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COURTHOUSE WEDDING ANOTHER COUNTRY AND THEN CATHOLIC WEDDING?

shanell411shanell411
10 Comments
in Catholic Weddings
My fiance and I may get married in late May when I come to visit him next month in a courthouse in his country. I am catholic  he is not. We need to be legally married soon.. Can we get married by a justice of the peace and then get married in the catholic church?

any information would be greatly appreciated
A Catholic blessing of our marriage is very important to me.
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Re: COURTHOUSE WEDDING ANOTHER COUNTRY AND THEN CATHOLIC WEDDING?

  • boogerbearoriginalboogerbearoriginal member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    To answer your question, no you would not be able to get married in the Catholic church if you are already married civilly but you could get a convalidation.

    Here's a link to the article from Catholic Update http://www.americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac0604.asp

    Talk to your Priest about it, he should be able to advise you on the best option for your situation.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    depending upon your situation  you may be able to get a convalidation after the civil ceremony.  however, you would have to have a very compelling reason why you did nto get married in teh Church the first time.  things like finances, health insurance, etc. generally arent considered compelling reasons.  your situation sounds like it may be an issue of getting citizen ship, since you mention another country being involved.  if your FI can get a visa to visit for a weekend, your priest may be willing to marry you quickly while your FI is home for a weekend, although this would mean abandoning whatever wedding plans youve already started.
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  • shanell411shanell411
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The problem is when he gets approved for a fiancee visa (how ever long that will take) once he comes here we have just 90 days to get married per immigration rules or he will have to return back to his country. My archdiocese website said that pre-cana is a min. of 6 months which we don't have b/c immigration just gives you 90 days to marry.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011

    ask the priest.  he may be willing to make an exception on your pre-cana if you explain the circumstances.  the church would much rather have you get married properly the first time, then have you go to the courthouse then seek convalidation later.

    our pre-cana was only 3 sessions with the priest.  some pre-cana is one weekend. 

    6 months is often the timeframe given in order to anticpate/plan for any issues that may arise during hte pre-cana. 


    are you both Catholic?  if so, that may be less pre-cana you have to do.

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  • shanell411shanell411
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No Calypso my fiancee is not Catholic. Do you forsee that being any problems with that? I am referring to pre-cana I know that we can get married in the church even if he isn't Catholic just wondering....
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you asked this before.  you really really really need to contact churches around you and explain the situation.  Usually, it is six months from when you contact them first, not six months of pre cana.  
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    no, but sometimes tehy may require a bit more extensive pre-cana.  since you will have to vow to raise your children catholic, they will want to make sure that hte non-catholic partner is ok with this, and will not interfere in anyway with teh raising of the kids catholic.  they will also want to make sure that the non-catholic will support the catholic in their faith, and not try to convert them to something else.
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  • wifeandmommy0609wifeandmommy0609
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_courthouse-wedding-another-country-then-catholic-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c288cd87-966d-4a15-a18c-1ddfec5bf609Post:dcb5c5b8-b98f-49a2-af4d-4b6c962ca283">Re: COURTHOUSE WEDDING ANOTHER COUNTRY AND THEN CATHOLIC WEDDING?</a>:
    [QUOTE]To answer your question, no you would not be able to get married in the Catholic church if you are already married civilly but you could get a convalidation. Here's a link to the article from Catholic Update <a href="http://www.americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac0604.asp" rel="nofollow">http://www.americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac0604.asp</a> Talk to your Priest about it, he should be able to advise you on the best option for your situation.
    Posted by Booger+Bear[/QUOTE]


    I dissagree with this. As my Fl and I both are married by law and planning out catholic wedding for april 2011. I am not catholic but I am going to be taking RCIA classes in Sept to become Catholic. We also have 2 girls together( not that that really matters) We still have to take all the pre marriage classes like non married couples.  We have been together 7 years this May and married 2 years this past March ( by law),

    I would say call your Parish and talk to them
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  • ootmother2ootmother2 member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    lol!  i think that the immigration authorities will be more of a problem than the Catholic Church!  Be sure the visas are in order.

    sorry, partially kidding.

     Friends of mine did this.  She was Catholic, he was not. First marriage for both, both in their 30s.  The priest did a convalidation a couple of months after the civil ceremony.  The parents had a big reception for them right after and there was a lot of teasing about marrying to get a permanent visa.  Also comments about we were all 100% certain that the civil marriage had not been consumated before the convalidation ;)



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  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We did this exactly...  Both Catholics.  Got married (civil service) in Mexico (his country) for unexpected immigration reasons (for me) three month before our originally-planned wedding.

    Our priest accepted our Mexican marriage certificate as our marriage license.  There was no talk of convalidation, etc.  We had a regular nuptial mass.  Of course, the following two facts may have affected our case:

    - Civil and religious ceremonies are always two separate events in Mexico, so a religious ceremony could never count for a civil one and vice-versa (unlike in the States).

    - We did not live together as a married couple until after our religious ceremony.  No one even considered us married until after the mass ;)

    In your case, however, you really should just go speak openly and honestly with your priest.  Good luck ;)
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  • e_jakielae_jakiela
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    One thing that I also learned when talking to my priest is: a convalidation ceremony looks and feels exactly the same as any wedding ceremony.  The priest wil not say: We are gathered here today to "convalidate" the marriage that this couple took in Court.

