Family didn't like invitations

unplainjane · May 2011

Sorry a bit of a vent. Okay I don’t know why this is bothering me so much. Our families involvement in our wedding has been pretty smooth. We are in our 30s and are paying for the wedding ourselves so our families haven’t really made any demands on us. I am a graphic designer and my FI is an illustrator so we designed our own invitations and were really excited about them.

But my family didn’t seem as happy with them when I showed them last night. We have little orange leaves running down the side of them and my FBIL joked that they looked like doritos. And my sister made a comment how they are “just” printed on card stock. My mother is sending them to my side of the family and insisted she needs pink or red envelopes and not the teal ones that I chose. I know this all isn’t a big deal but for some reason all the comments really bothered me. We don’t have a problem sticking up for the wedding decisions we’ve made but I guess when we’re excited about something it sucks if members of your family are critical. As well for some reason I feel that we’ll get more criticism from everyone as more decisions are made. How do you make yourself feel good about your choices when others make comments?

Avion22 · May 2011

I think your invitations sound really cool and very personal. I know you want your family to like them....but really, if they dind't like them they should have kept it to themselves. So just go with what you have planned, whether they like it or not:-)

baystateapple · May 2011

I think your whole family needs to STFU and keep their opinions to themselves.

And I would tell your mother "Thanks for offering to send them to your side of the family, but if my teal envelopes offend you so much, I'll send them by myself."

jenjenaz · May 2011

well, first of all, i would ask my mother for her addresses and then send the invites yourself. i can't believe she'd say something like 'i need different colored envelopes for the invites' - that's just rude.
the other thing that i would suggest is that, in the future, make sure that it's clear that you're not soliciting feedback on your decisions, etc. i'm not sure how the conversation went re: the invites, but i know that i'm much more apt to be 'hey, here are the invites.' and not 'hey, here are the invites, what do you think?' helps that i'm a second time bride, in my late 30s, and paying for the wedding ourselves.

just ignore them. it's not about them. they should have kept their mouths shut.

elizabeth121985 · May 2011

so sorry to hear that. it really irks when other (especially family) belittle any aspect of someone's wedding. it's a personal day to *celebrate* two people joining together. these people are being invited to a FREE party, yet all they can do is point out things they don't like. selfish.

BecW2be · May 2011

It's one thing for you to choose invitations and then someone bash them. It's quite another when you spend time with your FI illustrating and designing them and they get bashed. I am so sorry. What a bunch of assholes to do that, and then request different envelopes. I'd tell them that their lack of taste is not cause for you to change your invitations. Then I wouldn't share another detail with them.

I'd love to see them.

Just remember that you love them, your FI loves them, and it was a fun project to work on together. That's all that matters.

sarabellam · May 2011

Whoa, who is that BecW stranger around here? Welcome!

OP, Bec and baystate said it best. They need to STFU. I would definitely be asking for those addresses myself.

BecW2be · May 2011

Hey Sara! I'm creeping on J&K's wedding pics and wandered over here for a bit. I have to stick up for my fellow designers and all.

How you?

jrkjpf · May 2011

Are you happy and proud of them? If yes, then that is all that matters. I am also a graphic designer, and also plan on making all of our invitations. But in all honesty, you aren't going to make everyone happy with all aspects of your wedding, whether it be invitations, center pieces, etc. As long as you and FI are happy, to hell with the rest of them.

sarabellam · May 2011

::threadjack:: I'm great, Bec. 3 more weeks of school, which means 3 more weeks until I'm done taking these fucking classes for my gifted certification, and then it's on to summer! How goes things with you?

louisvillebride21 · May 2011

My favorite answer to something like that is "Why would you say something like that?" And just keep on with that line. They were being douches and really have no come back for it. Plus, it usually makes them uncomfortable.

Hi Bec!! I've missed your pretty face around here!

sarabellam · May 2011

Yeah, LVB, that is much nicer than telling them, "Go fuckoff."

Calypso1977 · May 2011

you really should be sending out your own invites if you are hosting/paying, etc. it seems odd that you would have full control over your own wedding, but then have your mom send out invites. i would get the addresses from her and send them yourself.

as for the comments, that's just plain rude. did they not understand that these were your final invites? how many people did you show them to? i only showed mine to my mom as she helped me pick them out. otherwise, no one saw them until they got them in the mail.

eviltwin13 · May 2011

The invites were the toughest aspect for us to hash out too - though in my case my parents are contributing financially, so we needed to take their opinions into consideration. My FI and I liked the idea of a theme, but my parents felt it was too casual and didn't "represent them as the hosts" so we had to go back to the drawing board. In the end, we compromised and I think we're getting something nice, but I'm still amazed at how strong the opinions were. I have to admit being a little peeved that my family criticized my taste, and I didn't even create the design myself!

