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brides maid issues

ellebear22ellebear22
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I know I am posting this on the etiquette board but I need to know what is the proper etiquette on how do Itell one of my long time friends, I no longer want her as a brides maid...Well I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she keeps passing little comments about her not necessarily wanting to be in the wedding party... she has also said that she didnt ask to be in the wedding etc... she is using that she just lost her job as an excuse but my wedding is 1 year away, I am sure she can find a job in the mean time & her husband said to her dont worry about it (we are all friends), that he will pay for the dress. I have also offered to pay 1/2 for the dress and 1/2 for the alterations... She had already bought supplies for the bridal shower (With the moh) and I feel bad if I kick her out, but if her attitude doesnt change I do not see an option...she will attend the wedding regardless of being a bridesmaid, just dont know what to do in this situation or how to say to her I dont want her as a bridesmaid (based upon her attitude and actions)...
Edit:There are a few things I think I should clarify... I am completely understanding of her situation... I have been where she is before and I understand her situation. I completely support her as a friend in fact I have gone above and beyond what friends do. I have gone so far as look for jobs for her, I have emailed places that she is qualified for and have printed out applications and given them to her. I have also given her a list of contacts of people I know who are hiring... this is all because she says "I cant find anything"... I am not throwing her under the bus with this or anything- I even offered to pay 1/2 for the dress as well as the alterations. Her husband and her are not dipping into savings or anything like that. Her husband actually wants her to be a stay at home wife for a while to consentrate on herself.
I have not left her out of anything, in fact it is quite the opposite. She is leaving herself out of just being a friend when I am the one who has been calling and texting, (so is my other friends because we are worried about her ) she is not answering calls, emails and when she does she makes excuses why she can't hang out-"oh I have to clean"- which she says she does everyday or "my cat misses me, I should spend time with her". Myself my friend and 2 other girls used to get together at least 2x a month just to hang out no wedding stuff. She doesnt even want to do that anymore.
I also did not jump the gun for picking out my bridesmaids, they knew who they were from the get-go, we are all life long friends, we have been at eachothers weddings, etc. If you all read what I wrote in the original message it said..." I no longer want her as a brides maid...Well I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she keeps passing little comments about her not necessarily wanting to be in the wedding party..."...I will repeat it again I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she has been passing the comments about not wanting to be in the wedding and how she didnt ask to be in the wedding party etc... Also no one not even the maid of honor asked her to buy anything for the bridal shower- she did this on her own.
I should also say I dont harass her, I check in on her with a few texts a week and a few calls (like maybe 3) mostly after she doesnt answer anyones calls for 2 or more days...
I have been patient and kind.. Again I will repeat I have been understanding of her situation and I dont push anything about the wedding onto her. In fact because of her complete withdrawal from social settings altogether, I have offered to help her in everyday things like cleaning her house! I always listen to her and let her vent, I can also say that as a professional in the field- these are all signs of something deeper wrong- I wont abandon her as a friend- and this wont ruin our friendship- I dont want to "kick" her out of the wedding...but her comments lead me to believe she does not really want to participate.
I have been trying to be as good as a friend as a friend can be. Please do not doubt that....
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Re: brides maid issues

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    beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    You should not kick her out. If she wants to take herself out, let her. Tell her you love her but you understand. Let her make this decision on her own. 
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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    You shouldn't kick someone out...it's rude. You jumped the gun asking people to be in your wedding party.  You certainly don't need to order dresses for a while so I would wait it out until she hopefully has a job and her financial situation is a bit better.  Stop pressuring her about dress stuff and be a good friend.  Avoid wedding talk!  It sounds like she has a lot on her plate and she really needs a friend.
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:132c518d-c8f8-4f78-af33-6faccb6b8e9d">brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know I am posting this on the etiquette board but I need to know what is the proper etiquette on how do Itell one of my long time friends, I no longer want her as a brides maid...Well I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she keeps passing little comments about her not necessarily wanting to be in the wedding party... she has also said that she didnt ask to be in the wedding etc... she is using that she just lost her job as an excuse but my wedding is 1 year away, I am sure she can find a job in the mean time & her husband said to her dont worry about it (we are all friends), that he will pay for the dress. I have also offered to pay 1/2 for the dress and 1/2 for the alterations... She had already bought supplies for the bridal shower (With the moh) and I feel bad if I kick her out, but if her attitude doesnt change I do not see an option...she will attend the wedding regardless of being a bridesmaid, just dont know what to do in this situation or how to say to her I dont want her as a bridesmaid (based upon her attitude and actions)...
    Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]
    She's not doing anything at all that justifies you kicking her out of the wedding.  Things that would justify kicking her out of the wedding are things like trying to seduce your FI or assaulting you. 



