nevermind

[Deleted User] · May 2011

error

firsttimersluck · May 2011

oh boy........

Beachy730 · May 2011

If you know about the drama, and know anything about the reasoning behind it, you'll know it stemmed from someone complaining about the same exact thing.

Here's the thing, you're already married. Being walked down the aisle by your dad is a symbol of being given away to your soon to be husband. Since you're already married, you have already been "given away," so that's why the tradition doesn't carry over to VRs.

What you are trying to plan is a PPD (pretty princess day). You CHOSE to get married the way you did the first time, and that's a choice you have to live with. If you chose to go to a JOP because he was deploying, or he wanted to get out of the barracks, that's still a choice you made. This board is full of military brides in the same position. Some of chosen to do a JOP, some have waited and planned and had their big wedding the first time around. Basically, the excuse that you had to do it this way because of the military doesn't fly, even aruond here.

The fact that you everyone knows you are already married and that it is a VR is great, since that's usually the major battle. As for what else you choose to do at your VR, people have all different opinions on that. Personally, I think it's ridiculous to wear a big poofy ballgown style bridal gown when you're already married, and I think a much simpler white dress or party dress is much more appropriate. As for some other traditions, such as the first dance, that is really not appropriate since it's not your first dance as husband and wife. However if you want a special dance, knock yourself out.

Basically, you chose to forego a lot of these traditions when you went about your marriage the way that you did. Obviously you get to plan whatever party you want, but if so many people on here are telling you it's not appropriate, you should be able to figure out that some of your guests will too. We just don't care about hurting your feelings so we tell you the truth, whereas your family and friends will say one thing to your face, and then talk about you behind your back.

LuluP82 · May 2011

You can't have a wedding, because you're married. You can renew your vows. Or you can have your union blessed. But you can't get remarried to the same man unless you get a divorce. That's the response you're going to hear on here. You're also going to hear that if you wanted your dad to walk you down the aisle or your mom to watch you say your vows, you should have waited to have them with you when you got married. You know, the first time.

That said...I had a JOP and then a couple of months later, our "wedding." For lots of reasons that don't really matter that much. But truth is, I didn't realize it was a big deal until I joined TK, because our families are from countries where this had to happen. I never got flamed on here, even though I was always honest, because I followed common sense and kept it fairly classy.

I did:
- wear a long white dress (but not something ridiculously pouffy and beaded...a sheath satin dress)
- have a priest bless our union
- have vows
- have a "wedding party" (our siblings wanted to stand up with us)
- have my dad walk in with me (he really, really wanted to)
- have a nice party afterwards, where I properly hosted my family and friends with dinner, drinks and dancing
- have a small (family and close friends only, ~60ppl) reception

I did not:
- have tosses
- have pre-wedding parties after the legal wedding
- lie to anyone
- keep my marriage a secret from anyone
- make any bridezilla like statements that it was MY DAY and everyone had to do what I wanted
- register for gifts until our parents asked us to because they had people asking them what we wanted for gifts. Then, we made a very small registry, and our parents told people that we didn't need gifts at all. If they insisted, my parents consulted our "wish list" to let them know what we needed. Frankly the people who got us gifts were people who had called us following our legal wedding to ask my parents anyway, because they were close enough friends and family members who would have bought us presents regardless

We were able to do what we wanted in the timeline we needed to have it done for practical purposes, and not miss out on anything that was important. Was it silly to have a pretty princess day? Yes absolutely. Silly and indulgent (I didn't get upset when people told me that either). But the sky didn't fall, no one was outraged/upset that we'd lied to them, and I *think* we managed to pull it off elegantly and without seeming ridiculous to our close family and friends

mob2689 · May 2011

Oh boy times two....
@ Beach, copy and paste your post to a word document and everytime we get this question just paste it as an answer.

@ OP, Please don't blame you had a JOP wedding because of the Military, it insults the ones that have had the JOP because they were very clear headed and getting married for the RIGHt reasons and not blaming the Military, and maybe didn't want all the hoopla that comes with a bigger wedding. At the same time you are insulting the ones who chose to wait, and again never blamed the Military because they had/have had to move dates and venues, again they too wanted to marry for the RIGHT reasons and not blame the Military.

@ any lurker, read and don't come in here and think we are different because we are/were Miltary brides, our opinions are the same accross ALL TK boards, if not harsher because it's pathetic to blame the Military for not having the wedding YOU choose. Bottom line marry for the RIGHT reasons, no lieing, no excuses and have the wedding you will always be happy with.

Can we please have a sticky on this subject? or an "enter at your own risk" on this subject?

Beachy730 · May 2011

Shocker, you didn't like your answers, so you're taking your ball and going home.

I love when posters get countless people giving them the same advice, yet we are all wrong and all mean, and insist that they are right.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

that took less than an hour.

