Wedding Etiquette Forum

First look?

I looked on the Photos board and only found one post in the past few months on this. And I am not convinced either way yet. I think a first look would be very sweet, but then I think of the tradition of not seeing each other until the ceremony and I dont know if I will regret not having that moment too.

Should we do a "first look" or wait until the ceremony?

Background: 11am ceremony. Pictures will start at 9am. Ceremony and reception are in the same place.
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Re: First look?

  • We did our pictures before the ceremony, and I am so happy that we did it. It was a really sweet moment, very much like walking down the aisle, except I walked down a pier to him. We got beautiful photos and seeing him beforehand helped calm my nerves. Our pictures are absolutely stunning.

    We also did it for practical reasons - our ceremony was at 4 and the sun set at 4:45, so it was dark after the ceremony and all of our photos would have been inside.
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  • We did a first look, B&G pics and did WP and family pictures ALL before the ceremony.  We had two hours to do this and we got all the pictures we wanted and needed with time left over.  (must have a proficeint photographer and assistant). 

    If pictures start at 9...that's an EARLY morning for you and your WP to get up, dressed, make up on and ready to go! 

    I loved our pictures by doing a first look.  We were able to enjoy half of our cocktail hour with our guests.  And the moment of the doors opening and walking down the aisle is a whole other feeling.  (you actually get that feeling twice!)  
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  • We're doing a first look.  FI was also against it at first (those traditional guys!) but then we realized it would be so much easier and make the day less busy/stressful.  We'll have more time for fun photos and then we get to enjoy the cokctail hour wtih the guests.  I also like this because that way our wedding party is also free during the cocktail hour to have fun with their actual dates rather than being stuck with us.  I just want our day to be as fun as possible for everyone!
  • We did the first look and I am so happy we did.  I am such a crier but by seeing each other before hand it really calmed our nerves.  It also got a ton of pictures out of the way so we could speed things along after the ceremony.  Good luck! 
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  • Thanks everyone- I am glad so many of you shared your own experiences! I think we will most likely do a first look. FI did not want to at first, but he seems to be on board now. I am really excited about it! 
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  • we did all of our pics before teh wedding.  we didnt do a first look, it wasnt that important to us.  i think his first look was when i walked out to the truck, but it might have been in the house.  i honestly dont remember. 


    we also had an 11am wedding, we started photos at 830 (photog said 2 hours was good, and he wanted us to have some breathing room before the ceremony).  it was the best, as everyone adn the flowers were fresh and ready to go, and no one was wrinkled.  the best part was that we coudl go right to the reception with our guests and not miss out on any of the stuff we paid for.

  • FemlinFemlin member
    10 Comments
    We're doing a first look, and I'm excited about it.  I've talked to a few people who have done it, and of all the people who did it, no one said they regretted it.  I had a cousin who said that they wanted to do it, but they ran out of time and ended up not seeing each other until the ceremony and she was upset that they didn't get to do one.

    I also had another girl tell me that she wished they had done one, because as she was walking up the aisle she was distracted by people she had not seen in years that she was not expecting to be there.  So she said she felt torn because here she was supposed to be all "eyes on the groom" and she was excited about seeing all of her friends and family, too. 
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  • mjhoytmjhoyt member
    First Comment
    I would definitely suggest doing all of your pictures before the ceremony.  The first look is always a cool picture.  Also, you're going to be too anxious to get to the partying to take all of your pictures after the ceremony.
    Another thing to take into consideration is an extra fee from the photograper.  I work as a wedding photographer and we charge extra for "split" weddings where the bride and groom don't see eachother until the ceremony and they take all of the separate pictures beforehand.
  • If you have a good photographer, and good communication with him/her about the schedule of events both in meetings before the wedding day and on the wedding day, the photographer should be able to captur your expression(s) as you see eachother for the first time during the ceremony.
  • Our ceremony begins at 10:30am and we are doing all the pictures before the ceremony. I'm not superstituous like some brides are. I won't be sleeping somewhere else the night before, so he'll see me anyways before the ceremony. And besides, I know I'm going to be a crying mess during the ceremony, so the pictures after the ceremony I may not look my best. So before the tears start, I'm taking care of the pictures. Plus, it means you don't have to worry about making sure all the guests are entertained while you are taking pictures forever! You can go straight to partying with the guests.
  • lemkenlemken member
    10 Comments

    We are doing first look pictures for a number of reasons:

    1) I know I am going to start sobbing the second I see him, I would rather have it be the 2 of us instead of hundreds of eyes.
    2) I know I'm going to want to kiss him and hug him the first time I see him... I would rather have that be a private moment and not have to wait to kiss him properly at the end of our ceremomy.
    3) We want to have fun immediately after the ceremony - not sit around and take more pictures.
    4) We will look our best before the ceremony because we're having an outdoor wedding.
    5) It gives us time to have a special moment before the wedding, for just the 2 of us to reflect and get excited for our next big step - we won't get that chance any other time after the ceremony.

