Something else instead of buying gifts

melissasdwedding · May 2012

We are going to ask in a polite way on our invites instead of people buying gifts, we are asking for money for our honeymoon. We have a cute little poem for asking. We have everything we need.Anybody else doing this? What's your opinion? .

Kello4221 · May 2012

Personally, I'd spread any requests via word of mouth. Gifts aren't an obligation so I would feel bad specifying what type of gift we prefer because it makes it seem expected.

If you didn't register for many physical gifts I think most guests get the hint. I don't know much about them, but many places now offer honeymoon registries.

L&K2012 · May 2012

Agreed with Kello, we are planning on putting together a honeyfund account. It is free, and people just print out a 'coupon' for particular events on our honeymoon (dinner out, ice cream break, kayaking trip, etc). . Then we will take pics of those events and send them with the thank you notes. I know a lot of people think honeymoon registries are 'tacky', but many of our friends have done them and I would personally prefer give a gift of an 'experience' than a physical item that will sit, likely unused, in someones house. But, if you simply 'register' on honeyfund or another regsitry you don't have to use a 'poem' or anything else that might seem like you are 'expecting/requiring' a gift... We are also pulling together a decent sized traditional registry for those that would prefer to go that route as we know a lot of people prefer to give actual gifts.

melissasdwedding · May 2012

can i go to a travel agency and register for a honeymoon?

SCogs18 · May 2012

This question is asked a lot on "Registering & Gifts." Asking for cash on your invites is pretty tacky; instead' create a very small registry and people will get the hint that you want cash. You can do a Honeymoon Registry, but those services charge a fee.

saturninus · May 2012

Asking for gifts, and even worse, money is a big no no.

Nikki71 · May 2012

Just register at one store and only add a few things. Tell your & his parents you guys would prefer cash and they'll spread the word. People will catch on.

I have seen those poems before and yea they're different... kinda funny... but in the end, it's you asking for money which is a little tacky... sorry! I know honeymoon registries are tempting, but I'd stay away from that.

BMcLeodTeam · May 2012

There is no polite way to put that on your invitations.
Spread the word via word of mouth/let your family spread the word via word of mouth. Create a very small registry and people will get the hint.

mamameech · May 2012

We have a honeymoon registry with Ehoneymoonregistry.com:
Michelle & Robin

I used it for my Bridal shower and we received a few items listed like room service, massages, etc... people are really just giving money in the end but it looks like they are buying you fun things for your honeymoon. You can transfer the money to your bank account whenever you want (and their admin fee is only 3% - much lower than other honeymoon registries).
It's just an option for guests and the info is provided on our wedsite.

jjswin · May 2012

I myself feel the same way as you do about the whole wanting money instead of gifts and did a lot of research about the right way to go about it. According to most people/web sites/blogs you are not suppose to put anything in your invitation asking for cash direct. They say the right way to go about it is not put anything in your invites but have something on your weddding web site expressing this. Also tell your close family (parents and grandparents) so if people ask them what you want they can let them know. Here is my web site if you want to see how I went about it. www.mywedding.com/jonandjennswindle
Hope this helps!

Trins · May 2012

I agree with PP's. I wouldn't put it on your invite, instead spread the word by word of mouth and include it on your wedding website if you have one, that's what we did. We also have a honeymoon registry on ehoneymoonregistry.com - Trina and Ryan. Check it out if you want to get a better idea. That's what I did with mamameech's and LOVED the idea!!! Some people think these aren't great but it's right up our alley and our people anyways seem to think it's a cute idea.

We did create a smaller regular registry for people that prefer that route also.

cronin85 · May 2012

We actually made a very small registry at Macy's and we also made a registry through our travel agency (hoping that more people will pay on that). I presonally dont think its a good idea to ask for money (even if it is a cute poem)

mamameech · May 2012

A line I used on our "gift" portion of our wedsite was this:

"The most important gift you can give us is support in making our marriage grow."