LuluP82 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a9fc9391-0e5e-4d81-b02e-ff6f6ecbed40Post:bf17657a-09d7-42f8-8464-9bbc4bf3e167">Re: nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]Shocker, you didn't like your answers, so you're taking your ball and going home. I love when posters get countless people giving them the same advice, yet we are all wrong and all mean, and insist that they are right.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

And everyone was nice. And I even told her I did the same thing, just in a way that I found tasteful. I guess that wasn't good enough?

mob2689 · May 2011

she must make alot of errors in her choises I am guessing, 1>) how she had her wedding she felt was an error and 2.) now deleteing the post she felt was an error. Hmmm.......hopefuly she will get something right with out an error.

mob2689 · May 2011

dang you all type faster than me!

mob2689 · May 2011

isn't Northern California close to Washington State Humm...Just saying

[Deleted User] · May 2011

Okay ladies I was just asking how others were dealing with it I was not meaning to insult. I have been with my guy for over 4 years we had planned to be married before he joined. I don't know how to delete posts. that is why I edited it so that it didn't create what it just did. I'm not asking for sympathy I'm not blaming the military as to why I had a JOP. My choice. I didn't know this was going to create so much trouble. I thought these boards were a place to get advice and not to be shot down and insulted. It was a simple question that I was wondering about. How other are taking it when it's said to them. With a grain of salt I guess is how to take it. i'm not offened others see it that way and i'm not claiming a renewal as my wedding day. My family has insisted in hosting this party. Why does everyone have to be so critical about this? It wouldn't be a problem if you didn't make it that way. if anyone can tell me how to delete this topic post then I'm more then happy to so no one else gets offened by it.

calindi · May 2011

OP - if you're still lurking, try to take a deep breath and read these posts as good girlfriends giving you a tough love heart-to-heart. These girls are very wise, and they aren't saying anything your family and friends won't say behind your back so it's best to be aware as you proceed with planning a vow renewal.

Everyone - you gotta QUOTE these crazies so others can see what they said before they DD!

Oh, and also, I kinda heart you ladies. Like a lot. You make me proud to be a soon-to-be military spouse rather than ashamed and afraid of the tacky selfish children like Katelyn and KendAll!

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a9fc9391-0e5e-4d81-b02e-ff6f6ecbed40Post:6502e931-5557-4973-8da3-6916f5ba1422">Re: nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay ladies I was just asking how others were dealing with it I was not meaning to insult. I have been with my guy for over 4 years we had planned to be married before he joined. I don't know how to delete posts. that is why I edited it so that it didn't create what it just did. I'm not asking for sympathy I'm not blaming the military as to why I had a JOP. My choice.<strong> I didn't know this was going to create so much trouble. I thought these boards were a place to get advice and not to be shot down and insulted.</strong> It was a simple question that I was wondering about. How other are taking it when it's said to them. With a grain of salt I guess is how to take it. i'm not offened others see it that way and i'm not claiming a renewal as my wedding day. My family has insisted in hosting this party. <strong>Why does everyone have to be so critical about this? It wouldn't be a problem if you didn't make it that way.</strong> if anyone can tell me how to delete this topic post then I'm more then happy to so no one else gets offened by it.
Posted by molliechristensen[/QUOTE]

You didn't create trouble, and seriously, we were very nice in our responses. You are just choosing to read it as attacks against you and us being mean. We told you why it's not considered acceptable by most people, and even gave tips and advice for more accepted ways of doing it.

We aren't being critical, we are giving you blunt honesty. You are refusing to accept the fact that since so many people think it's not proper, that maybe it actually isn't. Instead, you're choosing to go the route of thinking we are all mean and critical bitches who just don't understand your special snowflake circumstances.

And honestly, if you thought these responses were mean, then clearly TK is not the right site for you. Weddingbee and weddingwire are known for being less brutally honest, and validating your ideas. I suggest sticking to those sites. However if you want real advice that will keep you from people talking about you behind your back, then maybe you should re-read our responses and actually listen to them.

greeneke2 · May 2011

Damn, I missed it!!! I was out at work all day!

mob2689 · May 2011

Like we stated, why with you knnowing we had so much drama on here about the same subject why woukd you think we would give you another answer. There are plenty of posts about this subject have your VR read Beachs answer.

Great your folks are throwing this for you, knock yorself out. As you stated you went to other boards and I guess you didn't like what was said there and felt safer to come here.

You can have a lovely VR no one siad you couldn't but if you want to do it to not make yourself look stupid take our advice here and on the other boards.

Being Military isn't a reason to marry you planned on a bigger wedding but he joined, so you did it another way that's great! You are making it sound you JOPd because he joined. All I am saying don't go around saying you JOPd because he joined the Military that isn't a valid reason for getting married.

Beachy730 · May 2011

OP- is there a reason you felt the need to send this in a PM to me?

