Bad advice on PW parties board.

trix1223 · February 2010

Look for the post "Bridal Shower-Who Plans it". Then move down to LynlovesJoe's response. She needs a come to Jesus meeting. Sorry-whenever I try to make things clicky, it just doesn't work....

emilyinchile · February 2010

Nice catch, trix.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

So a family member hosting is gift grabby, but it's okay to request a shower, outline your expectations, and have the bride pay for it and host it at her home and that's not gift grabby? Interesting.

mbcdefg · February 2010

That's just bad advice. We can't always get what we want. The world doesn't magically revolve around brides, and a wedding doesn't excuse someone from proper etiquette and common sense/good manners. This whole thing just makes me gassy.

CTGirl30 · February 2010

LOL. Yikes. Yeah, I loved the red highlighting of the super important parts.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

I don't get why the MOH should be asked to plan a shower and not the Best Man. Come on now, the rudeness should be equal for both genders. Guys have such low potential for WP drama.

trix1223 · February 2010

It's the sense of entitlement that wears me down. Because someone made their own decision to get married, suddenly they're entitled to boss people around, be rude and demanding, insist that special parties be thrown for them, throw hissy fits when they don't get their way, spend more money than they can actually afford, and the list goes on.

For something they CHOSE to do.

It makes me sad that people buy into the "You're getting married, and you DESERVE thus and so...."

banana468 · February 2010

Trix, I agree.

It's a rather sad state that some real humans think that it's reasonable to ask someone to throw them a party! I'll throw them one... a pity party!

Sometimes I'm a bit dismayed at what others think is OK. People really disagreed with me on the 'MOH refusing to throw me a shower' thread because they think that's an honest to God duty.

trix1223 · February 2010

But it must be a real honest to God MOH "duty", banana. It says so in bride's magazines and on wedding websites.....

banana468 · February 2010

Right.

And my job is to put on a fresh coat of lipstick every night before DH gets home and to make sure I "service" him to his liking every evening.

Because THAT was also written in magazines.

