We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?!

jeanacorina · March 2011

Oh, hi there, OP is my neighbor (sort of)! What up!

PandaBurr · March 2011

I'm sad that several people spelled pseudo wrong before Lyn came in here and fixed that shiit.

Either that or I'm totally missing the sarcasm.

[Deleted User] · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arent-engaged-but-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:82f751c0-04eb-43a2-b67d-78a3daffd73dPost:534635a9-1187-4eef-bfc3-e4008e7bd86c">Re: We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?! : Gah. Like nails on a chalkboard.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

LMAO! I was browsing through the responses because I stopped reading at that very point and I wanted to see if anyone else had noticed this...

For the love of God, it's "for all intents and purposes"!!

jeanacorina · March 2011

Yeah, okay, we get it. She typed a lot, and quickly and made some errors. She should have hit Spell Check. Can we please give that up now? I love the English language, too... but not enough to make someone feel THAT bad about their mistakes.

[Deleted User] · March 2011

unfortunately spell check wouldn't have caught that one....

desertsun · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arent-engaged-but-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82f751c0-04eb-43a2-b67d-78a3daffd73dPost:78b83351-49bb-432c-a484-1f676cdfed3f">Re: We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, OP, welcome. I just wanted to say that, and also add that a) don't worry, lots of gals around here have been in your shoes, and it's okay to vent/ask for advice; and b) <strong>pay no attention to the grammar stickler-ness going on here. These gals are pretty cool and I don't think they are trying to make you feel badly for the mistakes. They just love the English language, sometimes a little too much.</strong> It is indeed "for all intents and purposes," though, FYI.
Posted by marleylikeair[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>True story, OP! I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt, but I think people were joking around and didn't mean it in a malicious way. I truly think it was meant all in good fun, so please don't take it too personally. Hi and welcome! You're in the right place. Come back! :)</div><div>
</div><div>

</div>

CASK85 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arent-engaged-but-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82f751c0-04eb-43a2-b67d-78a3daffd73dPost:c0f3c75f-229b-41ef-b050-1f427f2912c6">Re: We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?! : True story, OP! I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt, but I think people were joking around and didn't mean it in a malicious way. I truly think it was meant all in good fun, so please don't take it too personally. Hi and welcome! You're in the right place. Come back! :)
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
Ditto Desert. I may have had a few beers in me when I wrote my response. A thousand apologies.

SKP82 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arent-engaged-but-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:82f751c0-04eb-43a2-b67d-78a3daffd73dPost:c0f3c75f-229b-41ef-b050-1f427f2912c6">Re: We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?! : True story, OP! I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt, but I think people were joking around and didn't mean it in a malicious way. I truly think it was meant all in good fun, so please don't take it too personally. Hi and welcome! You're in the right place. Come back! :)
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Yes, this. Welcome and stick around!

Elle1036 · March 2011

Yeah, OP, I do hope you realize we were kidding. We're not immune to little errors either. Shoot, I call Desert "Dessert" all the time.

SassyFlats · March 2011

Well, she IS pretty sweet.

SilverLining1 · March 2011

This is how I see it:

You both have agreed to be married, and therefore, you are engaged. There's a difference between having a private understanding and an public announcement, though. If you and you FI would prefer to make the public announcement after the "official proposal" and after you have been given a ring, that's fine. However, if you already have everything planned, you're losing out on half of the fun of planning a wedding. Also, your families may feel kind of jipped.

[Deleted User] · March 2011

It is perfectly fine to buy your BFs ring. You don't need an engagement to prove that both of you want to be married to each other. I hate that misunderstanding! I have received so many negative comments for moving half way across the country for JUST A BOYFRIEND. It irks me that it would only be OK for me to move out there with him if we were engaged or married, not just dating. Back to my point, there's no reason you need to wait for your ring in order to buy his. If you are able to buy it, then buy it. Don't let anyone tell you it's a bad idea.

