No father of the bride...i need opinions/ options

linze0284 · March 2010

My father passed away 10 yrs ago from leukemia, I dread walking down the isle by myself. My uncle (father's oldest brother) was a bone marrow match, always drove my sisters and I into boston to see him when he was sick. Needless to say, I hold a special place for him. Do you think It'd be a good idea to ask him? Should I ask his daughter/my cousin for permission?

Another issue i have is father/daughter dance...should i completely skip it. My fiance' wants to dance with his mother, would it seem right with out the father/daughter dance? My sister suggested having my uncles, each cut in during a song...almost out of respect for my dad....dumb?

iwalktheline · March 2010

i think all of those ideas are great. if you're close with your mother, i don't think there would be anything wrong with having her walk you down the aisle either. my mom is one of my best friends and i'm not close to my dad, so i had my mom walk me and it was really nice having her there. above anything else, i would choose someone that will keep you calm the last minutes before you walk down the aisle.

and i love your idea for the dance. i think that's really sweet.

best of luck!

jkepros · March 2010

I agree that those are great ideas! Having your uncle walk you down, especially if you are close to him would be awesome. I think it's so nice that you have such good memories of him helping you, your dad & your family. It would be really sweet.
If you think his daughter would mind, it would be a very nice gesture to ask her first. If nothing else, it just confirms that you are thinking of her too, and don't to take anything away from her own special day. Your family sounds awesome though, and I bet everyone will be so touched that you thought of your uncle.

The song is up to you. I decided not to do a song bc I know my dad feels anxiety about dancing and don't want to make him uncomfortable, but again, it would be sweet for you to dance with your uncles.

We went to a wedding last summer where the bride's dad had also passed. She had her brother walk her down the aisle. Her & her new husband had their first dance, and then her brother cut in to dance with her, her new husband danced with his mother, and they had her mother dance with my FI (she's his godmother)...after a minute or so they had the rest of the bridal party join in on the dancing, and then invited all of the guests to dance. It was really sweet. Everyone "awwwwed" when she danced with her brother.

GL!

jislieb · March 2010

My father passed away three years ago. My Mom is going to walk me down the aisle (she is thrilled and honored). For the daughter/father dance we are actually doing a video. Our DJ ir providing an LCD at the reception which allows us to do a video of a picture montage of my Dad and I with the song that we would have danced to. We are not playing the whole song and hopefully it won't be too emotional for everyone but at the same time I didn't want to just do nothing.

HTH!

Karen's MOH · March 2010

I think it would be really sweet to have your uncle walk you down the aisle, especially since he has been so important and involved with your family. I can't imagine his daughter minding, but if you think she might asking her couldn't hurt. The father daughter dance is a little harder, but if you are close to your uncles, I think that works very well. It's not necessary to have one at all, though, if you don't want to, and I'm sure people would understand why if you only had a mother/groom dance.

jislieb-- your video idea is beautiful. It probably will be emotional for a lot of people, but I think it's such a nice idea.

BeachBride310 · March 2010

I like the idea of having your uncle walk you down the isle. I lost my dad when I was in High School to cancer. When I got married the 1st time I was 21. I had my best friend who was male walk me down the isle. He had always been like a big brother to me and I would not change a thing. I like the idea of having a mother walk her daughter down, but my Mom is very shy and would never do that. Now that I am getting remarried to the man of my dreams I have a son who just turned 7 and will be about 10 when we get married. I am going to have him "give me away".

As for the dance. I really don't know about that. I definately think that your FI and his mom should get to do one. And I really like the idea of all your uncles cutting in. I was never close with mine, but I think that is really amazing. What songs would you chose? Im just curious. I am not sure what we are going to do yet. I have not gotten that far... but I wish you the best of luck and all the happiness in the world.

Cat

kmt_cas · March 2010

I think you can do anything that was mentioned here. Whether it's walk down with your mom/uncle - it's up to yu and what you feel most comfortable doing. I love the idea of each uncle cutting in for the dance. Very sweet. I also love the video montage idea, but I know that if I was in that situation I would lose it, more so than dancing with my uncles. You can't go wrong! Pick what makes you happiest.

HMcP · March 2010

I love my father this past November :-( I will be walking myself down the aisle.

linze0284 · March 2010

Thanks everyone for your responses!!! I think if i were to do a song itd be "unforgettable" by Nat king Cole. Another song I thought about was "remember me" by tim mcgraw. I still have tons of time to think about things, but i'll def take what everyone said into consideration

Knottie6cd98948dcce890b · March 2010

My sister-in-law lost her dad about 6 months before her wedding.She has her uncle (her dad's best friend too) walk her down the aisle and then danced to an Elvis song( Elvis was her dad's favorite). Although there wasn't a dry eye in the house, it was still very raw. I think my SIl was happy she did it.

lilMsDIY · March 2010

First off, I'm very sorry about the loss of your father...

My father was never a part of my life, but my uncle (mothers brother) filled that role. I was/am very close with him and my mom. I think I will have my uncle walk me 3/4 of the way down, and then have my mother join us for the last bit. So that is always an option for you!

I would be shocked if your cousin had any sort of problem with her father walking you down the aisle.

As for the dance, it's not necessary, but it is a great idea to have the uncles cut in! I think I'll dance with both my uncle and my mom.

snoangel79 · March 2010

That would be a really nice thing to have your uncle walk you down, I would just ask him. My mom's uncle walked her down the aisle (her father died in her teens). I considered him to be like a grandfather to me. I think that this is a really nice way to honor your dad also (your uncle was there and incredibly supportive to your family at that difficult time). I work with matching sibs and unrelated matches at my job at Dana -Farber plus have seen the other side as a patient also. I think this would be a great thing to do

BostonBride919 · March 2010

My father passed away in 2008 and I made the decision to walk alone down the aisle and it was perfect. I tied his wedding band to my bouquet and I truly felt he was there with me during that walk. Just do whatever feels more "right" to you.

We skipped the parent dances all together - My DH just danced with his Mom throughout the night.

caitymur · March 2010

I think having your uncle walk you down the aisle is a great idea. Yes, I would definitely check with your cousin first.

I lost my dad about a year before my wedding and I had both my mom and brother walk me down the aisle. I liked having both of them there because I felt like I had my whole family with me.

We chose not to do the specific dances, my husband just danced with his mom through out the night to a song he told the band to play. My father's passing was still very fresh to me at this point so I really couldn't handle much. Although I had toyed with dancing with my uncles and brother similar to what you are thinking and I would have picked James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend" to dance to.

Good luck.

telmacarolina · March 2010

So sorry about your dad.....I lost my father in December and I will get married in September. It's been really hard to think about the wedding knowing that he will not be there. I have 3 brothers and a uncle who I adore. Anyone would be happy to "give me away" and it would be an honor to be giving away by them, but I have decided to walk down the aisle alone. And the only reason is: even though I love them all, neither is my dad. So if he cannot be physically there with me, I will walk by myself. I know he will be there with me. It's a very personal decision. You have to do what feels right to you.

HTH!

No father of the bride...i need opinions/ options

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