrow!) a "slumber party day" where kids and teachers (YAY) come to school in pjs. Some kids get really into it and some are really uncomfortable about it.

One thing about kids is that they're nothing if unpredictable! The post who advised you to just be very low-key and matter of fact gave great advice. Rather like the "bean-dip" advice we recommend for adults.

"Oh what a pretty dress! How many red things can you find in the room?" That way you're acknowledging the dress but not over-reacting.

GL.

Barakins · February 2010

Do you think I should use the "bait and switch" tactic on her? She's been getting used to a white dress that I bought for her to wear as the flower girl, but I'd also bought her a pretty pink one as well. She LOVES that dress, but she hasn't associated it to being a flower girl yet.

mbcdefg · February 2010

I'm not a motehr or a teacher, so take my advice with a grain of salt ...

But maybe it'd help if you let HER decide on the wedding day which dress she wants to wear? That way, maybe she'll feel like she has some control over the situation, and she might not be apt to feel like she's just having someone dress her up and shove her down the aisle in front of a bunch of strangers (I'm not at all accusing you of doing this, I'm just wondering if that's what her mind is going to equate it to).

crawford411 · February 2010

For my sister's wedding, the flower gril was our 4-year-old cousin, and she was so nervous! To make her feel better, the best man walked me (MOH) down the aisle, and I held the flower girl's hand on the other side. Of course she stole the spotlight but she did a great job! This summer, for my own wedding, we're having her walk in with the ring bearer. They'll get a chance to meet in person a few days before and this seems to make her feel better.

Barakins · February 2010

If we had a ring bearer, this would be great. I'm thinking about maybe having her walk in with my Mom with whom she's very close... Lots of great ideas here, thanks Knotties!

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