Monetary Gift Registries?

nickerson85 · November 2012

My fiance and I are looking at setting up a monetary gift registry (along with a small traditional registry) for our wedding. However, we want to use a registry that doesn't let us see how much money our guests contributed. Can anyone recommend a good monetary registry service that has this feature?

Thanks!

Summer2011Bride · November 2012

Please don't do this. Asking for money is rude. If you make a small registry, people will get the idea. Heck, we had two fairly large registries and still most guests gave us money at the wedding. People know newlyweds appreciate getting cash; it's rude to point that out to them in the form of a money registry.

jessicabessica · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_monetary-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a9497854-7019-4b83-874e-2df02a381084Post:334f6c6f-b61c-41f4-8aac-d7006909aba7">Monetary Gift Registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are looking at setting up a monetary gift registry (along with a small traditional registry) for our wedding. However, we want to use a registry that doesn't let us see how much money our guests contributed. Can anyone recommend a good monetary registry service that has this feature? Thanks!
Posted by nickerson85[/QUOTE]

<div>This sounds like a terrible idea. </div><div>1. It is rude to ask for money. </div><div>2. Most of the "registries" for cash take a cut. </div><div>3. Guests know that money is a welcome gift. They can easily put a cash/check in a card and mail/hand it to you.</div><div>4. It is rude to dictate how your guests give. I would guess that some of your guests would be horrified to find out that you and your FI would never know how much, exactly, they gave. "Give me money, but I don't want to know how much" has a pretty bad ring to it.</div>

hoffse · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_monetary-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a9497854-7019-4b83-874e-2df02a381084Post:52de843f-757b-4d1f-bde3-7da57f9acd56">Re: Monetary Gift Registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Monetary Gift Registries? : This sounds like a terrible idea. 1. It is rude to ask for money. 2. Most of the "registries" for cash take a cut. 3. Guests know that money is a welcome gift. They can easily put a cash/check in a card and mail/hand it to you. 4. It is rude to dictate how your guests give. I would guess that some of your guests would be horrified to find out that you and your FI would never know how much, exactly, they gave. "Give me money, but I don't want to know how much" has a pretty bad ring to it.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

<div>All of this. The point of registering is letting guests know what your china pattern is and how many towels you need - not that you need or want money. Everybody needs and wants money.</div>

HobokensFury · November 2012

Tacky, Tacky, Tacky

RebeccaB88 · November 2012

Oh my goodness, no.

NYCMercedes · November 2012

Um, no.

Jen4948 · November 2012

No. It's never a good idea to "register" for cash.

misssunshine17 · November 2012

Don't do it!! Plus, some websites like this take a percentage.

Lorie0322 · November 2012

Agree with the above. Bad idea all around.

My question is why would you NOT want to know how much a person gave as a gift. How do you write the thank you card if you don't know?

GoodLuckBear14 · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_monetary-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:a9497854-7019-4b83-874e-2df02a381084Post:c852763b-a9a9-426a-a1d3-9b0859c6db7a">Re: Monetary Gift Registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]Agree with the above. Bad idea all around. My question is why would you NOT want to know how much a person gave as a gift. How do you write the thank you card if you don't know?
Posted by Lorie0322[/QUOTE]

ditto

misshart00 · November 2012

In Response to Re:Monetary Gift Registries?:[QUOTE]Agree with the above.nbsp; Bad idea all around.nbsp;My question is why would you NOT want to know how much a person gave as a gift.nbsp; How do you write the thank you card if you don't know? Posted by Lorie0322[/QUOTE]

I'm also curious why you don't want to know. I mean, you don't generally specify the amount in the thank you note, but it might look weird if you say, "we can't wait to get [30 gift from registry]" if they gave you 1000.

Simply Fated · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_monetary-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a9497854-7019-4b83-874e-2df02a381084Post:34f8ce08-eb6f-43a1-b617-080bcdfbd1e6">Re:Monetary Gift Registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Monetary Gift Registries?: I'm also curious why you don't want to know. I mean, you don't generally specify the amount in the thank you note, but it might look weird if you say, "we can't wait to get [30 gift from registry]" if they gave you 1000.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]
This was my thought, too.

