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What to say to people who complain about not being invited?

lef5042lef5042
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in Military Brides
I just got married on June 18th! yay! and finally got to move in with my new husband after being long distance thru my entire college career while he's been moving around, on deployments, etc with the Navy.  Needless to say, I'm as happy as I've ever been, finally reaching this long-awaited point in our relationship. :-)  However, I can't help but be annoyed by the fact that a few people have hinted at or even flat out asked me why they weren't invited to my wedding!  The people who have done this are people that were friends back in high school, but now I don't really talk to them except maybe a few times a year so I didn't invite them to my wedding, nor did I even consider it.  How do you respond when someone gets mad at you for not inviting them? I don't even know how to respond to such an awkward, rude question...
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Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?

  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:2325e430-1ed5-4222-9fbb-150c13d26432">What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just got married on June 18th! yay! and finally got to move in with my new husband after being long distance thru my entire college career while he's been moving around, on deployments, etc with the Navy.  Needless to say, I'm as happy as I've ever been, finally reaching this long-awaited point in our relationship. :-)  However, I can't help but be annoyed by the fact that a few people have hinted at or even flat out asked me why they weren't invited to my wedding!  The people who have done this are people that were friends back in high school, but now I don't really talk to them except maybe a few times a year so I didn't invite them to my wedding, nor did I even consider it.  How do you respond when someone gets mad at you for not inviting them? I don't even know how to respond to such an awkward, rude question...
    Posted by lef5042[/QUOTE]

    <div>"We decided to have a small wedding..."</div><div>
    </div><div>"We would have loved to have invited everyone but unfortunately our budget didn't allow for that..."
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  • kara811kara811 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Beach already gave you great suggestions for responses, but I wanted to say Hi fellow Navy wife! 
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  • SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow.. Rude much?

    Thats terrible! Even weddings that I've felt kind of that way about, I still would never ask that!! How are they asking you? like calling you up or asking you on FB? Sorry for being Nosy, I'm just kind of horrified that people are really that rude!

    I would use Beach's suggestions... She's kind of brillant when it comes to these things.
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  • heather0711heather0711
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:db08da51-719f-4f58-b6d8-44efbe6c96a8">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to What to say to people who complain about not being invited? : "We decided to have a small wedding..." "We would have loved to have invited everyone but unfortunately our budget didn't allow for that..."
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    <div>What she said. </div><div>
    </div><div>Our wedding is still several months away but I've been getting questions from people who aren't invited about when I'm sending out STDs. I kind of just awkwardly say "oh, I'm not sure yet." When it comes time for it though, I'm definitely just saying that the budget wouldn't allow for us to invite every person either of us have even come in contact with. </div>
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  • zimgsgirl26zimgsgirl26
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:0c40b03f-e0c0-454b-a2f8-986e171fec29">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited? : What she said.  Our wedding is still several months away but I've been getting questions from people who aren't invited about when I'm sending out STDs. I kind of just awkwardly say "oh, I'm not sure yet." When it comes time for it though, I'm definitely just saying that the budget wouldn't allow for us to invite every person either of us have even come in contact with. 
    Posted by heather0711[/QUOTE]
    I have people asking me if they're invited too! It's so rude because most of them that ask I'm not inviting because we're not that close and we want a small wedding! It's so annoying. I just say I don't know yet the guest list isn't finalized
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi LEF! I think this was brought up once before because we have something similar going on right now where my FI's cousin has said to me on Facebook "I fully expect my invitation." um, no. I've never met her, FI isn't close to her (and never had her on the guest list), and, she told me I am inviting her? gahhhh! RUDE. So, our invites are going out tomorrow and girlfriend is in for a surprise when she finds out she is so Fully Not Invited to this wedding. woops!


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  • heather0711heather0711
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:bed492a5-50e7-477f-8b4e-afd3964e39d4">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi LEF! I think this was brought up once before because we have something similar going on right now where my FI's cousin has said to me on Facebook "I fully expect my invitation." um, no. I've never met her, FI isn't close to her (and never had her on the guest list), and, she told me I am inviting her? gahhhh! RUDE. <strong>So, our invites are going out tomorrow and girlfriend is in for a surprise when she finds out she is so Fully Not Invited to this wedding. woops!</strong>
    Posted by burgerqueen929[/QUOTE]

    <div>haha, excellent. </div><div>
    </div><div>People are so rude about it. I'm amazed with the balls that some people have to really just expect to be invited and then to say it, it's ridiculous. </div>
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi Heather :) I'm a USMC Wife-to-Be as well! and new at the boards. yeah, this chick had come serious chutzpah I'll tell ya.
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  • heather0711heather0711
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:fd043063-00b3-49e6-8785-f479333183c2">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Heather :) I'm a USMC Wife-to-Be as well! and new at the boards. yeah, this chick had come serious chutzpah I'll tell ya.
    Posted by burgerqueen929[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Totally off topic haha - 
    <div>You're in the northeat area too! So exciting! No one is ever up this way. </div></div>
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:08a5114b-92f3-4dee-b1cb-e297c872b36e">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited? : Totally off topic haha -  You're in the northeat area too! So exciting! No one is ever up this way. 
    Posted by heather0711[/QUOTE]

    I'm getting married in Connecticut and am originally from the Boston area.  Does that count???

