Does the couple pay for the dinner before the wedding if no one has offered?

tripgrl · February 2013

My fiances divorced parents and significant others are traveling to our out of State wedding. They have offered no money to help us at all. We and my parents are paying for everything. We will already be married prior to the reception. I feel like we need to have a small dinner with his parents ,my parents , brother and sister in law the night before.Im assumming we are the ones that should pay for everyones dinner?

hoffse · February 2013

Do you mean you're getting married at a JOP thing and then having a re-do wedding? If that's the case, you shouldn't be doing any of it.

In general, nobody is required to give you financial help. If anybody offers at all, be grateful and count yourself lucky because many ladies on these boards pay for everything in their entirety.

So yes - you pay if nobody has offered.

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_does-the-couple-pay-for-the-dinner-before-the-wedding-if-no-one-has-offered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:548548b4-470c-4867-826c-25c25f8c9eabPost:e5b26d82-9ffd-42e8-9ada-5bec96b19db5">Does the couple pay for the dinner before the wedding if no one has offered?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiances divorced parents and significant others are traveling to our out of State wedding. They have offered no money to help us at all. We and my parents are paying for everything. <strong>We will already be married prior to the reception.</strong> I feel like we need to have a small dinner with his parents ,my parents , brother and sister in law the night before.Im assumming we are the ones that should pay for everyones dinne r?
Posted by tripgrl[/QUOTE]

What does this mean? Why would it matter if you have a dinner with eachother before you are married?

And yes, if you are planning the dinner then you are the one paying.

Darbie914 · February 2013

You plan, you pay.

For the record, it doesn't matter if they have offered to pay for the wedding or not. No one is obligated to pay for your wedding but you and your FI. You both wanted to get married, you take responsiblity for footing the bill.

And in general, I'm not a fan of people who go tit-for-tat at weddings. Reeks of immaturity.

AddieCake · February 2013

My husband and I paid for ours. It doesn't have to be expensive; we took everyone out for pizza.

Sierra524 · February 2013

We are doing just appetizers at ours. My mom refers to them as "heavy appetizers" but idk what that means. Maybe do something like that. Or, just do a simple pizza thing. & what do you mean you will already be married before the reception?

GoodLuckBear14 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_does-the-couple-pay-for-the-dinner-before-the-wedding-if-no-one-has-offered?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:548548b4-470c-4867-826c-25c25f8c9eabPost:ccfbea99-a46d-4d09-91a3-8a634ba380d0">Re: Does the couple pay for the dinner before the wedding if no one has offered?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing just appetizers at ours. My mom refers to them as <strong>"heavy appetizers"</strong> but idk what that means. Maybe do something like that. Or, just do a simple pizza thing. & what do you mean you will already be married before the reception?
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

Enough to replace a meal.

MyNameIsNot · February 2013

Are you talking about a gap between the ceremony and the reception? In that case, you should be changing it up and buying dinner for ALL the guests.

You seem to be confused about obligations to pay for your wedding. It's great that your parents have gratiously offered to help, but that doesn't mean that your FI's family is somehow also expected to help.

ashanty123 · February 2013

I have seen it go many ways. It sounds like you are talking about a rehersal dinner since that is usually the night before the wedding. I am confused though since you are already married. Are you having another ceramony? I have many family members who were married by the state and later on married by the church and had another ceramony and reception. If it is a dinner for your most intimate family, it is ok to ask everyone to pay for their own meal. I have been to rehersal dinners like this. Just choose a not so expensive dinner. If it is your closest family they are not going to nickel and dime you. Just say I'd like to get together the night before hand. If everyone is out of state they are going to need to get a meal anyway. My wedding is in June and my fiance and I are paying for most of it with a little help from my parents. His parents are paying for the rehersal dinner as that is tradition. If you can't afford it just have everyone pay their own bill. It isn't the reception after all. I have been to three rehersal dinners where we paid for it individually. If you can afford it and no one has offered, it would be nice for you to pay.

Does the couple pay for the dinner before the wedding if no one has offered?

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