I mean, you could always start a paypal account and have people put money into it, but won't it look weird if you send people a thank you card for the gift, and they hadn't actually contributed anything? I'm all very confused by this.

samgirl · November 2012

i get it. not everyone needs a bunch of stuff. we didn't either. i think what people are saying is that you just don't want to ask for money for money's sake, but if you use a site like depositagift.com that let's you register for how you want to use the money, it works well. it's still a wedding and people typically want to buy you something special. we found depositagift.com to be a nice compromise. our guests thought it was way more fun than sheets and towels as gifts. we registered for our honeymoon and contributions to furniture. it was awesome and their customer service is amazing. there is often lots of push-back in the boards but the truth is that tons of people use these sites successfully and they are around for a reason, which i found to be that it removed the awkwardness of asking for stuff you don't need, returning it, being wasteful, you name it...here's the weddingchannel review page that will give you another perspective: http://local.weddingchannel.com/Wedding-Vendors/Deposit-A-Gift-Wedding-Reviews?ProfileId=363585

Summer2011Bride · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_monetary-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a9497854-7019-4b83-874e-2df02a381084Post:85e45a48-43d1-420b-97b0-6742bd78072f">Re: Monetary Gift Registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]i get it. not everyone needs a bunch of stuff. we didn't either. i think what people are saying is that you just don't want to ask for money for money's sake, but if you use a site like depositagift.com that let's you register for how you want to use the money, it works well. it's still a wedding and people typically want to buy you something special. we found depositagift.com to be a nice compromise. our guests thought it was way more fun than sheets and towels as gifts. we registered for our honeymoon and contributions to furniture. it was awesome and their customer service is amazing. there is often lots of push-back in the boards but the truth is that tons of people use these sites successfully and <strong>they are around for a reason</strong>, which<strong> i found to be that it removed the awkwardness of asking for stuff you don't need, returning it, being wasteful,</strong> you name it...here's the weddingchannel review page that will give you another perspective: <a href="http://local.weddingchannel.com/Wedding-Vendors/Deposit-A-Gift-Wedding-Reviews?ProfileId=363585" rel="nofollow">http://local.weddingchannel.com/Wedding-Vendors/Deposit-A-Gift-Wedding-Reviews?ProfileId=363585</a>
Posted by samgirl[/QUOTE]

Deposit A Gift is still a cash registry. Even though you may have "new windows" listed on it, people are still giving you cash; hence, it's a cash registry. Still tacky.

Just because something exists does not mean it's a good idea for every situation. Bikinis exist but it doesn't mean it's a good idea for everyone to wear one. Sites exist that show people how to make bombs or commit fraud; doesn't mean it's a good idea to do that just because it exists somewhere. This logic doesn't make sense.

Lots of your guests won't tell you to your face that something was rude or tacky or they were offended because they care about you. On here we will be brutally honest because we don't have a dog in this fight. I would hope someone would tell me I was doing something rude before I did it.

Registering for a HM is still asking for cash. They are not actually purchasing you a romantic dinner or snorkeling trip; they are just giving money to a website which cuts you a check. Not the same thing.

As for the last bolded--how is it wasteful if you create a traditional registry of items you want? Why would you need to return those things since you wanted them? That makes no sense. Besides, there is a middle ground. It's not like "Register for money or you get crap." No, plenty of adults have common sense and know newlyweds appreciate cash; why the mdidle man? I can easily put a check in a card and hand it to you rather than deposit it to some third party website, who probably takes a cut and THEN gives it to you. That makese no sense to me just from a logistical standpoint.

nickerson85 · November 2012

Didn't realize this would cause such an uproar - lesson learned. It was my understanding that these days it is perfectly acceptable for people to let guests know they were saving for a house (or a honeymoon, or furniture), but I guess this is not the case.

The reason for not wanting to know the dollar value, was to respect the guest's privacy. My mother mentioned that while she understands why people have registries like this, but wondered if people would worry about us knowing the "dollar value" of their gift. Someone could buy us glasses and we would not know the value of the glasses, it might be nice to offer people giving money the same privacy.

Thanks for the feedback.

jessicabessica · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_monetary-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a9497854-7019-4b83-874e-2df02a381084Post:1847a9d5-5ee4-415e-b111-967627fd3681">Re: Monetary Gift Registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]Didn't realize this would cause such an uproar - lesson learned. It was my understanding that these days it is perfectly acceptable for people to let guests know they were saving for a house (or a honeymoon, or furniture), but I guess this is not the case. The reason for not wanting to know the dollar value, was to respect the guest's privacy. My mother mentioned that while she understands why people have registries like this, but wondered if people would worry about us knowing the "dollar value" of their gift. Someone could buy us glasses and we would not know the value of the glasses, it might be nice to offer people giving money the same privacy. Thanks for the feedback.
Posted by nickerson85[/QUOTE]

