Second Weddings

Told the children and the ex

My FI told his children this past Saturday that we were going to be getting married. They are so excited. One of the 1st questions was if they could carry the rings, so while I wasn't planning on ring bearers I will happily let them.

It is sad that the next question was "What if Mom makes it so we can't come?" We told them that it was going to be a weekend that we had visitation so it shouldn't be a problem.

The rest of the questions were all about who was standing beside me and their dad. They are worried because I only have 1 attendant and they think I should have more and I don't have a flower girl.

The ex almost surprised us - she said she could care less. That she didn't need to know what was going in his life. But then she lived up to expectations... She proceeded to text me and tell me they are not to call me mom - which I agree, I'm not their mom. However she did tell their dad that when she gets married that they could call their step-dad dad because he would there for them more. She told me I was not to raise or influence her children in anyway, and that 4 days a month really doesn't constitute being a parent. That what happen with her children is her business not mine. She's happy that I'm nice to them though. I didn't respond except to tell her that I agree that they should not call me mom.

We didn't tell them when we were getting married because we do feel that if she finds out when she will do what she can to interfere with them being there.

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Re: Told the children and the ex

  • edited December 2011
    What a relief for you!  Its wonderful that the children are excited!  Your FI's X sounds like my X, he is truly overbeing and a control freak. I've learned to take his text with a grain of salt and the occasional shot of tequilla.... Good gor you for not feeling the urge to respond to all of her comments!!!  Congratulations and happppy, happpy, happppy planning!!!
  • edited December 2011
    Congrats and I'm happy that the kids are excited.  I think you did the right thing to not respond to all her comments.  She is trying to stir up BS, so don't let her get to you. 

    My FI's ex would love to stir up some drama, so we haven't told her the date yet.  I really have visions of her showing up at the church or being admitted to the hospital because of a nervous breakdown.
  • edited December 2011
    Hugs glad things went on a positive note with the kiddos. Sounds like the woman is gonna make things difficult in your future. Sorry I cannot imagine things being that way I have not had to deal with all of this good luck dear!
  • AdelphiTNAdelphiTN member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Arv - love the grain of salt with the shot of tequila. lol.

    Summerlilly - hopefully her fear will subside with time. at least her drama is about the kids and not still pining after him, eh?

    and it's wonderful that the kids are excited!
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Adelphi! 


  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Glad the kids are excited!
  • edited December 2011
    Congratulations,  The only ones that count are you, your FI and the children.  I would definitely keep her on a need to know basis and enjoy alll your plans. 

    My FI's ex is a nightmare (mental health issues etc), we haven't given her any info. and essentially my FI's daughter knows to play the I don't know game.  I also had visions of her showing up, so we are having the ceremony at West Point where I know she's not able to get in.  Sometimes you just have to pull out all the stops. 

    Good luck, you deserve to all the excitement of your plans.  Remember he's yours now.  You won!
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  • edited December 2011
    Do our FI's by chance have the same ex?  This sounds really familiar to our situation except the ex is pretty irrational about everything and we don't get to see them. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    mma3 I'm sure if she though she could get away with it she wouldn't let him see them either. She has actually told them she can't wait till they are old enough to decide that they don't want to see him anymore.
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  • edited December 2011
    it seems like your Fi's children really like you and care for you. And i havent had to really deal with my EX husband, but i have had to deal with his new wife (the one he cheated on and left me for)

     i can understand a little bit what your Fi's X is dealing with.
    i really try to keep an open mind and not interefere with her and my X's life and certainly didnt send overbearing text messages. haha.

    but i think you are handling things just awsome! :)
  • edited December 2011

    Wow.  We haven't told FI's boys yet.  Oldest is coming to live with us in a few weeks and we will tell them then.  No need to make XW crazy right before the custody changes.

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