Anyone's family upset w/ you for choosing to get married in hawaii

ninja500 · November 2010

I'm more upset with myself in letting my mom get to me because I knew she was going to react the way she did. It just makes me sad. I couldn't even share with her that I got my dress.

kaesha · November 2010

Aw, I'm sorry. That sucks. I think we all hear some kind of flack from various family members/friends... but it super sucks when it's someone close to you.

McBeags · November 2010

I have to admit that is part of the reason why we have opted not to tell anyone. We have told my parents and brothers. and his dad and sisters(but they can't come) We will deal with everyone else upon our return.

I am running with it is better to ask for forgiveness later.

dianab0237 · November 2010

Ugh, unfortunatley, this is common with destination weddings. We told our families as soon as we knew we wanted it to be in Hawaii, which was 2 years ago, so they've had plenty of time to think about it and save up. We had a few snags with my grandmother (who travels frequently) and my dad who were not supportive, but I told them time and again that my fiance and I are paying for our wedding and if they would like to help with money, then their suggestions would be considered. They were the only 2 out of our families who were not supportive. Everyone else were happy for us, regardless if they were going or wouldn't be able to make it. Recently, my gram and dad have finally jumped on board and are now excited, but it did take them 2 years to finally get there.

If a destination wedding is what you and your fiance truly want, do it! Give your families ample time to save up and consider having a home reception for those who can't make it. Have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her how you feel. She may not realize how hurt you feel and wish she would more supportive.

My bff told me, regardless of where you have your weddig, you're going to disappoint somebody so you might as well have it how and where you want it.

ninja500 · November 2010

I just got an email from my mom saying she and my dad are excited for us and do plan on coming. That's a huge turn around from a few hours ago. I've just been down this road before with my mother when I was engaged many years ago. All I can say is thank god for my brothers. They are the best!

kaesha · November 2010

Yay! Bottom line, you're veering off the traditional route - and whenever you do that, there will always be people who don't like it. It sounds like she's coming around... give her time, focus on the positives and try (it's easier said than done) not to let people bring you down.

misslol · November 2010

we've had some problems too, but I think now that people have had some time to think about it almost everyone is really supportive. It can be challenging though!

sld0618 · November 2010

I had tons of comments and still get them. I was letting everything really bother me until it got to the point where it didn't matter who was coming besides FI, my parents and sister, and his parents. Everyone else can just enjoy our reception back in phoenix. I now brush it off when people say comments. You will get to a point where you know what you're doing is what you should be doing to make you and FI happy with your weddings.

At the end, it's not them looking back at your wedding pictures on your ann's. It should always be happy thoughts and not regrets that you should have done something else for your wedding.

Give it time, it will come around more so. I stood up for myself and said screw it, keep your comments to yourself if you want to be around me. There's no point in being unhappy when you should be loving this time

jackcody · November 2010

That sucks that it's someone so close and important to you as your mom! It's so good that she's coming around--I'm sure she wants to be a part of the planning process/experience of her daughter getting married, so that will ultimately overrule any objections

We haven't had anyone openly complain, but there have been some weird martyr-like comments, mostly from our Aussie friends and family who have chosen to come and then complain about the money. For example, I got some passive-aggressive comments about people having to reimburse us for buying their tickets and hotel room for them (after they said that' exactly what they wanted)...apparently they're upset because we asked for the money when the exchange rate was .82 instead of .98......ummm, how were we supposed to know it would go up, and we were out thousands of dollars.

Urg....they're coming and happy for us, but also want to complain along the way. I'm glad that they're FI's friends and family because he has no problem telling them to shut up

syllysmylz · November 2010

Aww, I'm sorry to hear that, it can be quite hurtful especially when you and your groom are so excited about the idea. My parents were very sad (I think that's the best description) when we told them this is what we wanted, and to some extent they still are I think, but we compromised with having a local reception afterwards as well. I agree with what's said before, you can't please everyone, and if you can afford it, it's an amazing opportunity to really spend your day how you imagined it to be.

A friend once told me that it's never easy to get everyone on board for a destination wedding, but once everyone is there and enjoying themselves, it's well worth it.

Best of luck!

AReina01 · November 2010

We have the same issue. My fiance's mother prefers we get married in the church. We do not want to get married in the church and instead have a destination wedding. She said she will not be attending which means his father will not attend. He is saddened by the choice, but not discouraged. They may come around closer to the date. On the other hand, my sister will not attend my wedding because she wantst to take my two nieces (8 & 10) and the I prefer they not go only because this is an adult only wedding and the costs associated with that to get them there. I know, there are mixed feelings about children and family that should be there, but sometimes you have to make a choice. She said she was going to Disneyland instead so she can take the kids.

KNGUYEN2412 · November 2010

my fiance's mother refuses to go unless we get married in a catholic church first. i have always always wanted to get married outdoors. and just to make her happy, i planned a church wedding and traditional reception for a few months. it made me miserable. i hated every bit of it. and then one day, i just gave up on making her happy and decided i was going to make myself happy..after all, weddings are once in a lifetime. she had hers her way and i will have mine my way. my parents are fully supportive. i would like for my in-laws to be there on my wedding day, but if they are too stubborn, selfish, and set in their ways, to attend, then o well. i can't make them come and i can't make them accept that we are not having a traditional wedding.. i CAN have the wedding of my dreams and be happy though

it's your wedding..do it your way, girl.

destiny1108 · November 2010

Some family were upset at first, but once they got to Hawaii they had a wonderful time and all want to go back. I would do it all over again!

carrieoz_76 · November 2010

We didn't have any resistance from our closest friends and family, and they were generally very supportive - especially the closer we got to the big day.

But I think my parents may have missed things that are traditionally associated with weddings - like the chance to show it off to their extended friend and family group (who either weren't invited to our wedding, or couldn't come).

It's really hard to be faced with a mom who's not supportive of your choices. As ahrd as it is, you just have to focus your WR talk on people who are more supportive. It's hard, but worth it.

lissamarie30 · November 2010

I think most of us have one or two people.. In our case we had more friends willing and did attend. It is very sad and people can be very selfish. We gave our guest and family more than enough notice, we had a little over a year and a half. In the ned after the grumbelings from family we had our parents and siblings and the rest of our 60 guests were our closest friends. It meant the world to us to have everyone come and share our day with us. just remember you chose Hawaii for a reason and you will love every minute of it!

Luvdogz4 · November 2010

It's good to know we aren't alone. For us, it was interesting to see our familys' reaction to our Maui wedding decision before and after the engagement. Before, my fiance's parents were against it and after, they are now totally supportive. His extended family have all had mixed opinions though. We aren't offended if not everone can make it. We knew that would happen with a destination wedding.

My parents, who are paying for most of it, have been supportive. My whole family is going along with it.

The most shocking response was from my fiance's sister-in-law. She threw a fit screamed at my fiance over the phone and won't even let my his brother attend by himself. That was upsetting but it's her problem, not ours! We are still so happy to have our special day in Maui.

Our friends have been awesome. They can't wait and they are turning our wedding into a vacation.

It's true what McBeags said about not telling people.. Everyone has an opinion. You can't please everyone. The best advice I've gotten is "It's YOUR wedding so do what you want!"

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