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Should we wait?

SugarFooteSugarFoote
500 Comments
in June 2013 Weddings

So we are still planning this wedding. FI has just landed a better job with great pay and benefits. We are starting to look at houses. But we both want a baby so bad. We are going to wait until we are married to have a baby but should we wait a few years before we start trying? I know this is ultimately our decision but I just wanted to get some opinions.

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Re: Should we wait?

  • PrettyInPearls23PrettyInPearls23
    10 Comments
    A child seriously changes the dynamics in a relationship -- both good and bad. The first year of marriage can be very stressful and difficult as you adjust to being a married couple. Believe it or not, even if you're already living together and have combined finances, being married can be stressful in and of it's own. I don't suggest adding being pregnant/raising a newborn into that first year.
    This is coming from someone who was married, got pregnant at 7 months into her marriage and was divorced when DS was 8 months old.
    My FI and I are planning on starting TTC 6 months after we get married. I know that contradicts what I just said, but we've been doing the parenting thing already, with my DS. Has it been easy? Not all of the time -- but we've been able to see each other in times of stress, what having a child does to the dynamics of a relationship (you can't just up and go out on a Saturday night), but we've also seen how important it is to nurture our relationship on the times we don't have DS (when he's with XH). 
    Just my 2 cents from someone who has been there.  Enjoy your husband...it'll be a long time after you start having kids before it's just the two of you again.
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  • SugarFooteSugarFoote
    500 Comments
    Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.
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  • CoffeeBeanFiend91CoffeeBeanFiend91 member
    10 Comments
    it all depends on how well you handle stress IMO also think about things you may want to still do but really wouldn't be able to with children. FI and I cannot wait to have children and we have been talking about our own family for years however we are going to continue to wait at least a couple years because I plan on going to Tanzinia without FI for a few weeks a few months after we're married to do some work with AIDS relief and we are also planning on doing a lot of traveling to europe and the middle east together. On top of that we hope to make Philidelphia our home and with all that moving and traveling it's not a good enviroment for a pregnant woman or a baby or child. So I don't know if you have any big plans but just remember when you have a baby it pretty much becomes all about the baby and if you try too soon in a marriage that can hurt your relationship. There, that's my two cents lol
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  • hcampanahcampana member
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    I would really recommend waiting.  Enjoy some time together first.  Do some travelling.  Do something exotic and/or adventurous that you won't be able to do when you have a baby to take care of.  You will have the rest of your life to be parents, why rush it? Once you have the baby, your life will no longer just be about you and him, so you should take a little time to enjoy it.
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  • ktwed1ktwed1
    500 Comments
    With my 1st marriage I got pregnant right away after we got married. I honrestly wish i would have waited a few more months. We had a baby within our 1st year of marriage and it was pretty difficult. It really does change the dynamics and I think it would be better to enjoy and get used to married life before adding a baby.
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  • SugarFooteSugarFoote
    500 Comments

    We have talked about it and both of us really want our own family. We may wait but if we do it's probably not going to be a couple of years. maybe more like a year. Neither of us are into traveling or anything like that. We aren't the adventureous sort. We are the type of people who don't have to go out every friday night. We are comfortable sitting at home watching a movie just as long as we are together. I'm not saying that we don't enjoying going places, because we do. We both just want our own family very badly.

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  • MeghannsixMeghannsix member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited February 2012
    Well if you want to be married first, you're already talking almost a year and a half before that happens.  Plenty of time to think about whether or not you want to start trying right away, or wait for a bit.
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