emilykathleen511 · February 2010

OMG. I didn't quite realize how insane it actually is. I read it when I first got engaged and just figured that it is a good outline (but I didn't assign any tasks or anything, thank goodness). Now, it just looks like a nightmare. Here is the knot's version:<div>
</div><div><p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:16px;margin-left:0px;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;line-height:17px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;">[QUOTE]The bridesmaid is an integral part of any wedding, on hand to comfort, console, multitask, and party hearty at all bridal events. Whether it's your first bridesmaid gig or your 50th, here's a cheat sheet of your to-dos.<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:16px;margin-left:0px;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;line-height:17px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;"> · Offer to help with prewedding tasks. Try to be specific when you volunteer. For example, say, "Would you like me to help you shop for<a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridal-fashion/bridesmaid-dresses.aspx">bridesmaid dresses</a>/stuff invitations/pack for the honeymoon?" instead of just, "What can I do?" · Scout out bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewelry, and other wedding accessories. Pay for the entire ensemble. (Break in your shoes before the wedding day -- that will minimize slipping, blisters, and aching tootsies.) · Help to plan, cohost, and pay for the <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridal-shower-ideas.aspx">bridal shower</a> and bachelorette party with other bridesmaids. · If the maid/matron of honor isn't already handling this task, keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and bridal showers (so that the bride/couple can write thank-you notes); maintain RSVP lists. · Attend the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. (Keep abreast of allprewedding parties, and go to as many as possible.) · Run last-minute errands. On the day of the wedding, be on hand to confirm flower delivery times, meet and greet the <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-resources/wedding-officiants.aspx">ceremony officiant</a>, or satisfy junk food cravings. · Stand in the receiving line at the bride's request. · Serve as auxiliary hostess at the reception by introducing guests, making sure they know where the bar is located, and inviting them to sign the guest book. · Hit the dance floor when the music kicks in. Dance with groomsmen during the formal first-dance sequence. Also, be on the lookout for toe-tapping guests who might need encouragement and/or a dance partner. · Give the matron/maid of honor a break by helping to carry the bride's wedding gown train whenever necessary. Bustle the train before dancing begins, and be ready to help fix it if it comes unhooked. Accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked. · Purchase a wedding present perhaps with one or several of the other bridesmaids. This provides more buying power, and two heads are better than one when it comes to wedding gift ideas. Sometimes the entire bridesmaid troupe pitches in for one knock-her-socks-off wedding gift. · Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress -- even if the color is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful. · Provide plenty of emotional support during the planning and on the wedding day[/QUOTE]
<div>AND, from the "Etiquette Q&A"</div><div>
</div><div><p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:16px;margin-left:0px;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;line-height:17px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">[QUOTE]<strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Q. As a bridesmaid, what are my traditional duties? Will the bride tell me what she wants me to do?<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:16px;margin-left:0px;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;line-height:17px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">A. Some brides send out a newsletter detailing all of the to-dos and other essential information. This way, everyone is privy to everyone else's duties, and no one will feel as though she's being directly targeted. Most people find it helpful to have their responsibilities explained, because, like you, they might be fully in the dark. Just ask the bride what she's thinking and suggest the newsletter idea -- offer to help her hash out who's doing what.<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:16px;margin-left:0px;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;line-height:17px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Q. I'm the maid of honor in my friend's wedding, and she has five other bridesmaids. Problem is, one of them is completely uncooperative. She refuses to pay for anything (bridal shower, bachelorette party, and bridesmaid dress). Her excuse is always that she is still in school and therefore has no money, which is understandable -- but she doesn't even help with things that require time alone. I feel that she should have said "no" when asked to be a bridesmaid. Please help!<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:16px;margin-left:0px;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;line-height:17px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;"><strong style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">A. Explain in a polite but firm manner that if she can't contribute her time in lieu of money that you and the other ladies will proceed with your <a style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-decoration:underline;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/bridesmaids-duties-in-detail.aspx">bridesmaid duties</a> without further efforts to consult her. Let her know that it will be obvious to others that she has not pitched in (i.e., the <a style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-decoration:underline;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridal-shower-ideas/articles/bridal-shower-invite-etiquette.aspx">bridal shower invitations</a> won't have her name on them). Or just focus on all of the nice things you and the other bridesmaids are going to do for your friend, rather than on this lone bridesmaid's shortcomings. You're absolutely right -- if someone agrees to be a bridesmaid, there is no excuse (short of significant distance or illness) for not participating fully. Unfortunately, it's not your place to ask the bride to cast out someone she cares about just because you and the other bridesmaids don't feel she's up to the task.[/QUOTE]<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-bottom:16px;margin-left:0px;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;line-height:17px;border-width:0px;padding:0px;">Thanks for clearing that up, Knot. I'll be sure to start bossing my friends around, stat!</div></div>

banana468 · February 2010

Yikes. The 2nd comment is a bit harsh.

To a certain degree, I can agree. The BMs in most normal situations want to do stuff. And when the bride is not an insane human being, that goes well.

And sometimes the BM is insane. And just like it's a pain to do a group project when one person just doesn't do her fair shair of the work, when a BM just doesn't want to have anything to do with the shower, it can make you want to make people painfully aware that she didn't do stuff.

What's awkward is that there are duties, and traditions, and then things that can make you a good friend.

DH doesn't HAVE to do cute things or buy me a birthday gift. But I can tell you that if he doesn't, he'll have some splainin' to do.

That was part of my gripe last year with MIL. She spent $25 on DH's birthday gift. No, she doesn't HAVE to give him a gift - but that was cheap and I didn't like it.

However to call her out on it would have been bad too.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

90% of BMs will do nice things for their friends w/o prompting. I was a BM a couple years ago and gladly contributed time and money to events I had no say in planning. I'm a BM next year and the other BMs and I are already brainstorming bach party ideas (same BMs I had and I want to repay their awesome generosity for my wedding). We are doing it of our own volition and are happy to do it.