    I am a HUGE first look fan!

  • My former boss is a well known photographer in my hometown and he just couldn't stop singing the praises of doing the "first look" and the majority of the pictures before the ceremony.  I don't know if you have spoken to a photographer about this, but he said that they get the groom to close his eyes until you're in front of him.  When he opens his eyes they just start snapping pictures to really capture those first few seconds.

    Another plus is that you don't have to wait to go to your recpetion and people aren't waiting on you.

  • We did photos before & after the ceremony. All of the Groom with and Bride with were done first. After we did the family & group photos.

    We didn't see each other til the ceremony.
  • All the "first look" pictures I've ever seen have turned out wonderfully. I personally love the idea of having that special moment to yourselves (+ a photographer of course). And like others said, it seems like a great way to calm those pre-ceremony jitters. We're planning on doing it ourselves, especially since our wedding is going to be later in the day and we'll see each other before the ceremony anyways.
  • Since you have plenty of day time to take pictures afterwards, I would avoid this. I love the idea of sticking to the tradition, but since our ceremony is at 6 pm we are considering the first look pics only because we want to do pictures outside (its in Oct and we both love the fall). Of course, it is totally up to you.
  • My own advice is this:  there are more important things on your wedding day than taking pictures.
  • We easily did all photos within the cocktail hour. If you have a photographer who knows what they're doing, this shouldn't be an issue. Doing a first look is a personal choice. We didn't do one, but I do like the photos. I wouldn't ever advise doing them after the reception.
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  • I'm going with the "first look" pictures.  That way, there is no risk of us being late to the reception or having any other issues without flexibility.

    I'm also a rather private person, so I want the first look to be a private moment.
  • we did the first option. our photographer was actually pretty awesome, and was able to catch both of our "first looks." I walked out, she snapped a pic, turned around and snapped a pic of DH who was starting to tear up, then continued taking pictures of me.

    and we built the cocktail hour into the reception to allow for pictures. we staggered it, by taking huge family pictures first, then smaller and smaller family groups until it was just DH and I left.
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  • We did a first look, and it was the only regret we both had at our wedding!  It truly took away from the opening of the doors and seeing each other.  Our wedding was at noon, and it made it extremely rushed with hair, make-up and getting dressed to pull it off.  Two of my nieces recently got married and neither did a first look, and both were thrilled with that decision.  If you have a good photographer, they can do pics afterwards that turn out great and get you to the reception fast. 
  • Maybe i'm just a romantic at heart but i've always envisioned the first time my groom sees me is when i'm walking down the aisle. seeing me before just doesn't seem as special... sure it saves time or w/e, but when you look back on your big day... what part are you going to remember?
    we're doing some of the pictures beforehand... as in- bride + bridesmaids and then grooms + groomsmen. but then afterwards we'll do families, group pictures, and the bride & groom pics. =)
  • I was completely against doing first look photos. I wanted the traditional wow she is beautiful moment as i walked down the isle with my dad.  However,  i looked at a few of my friends photos lately.  2 did the traditional photos waiting till the ceremony to see each other and one did the photos before hand (and some after) " aka First look"  

    What it comes down to for me is that the first look photos allowed for SOOO many more photos and some really great ones. I cant wait to do the first look photos. i am sure I will cry like a baby no matter what...  But i will have more photos going with the first look.  Now i just have 390 days to do it.

    B
    True Love Knows No Bounds... Bryn
  • I've had mixed feelings about this also & couldn't decided for sure either way. I was all about the 'tradition' of not seeing my groom until I was walking down the aisle. That was until I read where the tradition came from!
    Not seeing the groom until you're walking down the aisle comes from back when marriages were arranged & they would not allow the man to see his wife until then for fear of flight.
    I also like the idea of having our expressions caught on camera when we see each other for the first time & it just being us.

    My best friend got married recently & they did the 'first look' & their pictures turned out absolutely priceless! After the ceremony we took just a few group pictures then were able to go on to the reception without making the guests wait.

