First purchase?

sbily2010 · April 2010

there is a tradition where the person who buys the first new item in the marriage will be the dominate one in the relationship. and brides will ensure that they will make that first purchase by arranging to a small item such as a pin from a bridesmaid immediately after the ceremony. Anyone else heard/doing this? i think it would be a fun thing to do and have pictures of with one my bm's (i'm thinking fi's sister).

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

It's just... off. I don't think any traditions should be followed blindly, and the meaning behind this one just seems really backwards and honestly detrimental. If you're going into the marriage with thoughts of who's going to dominate whom, even just in jest, it really doesn't bode well for the future.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

The other thing that bugs me about it is that, yes, a wedding is a celebration, but it's also a deeply ritualistic rite, and rituals have meaning. If the first purchase thing doesn't mean anything, then why bother doing it? If that ritual doesn't have meaning, then what about the exchange of the rings? Or the giving of vows? After all, those are just silly traditions, they don't actually mean anything, right?

It just shows a shocking lack of maturity about the whole attitude toward something that SHOULD be taken deeply seriously. Yes, lots of people take a light-hearted approach to their weddings, but most try not to actively undermine the significance of the rite.

Nukke · April 2010

Sorry ladies, but this tradition falls in line with the "wedding fun and games" section, not the serious "meaningful traditions" category. You're giving it too much thought. The "origins" of this tradition has always been a game. I can't recall where the OPs purchase tradition comes from, but Finland has a slew of similar "boss" games that are played at the reception. Finnish wedding receptions are completely focused on roudy funny and silly games. The ceremony is the meaningful and very serious part of your wedding. To Finns, the reception is about celebration and LOTS of silly fun. Playing these sorts of "boss" games has nothing to do with undermining the seriousness of the committment. It's about some funny healthy competition.

It's like the cake face smash that some couples do. It's one thing to say it's just not your taste (it's not my taste, btw). It's competely another to say that it's not your taste because it promotes violence in marriage and detracts from the serious committment two people make on their wedding day. That's way overthinking it; giving meaning to something where there is no meaning. I think some of you (not all fo you) are giving these little silly dominance games and fun activities way too much thought. If they're not your taste, fine. You can't honestly believe that these games have any baring on how seriously a will treat their marriage and commitment to one another. You think if my fiance wins the cake cutting race, that I'll let him "be the boss" in our marriage? That's completely over-the-top.

I think if you can't laugh and have fun at your reception, you have some serious concerns.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

There are a lot of wedding traditions that come from backward and sexist origins. To me, it was important to leave those things out of our wedding.

If you're ok with joking around that one of you should dominate the other, well, good for you. I find it unhealthy at best.

aerinpegadrak · April 2010

Our main focus for the wedding weekend is having fun. But I still think that anything where the bride and groom are fighting for "dominance" in the relationship is fucked up and unhealthy, not fun. We're doing all sorts of silly things at our wedding, and none of them have that sort of awkward undertones to them.

Audrey&Austin · April 2010

I really don't like the whole concept behind the "first purchase". It seems like you were pretty serious in the OP, but now you're making it out like a joke. That's just my opinion of how it reads.

And really, the only dominating that should be done in a marriage should be in the bedroom haha

katieanne85 · April 2010

However, I wasn't "offended" and I don't care if OP does it, but telling the rest of us that we are too serious or uptight because it's NOT something we would do (and then giving our reason behind that) is just silly.

^^ this

I also agree it seems like she changed her tune, made it out to be a mere joke after, IDK lots of posters seem to do that type of thing once they get some negative feedback. I personally dont see the point of asking for feedback then trying to control the type of feedback you get, by 'keeping it light' or explaining things further or spinning the original post. takes the fun out of it for the rest of us lol

If she truly either wants the dominance in her relationship thats between her and FI, and hopefully the premarital counselor, if it is just a meaningless joke of a tradition its her perogative to include meaningless jokes in her day, its not my thing, I want everything to mean something positive, but its her perogative, and she doesnt need us to approve :P

Festiva · April 2010

If she truly either wants the dominance in her relationship thats between her and FI, and hopefully the premarital counselor, if it is just a meaningless joke of a tradition its her perogative to include meaningless jokes in her day, its not my thing, I want everything to mean something positive, but its her perogative, and she doesnt need us to approve :P

