Civil Ceremony with Religious Ceremony and Traditions

Miss.Shann111 · August 2012

My fiance will be joining the US Navy and we're planning a small civil ceremony with our parents and a few friends with the intent of having a religious blessing ceremony and reception for our entire families and more friends in 2013. What I'm struggling with is how that should be accomplished - will I be foregoing the traditions of picking out a bridal gown, having a bridal shower, walking down the aisle with my father, planning a dinner, flowers, registering for gifts, etc b/c John and I are planning to have a legal ceremony first? I'm a very traditional person and so is he, we still want to be able to have those rites of passage even though we have to expedite the legal process for purposes of the Navy. We want to maintain our own relationship with a religious leader and be able to have our marriage blessed by God, and as a girlie girl, I don't want to miss the fun and excitement of all the traditional activities a non-military bride gets to have.

Gabrielle76 · August 2012

Well, for starters you'll find on the military brides board that many women just wait to have the wedding that they want. You don't have to expedite the legal process, military brides can have all those things too, sometimes it just takes compromises.

Yes, you will be forgoing showers, and many other wedding traditions if you have a civil ceremony, and then a blessing later. If those things are really important to you, then you should wait and have your actual wedding when you have the blessing ceremony and reception.

Spunky414 · August 2012

While it seems the norm on here, you don't need a year or two to plan a wedding. My mom planned her very traditional wedding in 7 days on a shoestring budget before my dad was deployed. I've gone to other military weddings that were very traditional planned in under a month. You just need to be willing to compromise and be decisive.

DramaGeek · August 2012

Ditto Spunky. SIL's wedding was planned from start to finish in 3 weeks and done for under $2000. She wore a wedding dress, walked down the aisle with her dad while violin music was played, had a full dinner reception and cake.

kmmssg · August 2012

Why do you feel the need to get married now if you can't include the elements of a wedding that you want?

DramaGeek · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_civil-ceremony-with-religious-ceremony-and-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:07d0f979-c739-43fd-a7ea-2e0591e9da35Post:b56d874f-f857-416c-a49a-6ea34de03e83">Re: Civil Ceremony with Religious Ceremony and Traditions</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do you feel the need to get married now if you can't include the elements of a wedding that you want?
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm assuming they want the spouse benefits.</div>

HobokensFury · August 2012

Ditto PP, you only get one wedding. You can have your civil ceremony or a traditional wedding. You don't get both. If you choose to have your civil ceremony you can have a wedding celebration or vow renewal later but you don't get a bridal shower, puffy dress, bachalorette party or any other prewedding event because well you're already married. Also make sure you look into the church thing. If you are talking about a Catholic church it's very difficult to get what's called a covalidation (religious ceremony after a civil one) so it may not even be possible.

AdeleDazeem · August 2012

I have no idea if you are Catholic, but the "religious blessing" idea leads me to believe that you might be after a convalidation. If so, they are difficult to obtain and aren't done just because you wanted to get married earlier. You need to have a really good reason for skipping being married in the Catholic Church the first time. I wouldn't bank on getting one.

But, if that's not your thinking, just ignore my post. The rest of the ladies have hit on the major points.

MyNameIsNot · August 2012

If you get married now, the deal in 2013 won't be a wedding. It will be a party or a blessing. Wedding traditions like bridal gowns, wedding parties, showers, bachelorette parties, registering, first dances, etc. don't belong there.

If you are traditional and want the traditional wedding, just do that. You could plan it in a few months and get married this fall, or you could just wait until 2013 to get married.

If you don't care about the traditional wedding and just want to get married, go get married at the courthouse and be done with it.

artbyallie · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_civil-ceremony-with-religious-ceremony-and-traditions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:07d0f979-c739-43fd-a7ea-2e0591e9da35Post:7db98e64-696b-4bee-a5bc-00d766d3858e">Re: Civil Ceremony with Religious Ceremony and Traditions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Civil Ceremony with Religious Ceremony and Traditions : I'm assuming they want the spouse benefits.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

<div>If this is the case, OP, please don't get married just for 'legal reasons,' i.e. more pay for him, insurance, and so on. If you really do want to go ahead and get married, fine, but you have to understand that whatever process you choose for that legal part IS your wedding. You don't get to have a do-over just because you chose something that wasn't a pretty princess day.</div><div>
</div><div>And the military brides feel the same on this point. They would advise you to wait and have the kind of wedding you want, especially if that means going through training and/or a deployment before you get married.</div>

Summer2011Bride · August 2012

I would either plan the wedding you want now (many people here have proven the "traditional" wedding can be planned quickly), or be OK with waiting until next year to have the wedding you want. You don't get two weddings, and like others said, if you did what you are describing, the second would really be a vow renewal, and hence, no showers, b-parties, big pouffy dress, etc. You need to decide whether you want to marry now or wait. Do one or the other.

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