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September 2012 Weddings

MOH shower and b-party problem

For months now my MOH has been saying she wants to throw me a shower and a b-party. I told her a dozen times that I would love it if she did, but she doesn't have to.

Now, its coming down to it and it is becoming more apparent that she expects me to pay for both, plan both, and do all the work for both.

I simply can't on all three counts. I don't have the extra money. Which I understand if she doesn't either, but it is a little to late to cancel on the shower. I am having three showers and I split the guests accordingly. The other two hosts already have their lists and haven invited people. I also don't have time. My BMs are being so flaky and refuse to help with anything so all these projects I started on their promises of help have me pretty tied up. Furthermore, for that is the same reason I can't do the work either. I don't mind helping, but I'm already stressed trying get ready for the wedding with literally no support.

I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to handle it. She seems to think that I'm supposed to do all this too. I'm so near tears. I don't want to be rude, and I don't want her to feel like I'm taking advantage of her. I just can't handle anymore.

Re: MOH shower and b-party problem

  • Sending you positive vibes.

    I'm sorry your MOH and BMs are not pitching in! My MOH is getting on my nerves and my BM is FI's sister. My mom has taken on a lot of the shower planning responsibilities and I've planned my own b-party. FI's groomsmen have done NOTHING for him for his b-party so he has planned it as well.

    We are just taking it in stride. We want our wedding to be memorable and enjoyable and are TRYING not to let those who we had selected stand next to us on our big day drag us down.

    Just encouraging you to keep smiling through it all.
  • edited August 2012
    You should definitely not be paying for or planning for either.  Technically (though I'm not an etiquette snob so no judgment) it is considered rude to throw yourself a shower because it is a gift giving event.  If you have to plan your own b-party it isn't taboo so to say but I'd do something low key that doesn't need deposits so when the bill comes during the party, it can be split evenly among all guests.  Friends or not I never assume people will actually pay me back for things so don't put money down on anything even if your MOH says she'll pay you back.  I'm so sorry your WP is bieng such a PITA.  I'd have an honest conversation with your MOH that she volunteered to do these things and you have a wedding to plan.  If she isn't going to follow thru on her offer, she needs to let you know so you can maybe get your guests invited to the other showers (assuming the hosts are okay with it). 
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