However, if I got a list of duties like TK's list, or was told that I had to do these things, or a bride chastised me 10 months before her wedding for not pitching in, I would not do those things for her. Or I'd do them only grudgingly. I'd probably try to do the minimum while not totally bailing on her. And I'd wonder what happened to my friend.

emilykathleen511 · February 2010

<div>Well, I mean, sure, most bridesmaids will do most of these things, but some of them are just ridiculous:</div><div>
</div><div>[QUOTE]<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:10pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Symbol;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">·<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font:normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Scout out bridesmaid dresses, shoes, jewelry, and other wedding accessories. Pay for the entire ensemble.</div><p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:10pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Symbol;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">·<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font:normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Attend the ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. (Keep abreast of<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <em style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:none;border-color:windowtext;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:1pt;padding:0in;margin:0px;">all<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">prewedding parties, and go to as many as possible.)<p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:10pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Symbol;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">·<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font:normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Run last-minute errands. On the day of the wedding, be on hand to confirm flower delivery times, meet and greet the<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><a style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-decoration:none;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-resources/wedding-officiants.aspx"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">ceremony officiant</a>, or satisfy junk food cravings.<p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:10pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Symbol;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">·<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font:normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Serve as auxiliary hostess at the reception by introducing guests, making sure they know where the bar is located, and inviting them to sign the guest book.<p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:10pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Symbol;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">·<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font:normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Hit the dance floor when the music kicks in. Dance with groomsmen during the formal first-dance sequence. Also, be on the lookout for toe-tapping guests who might need encouragement and/or a dance partner..<p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:10pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Symbol;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">·<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font:normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Be a trooper, no matter how stressful the ordeal becomes. Try not to complain about the bridesmaid dress -- even if the color is horrendous. Be gracious and tactful.<p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:10pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Symbol;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:13px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">·<span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font:normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"> <span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">Provide plenty of emotional support during the planning and on the wedding day[/QUOTE]<p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">
<p style="margin-top:0in;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom:0.0001pt;margin-left:15pt;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-indent:-0.25in;line-height:12.75pt;border-width:0px;padding:0px;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:9pt;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;">iI mean, come on. Since when is a bridesmaid suppose to confirm flower delivery times, or dance with the groomsmen? And the little comment about attending as many pre-wedding parties as possible sounds a little too much like the knot is just trying to play to the money end.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Jeez Louise, emily, I didn't do half those things at my own wedding! I couldn't ask anyone to do that with a straight face!

People always say "But it's tradition!" Then why didn't this happen at your mom's wedding or grandma's wedding? Why is the real cost of a wedding 4x what it was 30 years ago? Because new "traditions" and "must-haves" have appeared and girls go nuts.

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

Where is KA? Can we update this stuff? This is ridiculous!

They honestly tell you to be a passive aggressive bitch when one BM can't afford to throw in on a shower.

trix1223 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-advice-pw-parties-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:75f3b758-2e53-4295-bd88-66e993348ad3Post:91a86e5d-0ac1-4444-95f9-7b464f480b39">Re: Bad advice on PW parties board.</a>:
[QUOTE]Jeez Louise, emily, I didn't do half those things at my own wedding! I couldn't ask anyone to do that with a straight face! People always say "But it's tradition!" Then why didn't this happen at your mom's wedding or grandma's wedding? Why is the real cost of a wedding 4x what it was 30 years ago? Because new "traditions" and "must-haves" have appeared and girls go nuts.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

So true, brooke! So very true. My mom and dad were married for 63 years when she died last June. For their wedding, she wore a suit with an orchid corsage, and he wore his navy uniform~he had just gotten his Navy discharge after serving in the Pacific during WWII. The drove to their church on a Wednesday with my grandma from my dad's side, and my grandpa and step-grandmother from my mom's side. Total guest list.

And they were extremely happily married for 63 years. They didn't have a WP, STD's, signature cocktails, hi-lo CPs, favors, limos, monogrammed anything, b-parties, showers, e-parties, pro hair and makeup, mani/pedis, and most else you can think of.

I guess they thought more about the marriage than the wedding. It worked.

banana468 · February 2010

Yeah - the passive aggressive stuff is really over the top. It's what people are TEMPTED to do but what not to do.