BecW2be · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-didnt-like-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:561ee6e5-5ad2-4d32-8dcf-3b789508ca1aPost:d275b0d9-ebc7-4991-8e3a-b8ddb8afff30">Re: Family didn't like invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]::threadjack:: I'm great, Bec. 3 more weeks of school, which means 3 more weeks until I'm done taking these fucking classes for my gifted certification, and then it's on to summer! How goes things with you?
Posted by sarabellam[/QUOTE]

Things go with me! Moved in with DH back in August after I lost my job, found a new job with a baby product company, sold my house, and just moving right along! I'm SO ready for summer and school to be over for Chloe. I'll miss her like crazy, but she's going to spend a few weeks with her dad and my mom, so I'm looking forward to the break so I can get the house remodel finished. (I say that now, but 48 hours after she's gone I'll be heartbroken.)

Sorry for the threadjack! OP, I really want to see your invites. Can you post them?

HI LVB!!!! :)

zavie1 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-didnt-like-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:561ee6e5-5ad2-4d32-8dcf-3b789508ca1aPost:4e18d47e-eeab-45ca-abdb-3f72e2e24e9e">Re: Family didn't like invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your whole family needs to STFU and keep their opinions to themselves. And I would tell your mother "Thanks for offering to send them to your side of the family, but if my teal envelopes offend you so much, I'll send them by myself."
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Exactly!

J&K10910 · May 2011

Wow, I'd be hurt too. Jerks. Definitely send your own invites out, and if your families ask to hear any more details, I would say "Well, the last time we shared details with you, you criticized them so you'll have to wait until the wedding to see them like everyone else now."

unplainjane · May 2011

Thanks so much ladies. Made me feel much better about the situation. You're right that I won't be able to please everyone and as long as my FI and I are happy with the plans that's all that matters. I also remind myself that all these people already had their own weddings and now it's our day not theirs again!

leed0019 · May 2011

I completely understand what you are dealing with. My FI and I have made several decisions about what we want and are things that we both agree on. I then tell my family and they give me that "really?" look and say why would you want to do that?

It is a horrible feeling, but I just keep telling myself that this day is about me and my FI our future together. As long as we love it we don't need any other justification.

I think your invites sound great! And I love the orange and teal color combo! (Do not let anyone change those envelopes!)

BecW2be · May 2011

I want to see the invitation!

Birdie1483 · May 2011

OP, I'm sorry they said such douchtastic things to you.

I'm a designer myself and have found that my mom has different taste than I do about certain things. It makes it difficult when I think something looks better one way than she does, especially since I'm trying to think creatively outside of the box. I come from a family of math teachers and engineers, so it's kind of like worlds colliding sometimes.

I would follow PP's suggestions on how to handle things in the future. Sometimes it's best that they just don't know about things ahead of time.

FutureMrsTR · May 2011

:::blink, blink::: Bec? Hey pretty lady!

Also, that really sucks, OP. Screw those people. Let's see your invitations!

MissKate2011 · May 2011

They sound gorgeous and unique!

I don't get why people make such a big deal about the little things that don't matter (like envelope colors... seriously!).

Tell your mom that next year, nobody will remember the envelopes were teal and if that's what you want it's not gonna hurt anyone.

BecW2be · May 2011

Hey TR!

I'm still waiting to see the invitation!

Please?

polichik · May 2011

DH is also a graphic designer, and I was a wee bit obsessed with DIY during our planning. We got wonderful feedback on everything, and I was glad it went off without a hitch. Then, when the FILs visited last month, MIL drunkenly told us that if either of our grandmothers had been alive, we would have had a completely different wedding and send out different (read: not funky and cute) invitations. She didn't say a word against them during the planning process, but it certainly showed how she felt. It wasn't a big deal, just kind of odd.

However, back to the actual point, your family is incredibly rude to be saying that. I'd send out all of the invitations myself and use my own GD teal envelopes. It's not your mom's choice what color they should be. I'm actually kind of shocked that she asked you to change your invitation's appearance (which she is essentially doing) for her side of the family. Not cool, mom.

allisong23 · May 2011

I'm trying to remember the color of any envelopes that have come with wedding invites and none of them have stood out enough for me to remember them. OP, tell your mom "Thanks for the feedback, but we are going with what we designed" and change the subject. No one is going to notice or care.

Bec, good to see you!

clearheavens · May 2011

I remember reading in another post that you're Chinese. Don't feel alone. This happens a lot in Asian families.

FI and I are Vietnamese. In my extended family, the invitations cannot have any purple or black, unless it's the ink. (Black and purple are colors of sadness or mourning.) Yellow/gold, pink, or red expected to be the invitation colors and nothing else. Anything else would not be befitting of a happy occasion such as a wedding.

Also, from an art standpoint, I find that a lot of Asians (especially older folks) can't easily grasp abstract graphics. A flower has to be truly a flower, not collections of colorful dots representing petals, etc. You get my point. Their brains aren't wired the way ours are. But I would also be hurt if someone called my orange leaves "Doritos." I know where you're coming from.

Short answer: You're in the middle of two cultures. You can't please everyone. Go with your invites and reach compromises in other areas.

JanoBean75 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_family-didnt-like-invitations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:561ee6e5-5ad2-4d32-8dcf-3b789508ca1aPost:8bb04f10-d3e4-4cb7-aabb-b9e6e517a3b3">Re: Family didn't like invitations</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I want to see the invitation!</strong>
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

Me too!

Your invitations sound really nice along with the contrast of the teal. Just get the addresses from your mother and send them out yourself.

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