    Either way its up to you, but with as much time as we have spent planning the reception, we want to be there for as much of it as possible & still get every single picture that we could possibly want.

    Hope this helped!
  • My future husband is pretty traditional and while I am not so much, this one I have to stick with just because I do want him to see me for the 1st time walking down that aisle. In my mind it's not something any other "look" could match. We will be doing out group/family shots after the ceremony during the "cocktail" hour while guests are seating themselves at the reception venue and enjoying some snacks/drinks.
  • My mom really wants me to go with a "First Look", because thats what she and my dad did...as she proudly states, "we had all our pictures done before the wedding!". Thats great mom...but I kind of like tradition (even if it was so the groom won't run away), and I'm having two photogs to capture everything, so I'm pretty sure we'll get all our pictures we want, and in a reasonable time.
  • This something we're toying with now, too (granted our wedding is over a year away so we've got plenty of time to figure this out).  Wedding is at 1:30pm... reception can't start until 6 so yes there's TONS of time afterwards to get pictures in. We'll do all the formals and such after the ceremony. 
    Originally I did NOT to do a first look, but then I realized that I'm such an emotional person (and I'm sure FI will be that day too) that if we DON'T do a first look I'm going to look like a disaster coming down that isle (and the isle at the church we're getting married at is a super long one). 
    I think having first look pictures will be fun - so you can really see that emotion and have a few minutes just to ourselves. He's still going to get that look when the church doors open and you walk down the isle because thats the "this is really it" moment.. (I'm sure I'll still be a wreck at that time, too!). Doing the first look will take off a little stress too, I think.

    Question to those who did/are doing a first look - how do you do it? I mean .. I've seen the pictures of the bride walking up to the groom whose back is to her.. but did you do your first look.. take a couple first look pics and then go your separate ways until the ceremony started? Or did you do the first look, go to the church together etc... ? How much time did you spend together? And did you have your bridal party there, too?
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  • If you are really nervous, I'd suggest doing first looks. I know a few people who have done this and they said it cut down on the jitter a TON, and they were calm and collected at the ceremony.

    But If you two are really comfortable together (me and FH will have been living together for 4 years at that point, for example) it might be worth it to wait. If you do this, make sure your photog gets the pic of the groom's reaction right when you walk in! It's priceless how awestruck he is! <3

    Good luck!
  • Hey!

    This was something that I have constantly toyed with too... what about the traditional aspects of it all. Then, I realized, the first time he sees me, will still be the first time he sees me - regardless of when/where/what else is going on. For me, pictures are a big deal the day of - especially those that capture great emotions! As a photographer myself, I know that those moments when the bride and groom are alone, say a lot about their love, relationship, committment, and the day itself. Those photos are the ones that friends, families, and the husband and wife will look back on and forever remember the moments. With that being said, I also like more opportunities to capture these moments... having the first meeting and the ceremony separate is a great way to capture multiple emotions... just as the processional and recessional show different emotions, you will most likely experience similiar but different emotions from the first meeting to the ceremony when you walk down the aisle.

    The one thing that my fiance and I have decided to do to make it our day is that we're meeting in the morning to take our puppy on a walk and to have breakfast. After that we're going our separate ways to get ready and hang out with the girls/guys. From there, we will do a first meeting where we will exchange letters to one another. And as another person responded... I want to be able to hug and kiss him right away. I also want that moment to be intimate. We are going to be totally alone. Our photographer is even going to use a telephoto zoom lens so she won't even be close. Just really think about what you personally want the moment to look like, feel like, and be like, and share that with your fiance. Make sure you both are completely comfortable with doing it that way. At first my fiance wanted to do it the traditional way, but after sharing our feelings about it, he decided he wanted it to be intimate as well :)

    That's my advice. Hope it helps!
  • I am planning for my 2nd wedding and I strongly suggest you do the "First Look"  it can be very private and capture the looks on eachothers faces better then when coming down the aisle.  It also makes for rushed pictures after the weddinig together if you are trying to not have your guests wiat too long for your arrival, which can kill the mood of the day.  I will be doing a very private first look with my groom and its what I am looking forward to most.
  • At first I was against the first look photos but as I started thinking about it and saw some of them I totally changed my mind.  My wedding and reception are going to flash by and I want to spend the most time with my guests having fun.  Taking pictures during cocktail hour takes a whole hour away from them.  I'd rather do the pictures first and then hang out with everyone and be able to eat the food during cocktail hour!!
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