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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Unless you are prepared to end this friendship, you can't kick her out.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Definitely do not kick her out. That is pretty much a friendship-ending move and very rude. She has not done anything that warrants it, either.

    As far as affording the dress, did you ask her what her budget was privately ahead of time?

    Also, losing your job is kind of a huge deal. I think brushing it off as, "Oh she's trying to blame all this on this measly little fact that she lost her job and she can totes just find another one" is very insensitive as someone who is supposedly a good friend. Losing a job is beyond stressful and can be devastating financially. It's not just as easy as "Oh she'll find another one." If I just lost my job, throwing a shower or paying for a BM dress would not be top priority. Give her some slack and treat her like a FRIEND.


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    Anastasia517Anastasia517 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:44d54453-63bc-4f02-ac87-2930487027bb">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Definitely do not kick her out. That is pretty much a friendship-ending move and very rude. She has not done anything that warrants it, either. As far as affording the dress, did you ask her what her budget was privately ahead of time? Also, losing your job is kind of a huge deal. I think brushing it off as, "Oh she's trying to blame all this on this measly little fact that she lost her job and she can totes just find another one" is very insensitive as someone who is supposedly a good friend. Losing a job is beyond stressful and can be devastating financially. It's not just as easy as "Oh she'll find another one." If I just lost my job, throwing a shower or paying for a BM dress would not be top priority. Give her some slack and treat her like a FRIEND.
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto all of this.  My FI and I are young enough that we have friends who are recently graduted from university or college or will be soon and while people are finding jobs, they are often unrelated to what they studied.  More often than not, they are working at minimum wage or not much above.</div><div>
    </div><div>Your friend may be able to get another job, but there is no guarantee that she will be paid as well or enjoy it as much as the one she lost.  In the meantime, she and her husband are probably redrawing their budget, making cuts, and maybe dipping into their savings.  Make sure you ask her what her budget is for a dress (privately!) and work from that budget or give your girls a colour and fabric at a store with cheaper options and let her find something that fits that budget.  Pre-wedding parties are nice, but certainly not necessary, especially if they pose a hardship on your nearest & dearest.</div><div>
    </div><div>In the meantime, treat your friend like a friend and be there for her.</div>
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yeah, there's plenty of time for her to participate in your wedding activities so I'd cool it and support her through this major issue she's going through. When my ex lost his job, I felt incredibly vulnerable and worried about everything from heating costs to Christmas gifts when it was January.  It's not a good feeling. She's not being selfish, she's dealing with her life right now, let her do that.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment

    There are a few things I think I should clarify... I am completely understanding of her situation... I have been where she is before and I understand her situation. I completely support her as a friend in fact I have gone above and beyond what friends do. I have gone so far as look for jobs for her, I have emailed places that she is qualified for and have printed out applications and given them to her. I have also given her a list of contacts of people I know who are hiring... this is all because she says "I cant find anything"... I am not throwing her under the bus with this or anything- I even offered to pay 1/2 for the dress as well as the alterations. Her husband and her are not dipping into savings or anything like that. Her husband actually wants her to be a stay at home wife for a while to consentrate on herself. 
    I have not left her out of anything, in fact it is quite the opposite. She is leaving herself out of just being a friend when I am the one who has been calling and texting, (so is my other friends because we are worried about her ) she is not answering calls, emails and when she does she makes excuses why she can't hang out-"oh I have to clean"- which she says she does everyday or "my cat misses me, I should spend time with her".  Myself my friend and 2 other girls used to get together at least 2x a month just to hang out no wedding stuff. She doesnt even want to do that anymore.
     I also did not jump the gun for picking out my bridesmaids, they knew who they were from the get-go, we are all life long friends, we have been at eachothers weddings, etc. If you all read what I wrote in the original message it said..." I no longer want her as a brides maid...Well I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she keeps passing little comments about her not necessarily wanting to be in the wedding party..."...I will repeat it again I want her as a bridesmaid BUT she has been passing the comments about not wanting to be in the wedding and how she didnt ask to be in the wedding party etc... Also no one not even the maid of honor asked her to buy anything for the bridal shower- she did this on her own.
    I should also say I dont harass her, I check in on her with a few texts a week and a few calls (like maybe 3) mostly after she doesnt answer anyones calls for 2 or more days...
    I have been patient and kind.. Again I will repeat I have been understanding of her situation and I dont push anything about the wedding onto her.  In fact because of her complete withdrawal from social settings altogether, I have offered to help her in everyday things like cleaning her house! I always listen to her and let her vent, I can also say that as a professional in the field- these are all signs of something deeper wrong- I wont abandon her as a friend- and this wont ruin our friendship- I dont want to "kick" her out of the wedding...but her comments lead me to believe she does not really want to participate.
    I have been trying to be as good as a friend as a friend can be. Please do not doubt that....

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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:4324a1d4-e1a2-4b09-8d6a-4f660321fef6">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to brides maid issues : I'm sorry but if my BMs is telling me that she doesn't want to be in my wedding party, then I would ask her to come as a guest.  I do not want someone that doesn't want to be there, be there.  Her saying that "little comments about her not necessarily wanting to be in the wedding party... she has also said that she didnt ask to be in the wedding etc...", I find that RUDE so I don't really see it being rude telling her if she feels that way to please just attend as a Guest. I would repay her for what ever she bought the Bridal Shower. If you are giving her all these options about the dress and she doesn't want to listen to them then she doesn't want to be there.  *I know people will say don't follow this advice, and that is fine and dandy; this is just my opinion. I don't want someone in me WP who doesn't want to be there.   
    Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]
    Thank you for your responce... It seems like there are very few if anyone other than you  who read that part.- There has been alot of negativity coming from this friend and I am not the only one who sees or is hearing it. I had wrote and extra piece on the bottom just in case you wanted to read that further for further info on this matter.
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:7a3bcb4f-97de-4c32-8039-c3b14847e4e6">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: brides maid issues : I think you are being a great friend. Why don't you say something like "I really want you to be there as my BMs but if you really don't want to be in the Wedding Party and would rather come as a guest I understand, I just want you to be happy."
    Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]
    That is exactly what I think I am going to do... Before she lost her job she actually offered to step down so someone else can take her place (at that point it was with out explanation), I asked her then if she didnt want to be in the wedding party she said she did, but she didnt want to be a moh (I was going to have 2)- but now she is distancing herself even more and the comments are about just being a bm...TY so much for understanding and reading that all!
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:7a3bcb4f-97de-4c32-8039-c3b14847e4e6">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: brides maid issues : I think you are being a great friend. Why don't you say something like "I really want you to be there as my BMs but if you really don't want to be in the Wedding Party and would rather come as a guest I understand, I just want you to be happy."
    Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]

