In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:6cd13cd5-fc10-4c18-8913-2421fabfb814">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : I believe it is determined by ceremony start time, so how late the reception goes has no bearing. Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
<div> </div><div>Ah, OK. Makes sense. </div><div> </div>
Oh, hell, ladies, if we're going to talk about dress, we broke every "rule" in the book.
1)None of my bridesmaids matched. I told them green, knee length, vintage-y. Two managed to show up in a green dress. The other wore a patterened dress that had some green in it, but it was mostly coral and brown. My "man-servant of honor" wore brown slacks, vest, white shirt, and a bowtie, and so we wound up just having everyone stand with alternating colors-green, brown, green, brown.
2)Our wedding was at 6 pm, and not only did the men not wear tuxes, none of them wore jackets. At 6'6, DH is just too difficult to shop for a suit jacket for without paying an exorbiant amount of money, and he would have wound up taking it off immediately following the reception anyways. He wore a brown vest (that we wound up having to make, due the same sizing issues), slate tie, and gray slacks, with a brown and gray newsboy cap. His groomsmen all wore slacks, button down shirts, suspenders, ties, and, of course, newsboy caps.
Oh, also, none of them took their hats off during the ceremony, except DH, who took his off during the prayers. I think he intended on taking it off when I came down the aisle, but he was too busy bawling.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:6cd13cd5-fc10-4c18-8913-2421fabfb814">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : I believe it is determined by ceremony start time, so how late the reception goes has no bearing. Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
<div>Yep - if there's enough of a gap, though, you're supposed to change. <em>See, e.g</em>. Royal Wedding</div>
We put attire information in our invitation packet.
It's what you think, we didn't ask our guests to dress up. The opposite actually. Both our families dress formal or semi-formal for weddings. With our wedding being on a Saturday night they would have been on the formal side. DH REFUSED to wear a suit, tux or jacket and tie of any sort. Was not going to happen.
On top of that weddings in our families are big catholic church, full meals, open bar type weddings. Ours was going to be on a beach. They were all completely clueless on what to wear. It was actually kind-of funny.
So we had a FYI card that had among other information about the shuttle and stuff that the wedding is on the actual beach, jackets and ties were not required. Blah, blah.
People thanked us for the information. Some of the guys still brought jackets just in case. They were relieved to see DH in a silk button shirt.
What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:a8883eae-5078-4bf2-b9b3-fb649dc48ea5">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]I got bored and stopped reading, but most of this thread is stupid. "oh, I broke so many etiquette rules because I put 'reception immediately to follow' on my invitations" etc. Confess a real etiquette crime or GTFO. Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:ae2a4a9f-1b0e-4f96-8f38-dc908d65219a">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : Yep - if there's enough of a gap, though, you're supposed to change. See, e.g . Royal Wedding Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
<div>Makes me glad to not be royalty. Sounds like a lot of work.</div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:89db5706-2d21-4a50-8b3f-61716236a2dc">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]Seesaw, matching BM dresses have not a single thing to do with etiquette. Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
<div>Haha, tell my MIL that. She was ready to go to JCP the morning of the wedding when she found out. </div>
-H had the type of stag party where you sell tickets
-We had a head table with dates split
-My mom threw my shower
-We had a 2 hour gap between the ceremony ending and reception starting
I know they are all pretty big etiquette breaches on here, but all of them are common and expected at home. Every wedding I've been to at home has had all the same ones.
I took an embarrassingly long time to get my TY notes out.
We had a head table. Sweetheart tables freak me the heck out. In retrospect, I could have handled it differently.
Our ceremony was at five, and the groom, GM, ushers, and dads wore tuxes, although I had no clue that was even a thing until reading this thread.
Do I get any points for doing my own, dip-pen-ank-ink Copperplate calligraphy on the outer, inner, and reply card envelopes? :P
I never mailed them. I actually found them in a drawer last week and figured it's been almost 3 years. It's safe to say I've made the faux pas, been judged for it, so I can throw them away now.
We had a cash bar (!!!!!!!)
I used clear labels with a pretty script for the address labels on the outer envelope.It was neater than my handwriting.
I just want to have something clarified: Our ceremony is at 3pm, a full Catholic Mass. The guys will be in cut aways. The ladies will be in black formal length gowns. Is this cool?
We thought about B listing, but then we decided to invited everyone on the B list and gamble with having a super-packed reception (luckily we were pretty good at guessing our odds of attendance and everyone fit perfectly in the reception site).
We didn't want to let my sister bring her boyfriend, since she announced they were dating 6 weeks before the wedding (after the invitations went out). I decided to let him come, though.
One of our poor cousins never got an invite, and I feel like crap over it. My invites were also a mess... pretty sure 98% of the addresses broke some etiquette form. I still haven't sent out TY notes for our May 21st shower... they're written and ready to go, but I can't anybody to send me addresses for a ton of random people from the church. I wish I could teleport there and pick up a church directory for myself.
The day of the wedding, some of my friends moved chairs from the ceremony area to the reception area (20 ft away) because we messed up the reception chair count. They were helping with food anyway and they swear they didn't mind, but still. I apologized profusely.