We also have registries at BBB and Etsy

Kello4221 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_something-else-instead-of-buying-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:41814abe-4afe-4086-8d2b-75671bf82a66Post:48d8a72c-9d09-4dfa-8ce9-2d5db2b10f93">Re: Something else instead of buying gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]A line I used on our "gift" portion of our wedsite was this: " The most important gift you can give us is support in making our marriage grow." We also have registries at BBB and Etsy ;)
Posted by mamameech[/QUOTE]

You can register on Etsy?? It is probably a good thing that I didn't realize this but now I want to go on a spree :)

sparent2010 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_something-else-instead-of-buying-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:41814abe-4afe-4086-8d2b-75671bf82a66Post:bbc99771-46b3-4c2a-811c-91d381b4baa1">Something else instead of buying gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]We are going to ask in a polite way on our invites instead of people buying gifts, we are asking for money for our honeymoon. We have a cute little poem for asking. We have everything we need.Anybody else doing this? What's your opinion? .
Posted by melissasdwedding[/QUOTE]

TK ate my post

My advice is no. 1-You don't ask for money, 2- you don't put it in a poem or any registry information on invitations, 3- The websites take 15% off the top and just cut you a check less 15% of what your guests gave you.

You can do a small registry and have family spread word of mouth that you and your FI are saving up for X,Y,or Z.

PS you are basically lying to your guests since Honeyfund etc just cut you a check and your guests are not actually buying you an excursion. When I found this out, after buying my friend items off her HMR, I was pissed. I would have been able to give her more if I had just cut her a check.

QueerFemme · May 2012

I second not registering for any sort of honeyfund or on honeymoon websites.  Those funds take a cut... and even a small percentage is a rip-off.  Do a very small registry or none at all, and guests will get the hint that you'd rather have cash. Asking for money outright is rude.

Although, I hate to admit admit, I have lost this battle with my fiance. Our family & very close friends were spreading the word that we have everything we need, and if folks want to get us a gift, we'd love to have people give cash towards our honeymoon fund... which was ok with me. That's the way it should be ! Word of mouth!

However, when my sweetheart saw the wedding website... and I had put on the "registry" sectoion that we weren't registered anywhere... I got the evil eye and we went round and round and round about how I did NOT want to put on there that we wanted cash !!!    I mean, we probabably talked about it every night for 3-4 weeks. I printed out posts from TK showing how rude it was... etc. etc.  It made me INSANE.  I added something like, "Your presence is all the gift we need. With that said, many people have asked what we would like and could use. We are currently saving for our dream honeymoon and would appreciate contributions to our honeymoon fund" or something along those lines (that made me want to vomit). We looked at it together the night I made the changes, . and I deleted it the next day thinking... oh, my sweetheart won't notice that it's not there anymore. Boy, was I WRONG!

Eventually... I got the "Christina... I have given in to EVERY request you have made for OUR wedding. I am not letting this go. Put it back on the website." I finally did... and I cringe every time I log on to our website and I am secretly happy that only 5-6 people have signed our guestbook since we sent out the save the dates in March. And most of the folks I have talked to have mentioned that they didn't have a chance to look at the website.   I'm pretty horrified by the whole thing... because I KNOW its totally against etiquette. I have gotten everything I wanted so far, and this is the only thing that caused grief, so I decided to finally suck it up and give in.

Our cultures are different and our visions of what we wanted for the wedding were different. My vision was casual, but beautiful. My honey's vision was "lets get married on the beach and come back to our house and have a BBQ! I'll throw some meat on the grill!"   And in my future in-laws family/culture, it's totally appropriate to ask for what you want for any gift giving occasion.   I was stunned the first time my FSIL said "its my birthday next week and I want THESE things"    I nearly spit out my soda at the dinner table... but, when I asked about it... they all said that they'd rather know what to get each other instead of buying crap that no one wants or will use.

It's been an adjustment...........

