Advice from those of you already married :)

elisabethb29 · September 2010

Any advice for those of us soon to get married or newlyweds? One thing I've really been wondering about is how do you think your relationship has changed since getting married? What have been the hardest things? What have been the best things? Really, any advice or words of wisdom would be cool to hear

bbyckes · September 2010

I've been married for all of 60 days. My H and I lived with one another prior to being married. Not a whole lot has physically changed, but I believe the way we look at one another has changed.

I remember taking my vows and I how I meant every last word fully. I saw him (and see him) as my life partner. It's really difficult to accurately describe. It took me a while to get used to saying "husband" haha and for the first couple of days he would call me "wife." I like referring to him as my husband now, but it definitely took some getting used to.

Congrats on your impending nuptials!

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

It's only a party, don't freak out about it. It's not going to go perfectly, and that's fine.

We've been married for about four months now, and really nothing changed. We didn't really expect it to. We'd been functionally married for almost a year before the wedding, the party was just a way of making it official.

twilight.rose · September 2010

We've been married for about two and half months, and not much has changed. We had lived together for over two years prior to the wedding, so we basically already lived as if we were married.

We each wrote our own vows, and hearing them for the first time on our wedding day was extremely special to both of us. While our wedding certainly cemented our lifelong commitment to one another, the commitment had existed for years. The wedding ceremony was simply a public profession of our love.

It was also important to both of us to be married in the eyes of our church. We were both raised attending church, and it still plays a role in our life together.

girl2bewed · September 2010

Well ive only been married 25 days but so far nothing has changed since we've been married except if possible we feel more in love then before!

Check your month board, usually the prior month gives advice/tips for you and they are very helpful!

Mainly dont get stressed on your wedding day, things will ultimately go wrong and there is nothing you can do about it so just let it go.

Dont forget what the ceremony is really about rather then the hype of the day. Just enjoy yourself!

bellebride116 · September 2010

We've been married 7 1/2 months now and nothing has changed

... except we are glad the wedding stress is over!

cschuma2 · September 2010

We lived together for 2 years before the wedding, so I also don't feel like much has changed. I think we do talk about the future more- things like where we want to live when he is done with grad school (cross country move maybe?) and having kids in the future. We also now have joint checking/savings accounts so financial decisions have changed for us as we now have to consider the other person.

megk8oz · September 2010

I've been married for exactly 8 months today, and put another one down for "Nothing's changed".

My biggest piece of advice is focus on the marriage, not the wedding. Remember that pretty much 98% of the wedding details that make you crazy now will not matter in the slightest the next day.

We lived together for almost 2 years before the wedding, and from the day we moved in together, we started living like a married couple: joint bank accounts, splitting the bills, etc. Like Aerin, getting married pretty much just made things "official".

The only thing that's really changed is I have a much harder time remembering to sign my new last name

banana468 · September 2010

We're going on 3+ years at this point. The biggest thing is that you shouldn't expect anything to feel different.

I love my husband with all my heart and I think he's the best - and he's going to be a great dad too!

But nothingh as really become "different" for the two of us since we tied the knot. It's just be an adjustment with how to deal with everything in the "us" rather than the 'you' or 'me'.

NillaWafer10 · September 2010

We've been married now for three months, and I couldn't be happier that the wedding planning/stress is over. Marriage hasn't changed our relationship too much.

My best advice would be to always respect your husband. Tell him what you love, respect, and admire about him. Men are incredibly sensitive to the words, "I respect you," like we are to the words "I love you."

[Deleted User] · September 2010

Not a lot changed for us either. We have been married about 2 1/2 months. We already lived together for about a year, so basically we just merged our accounts. Signing the new name and calling him my husband is definitely something I am still getting used to.

I had no doubts getting married, but definitely glad the stress and planning is over. The HM was great and really fun. It really helped me unwind and lose the stress. I still look at our pics almost everyday. Now we just look forward to the future, enjoying being married for awhile before we have kids.

missy68 · September 2010

J and I are celebrating our first anniversary in about 3 weeks, but we lived together for a year and a half before getting married. There wasn't a huge change, but there was a slight change - for me, I wasn't "scared" to get angry or show him/tell him some of the less appealing things about me, like I was before. I knew he truly loved me and we would always work things out. We've had some tragedies to work through, and did it as a team.
We do argue, but we also reach agreements, and apologies 90% of the time rationally.
In the winter, we basically spend it cooped up on the weekends, due to the large amount of snow, so there's a lot of together time, which is good and can be bad on occasion. We both like our alone time.
You just have to remember to work together, but still maintain your individuality. Don't do so, though, at the expense of your partner.

Meagan78 · September 2010

I was married for 8 years, then divorced, and learned a lot (thank you, hindsight!). A few words of advice:

1) Try not to share your major arguments with family/friends. They will remember them long after you have forgiven. If you can, work them out together or with the help of a priest, counselor, etc.

2) Children change a relationship. It's not something you can anticipate but the dynamics shift and you are suddenly willing to fight for what you believe in whereas before you may have been more willing to give in (because now you are fighting for someone else, not for you). If I could do it again, I would have talked more about how we were raised and some of the things we thought about in terms of parenting. That was a huge source of conflict for us (but we were from two different cultures/backgrounds, so that didn't help). If you can get on the same page ahead of time, that will help. Ex-husband and I were married 3 1/2 years before we had our son.

3) Sex. Sometimes one of you may not want it. Try. It's important to a marriage, even if you have to "schedule" it (if only in your mind). I found that if I relaxed and "gave in" after a stressful day, I usually enjoyed myself. Same is true for dates and time together. Don't let your busy lives get you off-track from remebering how important you are to each other.

4) Stand up for yourself. Set boundaries. If you keep doing things for your spouse (like housework) and not actually asking him to help then getting resentful when he doesn't, know who is primarily at fault? You. Express your needs and make sure they are being met. Negotiate. Try to make the relationship equitable so you don't end up angry and resentful at shouldering a huge burden that, looking back, you may realize you kind of took upon yourself.

HTH

Advice from those of you already married :)

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