1 kid at our adults-only wedding?

mooncusp22 · April 2010

We are technically having a ‘destination wedding’. We live in Baltimore, my parents live in FL and 98% of our guests are from out of town, mostly NY area so that requires everyone to fly, book hotels, etc. We decided to have an adults-only wedding, there really aren’t a lot of kids in our extended family yet anyway. I received an email from my cousin yesterday, he has 2 kids. He said that his in-laws will watch their newborn but can’t watch their other kid (who is around 2). He wrote that he understands that we want an adult-only wedding but they would love to come and they only way they can is if they bring their 2 yr old. I asked my finace and he said NO immediately. I explained to him I really wanted my cousin there since we were always close in age and kinda grew up together (not real close now though). Fiance then said “Fine, why did you ask me if you already made your mind up anyway?” lol Now, I don’t want this to open invites to all kids now. There are 4 other kids in our family, then a lot of my friends have kids. The other family kids are on the other side of the family which my cousin does not talk to so no one else will find out prior. Is it ok to just keep our adults-only wedding and play dumb about?? Like if someone were to ask at our actual wedding “Why is their kid here and not mine??” I can say it was a last minute thing and they had to bring him? Also, we do not have enough room to start adding more people anyway.

redklein · April 2010

you could find a babysitter for the night for your cousin to use at the hotel.

just a thought..........

blseverance · April 2010

You are in a tough situation. I think that some people will probably be hurt that your cousin was allowed to bring a child and they weren't. Your best bet to avoid the ackward situation at your wedding would be to try to find a babysitter through your hotel, like redklein suggested. Good luck!

Melis1273 · April 2010

I like the pp suggestion if possible.
I guess it really depends on how much you want that person(s) to be at your wedding and if you can overlook them having to bring the child. I could see friends or family aware of the no child policy questioning why one is there and you need to be prepared, which it sounds like you are!

ufsweetiebear · April 2010

I don't know if a 2yo can behave during the ceremony & reception. I think I'd volunteer to find a babysitter that will stay in the hotel (um, but I probably wouldn't offer to pay unless it came down to it).

TTnoles · April 2010

I think the best bet is to tell him that you can suggest babysittnig options. I am in the same boat as you...live in Boston, wedding in Naples. I wanted to go the no kids route but FI said it prob wouldn't be possible so we are inviting all the kids. Not many people plan on bringing them though cause they want a nice night out as adults! I htink if you can research someone who could babysit at the location or at their hotel and suggest it to them they might be more agreeable to that.

moonstone523 · April 2010

I would suggest babysitting options (i.e. you get a babysitter for him) I think the other guests who had to get babysitters for their kids would feel a little put off by the fact that you allowed someone to have kids, but not them.... unless this 2 year old is your flower girl or ring bearer.

Why can't the people babysitting the newborn babysit the 2 years old?

drtarajp · April 2010

i bet there is nanny service at the hotel. ask the wedding consultant if they have one. if not, look into area sitting companies.

however- i would contact your cousin and make sure that the babysitting idea is an option. they may not want to leave their kid with a stranger. its worth asking before you do a lot of research into the sitters!

cmeyer3946 · April 2010

I am having a destination wedding as well. I'm from Washington DC. I let everyone know that their children were welcome to the weekend at the resort but the reception is adults only. The hotel has licensed and bonded 24 hour babysitting as well as kids activities during the day. I don't even want my flower girl or ring bearers at the reception after the dinner. They are all my niece and nephews and I want my brother and parents to relax and have fun!

Where are you getting married? Perhaps if you put it in a way letting your cousin know that her 2 year old is welcome for the weekend but you and your fiance really want and adult on wedding she will feel more welcome.

mooncusp22 · April 2010

I did think about the babysitter idea, but then also thought if it were me I would not want to leave my child with a stranger in another state. PLUS, we don’t really have the extra money to start paying for sitters either. I feel so stuck!! I did email him back and say that “We really prefer to have an adults-only wedding but we would really love you guys to be there so it is OK”. He said thank you for understanding and he would keep his kid ‘in check’. My cousins in-laws are watching their other baby who is just a few months old and he said they said they could not handle the both of them for a long weekend. This is a 1^st cousin of mine, the only other people with kids are either further extended family or friends so I guess I could use that excuse too. I still personally would like adults-only. I will check into the hotel to see if they have some sort of sitter option, we are getting married at the Ritz beach club on Lido Key, does anyone know off hand?? Also, because they Ritz room blocks were pricey I gave other options such as the Holiday Inn and this cute Motel close by. So, what if people with kids were all not at the same hotel?? There is a small room off the dining room that I brought up to my parents about using it as a ‘daycare’ while the wedding is going on. My dad said that will not work and people will start bringing their kids out to the wedding with excuses anyway. Ughhh this is stressing me out! I could not sleep last night!

cmeyer3946 · April 2010

Girl, you are not going to please everyone and that's the attitude us brides HAVE to instill in our brain. I'm sure the hotel has options for you if it's the Ritz. Call the hotel and ask first and then suggest it to your cousin. You can even have them call themselves for reassurance about them having good babysitters. You shouldn't pay for their sitter...you are paying for plenty for them. But if you want to be gracious for being flexible maybe pay for the 1st hour or two.

JulieNFlo · April 2010

I really dont think that any of your guest are going to question you the night of your wedding and if they do that is just CRAZY! Now that they may ask you the next day or you may recieve emails and tex messages...YES!! And by then WHO CARES? LOL! Just Kidding...trying to make light of the subject because this is a hard situation to be in! We did allow kids at our wedding but I hired a babysitter and when I told her get them out of here after diinner, cause we are going to party...that is exactly what she did:)

Definitely check into the hotel services...the Don did offer us a kids playroom for the entire day of the event but I believe we had to provide the person (staff) to watch the kids. I did not use this option cause the babysitter that we hired had plenty for them to do:)

JDechen · April 2010

The Ritz has a ritz kids club. You should ask them about it.

1 kid at our adults-only wedding?

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