    To the OP - wow, what nerve!  I don't know if you have a mostly family wedding, but we've been saying, "I'm really sorry, we both have such big families that we can't invite as many friends as we would like."  Or you can use this variation for extended family like cousins: "We both have such big families that unfortunately we can't invite much of our extended families".

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  • heather0711heather0711
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:b955e036-6d30-4353-97ba-aaa35648f452">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited? : I'm getting married in Connecticut and am originally from the Boston area.  Does that count??? 
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    <div>Most definitely! I though I saw you around the CT board - I'm always so happy when I find out I am not the only military wife-to-be up here in New England. Seems like everyone is always so much closer to their SOs base and their almost always down south or out west. </div>
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:929d10d6-9bd6-493d-8e8f-90b17317dc0e">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited? : Most definitely! I though I saw you around the CT board - I'm always so happy when I find out I am not the only military wife-to-be up here in New England. Seems like everyone is always so much closer to their SOs base and their almost always down south or out west. 
    Posted by heather0711[/QUOTE]

    We're a bit backwards - my FI and I are both living in Miami while he finishes up law school.  He's inactive reserves until he passes the bar, so we're living the civilian life down here (except he's interning this summer on base).

    So unfortunately (and it's a big 'unfortunately' as I hate Miami) I am not up in New England currently, but I do travel up fairly frequently to handle wedding stuff!

    Good luck with the long distance!  When's your date?

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  • heather0711heather0711
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_say-people-complain-not-being-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:44873519-6533-4253-890d-4e80536247e2Post:4bb59c59-84f4-49a2-b167-b615ff896e67">Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to say to people who complain about not being invited? : We're a bit backwards - my FI and I are both living in Miami while he finishes up law school.  He's inactive reserves until he passes the bar, so we're living the civilian life down here (except he's interning this summer on base). So unfortunately (and it's a big 'unfortunately' as I hate Miami) I am not up in New England currently, but I do travel up fairly frequently to handle wedding stuff! Good luck with the long distance!  When's your date?
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]<div>
    <div>That's exciting and I'm totally jealous haha but I've never had any desire to go to FL lol so i can imagine the lack of love for Miami but I'd have totally taken the civilian life any time over the last 4 years. </div><div>Our date is January 28, FIs contract is up in December so we done with the USMC in less than 6 months (thank goodness) but he is currently deployed - less than 1/2 way to go though! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

    </div></div>
    She's always wanted to be a princess and he's always wanted to be a hero; as fate would now have it, she is his princess and he is her hero *Semper Fi* Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Florida is okay - full of old people, but the weather's nice in the winter, and the coasts are quite nice.  Tampa and Naples are good places to live.  The center is sometimes a bit of hicksville.  I do love Disney!

    But Miami is Cuba.  We live in Cuba.  No one speaks English, they're all aggressive and self-involved.  They'd sooner run you over than let you walk in front of their car as a pedestrian - they'll speed up to "teach you a lesson".  It's a total dog-eat-dog world here.  Even outsiders who have moved to Miami become amazingly self involved (or maybe already self involved people are drawn to Miami like bugs to a light?).  In the two weeks I spent with FI on Parris Island, I met people who I felt more connected to than anyone I've met down here in 2 years.  I need a ride to the doctor on Tuesday, and there is literally no one who will spare 30 minutes of their day to take me.  So I have to take a cab.  Sucky, right?  With all the downsides of military life, at least people tend to help each other out!  I'm really looking forward to it, warts and all.

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  • SamiJoeBSamiJoeB
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    C!! I would take you.. Even if I were Cuban or Self Involved... mostly though.. if I were in FL..
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  • lef5042lef5042
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hey everyone! Thanks so much for all of your good advice!  As of now, I still haven't responded (it was via facebook) and I still haven't decided whether I'm even going to or not. haha.  I'm glad to know that you all are just as appalled by people asking for invites. btw...sorry for being so MIA to my own post...H actually had the weekend off so I haven't been on much.
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