That's as bad as what happened to the bride on the invitations board when she found out that you're not supposed to put the little registry cards in there the hard way.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-advice-pw-parties-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:75f3b758-2e53-4295-bd88-66e993348ad3Post:6da5646e-fc1d-457b-8458-f42230063c61">Re: Bad advice on PW parties board.</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah - the passive aggressive stuff is really over the top. It's what people are TEMPTED to do but what not to do. That's as bad as what happened to the bride on the invitations board when she found out that you're not supposed to put the little registry cards in there the hard way.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>What happened? </div>

banana468 · February 2010

Bride sent the invitaitons with the registry cards not knowing the etiquette.

Long distance relative sent back the response card with a $20 bill and a note through the registry card saying "THAT'S TACKY!!"

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Lol. Love it.

banana468 · February 2010

It's sort of funny - but I felt bad for the bride.

It's not great to commit a faux pas, but it's also really inappropriate to tell someone when she's committed one - particularly if you don't know her well.

mbcdefg · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-advice-pw-parties-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:75f3b758-2e53-4295-bd88-66e993348ad3Post:05bf78b0-7680-4e04-a868-5e9ad029a4fb">Re: Bad advice on PW parties board.</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not great to commit a faux pas, but it's also really inappropriate to tell someone when she's committed one - particularly if you don't know her well.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

A girl on my local offered Chilean sea bass as a dinner entree, and one of her guests wrote a lengthy diatribe on the back of the RSVP card saying how awful it was for her to serve an overfished species at her wedding. (And the person declined the wedding invite anyway, which was even more bizarre.)

banana468 · February 2010

Yeah - stuff like that makes me want to write long diatribes to the people who think it's acceptable to scold - particularly when the people who do that lack the strength to do it to a person's face.

That's WEAK.

But oh well. Some people need to be passive-aggressive.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-advice-pw-parties-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:75f3b758-2e53-4295-bd88-66e993348ad3Post:c4adb362-c828-42df-88a4-fc542749acb0">Re: Bad advice on PW parties board.</a>:
[QUOTE]But oh well. Some people need to be passive-aggressive.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>But the knot says we should be passive-aggressive when people don't do things exactly the way we want them to! And a wedding website wouldn't lie, would they? What would they have to gain?</div>

emilyinchile · February 2010

The only thing that came to mind when I read those duties was this: VOM. As in vomit. Because that is what that list makes me want to do.

saxy414 · February 2010

My favorite bit of the "duties" is "accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked." I can imagine someone assigning their BM or MOH to be the official "dress holder-upper" or official "toilet paper fetcher". I'm sure it's difficult to go when you're in the dress, but maybe that could be a job for mom or sister...not something to be assigned to some unsuspecting bridesmaid. Yikes!

MyNameIsNot · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-advice-pw-parties-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:75f3b758-2e53-4295-bd88-66e993348ad3Post:c476950b-07e8-4abc-a2d8-ce91fc10a0a9">Re: Bad advice on PW parties board.</a>:
[QUOTE]My favorite bit of the "duties" is "accompany the bride on visits to the restroom, if asked." I can imagine someone assigning their BM or MOH to be the official "dress holder-upper" or official "toilet paper fetcher". I'm sure it's difficult to go when you're in the dress, but maybe that could be a job for mom or sister...not something to be assigned to some unsuspecting bridesmaid. Yikes!
Posted by saxy414[/QUOTE]

I was MOH for a friend a couple of years ago. We were reading through one of these lists and laughing at how stupid it was. When we got to that, she said "ha, you're screwed there, I think I'm going to have my period!" I still think of that every time I see that on a list.

I mean, yeah, I needed help to use the bathroom, but I wasn't going to assign anyone that duty.

banana468 · February 2010

I didn't "assign" anyone that duty but my BMs were happy to help me.

Heck, I went with them to the bathroom when we went to gross bars in college and we had to have one person hold the stall while the other could pee. Mom only gets to see so much now.

saxy414 · February 2010

I totally get that it's difficult to go in the dress, and if a friend really needed help, I'd certainly help her--I'm just hoping no one sees this and thinks, "now I need to assign one of my bridesmaids to do this!"

bablingbrooke · February 2010

When I had to go right before the ceremony my BMs all offered to help. Turned out I didn't need it (I didn't have a big poofy dress) but I really appreciated the thought. Had I assigned one of them as "bathroom assistant" I probably would never have heard the end of it.

Bad advice on PW parties board.

Re: Bad advice on PW parties board.

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