    My priest also said that some parishes will express their opinion on having a lavish, 10 person wedding party, veil and princess white dress for your convalidation ceremony. He said that it is frowned upon by some priests. He personally does not frown upon it because he is just happy that the couple decides to come in and have their marriage blessed and recognized by the Church.
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  • preciosa4preciosa4 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We are doing this.  My husband (since Thursday!) and I had planned our wedding for the fall and were going through the planning process when he ran into immigration problems.  The only choice we had was to get married now.  We did so with the full blessing of our church.  We will proceed in the fall as planned all along, complete with white dress and large family present.  The ceremony, while technically being considered a validation, is identical to the wedding we had planned.  And no, no one will announce that it is in any way different.  My husband is from South America, where every marriage has to happen civilly, before happening in a church.  EVERYONE there has to have a "civil ceremony" and "religious ceremony."  It's only certain groups of Americans that get uptight about it , really.  We were legally wed the other day, and a few months from now, we will celebrate the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.  My clergy assured me that no "sin" is involved (in case you were wondering) and in no way will it be treated as somehow less than those who married legally at the same moment as the sacrament.  If you belong to a church were the clergy is wierd about it for some reason, just know that there are options out there.  Keeping your family together is the first concern.  The rest will take care of itself.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    My clergy assured me that no "sin" is involved (in case you were wondering) 

    provided the civil marriage has not yet been consummated, and will not be until the sacrament is received, then this is a correct statement. 
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  • preciosa4preciosa4 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No, actually depending on the orthodoxy of the clergy involved.  Different pastors/faith communities see the issue differently.  I am from a more progressive/liberal faith community than some.  While I absolutely respect the beliefs of others on this issue, my own conscience does not consider sex with my legal husband (who is committed to me completely and fully) to be a "sin," nor does our priest.  There is a lot of heterogeneity within the Church, and thus a wide variation of how different people consider a given situation.  I respect the opinions of those who feel differently; it just isn't something I personally believe.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    church teaching is very clear on the issue of premarital sex.  while the state says you are married, the church does not consider you married until you receive your sacrament. it is unfortunate that your priest has told you that this is ok. 

    priests and parishes often make statements either because they are misinformed or because they dont agree with church teachings and think that its ok to advise parishioners of their own personal beliefs on various issues and pass them off as official church word.  often times they may make statements that make folks feel good in an effort to not lose parishioners.  both are at the detriment of themselves and the parishioners.
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  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_courthouse-wedding-another-country-then-catholic-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:c288cd87-966d-4a15-a18c-1ddfec5bf609Post:c7c6289e-4940-48ec-aeff-1368ef1420da">Re: COURTHOUSE WEDDING ANOTHER COUNTRY AND THEN CATHOLIC WEDDING?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, actually depending on the orthodoxy of the clergy involved.  Different pastors/faith communities see the issue differently.  I am from a more progressive/liberal faith community than some.  While I absolutely respect the beliefs of others on this issue, <strong>my own conscience does not consider sex with my legal husband (who is committed to me completely and fully) to be a "sin," nor does our priest.</strong>  There is a lot of heterogeneity within the Church, and thus a wide variation of how different people consider a given situation.  I respect the opinions of those who feel differently; it just isn't something I personally believe.
    Posted by preciosa4[/QUOTE]

    Then what is the point of the actual sacrament?  I'm not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious about the line of reasoning here... 
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  • preciosa4preciosa4 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    In my personal belief, I don't see the point of sacramental marriage as avoiding "sin."  The grace and presence of God in going through the sacrament makes it a valuable thing for me and one I wouldn't want to go without, but no, I can't, when I examine my conscience, see the absence of it as "sin."  We go through the sacrament to enhance our union, not because it is inherently lacking.  The religious ceremony will be an outward sign of what has, frankly, already occurred inwardly.  God is present in my marriage, not through any magic that occurs in the church, but in the hearts and intention of my husband and I.  Going through the process makes that presence tangible in a really beautiful way.  In marriage, the couple marries each other; it is not the priest who does it to them.  The internal changes that come with a sacramental marriage have happened in our hearts.  (The "small s" sacrament.)  Now, you can condemn us as "sinners" if you like, but honestly in my heart of hearts, that goes against everything I know about the love of God.  The act of marrying in the church does not in itself make a marriage holy; it is not a magic trick.  Rather, it is the internalization of what the act means that detemines its holiness.  There are couples who marry before the priest and never once make God a part of the marriage.  Similarly, there are couples who do not marry in the church whose unions are every bit a reflection of the love of God for His people.  It is the state of our hearts and the presence of God in our marriage that makes it "non-sinful" to be with each other.  Other people may choose to wait, and that is absolutely legitimate.  But is it "sin" to live as a wife to my husband, before the validation?  I can't for the life of me, imagine why.  Not with what I know of our marriage, and not with what I know of God.  Not when it is entered into prayfully and with discernment.  It may not be the right choice for everyone, but it was for us.  The sacrament has meaning, but so does our existing marriage.  I am completely comfortable with that.  Of all the places where sin may be lurking in my life, I don't think that my marital bed is one of them.

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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    well, it sounds like you have come up with what you believe, personally, to be a legitimate rationalization for your situation.  my point was merely that the Church would not agree with this throught process, and i just wanted to make sure you were aware since your priest gave you erroneous information.  now that you know the facts, you have made what you feel is the best decision based on all of the information.
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