Do stop planning your wedding. From your post I gather that you want to wait for both of your moms to be involved. I'm sure they are itching to help you guys plan and would be disappointed if you guys did planning behind their backs.

anita&jdharrisjr · March 2011

We are also planning our wedding without "the ring". But, we have been together for 20 years. We have a 16 year old daughter together. We have a stand in ring for now. The church is booked and the next step is finding a caterer. The bridal party has been selected. Family and friends know exactly what's going on and everyone is very excited. For us, the ring thing is important, but our wedding is more important right now. Our wedding is Nov 11th (11-11-11 @ 11). He knows exactly what kind of ring I want but hates the idea of me not having a real diamond. I prefer having a fake diamond because i don't wear jewelry and I will feel more comfortable with a fake diamond on my hand. He wants me to wear a real diamond and it will be a couple of more months before he can pay for it in cash. Until then, we are planning our butts off. So I really don't see anything wrong with planning before "the ring". If the two of you love each other and if you're like us, on a tight budget, it's best to start planning now so you will know how much money to put aside. My sister and her husband planned their wedding months before the ring. The ring actually came 3 months before the wedding. I feel if two people know each other well enough to know what the future holds, the ring should not be a reason to not plan. And if he's not stopping you, then go for it. But, make sure he knows exactly what's going on every step of the way. And one more thing, we had to book the church right away before people realized the 11-11-11 thing.

caitlin.cave · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_arent-engaged-but-planning-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:82f751c0-04eb-43a2-b67d-78a3daffd73dPost:4f61aa50-e7c0-46ae-9814-3e800b12f3bf">Re: We aren't engaged but we are planning a wedding?!</a>:
[QUOTE]We are also planning our wedding without "the ring". But, we have been together for 20 years. We have a 16 year old daughter together. We have a stand in ring for now. The church is booked and the next step is finding a caterer. The bridal party has been selected. Family and friends know exactly what's going on and everyone is very excited. For us, the ring thing is important, but our wedding is more important right now. Our wedding is Nov 11th (11-11-11 @ 11). He knows exactly what kind of ring I want but hates the idea of me not having a real diamond. I prefer having a fake diamond because i don't wear jewelry and I will feel more comfortable with a fake diamond on my hand. He wants me to wear a real diamond and it will be a couple of more months before he can pay for it in cash. Until then, we are planning our butts off. So <strong>I really don't see anything wrong with planning before "the ring".</strong> If the two of you love each other and if you're like us, on a tight budget, it's best to start planning now so you will know how much money to put aside. My sister and her husband planned their wedding months before the ring. The ring actually came 3 months before the wedding. I feel if two people know each other well enough to know what the future holds, the ring should not be a reason to not plan. And if he's not stopping you, then go for it. But, make sure he knows exactly what's going on every step of the way. And one more thing, we had to book the church right away before people realized the 11-11-11 thing.
Posted by anita&jdharrisjr[/QUOTE]

I don't think planning before the RING is the issue here. It's planning before the ENGAGEMENT that is. It sounds like you and your fiance are engaged, you just don't have THE ring that you're eventually going to end up with.

If someone plans all kinds of things before the engagement, she's (or he's, I suppose) probably going to be really stressed and bored by the time her wedding rolls around. Her tastes may change hugely (especially in the case of long engagements), and if she's already got stuff booked and vendors lined up, that's going to be an issue.

For sure, if you and your boyfriend want an engagement ring for him, feel free to buy that now. The time for buying wedding bands is generally the engagement period though, unless they're matching or something.

Edited for awkward paragraphs.

shipsinthenight · March 2011

My friend and her FI were "planning" their wedding for years before they got engaged, but they didn't do the bridal-show thing. They were unofficially engaged for a few years with no ring because her parents had yet to give a blessing. They only gave one grudgingly once it became clear their daughter would, indeed, finish vet school. I'm down with dreaming/planning, but not actual planning until you can let your friends and family get involved. And my parents couldn't afford an "engagement" ring until they'd been married 5 years. So it's up to you. But don't buy his ring! Put the money somewhere safe, you'll have it when you need it.

Ladies commenting on dating a guy for a while and being asked about weddings: after about 5 months of dating people started assuming my BF and I would get engaged...When I went to Florida to meet his parents people asked if I liked my FILs. We have talked lightly about getting married and we both know that's where we're going, but I do get annoyed with people saying things like that when it's not official. The kids in my choir sometimes ask too...I keep telling everyone, "When there's anything to tell, EVERYONE will know." And when it does, the next day I start my planning.

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