And finally... we didn't get to spend time at the reception as much as we should have because we spent too much time with the photographer trying to get pictures of us and the family. That would be my real regret about the whole thing. Hopefully we can see a lot of our guests soon, though.
I also feel bad for having the wedding outdoors on a stinking record breaking hot day, but we did everything we could to make everybody comfortable.
We are having a head table, cash bar, the guys are in tuxes for a 2pm wedding. We have 2 and a half hours between the ceremony and reception.
But around here these are all completely normal. I have been to plenty of weddings and all have had a headtable, cash bar, and a gap(never knew of anything else until I came here). I never really payed too much attention to what the guys were wearing at other weddings though.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:cef17481-3ff4-4cf8-9946-57a62c7dc731">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]Would someone mind explaining two of the E rules mentioned? I am genuinely curious. I've been lurking for a couple weeks and haven't seen these yet: 1) What is wrong with a head table? Or is the rule regarding not splitting SO's from their WP partners? 2) Addressing the envelope vs. printing the addresses? Posted by sbc2013[/QUOTE]
1. It is separating the SOs from their WP partners, yes. 2. Proper etiquette says you have hand address. No idea why though. That one's pretty old fashioned though, IMO.
So I never read any of the etiquette posts which I now regret because I always just assumed registries were normal and desired......so in my invites for ppl that were not also invited to shower I slipped in a BB&b registry slip. Ugh! I kno terrible but I honestly didn't mean to be gift grabby I just thought it would be easier than all my extended family calling my dad and asking him bc he'd be like I don't know.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:bb18fdf8-05a5-432b-815d-ede8c9d6ceea">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]So I never read any of the etiquette posts which I now regret because I always just assumed registries were normal and desired......so in my invites for ppl that were not also invited to shower I slipped in a BB&b registry slip. Ugh! I kno terrible but I honestly didn't mean to be gift grabby I just thought it would be easier than all my extended family calling my dad and asking him bc he'd be like I don't know. Posted by Mrw218[/QUOTE]
I didn't know that before coming here either. Lots of people do it around here.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:823c70d9-f8f7-4623-9670-c32f2f8ea5b2">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]We are having a head table, cash bar, the guys are in tuxes for a 2pm wedding. We have 2 and a half hours between the ceremony and reception. But around here these are all completely normal. I have been to plenty of weddings and all have had a headtable, cash bar, and a gap(never knew of anything else until I came here). I never really payed too much attention to what the guys were wearing at other weddings though. Posted by LittleMonkey1[/QUOTE]
I am guilty of all of these except the cash bar, and that's just because it's culturally unacceptable to have alcohol for any events where FI is from. The tuxedo thing is one of those etiquette rules I feel is really old fashioned. The head table was not my choice; my mother (who's paying, and whoever pays says) insisted. And the gap is for pictures. We aren't doing pictures beforehand because we don't want to see each other. Where I come from, if we were doing things differently, people would side-eye us for THAT.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:c8c2b24c-8253-4138-8b23-bda975b1817c">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : You aren't supposed to wear them for parties starting before six. Because I did not go all bridezilla on my H and force him to wear what I wanted him to wear (and thus throwing off my entire color scheme), he wanted to wear a tuxedo for our wedding. The ceremony was at five, and the reception at six. He also refused to wear a cummerbund and wanted the GM to wear colored vests. Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]\\
Duuuuuuuude, my FI wanted to wear coat tails, a top hat, white gloves and carry a cane. I'm just glad I was able to talk him into anything besides that. Coloured vests = not a big deal.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:95a98dde-3b7a-4ae4-9238-4d0f922f8e99">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : <strong> Etiquette rarely involves opinions - it's far more objective than that.</strong> Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
You are joking right? Etiquette changes according to the region, and the times...its culture, which is highly subjective and evolving.
There are some really interesting sociology and anthropology papers out there about how etiquette and politeness is used to display wealth and class...to separate those in the know from those who are just pretending/aspiring to be in the know
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:f350a823-f8b2-4363-876a-a390eb07d855">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : This is bad etiquette? I had no idea! We wrote the same thing on our invites since our reception was held about 30 yards away from our ceremony. Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
It is <u>not</u> bad etiquette. It has only been relatively recent (25 - 30 years) that a wedding invitation was anything more than a one-sided page. Then, the paper industry decided response cards and direction cards and, and, and ... this that and the other were necessary. Nope.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-rule-did-you-break?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:33a70e7f-174a-4925-88b9-8bf3965121bePost:9c9a141b-d398-41ca-a433-f4b143b29398">Re: What rule did you break?</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : Yup, that's a pretty huge rule break. Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
With all due respect, I disagree. We are hosting a dinner reception for the 12 wedding guests after the wedding. We are then hosting a separate cocktail PARTY (on a completely different day) to celebrate with our friends. It's not a reception. There will be no cake cutting, no garter toss, no big white dress, etc. We will be wearing cocktail attire and eating food and dancing with our friends to celebrate that we are (now) husband and wife.
