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Am I Wrong?!

jackie5387jackie5387 member
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in Wisconsin

My fiancé and I decided to do a partial joint bachelor/bachelorette party. We will be tailgating together before a Brewers game and then the guys and girls will be sitting in separate sections at the game. After, the girls are going out and then the guys are going out separately. I invited my MOH, bridesmaids, mothers, and a few close friends. My fiancé invited his BM, groomsmen, fathers, and one close friend. My MOH called me yesterday angry because I didn’t invite her fiancé. We hang out with them together occasionally but my fiancé is not close friends with him. They never hang out together or anything. They only time the hang out is if all 4 of us do something. I am stressed out enough with stuff happening and recently had to deal with my fiancé’s mother getting angry because I won’t allow his cousins, all under the age of 17, invite their boyfriend to the wedding. I’m not inviting any of my bridesmaid’s boyfriends, who we also hang out with when we are all together, and none of them are upset. Sorry for the long drawn out story, I am just really frustrated! I don’t want to deal with this or any drama with the wedding only 2 months away. Is it wrong that we aren’t inviting him? Thoughts?

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Re: Am I Wrong?!

  • debbies44debbies44
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think your necessarily in the wrong here.  It sounds like a pretty intimate get together...only BP members and family and one close friend right? I wouldn't call this a joint party since *techinically* you aren't doing a whole lot together, you are just going to the same game, I don't see why her FI should be invited if he's not friends with your FI.

    Would it be the end of the world to invite the guy to keep the peace?  It might be worth it since it's your MOH, as long as you don't have to pay for him!
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  • athenagirl16athenagirl16
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP 100%

     You are not in the wrong here at all, but you might just have to invite the FI to keep WWIII from happening and it could prob. avoid additional drama.
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  • browneyedbride7browneyedbride7
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you're in the wrong at all.  It sounds like it is a pretty intimate gathering of individuals.  MOH's FI is not that great of friends with your FI, so really there is no reason to extend an invitation.  I understand wanting to try to keep the peace, but your MOH is MOH for a reason and if she doesn't respect you enough to just let it go and get over it, then there's a deeper issue.
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  • jcrew_shopaholicjcrew_shopaholic member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would be upset too!  Since you aren't really "friends" with him, then I don't understand why she would be so upset about it.  Maybe just invite him to keep the peace, since the last thing you need right now is drama 2 months before your wedding day!  But wouldn't he feel ackward after the guys and the girls split up if he really doesn't know anyone?  I would!!  I would almost think that your MOH and her fiance would appreciate the fact that he doesn't have to be uncomfortable the entire evening.  Weddings make people do crazy things though :(
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  • Jules08Jules08
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree.  I don't think you were in the wrong.  It's up to your FI who he wants to invite; however, you might want to ask him how he would feel about inviting her FI.  Now if you ddin't invite her FI to the wedding, that would be a different story - he should be on that guest list as he is her FI (I don't think you mentioned either way, so adding my 2 cents there).

    For the BM's technically if they have had long term relationships with their BF's (especially if you have hung out with them on occasion) they too should be invited to the wedding (ettiquette wise).  Now if you talked to the BM's and they are okay with the BF's not being invited, then you are good to go.

    Now onto the cousins...well that's just too bad.  You again are in the right here.  They are under 17 and you don't need to give them the option to bring a date - no explanations needed.
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  • jackie5387jackie5387 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone! I just wanted to make sure I'm not crazy or anything. And yes, my MOH's fiance and my bridesmaid's boyfriends are invited to both the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and gift opening. That's why I can't even believe this issue came up! I'm just not the type of person to say, ok invite him, just to make her feel better and It wouldn't be fair to my other bridesmaids. And technically it's my FI bachelor party and I don't think it's fair for her or me to make him invite someone.
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  • Jules08Jules08
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_am-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:4c8e4aa2-eb5f-46bc-8fe5-f271dc9cefd1Post:db443c21-6fbb-46fe-b91d-17e067637170">Re: Am I Wrong?!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks everyone! I just wanted to make sure I'm not crazy or anything. And yes, my MOH's fiance and my bridesmaid's boyfriends are invited to both the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and gift opening. That's why I can't even believe this issue came up! I'm just not the type of person to say, ok invite him, just to make her feel better and It wouldn't be fair to my other bridesmaids. And technically it's my FI bachelor party and I don't think it's fair for her or me to make him invite someone.
    Posted by jackie5387[/QUOTE]

    Haha, nope not crazy.  You sound like you have everything in order and have done everything that you should have.

    You are right, it is your FI's b-party.  You should be able to explain to your MOH that his (perhaps unlike yours) is a smaller event and unfortunately inviting her FI would mean you'd have to invite the bf's of your bridal party and though he thinks they are fantastic people, it would mean that the event would be getting much bigger than what your FI was hoping for.  She should be able to understand that.  If not, then it seems like she would be having and AWish moment.  They can do what they want for their b-parties, but these are yours and you can do what you want.

    GL, I hope she comes around!
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