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Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant

tina&manny1tina&manny1
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in Wedding Woes
Okay, my situation just keeps getting deeper and deeper.  Last year, without any family knowing, my fiancee and I got married because he is in the military and they were going to station him on a boat for a full year.  Getting married prevented this.  We were engaged anyways, but my family has been planning my wedding since the day I was born.  My mom is extremely excited and I am my dads only girl (I'm a big daddy's girl).  I just found out I am pregnant (not planned) and I feel like having a big wedding is selfish.  I have been dreaming of a big fairy tale wedding all my life, but don't know what to do.  I know my parents want  a huge wedding as well, but am I being selfish?!
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Re: Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant

  • psichickpsichick
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    being pregnant has nothing to do with you being selfish. you getting married a year ago and stringing your whole family along lying to them and asking them to pay for a big fake wedding is being selfish. 
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-17-months-away-just-found-out-im-pregnant-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:63c246c0-88df-49c1-be30-54ea34f4c828Post:5cf07ae3-4299-49f6-86b1-e3dac1f80f3a">Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay, my situation just keeps getting deeper and deeper.  Last year, without any family knowing, my fiancee and I got married because he is in the military and they were going to station him on a boat for a full year.  Getting married prevented this.  We were engaged anyways, but my family has been planning my wedding since the day I was born.  My mom is extremely excited and I am my dads only girl (I'm a big daddy's girl).  I just found out I am pregnant (not planned) and I feel like having a big wedding is selfish.  I have been dreaming of a big fairy tale wedding all my life, but don't know what to do.  I know my parents want  a huge wedding as well, but am I being selfish?!
    Posted by tina&manny1[/QUOTE]

    you're already married - at best you're having a vow renewal, not a wedding. you had your wedding the day you got married - too bad it wasn't the big fairy tale day you wanted.

    you need to cancel any plans that you're making and start saving to support this baby.
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  • lrowe70lrowe70
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
     You are both selfish.
    You want to do a fake out wedding on your family and friends?
     Your husband married you so he didn't have to fufill his military obligations? Wonderful, what a proud American.  
    I hope you raise your child with stronger morals.
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I disagree with these people.  You already planned your wedding.  have it.  But, you might consider telling your parents the truth about everything.  If they find out the truth not from you, it might break their hearts more.  
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-17-months-away-just-found-out-im-pregnant-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:63c246c0-88df-49c1-be30-54ea34f4c828Post:42eb44ef-2af9-41f9-80f8-174670a0eef9">Re: Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]I disagree with these people.  You already planned your wedding.  have it.  But, you<strong> might consider</strong> telling your parents the truth about everything.  If they find out the truth not from you, it might break their hearts more.  
    Posted by Theresa626[/QUOTE]

    MIGHT CONSIDER????  She's a grown assss woman about to be a mom.  It's time to buck up, fess up, and deal with the consequences.

    And I agree with pp about the military obligations.  That was bothering me this morning so I logged back on.  Seems like OP and her husband have a habit of lieing to people however and whenever to get their way.  They are going to be fine examples to this child and future ones.
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  • dawnmarie0627dawnmarie0627
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What I don't get is if you are such a big "daddy's girl" you couldn't just be honest with Daddy and tell him that you were getting married? If you are such a "daddy's girl", how do you think he would feel to know that the wedding you are having in 17 months is a sham?
    September 2011 November Siggy Challenge: First Dance Photo (I still haven't uploaded all of my wedding pictures, so here's a picture of what happens when you mix me, my bridesmaids, a man who hates to dance, and an open bar). imageimage

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  • JoyTate1JoyTate1 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    How old are you?  Why would you lie to your parents?  

    P.S.- I don't see how getting married gets someone out of their military obligations.  My sister got married before her husband went to Iraq and they still sent him.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-17-months-away-just-found-out-im-pregnant-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:63c246c0-88df-49c1-be30-54ea34f4c828Post:95d7a754-8428-467f-8293-7385dd9422e5">Re: Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE] You are both selfish. You want to do a fake out wedding on your family and friends?  Your husband married you so he didn't have to fufill his military obligations? Wonderful, what a proud American.   I hope you raise your child with stronger morals.
    Posted by lrowe70[/QUOTE]

    This.  This times a million.

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  • karen2475karen2475 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    its not selfish just bc he is in the military doesnt mean you dont deserve the wedding you have always wanted. My husbanis a marine we got married in jan 2009 at the court house by ourselves and after he comes home from afghanistan in july 2011 we are going to have our real wedding be the court hosue is not a wedding, yes we are married but we dont have the pictures the first dance and all of the wonderful thing that girls get at their wedding. people dont understand that just because you had a court house wedding doesnt mean thats what you wanted. i understand completely, we were gonna have a wedding in may 2009 but my husband got deployment papers the daybefore and they would not let him come home for the wedding, luckly we had snuck out to the court house months before. you have to do stuff like that bc the military is always changing things around so you can never be sure so you have to have all of your ducks in a row. you should have the big wedding!
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  • psichickpsichick
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-17-months-away-just-found-out-im-pregnant-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:63c246c0-88df-49c1-be30-54ea34f4c828Post:0b7a4bb4-1d8c-48df-8d06-6cac77d0df4c">Re: Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]its not selfish just bc he is in the military doesnt mean you dont deserve the wedding you have always wanted. My husbanis a marine we got married in jan 2009 at the court house by ourselves and after he comes home from afghanistan in july 2011<strong> we are going to have our real wedding be the court hosue is not a wedding,</strong> yes we are married but we dont have the pictures the first dance and all of the wonderful thing that girls get at their wedding. people dont understand that just because you had a court house wedding doesnt mean thats what you wanted. i understand completely, we were gonna have a wedding in may 2009 but my husband got deployment papers the daybefore and they would not let him come home for the wedding, luckly we had snuck out to the court house months before. you have to do stuff like that bc the military is always changing things around so you can never be sure so you have to have all of your ducks in a row. you should have the big wedding!
    Posted by karen2475[/QUOTE]

