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Is it frowned upon to not have a unity ceremony?

Vivi+PeteVivi+Pete member
10 Comments
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
I'm torn about whether we should include a unity ceremony of some sort in our ceremony. Most of the weddings I've attended have a unity candle. More and more I'm hearing about all sorts of other unity ceremonies, like sand or wine. I've always thought that the unity candle is kind of overkill, and that the wedding ceremony itself should suffice. If we don't include a unity ceremony, will our guests think that's weird or inappropriate? I don't want to do anything incorrect.
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Re: Is it frowned upon to not have a unity ceremony?

  • coopsbabycoopsbaby member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Nope. The wedding itself is a unity ceremony. I didn't do one with my first marriage, not doing one with this marriage. They mostly seem like filler to me (which is fine), but I cut out all the extras. Short and sweet!
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yup... the ceremony is unifying by itself.  You don't need sand or wine or candles to do it. 

    We're not having one either.  If such a ceremony (or something else) has special meaning to you, then by all means, do it.  But it's certainly not necessary.

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  • Vivi+PeteVivi+Pete member
    10 Comments
    It's a relief to hear that I'm not the only one who sees the unity ceremony as unnecessary. Thanks for the input!
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  • Ali092011Ali092011 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    We didn't do a unity ceremony or even any readings. Our ceremony lasted about fifteen minutes tops and it was perfect.
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  • tiny specktiny speck member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    We're not doing anything extra either. The ceremony itself is a unity ceremony.
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  • TandksmommyTandksmommy member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I did a unity candle my first wedding because I was kind of afraid to go out of the box. This time, Im not doing it--waste of time in my opinion.
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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Nope! Not at all.  Skip it if you want.  We skipped it too. So did my brother at his wedding.  We're all still very much married. =) 
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  • coopsbabycoopsbaby member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_is-it-frowned-upon-to-not-have-a-unity-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:199cefe2-fbef-4f2b-b6cf-e7c039826b38Post:0a6bb8c4-21bf-46d1-abc2-db4ca6c84b27">Re: Is it frowned upon to not have a unity ceremony?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've only seen a unity candle at one wedding, back in the 80s. I've never seen a rose or sand ceremony - in fact, I never heard of them until The Knot, and I'm 48.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You should consider yourself very lucky! EVERYBODY does them here, I swear. Or the wine ceremony. Sometimes they have 2!!! I am getting so much flack from people because I'm not doing any extras, it's crazy.

    </div>
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    A few of your guests might think absence of a "unity ceremony" is a bit strange, but I doubt the majority will give it a second thought.  The wedding ceremony is a unity ceremony; nothing more is needed. 
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  • ScrabbleAndLlamasScrabbleAndLlamas member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    Unity ceremonies are a relatively new phenomenon.  My mom is the wedding coordinator for our church, and we do not permit unity ceremonies, the idea being that the wedding is unity enough.  Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of them, so I would probably be relieved that there was no unity ceremony.  If you're grasping at straws trying to find one, just don't bother.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I happen to agree with you that a wedding is in and of itself a "unity ceremony," but I guess different religions, congregations, and backgrounds all have their own customs about it, so whether or not you have one depends on that as well as one's personal tastes.

    To each his own.
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Nope, it won't be weird.  My mom pushed communion for just the two of us and a unity candle and FI and I wanted neither (fortunately, she's wonderful and once we said no, she hasn't said another word about it).

    I think unity candles are kind of cheesy personally but that's just me.  Anyway, I've been to several weddings without unity candles and they were wonderful and I never even thought twice about it.
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  • Katred08Katred08
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    definitely don't worry about it.  i think they're cheesy and we're skipping it.  i will say, that all the officiants we met with seemed to think it was odd that we wanted nothing to do with any unity ceremonies though.  they seemed eager to push it on us.  when we said we didn't want a candle they were very quick to suggest sand, wine, etc.
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