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Wedding Etiquette Forum
YaPuppy
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Tell me I'm not crazy....(little long, sorry)
So, my honeymoon is next month. Ages ago, the idea was broached about my MIL booking our honeymoon for us (we pay our way, she just books it), because they want to take the same trip (cruise/cruisetour). They've cruised so much, we'd get their perks. But - it would be a totally separate trip. I said fine, why not. Extra perksfor the honeymoon sound good to me!
Cut to now. It somehow came up a few weeks back about his mother expecting to eat with us. I talked to my husband about it and just said, look I think you underestimate how much we'll end up seeing them the second week during the tour. Smaller groups, bus/train travel, etc. We're going to see them probably a lot accidentally and whatnot. He said ok, no prob. I figured that was it.
Nope. I spoke to her about something unrelated and she mentioned it. I said how excited I was to pick the excursions. She went "Oh? Why? I thought we're all going to sit together and pick them out since we're doing them together?" The dogs started barking and I used that to get off the phone, I was too shocked to say "Are you crazy?" So, I got the booking number and went online. She got a room 6 doors down from us. Granted, it's not right next door, but really, a ship that size and she picks a room as close as possible to us?
Finally, I call the company to make sure they have all my recent name change info. They do, and he points out that our dinner reservation is linked with hers - she told them the 4 of us will be eating together every night. I asked him to change it and he said he can't since she booked it. I asked if I can request a change on the ship - he said yes but theres no guarantee. So, if I hadn't just called I would have found this out and been blindsided when I went to dinner. And now there's a chance we can't get our own table? Husband is asleep and I don't want to wake him up, but I'm wigging over this. It's not a family vacation. I was told from the start, its our honeymoon, shes just doing us a favor for it, totally separate trips, us and them. To me, favors don't have these kinds of strings....
Cut to now. It somehow came up a few weeks back about his mother expecting to eat with us. I talked to my husband about it and just said, look I think you underestimate how much we'll end up seeing them the second week during the tour. Smaller groups, bus/train travel, etc. We're going to see them probably a lot accidentally and whatnot. He said ok, no prob. I figured that was it.
Nope. I spoke to her about something unrelated and she mentioned it. I said how excited I was to pick the excursions. She went "Oh? Why? I thought we're all going to sit together and pick them out since we're doing them together?" The dogs started barking and I used that to get off the phone, I was too shocked to say "Are you crazy?" So, I got the booking number and went online. She got a room 6 doors down from us. Granted, it's not right next door, but really, a ship that size and she picks a room as close as possible to us?
Finally, I call the company to make sure they have all my recent name change info. They do, and he points out that our dinner reservation is linked with hers - she told them the 4 of us will be eating together every night. I asked him to change it and he said he can't since she booked it. I asked if I can request a change on the ship - he said yes but theres no guarantee. So, if I hadn't just called I would have found this out and been blindsided when I went to dinner. And now there's a chance we can't get our own table? Husband is asleep and I don't want to wake him up, but I'm wigging over this. It's not a family vacation. I was told from the start, its our honeymoon, shes just doing us a favor for it, totally separate trips, us and them. To me, favors don't have these kinds of strings....
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Re: Tell me I'm not crazy....(little long, sorry)
I feel bad for you.. I really do! If you want anything said to mil, I'd have your h do it.
ughh the idea of eating with my fmil everynight on my honeymoon makes me cringe.
In-Laws can be tricky... and very sneaky. It looks like you fell for a doubles trip hook, line, and sinker.
Favors always have strings attached. Always.
What has your fiance said about you guys spending so much times together with his parents? Is he weirded out by the close proximity of the rooms?
The table arrangement doesn't seem weird to me. I mean, it would be weirder if you were eating in the same room and not sitting together, no?
The rooms being close is kinda weird, but six rooms apart isn't that close. Are you sure that is something they specifically requested?
Probably the only thing you can do now is say you'd like to do some excursions on your own.
[QUOTE] ughh the idea of eating with my fmil everynight on my honeymoon makes me cringe.
Posted by kkchisholm[/QUOTE]
Oh, I agree. I adore my boyfriend's mom, but dinnertime is always a nightmare. She always brings up uncomfortable topics, everything from politics to the dog's bowel movements.
I'm guessing FMIL will need to change the room. And I think it needs to be changed. Tell your FI to talk to her about privacy concerns, if you know what I mean.
But the room thing (I did ask the reservation guy and he said there was a note in there about her request for the rooms), on top of expecting to excursion with us every day and eat together every night just kind of threw me a little (ok, a LOT). I hate sounding like a brat, I was just looking forward to more time together without family milling around. I definitely do believe that now though about there always being strings
Maybe pull the sex card out. I know I personally would not be thrilled with the idea of banging while mil is only 6 doors away, and doesn't seem to realize that a honeymoon is not a time for family bonding.
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but ya kinda dug yourself into it. as nice as it is that they offered to help out, I would've had to say no because I could only imagine that what happened would happen.
I would NEVER want to spend two weeks of my honeymoon hanging out with my IL's. no way. talk to your husband about a good compromise and make sure he stresses the importance of your alone time to his parents.
And you can sit down with her and fiance afterwards and book some stuff together. Maybe take in a show one night with them or something.
Also, if you book separate excursions and what have you, the only time you would see them is at dinner and that's not so bad. Just have your FI let her know that you guys are going to book your own trips, etc. because you want to be on your own schedule, not on any one else's. She should get that.
If not, then, don't book anything until last minute. Stay on the boat whenever possible and do your own thing. Just book them on your own. I don't know where you are cruising, but on my whopping 3 cruises I have been on, I have never done an "excursion." I booked my own or did my own exploring. There's that too.
If it was my mom, I would say, look you guys are early risers, we're not, so I am going to book our own trips according to what we want to do and when. You guys do your thing and we'll see you at dinner (maybe-you know you can eat elsewhere).
Now with more wedded bliss.
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i think it's time for you, your husband and his parents to sit down for a llittle chat.
This is your honeymoon with your husband. The purpose is to start the creation of a bonding that will carry you though your life together.
I would honestly state this during your chat.
You are a new couple and you don't nee/wantwish/whatever/ to have parents with you on you honeymoon.
Quite honestly, i would ask them to cancel just as a matter of respect and consideration that thie is your honeymoon.
I am a mob and if i ever found myself in this situation unwittingly, i would cancel in a minute! you deserve your privacy and anyone who infringes in this should be told just that
[QUOTE]Quite honestly, i would ask them to cancel just as a matter of respect and consideration that thie is your honeymoon. I am a mob and <strong>if i ever found myself in this situation unwittingly</strong>, i would cancel in a minute! you deserve your privacy and anyone who infringes in this should be told just that
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]
I don't think they're going to cancel, and I think asking them to is way worse than asking to eat dinner separately. They're not "unwillingly" in this situation, it wasn't a mistake. They purposely booked the same vacation as OP's HM because everyone agreed to that.
OP can hardly go back and say "I still want your frequent cruiser benefits, but I've changed my mind about you guys coming on the cruise." All she can do is talk to her DH and get him to explain to his mom that while they're very grateful for the benefits and looking forward to spending some time with his parents, they also need some alone time as a couple.
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Talk with your MIL together with your husband and stress that you truly appreciate her help in booking the trip. But since you're on your honeymoon, your priority will be spending time alone.
The next thing you should say is that you'll make time for a meal or two, maybe even a day trip. Just to keep the peace...