Do you really think that she wants dominance in her relationship? I thought it was a way to poke fun at an old custom and a way to have fun with pictures.

sbily2010 · April 2010

lol ok idk how my op was so serious to some of you but i guess u can go with it if u want. lol if some of you ladies are expecting your relationships to change after you get married then i hope u find a lot of help in your counseling and mature before you get married. not everything has to be so serious and my fi knows that, i bet thats why i have so much fun with him.....hummmmmmmmm lol yup it is.

katieanne85 · April 2010

yeah it seems weird, she seems kind of young, IDK our disliking her idea means we are immature? that doesnt track, and doesnt support her claim that the whole thing was just for fun and not meaningful in the first place, if that was true, why would it matter if we dont like it, why insult our marriages? and its unclear what she was hoping to get from the responses but we obviously didnt give it to her. :P

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_first-purchase?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:02cc036c-f598-40ea-8eb6-5e08d103ace9Post:036bdfb5-2d36-429d-819d-19d80adb413b">Re: First purchase?</a>:
[QUOTE]yeah it seems weird, she seems kind of young, IDK our disliking her idea means we are immature? that doesnt track, and doesnt support her claim that the whole thing was just for fun and not meaningful in the first place, if that was true, why would it matter if we dont like it, why insult our marriages? and its unclear what she was hoping to get from the responses but we obviously didnt give it to her. :P
Posted by katieanne85[/QUOTE]

I don't know...but it seems you may be the immature one. Now read on before you JUDGE- I've liked your posts thus far on other subjects- you and I are sincerely very eye to eye...and I do get your ideals, vision and like you style. However...I just have to disagree on this one. She is just having a light moment...not trying to take control of her relationship or anything. Nor do I think she's changed her motive...she's always sounded the same except perhaps taken aback by the those who thougt she was weirdly serious.
So- I hope you don't percieve me to be anything negative. On this particular post I happen to disagree...and I'm sorry for it b/c I want every bride to have a great day and a great planning experience. I don't like the thought of any bride having a bad afternoon b/c total strangers thought the worst (and oddly so)...
just a sensative gal am I =)

katieanne85 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_first-purchase?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:02cc036c-f598-40ea-8eb6-5e08d103ace9Post:d3a67228-03b8-42eb-8935-d508743e4b2f">Re: First purchase?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: First purchase? : I don't know...but it seems you may be the immature one. Now read on before you JUDGE- I've liked your posts thus far on other subjects- you and I are sincerely very eye to eye...and I do get your ideals, vision and like you style. However...I just have to disagree on this one. She is just having a light moment...not trying to take control of her relationship or anything. Nor do I think she's changed her motive...she's always sounded the same except perhaps taken aback by the those who thougt she was weirdly serious. So- I hope you don't percieve me to be anything negative. On this particular post I happen to disagree...and I'm sorry for it b/c I want every bride to have a great day and a great planning experience. I don't like the thought of any bride having a bad afternoon b/c total strangers thought the worst (and oddly so)... just a sensative gal am I =)
Posted by Festiva[/QUOTE]

I appreciate your diplomacy ;)
This thread, as I and I understand some others, to be reaponding to it is no longer about the tradition itself per se, but the OP's responses to us. Its all fun when we can give our honest responses to something, but there is no reason, on an anonomous board, to take umbrage with the honest responses of others, whats the point, it effects nothing in her marriage, so why tell us we are being uptight if we dont like it? I get that the tradition could be done for fun and jokes, tho it still skeaves me out, but if thats all it is, she doesnt need to care what we think about it, since it seemed to be a hot button for her too, thats what led me to believe it was a little more than just having meaningless fun. lol yeah, i do think she seems very young in her last response, it was insulting to us, the thread no longer became about joking around about the tradition itself with that, again whats the point of it? IDK I do this whole posting on boards thing because its fun, and interesting to interact with others, and occassionally a good place to vent and get ideas, I honestly didnt concider if it was more than that to others. So I am sorry, OP, it didnt need to get taken in this direction, and I am sorry for contributing to that unhappy direction. :)

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