    That is exactly what I think I am going to do... Before she lost her job she actually offered to step down so someone else can take her place (at that point it was with out explanation), I asked her then if she didnt want to be in the wedding party she said she did, but she didnt want to be a moh (I was going to have 2)- but now she is distancing herself even more and the comments are about just being a bm...TY so much for understanding and reading that all!
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:c3f49b0f-9f38-4d6f-9474-362a8e972246">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with everyone here. Getting a job is not as easy as it sounds, also depending on how competative your friend's industry is, demand for jobs and economy are all huge factors! I've been out of work before and I live in CA, where the economy is very unstable and the only jobs available are contract jobs anyway. I've been lucky where when my contract ended, I was quickly able to find another job, but the application process can be full time work as well! Not to mention with the internet and easier communication, people now have to compete with people over seas who are willing to work for less $$. And there was a time I didn't have the most stable job so this is a sensitive subject with me. If someone who I counted on as a close friend, did not show understanding or compassion over my loss of a job and instead wanted me to spend MORE $$ on THEIR wedding, I'd be pissed!
    Posted by Amyzen83[/QUOTE]
    To clarify- I did not ask her to spend more money on my wedding... I show alot of compassion and understanding- read the updated post please :)
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:4e56811b-5287-4cad-8aa0-e787fe4c660c">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should not kick her out. If she wants to take herself out, let her. Tell her you love her but you understand. Let her make this decision on her own. 
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]
    TY for your reply- what she has been saying and doing is leading me to believe she is going to take herself out of the wedding party...
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:4e56811b-5287-4cad-8aa0-e787fe4c660c">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should not kick her out. If she wants to take herself out, let her. Tell her you love her but you understand. Let her make this decision on her own. 
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]
    TY for your reply- what she has been saying and doing is leading me to believe she is going to take herself out of the wedding party...
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:6b46f558-47a0-4fb9-b023-681993470bf9">Re: brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]You shouldn't kick someone out...it's rude. You jumped the gun asking people to be in your wedding party.  You certainly don't need to order dresses for a while so I would wait it out until she hopefully has a job and her financial situation is a bit better.  Stop pressuring her about dress stuff and be a good friend.  Avoid wedding talk!  It sounds like she has a lot on her plate and she really needs a friend.
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]
    I dont see how I am jumping the gun for asking people to be in the wedding party- we are life long friends and have been in eachothers wedding (infact before I got engaged she was one of the ones trying to plan my wedding for me)- I have not pressured her and I have been being an exceptional friend...read the updated post :)
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your wedding is a year away.  Your friend has lost her job and is understandably stressed out.  One of those stressors is paying for your wedding.

    When she says she's worried, remind her that you don't want your wedding to cause her any more stress, that you're sure you can work things out, and that she doesn't need to be worrying over it on your account-  you just want your life long friend there by your side, and her happiness is what really matters to you.

    And then look within yourself and try to make this true!

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    libby18belllibby18bell member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
    edited March 2013
    I'm slightly confused, how do you know she doesn't want to be in your wedding?  Has the little commments as you put it been said directly to you?  Since you are a group of life long friends, there is always the occasional talking behind a person's back, I know it's rude but it happens.  Has any of the comments been said directly to you by her or is it just what other girls in the group have said? If they have then why didn't you give her an out right then.  

    Yes you have been a great friend, but I hate to say this to you, you're supposed to be a great friend.  As a friend, and as a friend close enough to be in each other's wedding you do stuff like this for each other.  You send the occasional funny card, or funny text just to cheer the person up.  You can go days, weeks or at the drastic months without seeing the person but you know that you are there for each other and you care about each other.  I would feel utterly hurt if on top of everything she is going through, and you may not know all the details, how do you know they haven't dipped in to savings, how do you know they aren't stressed as a couple, are you in their home, that my friend can't give me some time to deal with everything without wanting or needing me to be a social butterfly.  She may not want to socialize with the group if all you ever ask her about is how is the job hunting going what now, it's a very depressing situation, and if you ask her to no longer be a BM YOU aren't a very good friend.  Sorry to be so blunt.
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    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    If your boss came into your office and say "hey, if you don't want to be here, then quit?" What would you think? Would you think she has your best interests at heart, or would you hear "just quit already"? 

    If you tell her to just be a guest, then you aren't allowing her to make that choice. There is no confrontation to be had, and no decisions to make. If she's already having such a hard time with other things, why would you force more stress on her by making her make a decision? You wouldn't replace her anyway, so there shouldn't be pressure on her to decide a year in advance if she wants to stand in your party.  

    Just let it all go. Focus on her, and trying to help her be happy with her life again. Tell your BMs to give her a break about shower costs or anything else. She isn't required to contribute anyway, and if she chooses to do so, then it's her choice. If she brings up another comment about the wedding just answer "oh, don't worry about that, it's ages away" and change the subject.  Let her have some space, do her thing, and leave the wedding out of it. She'll snap out of it in her own time. And then she'll be clear headed enough to decide if she wants to be a BM.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    arrippaarrippa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013

    I understand that you are frustrated and maybe a little hurt by her comments, but you have so much time left. I would let it go for now. Maybe she is still upset/stressing about her job loss and that's why she is saying things. If you say something now, you might regret it later. Why don't you give her some time to fully come to grips with everything.  I would be so hurt if I my friend kicked me out of her wedding after losing my job. I probably wouldn't even go to the wedding. 

