So, just to preface, I really just need a place to vent because my FI and I are all talked out over this, and I don't feel like I need to involve talking to my own mother because I don't want more drama to get started. I figured if anyone would be able to sympathize or offer advice, the lovely Knotties would be the ones.
My wedding is just over a year out. So, of course, we're in the initial planning stages plus securing a venue. Since we're starting our journey, we've had to sit down and make a budget. At this time, my mother is paying for the entirety of the wedding (on her own accord, mind you). However, just so that my FI's family didn't feel left out, we asked if they planned on contributing for any of the traditional groom's family expenses with the emphasis that if not, we'd pay for all of those things ourselves. This is where the current trouble began.
I guess I should go back just a bit. Things have been very, should I say, testy between his family, and FI and me for awhile now. Over Christmas we had a huge blow-up over his family's "expectations" of me, and the reality that FI and I don't agree with them. However, we smoothed things over after FMIL called me to apologize at how she had acted.
Recently, FMIL and FSIL have called or written to FI asking if they can help with the wedding. FI directed them to me, and while I haven't heard from FMIL, I told FSIL that she could help with decorations when the time comes, but that is a LONG time from now. We've also been very careful to bring up the wedding with FMIL because she has very much tried to take over at several occasions already and we didn't want to give her more reason to do so.
So, back to now, last night we called just to discuss the budget with his family since we don't live in the same area, and while FFIL was very happy and open to helping, FMIL became hostile towards FI. She said they'd pay for a rehearsal dinner and only offered to pay for the officiant after she found out we were using the one from their families church. Everything else she insisted that FI pay for himself because SHE had to pay for her wedding so FI should, too. She then went on to say that she didn't feel like she had much say in the wedding (which has bothered my mom from the get-go because it is my mom who is footing the entire bill). FMIL is also upset that we're only having 80 or so people at our wedding and even outright told us last night that if we didn't invite people not to expect gifts from them. We knew this, of course, but we couldn't believe that his mother would be so gift grabby and rude! She also said that we are always throwing stuff on her. The engagement was "thrown on her", us not wanting a large wedding was "thrown on her", us not wanting a wedding party was "thrown on her", us trying to include her is "thrown on her", yet she gets upset when we don't talk to her about the wedding. It truly feels like no win with her.
At this point, my mother has become increasingly annoyed with FI's family because of the way it has hurt FI (and myself) so much, and she has also decided that she will pay for everything. This has made FMIL angry. I don't understand. She said that they wouldn't pay for things because it should be FI's job, but she is upset because my mom has offered and is not making us pay for the wedding on our own. FI says that this is just her backwards way of feeling guilty that someone else has offered to pay.
In the end, there is just so much stuff with FMIL and it feels like it never ends. FI has talked to her on multiple occasions and every time she bursts into tears, makes it all about her, and then says she'll never do anything again. Then she goes off and adds something else to the mix. FI feels like there is nothing more he can say to her without becoming disrespectful and I'm feeling so hurt at the way she has treated us. There is so much more, but I have a hard time putting all of it into words because it is so lengthy and hurtful.
I know this is long, and maybe WE are the ones completely in the wrong. Hopefully someone will read this and comment because I don't know where to go or who to talk to anymore. FI and I need some advice or words or wisdom or even some comfort. Or, depending on what people think, a swift kick in the rear for causing trouble.
Just, please, if someone reads this, help. I don't know where else to go.
Thanks in advance.