Re: What rule did you break?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : I believe it is determined by ceremony start time, so how late the reception goes has no bearing.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Ah, OK. Makes sense. </div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : I believe it is determined by ceremony start time, so how late the reception goes has no bearing.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
<div>Yep - if there's enough of a gap, though, you're supposed to change. <em>See, e.g</em>. Royal Wedding</div>
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]I got bored and stopped reading, but most of this thread is stupid. "oh, I broke so many etiquette rules because I put 'reception immediately to follow' on my invitations" etc. Confess a real etiquette crime or GTFO.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]
I'm standing on my chair for you.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : Yep - if there's enough of a gap, though, you're supposed to change. See, e.g . Royal Wedding
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
<div>Makes me glad to not be royalty. Sounds like a lot of work.</div>
[QUOTE]Seesaw, matching BM dresses have not a single thing to do with etiquette.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
<div>Haha, tell my MIL that. She was ready to go to JCP the morning of the wedding when she found out. </div>
We had a B-list.
My invites were also a mess... pretty sure 98% of the addresses broke some etiquette form.
I still haven't sent out TY notes for our May 21st shower... they're written and ready to go, but I can't anybody to send me addresses for a ton of random people from the church. I wish I could teleport there and pick up a church directory for myself.
The day of the wedding, some of my friends moved chairs from the ceremony area to the reception area (20 ft away) because we messed up the reception chair count. They were helping with food anyway and they swear they didn't mind, but still. I apologized profusely.
And finally... we didn't get to spend time at the reception as much as we should have because we spent too much time with the photographer trying to get pictures of us and the family. That would be my real regret about the whole thing. Hopefully we can see a lot of our guests soon, though.
I also feel bad for having the wedding outdoors on a stinking record breaking hot day, but we did everything we could to make everybody comfortable.
[QUOTE]Would someone mind explaining two of the E rules mentioned? I am genuinely curious. I've been lurking for a couple weeks and haven't seen these yet: 1) What is wrong with a head table? Or is the rule regarding not splitting SO's from their WP partners? 2) Addressing the envelope vs. printing the addresses?
Posted by sbc2013[/QUOTE]
1. It is separating the SOs from their WP partners, yes.
2. Proper etiquette says you have hand address. No idea why though. That one's pretty old fashioned though, IMO.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]So I never read any of the etiquette posts which I now regret because I always just assumed registries were normal and desired......so in my invites for ppl that were not also invited to shower I slipped in a BB&b registry slip. Ugh! I kno terrible but I honestly didn't mean to be gift grabby I just thought it would be easier than all my extended family calling my dad and asking him bc he'd be like I don't know.
Posted by Mrw218[/QUOTE]
I didn't know that before coming here either. Lots of people do it around here.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
[QUOTE]We are having a head table, cash bar, the guys are in tuxes for a 2pm wedding. We have 2 and a half hours between the ceremony and reception. But around here these are all completely normal. I have been to plenty of weddings and all have had a headtable, cash bar, and a gap(never knew of anything else until I came here). I never really payed too much attention to what the guys were wearing at other weddings though.
Posted by LittleMonkey1[/QUOTE]
I am guilty of all of these except the cash bar, and that's just because it's culturally unacceptable to have alcohol for any events where FI is from. The tuxedo thing is one of those etiquette rules I feel is really old fashioned. The head table was not my choice; my mother (who's paying, and whoever pays says) insisted. And the gap is for pictures. We aren't doing pictures beforehand because we don't want to see each other. Where I come from, if we were doing things differently, people would side-eye us for THAT.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : You aren't supposed to wear them for parties starting before six. Because I did not go all bridezilla on my H and force him to wear what I wanted him to wear (and thus throwing off my entire color scheme), he wanted to wear a tuxedo for our wedding. The ceremony was at five, and the reception at six. He also refused to wear a cummerbund and wanted the GM to wear colored vests.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]\\
Duuuuuuuude, my FI wanted to wear coat tails, a top hat, white gloves and carry a cane. I'm just glad I was able to talk him into anything besides that. Coloured vests = not a big deal.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : <strong> Etiquette rarely involves opinions - it's far more objective than that.</strong>
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]
You are joking right? Etiquette changes according to the region, and the times...its culture, which is highly subjective and evolving.
There are some really interesting sociology and anthropology papers out there about how etiquette and politeness is used to display wealth and class...to separate those in the know from those who are just pretending/aspiring to be in the know
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : This is bad etiquette? I had no idea! We wrote the same thing on our invites since our reception was held about 30 yards away from our ceremony.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]
It is <u>not</u> bad etiquette. It has only been relatively recent (25 - 30 years) that a wedding invitation was anything more than a one-sided page. Then, the paper industry decided response cards and direction cards and, and, and ... this that and the other were necessary. Nope.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What rule did you break? : Yup, that's a pretty huge rule break.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
With all due respect, I disagree. We are hosting a dinner reception for the 12 wedding guests after the wedding. We are then hosting a separate cocktail PARTY (on a completely different day) to celebrate with our friends. It's not a reception. There will be no cake cutting, no garter toss, no big white dress, etc. We will be wearing cocktail attire and eating food and dancing with our friends to celebrate that we are (now) husband and wife.