<div>You can let guests know you are saving for a house/furniture/pony/etc. However, there is a difference between making a registry specifically to solicit cash gifts and mentioning if guests ask that you are saving for a big purchase. The general advice is to make a small registry of items you want to upgrade, because some people just are not comfortable giving cash. When guests ask where you are registered, you can say, "We registered for a few things at Macy's, and we are also saving up for a house." That is not the same as making a cash registry. </div>

hoffse · November 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_monetary-gift-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:a9497854-7019-4b83-874e-2df02a381084Post:1847a9d5-5ee4-415e-b111-967627fd3681">Re: Monetary Gift Registries?</a>:
[QUOTE]Didn't realize this would cause such an uproar - lesson learned. It was my understanding that these days it is perfectly acceptable for people to let guests know they were saving for a house (or a honeymoon, or furniture), but I guess this is not the case. The reason for not wanting to know the dollar value, was to respect the guest's privacy. My mother mentioned that while she understands why people have registries like this, but wondered if people would worry about us knowing the "dollar value" of their gift. Someone could buy us glasses and we would not know the value of the glasses, it might be nice to offer people giving money the same privacy. Thanks for the feedback.
Posted by nickerson85[/QUOTE]

<div>Glad you are rethinking this. Like PP mentioned, you can still say "we're saving for a house" when people ASK. Spread that sort of info by word of mouth, and plenty of people will choose whether to give you cash or not. The real problem with cash registries is that they nearly always take a service fee out of every gift, and many of them are deceptive. Like that depositagift pp mentioned? Well sure she could have used the cash for her honeymoon... or she could have just pocketted it and not used it for that romantic dinner on the beach or whatever.</div><div>
</div><div>I am somebody who is uncomfortable with a bride/groom knowing the amount of my gift, and tht's why I always always give physical gifts. When there is no registry I still give a physical gift and make it something I either think the B&G will like because I know them personally or I make it generic if I don't know them very well. But see, I also give physical gifts because that's my gift-giving preference, and as the giver that's my right. I was taught that cash is impersonal, and that's my personal opinion as well as that of many in my circle. Of course plenty of people disagree, but it has still shaped my preference about the sorts of gifts I give. So even if you found a website that hid the amount given, I would still not use it.</div><div>
</div><div>The best thing to do is make a small registry of upgrades, extra linens, maybe a set of formal dinnerware and stemware, etc. and then tell people what you are saving for when asked. Many will get the hint just by seeing a minimal registry. But that registry will give guests who are uncomfortable with you knowing an amount or who just don't like to give money some guidance about physical items you would like. This covers all your bases.</div>

Simply Fated · November 2012

Didn't realize this would cause such an uproar - lesson learned. It was my understanding that these days it is perfectly acceptable for people to let guests know they were saving for a house (or a honeymoon, or furniture), but I guess this is not the case.
If people ask you can tell them, "We're saving up for X, but we're registered at X." Or something like that.
The thing is... everyone needs cash. Everyone could use money, either for a honeymoon or furniture or bills or what ever. People don't need to be told that. It's, like, "Breaking News: Grass is still green!"

The reason for not wanting to know the dollar value, was to respect the guest's privacy. My mother mentioned that while she understands why people have registries like this, but wondered if people would worry about us knowing the "dollar value" of their gift. Someone could buy us glasses and we would not know the value of the glasses, it might be nice to offer people giving money the same privacy. Thanks for the feedback.
If people didn't want you to know the dollar value of their gift, they'll get you a boxed gift or something. Otherwise, they won't care if you know and will write you a check.
This is definitely not something to worry about.

AdeleDazeem · November 2012

Everyone knows that money is appreciated. Set up your small traditional registry. If people want to buy something from it, they will. If not, they wil get something else or write a check pop in a card.

No asking for cash, you still get money, and everyone wins.

Asking straight up for cash is definitely still not okay and I sincerely hope never will be.

Ali092011 · November 2012

ITA with everyone else. One of the obvious things there is to know about giving monetary gifts is that there is no hiding how much you're giving. A bill has the amount all over it, and a check or even a gift card MUST state a specific amount. If guests are uncomfortable with you knowing how much they spent, they will buy you a boxed, physical gift. TBH, almost all of our guests gave us money as a gift, and we did have a BBB registry.

I also agree that it would be weird to write a generic "thank you for your generous gift" whether the person gave you $25 or $500. (I'm not saying people giving $25 deserve LESS of a thank you, so don't interpret it that way. I'm just saying they're not going to get a "your gift will make a huge difference as we save for new furniture," but maybe a "we will use your gift towards a nice meal on our honeymoon.")

sparkles776 · November 2012

agree with everyone else. Also, just because monetary gift registries exist, doesnt mean it is a good idea. Obviously these are companies that are in business to make money, that is why they exist.

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