QueerFemme · May 2012

holy crap, my post was long. Can you tell I'm still not OK with this?

likeadeadstar · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_something-else-instead-of-buying-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:41814abe-4afe-4086-8d2b-75671bf82a66Post:c4c50b2b-522c-423a-a17b-3d5fab367076">Re: Something else instead of buying gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Something else instead of buying gifts : TK ate my post My advice is no. 1-You don't ask for money, 2- you don't put it in a poem or any registry information on invitations, 3- The websites take 15% off the top and just cut you a check less 15% of what your guests gave you. You can do a small registry and have family spread word of mouth that you and your FI are saving up for X,Y,or Z. PS you are basically lying to your guests since Honeyfund etc just cut you a check and your guests are not actually buying you an excursion. When I found this out, after buying my friend items off her HMR, I was pissed. I would have been able to give her more if I had just cut her a check.
Posted by sparent2010[/QUOTE]

This, this, this. We prefer cash because I moved out at 17 and have everything we could need. We registered for a couple items we'd like to upgrade because FI's family is the type that if there's no items, they bug you for one or bring nothing at all (which is their right of course!) and then word of mouthed that cash is preferred. The cut off the top is not cool. Also, speaking as someone who's been broke for weddings, no matter how you label the "experience item", the cash is what you're really giving and that makes me feel obligated to give more than I can afford out of embarrassment potential. I'm weird, but I'm not the only one.

junebug19 · May 2012

I agree you shouldn't include gift info in the wedding invite and you shouldn't use the honey moon account websites.However, I recently went to my friend's shower and she set up a very small BBB registry and, in addition, in the shower invites put a note that they had set up an account with their travel agent- I don't believe she took a cut, but her card did get passed around with the website info on it.

rbwashington2012 · May 2012

Wow I'm kinda speechless right now. The only people getting registry informatoin is people without internet access and that is a SMALL number. Mostly its been word of mouth were we registred. I am not comfortable with the honeymoon fund websites or anything in that nature. A couple of associates had charity websites for their wedding gifts, donations to their charity of choice, well I decided to do my donate directly to the charity in their name instead. They got a cute card and everything and the bride loved it.

bridezillatobe2009 · May 2012

rude.

Katiesue04 · May 2012

I don't see why it's so bad. I wouldn't include it on the invite but maybe as another enclosure in the invite. I guess etiquette is a bit different in Wisconsin. The past two wedding invitations I got I had a seperate note on a different piece of paper stating where they were registered at. I didn't think it was rude and I thought it was helpful, how else would I have known where they were registered at? I don't talk to FIs cousin all that much. In fact I am doing the same as mine, you buy know means are telling them to buy you a gift I look at is as if you need help and you want to ge me a gift this is something I might like type of thing.

bruggink · May 2012

Registries can (and should!) be listed on shower invites, but not wredding invitations. You can always list your wedding website on the actual invitation, which will have registry information on it... others who do not look at the site can ask your parents or you/FI if they need it.

sparent2010 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_something-else-instead-of-buying-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:41814abe-4afe-4086-8d2b-75671bf82a66Post:b0439674-db5b-4606-ba43-c215301e4225">Re: Something else instead of buying gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see why it's so bad. I wouldn't include it on the invite but maybe as another enclosure in the invite. I guess etiquette is a bit different in Wisconsin. The past two wedding invitations I got I had a seperate note on a different piece of paper stating where they were registered at. I didn't think it was rude and I thought it was helpful, how else would I have known where they were registered at? I don't talk to FIs cousin all that much. In fact I am doing the same as mine, you buy know means are telling them to buy you a gift I look at is as if you need help and you want to ge me a gift this is something I might like type of thing.
Posted by Katiesue04[/QUOTE]

1) Etiquette is the same everywhere. People will either choose to follow it or not. Here I get invites with registry information on them, and I think well that is kinda rude.

2) I will google their names with wedding registry afterwards and will generally find where they are registered at. Or I will talk to a family member. If they had a shower the registry information should have been included on that invitation. If you have a wedding website (which 80% of couples generally do) the registry information can be included there, and the wedding website can be included on the invitation.

3) When you put gift information on a wedding invite it does look gift grabby. The reason why it goes on a shower invite is b/c a shower is meant to "shower the bride with gifts" to help her set up the house post wedding.

melissasdwedding · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_something-else-instead-of-buying-gifts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:41814abe-4afe-4086-8d2b-75671bf82a66Post:eb42cc69-e44e-4c2e-989c-01d6c0e274f6">Re: Something else instead of buying gifts</a>:
[QUOTE]rude.
Posted by bridezillatobe2009[/QUOTE]

I am not trying to be rude at all, I was just wondering what everybody thought of it. I probably won't do it I will just spread the word that we aren't regsistered anywhere

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