Ok Knotties - this is extremely personal to me, and I have been mulling over this for the past several months. Should I invite my mother to my wedding?
This question needs some detailed explaining so here goes:
Both of my parents were drug addicts and alcholics. There was a lot of abuse, verbally, physical, and sexual abuse in my life. When I was 10 years old (after my father split and moved to NY) my mother gave my twin sister and I away to a "family member" when in all actuality, he was my mother's sexual partner, who in turn sexually abused my sister and I until I was 18 years old. When I got accepted to Seton Hall University, I refused to go back there and just ran away from home.
I got on my feet, got a job and worked through school at the same time. I hadn't brother, mother, or father in 10 years, so the first thing I did was to find them. Long story short, I found my mother and tried to help her. Being young and gullable, I used to send her money when she needed, tried to help her. To a lot of people this doesnt make sense. But, to someone who understands pyschology, abuse in my life was just normal, almost as if it was okay. So, I had no reason to be mad at my mom. It took me five years after that to come to grips with what had happened in my life. I flew back to Wisconsin to see her for the first time and really saw where the money went. She didnt change her life. She was still the same woman that could give her children away to a child abuser, a heavy drinker, consumed by drugs... still i tried. But, it would consistantly backfire.
Last year after getting engaged, I really thought about my future. About having children and protecting them, about my kids not having to go through what I went through. And, I came to grips with the idea my mother would not be the type of influence I want in my life, or my children's lives. After finding out she tried to get my younger brother to purchase a handgun for her, it was the last straw. I totally stepped away from her. I'm going to be 29, i tried long enough. I speak to her every now and then, my sister told her that I was getting married.
She wants to come to my wedding. She claims she's my mother, she has the right to be there and no other woman should be in her place. But, I feel like she revoked motherhood 19 years ago. My sister says that I am being cruel, that if I had no anomosity then I would still let her be there, but i honestly wholeheartedly have none. I pray that she gets her life together and that one day my kids will be able to meet Grandma, but I just dont think its possible...On the same note, this woman is still a heavy drug addict, she is still an alcoholic. Thoughts?