    <div>the court house is a wedding. a wedding is when you get married.you got married at a court house, that was your wedding. you're having a vow renewal, not a wedding. you don't get to do it twice just because you want to. </div><div>
    </div><div>and while we thank all of you for your service to this country, it doesn't change the fact that you're married and had your wedding. being in the military has nothing to do with it. and getting married to get out of serving the country that you swore to protect is nothing to admire.  </div>
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  • arbolitaarbolita
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So...if the Catholic church/God doesn't recognize your marriage, then shouldn't you not have been having sex yet? If you're going to use religious beliefs as your scapegoat for why you need a pretty princess day, then you should probably show that all aspects are important to you, not just the ones that you pick and choose to fit your needs at the time.

    Also, my sister had a little secret wedding without telling any of my family, and guess what? WE FOUND OUT.   So will your family, and it hurts a lot more when that information comes from somebody who isn't you.   Seriously, tell them ASAP.  Yes, they will get upset, but it is better than the alternative.

    Besides, you were the one asking for people's opinion about whether or not what you are doing is selfish - many people here think that it is.  Don't get upset at us for stating our opinions and not validating yours.
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  • CRASHER1CRASHER1 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
     THis happened to me...I alwasys wanted a nice wedding , had the room booked and invitations printed and than i was surprised with a verdict. 3 months pregnant !  So my wedding i put off, had a quick little ceremony(religious) and prepared for my baby.
    I always felt cheated.  My husband had had his big wedding with wife #  1. 
     I didnt really want the same guests at my wedding . so maybe it worked out for the best.  Saved alot of money.  However, the day after my horrible wedding..i cried and cried....No reception, no music, no first dance, just a few people in our home , it happened to be trash day(garbage cans were out) my cat ran thru my guests feet,the 2 dogs barked away, the food ran out fast, and than the nightmare honeymoon.
    That will be another Post.   
    My advice would be let NOTHING stop you from having your wedding of Your dreams , even if you are pregnant or just bring the baby with you, and combine it with a baby shower.  Save time and money.
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  • Queen JaneQueen Jane member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    They've been planning it since the day you were born? Come on now. I do hope you intend to tell them about the pregnancy, not quite as easy to hide that one. You need to tell them you're married already and go from there. I don't envy you, you have quite a bit of shocking news to share. Not the same as a secret wedding, but I was terrified to tell my parents of my unplanned pregnancy. You just gotta blurt the words out and let the chips fall where they may. You've got yourself in quite the pickle, I hope you decide to straighten it out.
    Married! In New Orleans BIO Photobucket
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-17-months-away-just-found-out-im-pregnant-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:63c246c0-88df-49c1-be30-54ea34f4c828Post:0b7a4bb4-1d8c-48df-8d06-6cac77d0df4c">Re: Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]its not selfish just bc he is in the military doesnt mean you dont deserve the wedding you have always wanted. My husbanis a marine we got married in jan 2009 at the court house by ourselves and after he comes home from afghanistan in july 2011 we are going to have our real wedding be the court hosue is not a wedding, yes we are married but we dont have the pictures the first dance and all of the wonderful thing that girls get at their wedding. people dont understand that just because you had a court house wedding doesnt mean thats what you wanted. i understand completely, we were gonna have a wedding in may 2009 but my husband got deployment papers the daybefore and they would not let him come home for the wedding,<strong> luckly we had snuck out to the court house months before</strong>. <strong>you have to do stuff like that bc the military is always changing things around so you can never be sure so you have to have all of your ducks in a row.</strong> you should have the big wedding!
    Posted by karen2475[/QUOTE]

    Nope, you don't get to blame it on the military.  This MOB is in her 25th year of active duty and secret weddings are not acceptable because someone is in the military.  My niece is getting married this year to a young man in the Army.  Guess what she and her mom were doing last week?  Changing the wedding date to accomodate her FI's deployment.  No secret wedding, no shamming.  They were supposed to get married in November but his orders changed after the plans were in place and contracts signed.  Now, they are getting married in September, for real - just one time.....

    Nope, sorry, this isn't a military thing.
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  • Queen JaneQueen Jane member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-17-months-away-just-found-out-im-pregnant-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:63c246c0-88df-49c1-be30-54ea34f4c828Post:0b7a4bb4-1d8c-48df-8d06-6cac77d0df4c">Re: Wedding is 17 months away and just found out I'm pregnant</a>:
    [QUOTE]its not selfish just bc he is in the military doesnt mean you dont deserve the wedding you have always wanted. My husbanis a marine we got married in jan 2009 at the court house by ourselves and after he comes home from afghanistan in july 2011 we are going to have our real wedding be the court hosue is not a wedding, yes we are married but we dont have the pictures the first dance and all of the wonderful thing that girls get at their wedding. people dont understand that just because you had a court house wedding doesnt mean thats what you wanted. i understand completely, we were gonna have a wedding in may 2009 but my husband got deployment papers the daybefore and they would not let him come home for the wedding, luckly we had snuck out to the court house months before. you have to do stuff like that bc the military is always changing things around so you can never be sure so you have to have all of your ducks in a row. you should have the big wedding!
    Posted by karen2475[/QUOTE]

    Of course you're going to validate this because you've already done it. Court house weddings ARE real and it is insulting to the people who had them to say otherwise.
    Married! In New Orleans BIO Photobucket
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