    Also, saying "I undertand if you don't want to be in the wedding" is a passive aggressive way to get her out. If she truly doesn't want to be in the wedding, she will quit on her own. I know you feel like you are giving her an out, but I think it's just another way to kick someone out while looking like it's their decision.

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    Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Love the pulp fiction reference Stage!

    In response to OP It was this line "she has also said that she didnt ask to be in the wedding etc... she is using that she just lost her job as an excuse but my wedding is 1 year away, I am sure she can find a job in the mean time"

    That made me question whether you truelly understand the gravity of her situation. It looks like right now your friend is being pissy and flakey because she is stressed out, and possibly depressed. Granted her husband is being very wonderful and supportive to her, but I know if I were in the same situation, I'd still feel discouraged and like a loser. But that's me, I feel like if I can't pull my weight financially then I'm a failure, add that to losing a job.

    My advice to you is to relax, see how the year goes, and when it does come down to buying dresses, see where is at and Let HER make the decision to drop out, and show her that you understand and still love her. In the meantime, when you are around her, see if you can hold off on wedding related/bridesmaid talk. Maybe she just needs space from the world. 
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    She was and is never worried... About my wedding or planning... I have been an amazing friend as said in an update i have gone as far as to look for jobs for her and print out app's. Her attitude changed about being in my wedding around the time i became engaged... Which was more than a month before I did any of the beginnings of the planning. I am still there call and text offer to bring lunch etc but she has been distant and negative, hence the reason for the post.
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    Idk if I can make paragraphs :p Can you? I am on my phone. My paragraphs come out all weird sometimes, sorry!
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    libby18belllibby18bell member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer First Anniversary
    Why should she be worried about your wedding planning?  Not to come off harsh, but your wedding is over a year away, the BP has lives and are really happy for you, but they don't have to do anything yet.  That's why all us ladies bounce ideas off on the forum and go to the other wonderful ladies for advice.  Nobody besides you and your FI and maybe the mothers will be as excited as you are about your wedding, just the nature of the beast.  I was hurt at first when I was excited and my girls were happy but didn't get involved, and I read enough things by these wonderful ladies to realize that's normal and it's ok.  They still love us and support us, but they also have their own lives and it's ups and downs.
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    I do completely understand the gravity of her situation, I was unemployed/ disabled for 22 years when I was in her wedding/ our other friends wedding. I basically try to offer her a daily distraction while listening to her vent her frustrations. I dont even bring up wedding stuff near or around her. We went looking at dresses now bc im in school ft and working ft and non of the bm's have tons of spare time... But other than that any wedding stuff has been brought up on her own accord. Thanks for the response.
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    I never implied she should be worried about planning...
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    My wedding is less than a year away.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brides-maid-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:27b31798-2750-4578-b835-bdddcbb44780Post:9962ae75-e980-4463-8cb9-f56d3c6a84e5">Re:brides maid issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]My wedding is less than a year away.
    Posted by ellebear22[/QUOTE]

    OMG.  Yes, 361 days is technically less than 365. Shame on you, Libby, for generalizing about Ellebear's wedding and saying it is a year away when it is CLEARLY less. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

    *face palm*
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    Actually someone else said it was more i shouldve clarified.
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    ellebear22ellebear22
    First Comment
    Sorry like i said ive been making them byt they dont come out :
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    Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    "Her attitude changed about being in my wedding around the time i became engaged... Which was more than a month before I did any of the beginnings of the planning."

    Hmmm... I was originally going to ask if jealousy could be a factor but I remembered that she's already married, so in theory there's no reason for her to be... Sounds like you are doing everything you can to be a good friend to her. I think I'd just let her be alone with her thoughts until you actually need anything from her. Either way I wouldn't decide to kick her out unless you really really don't mind losing her as a friend. I think at this point whether she wants to be in it or not is in her court. If she changes her attitude and is a star bridesmaid awesome! But if nothing changes, most likely she'll drop out on her own accord or at the very least she'll put on the dress and stand by your side on your wedding day.
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