I was not complaining only inquiring. It is going to be a vow renewal. My father is walking me down the aisle. I am wearing the dress... and not a big one I have a chic style not 'pretty princess'. I am not registering for gifts. My family and friends are apparently a bit more understanding than other military brides becasue they have more than insisted I do it like a wedding. I am not planning any pre wedding parties if my friends and family choose to then who am I to deny them that pleasure. I have read your posts on others and you are not a very nice person. please so not post on my post any more if your are going to be rude. I am entitled to having a big just like you were not matter how I decided to do it legally, because no one no matter how you do you wedding sees you sign that paper.

News flash OP, you are posting on an international message board, where anyone and everyone is free to respond. If you don't like that, then I highly recommend not posting on message boards, or sticking to your club boards.

Yeah, hate PM's don't work for me.

firsttimersluck · May 2011

hehhehehee This is why I was the frst to post with an "oh boy....... "

:P

mob2689 · May 2011

and by no means please do not delete or errase your posts on TK boards, it helps others that may have the same question. If you read the very first topic on the board it explains it as well.

mob2689 · May 2011

Oooo maybe I have one too Beach! going to check!

greeneke2 · May 2011

Ughhh, why do people get so mad when they come here asking for advice, and then they get pissed off and say that we are all mean because we don't give them the advice that they want....ahhhh

mob2689 · May 2011

no.

mob2689 · May 2011

OP I have never seen a rude post from Beach, a straight talk post yes, but rude? I don't think so, and who are you to say where she can and can not post on here? Seriously?!

Please tell me you are a troll and not as stupid as you made yourself out to be.

Alice and Les · May 2011

okay I feel like I am failing as a military bride, or worse since I am marrying a Marine. I haven't gotten a single hate PM

Maybe I am not meant to be a b!tch Marine wife sigh*

(disclaimer: scarasm often does not translate through computers, so please don't be offended.)

mob2689 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a9fc9391-0e5e-4d81-b02e-ff6f6ecbed40Post:70731b9b-03e0-4c94-8f52-19a9b0ad832d">Re: nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]Ughhh, why do people get so mad when they come here asking for advice, and then they get pissed off and say that we are all mean because we don't give them the advice that they want....ahhhh
Posted by greeneke2[/QUOTE]

I don't know! I will say I got fried my first post that's for sure towards the end of it, at the begining I was ok, I wasn't wording correctly and as we all know it's hard to get things said just right over a computer and after that I sorta learned, and I think I deleted too! That is when I got slaughtered! I think some still remember that. I will add I didn't read one board before posting so needless to say I got slaughtered! After the second post and slaughtering I REALY got it and understood! But I will say they were using a word I found very offensive so I went on my rant in that thread, that being my second posting. I still stand by that one, the first one, no excuse just stupidity.

mob2689 · May 2011

I'm with right there with you Alice about the hate PMs . (sorry just had to "word" it like that)

SarahP787 · May 2011

We really should have a sticky about this!

calindi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a9fc9391-0e5e-4d81-b02e-ff6f6ecbed40Post:5429dec7-e9f1-49f7-8a02-24d0a0d04a3d">Re: nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]We really should have a sticky about this!
Posted by SarahP787[/QUOTE]

If we had an active Mod, maybe we would! Anybody wanna tell Knot Annie that we're all alone in here?

kara811 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:a9fc9391-0e5e-4d81-b02e-ff6f6ecbed40Post:fbbc79fa-48ea-406a-8c08-365b6d7685b7">Re: nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - if you're still lurking, try to take a deep breath and read these posts as good girlfriends giving you a tough love heart-to-heart. These girls are very wise, and they aren't saying anything your family and friends won't say behind your back so it's best to be aware as you proceed with planning a vow renewal. Everyone - y<strong>ou gotta QUOTE these crazies so others can see what they said before they DD!</strong> Oh, and also, I kinda heart you ladies. Like a lot. You make me proud to be a soon-to-be military spouse rather than ashamed and afraid of the tacky selfish children like Katelyn and KendAll!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I agree. I just woke up and missed this again! </div>

Beachy730 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_this-happening?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:a9fc9391-0e5e-4d81-b02e-ff6f6ecbed40Post:742c6d86-54a5-42eb-8068-3e3099e227dd">Re: nevermind</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: nevermind : I agree. I just woke up and missed this again!
Posted by kara811[/QUOTE]

Sorry, I usually purposely quote on posts that could be DDs too. Let me basically sum it up for you.

OP is a special snowflake who came here to tell us that everyone on the other boards is being rude about her PPD, and she figured us military brides would understand and be nicer to her about it. And her H tells her that everyone is just being jealous bitches. Or something like that.

The thing is, she is actually being honest with her guests, and we were nice to her. So the DD and my PM were ridiculously uncalled for.

kara811 · May 2011

Thanks Beach! Geez, she's a bit touchy and sensitive, no? I didn't see anything rude. You girls were being honest, as always.

nevermind

Re: nevermind

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