Invitations for Students at our Wedding

Clare13 · February 2010

As a school administrator myself, I do believe that you are crossing a professional line. I strongly encourage you to rethink your decision. As an administrator, it looks to me like you are fishing for gifts by sending an invitation to the wedding. Is there not a way you can celebrate with your class in an appropriate manner for 4-6 year old while they are in school? (Making wedding cupcakes, teaching wedding customs, having an impromptu shower where the students make presents, etc.) I understand the connections you make with your students and family, but this is crossing a professional boundary. If you insist on having students attend, DO NOT send an invitation unless you want them to attend the entire event both reception and ceremony. You can spread by word of mouth that students can attend the ceremony if they want, but nothing formal should go out. If certain students and their parents are more friends than students, by all means invite them to everything. But, I believe by sending invitations to all students you are sending red flags to employers (current and future) on your inability to differentiate professional boundaries.

eastunder1 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:7f16727f-634c-455d-8a4e-feec5a9ba2b3">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's incredibly unprofessional and just plain wrong to invite some students to your wedding and not all. <strong> Frankly, I think having your students there at all crosses a line between teacher and student.</strong>
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Ditto.

But you already know its a crappy idea, or you wouldn't have told us not to comment on that glaring fact.

squirrly · February 2010

I don't teach, but I do coach. My athletes will NOT be invited to my wedding, because mixing personal and professional life with children involved would be inappropriate.

If they ask about it, I'll bring in pictures and pizza one day after practice, and we'll have a mini "reception" with just the team.

As far as etiquette goes -
1) don't invite some people to the ceremony and not the reception.
2) all invited guests get the same invitation. You can add/remove enclosures as appropriate, but the invite should be the same.
3) Quit telling people what part of your behavior they can comment on. Clearly it doesn't stop us, and it really just pisses people off. You'd have gotten nicer responses if you'd been nicer yourself.
4) Um, the whole photo thing is just strange.
5) You really are over inflating your importance in these kids' lives. Yeah, what you're teaching them is important, and thus you're making a difference. But, being part of your social scene is NOT important to them. Really.

sarabellam · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:355924cb-9d96-44bc-8309-e5da30df0ecd">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]cocoreo3 thank you for your honest opinion. I respect that you didn't have to attack me to give it like some others felt the need to do.
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]

You are certainly a piece of work. This poster gave you the exact same advice as EVERYONE ELSE in this thread. These ladies were offering their honest opinions. You chose to feel attacked because you didn't like the message, which is that it is the height of rudeness to invite someone to the ceremony and not to the reception.

As a fellow teacher, I think you are oversharing your personal life with your students. I got married last school year, and my students didn't even know I was getting married. There needs to be a separation between your personal life and your professional one.

mandybear7 · February 2010

I'm a high school teacher and the students really want to "party" with us. I have made it clear that they are my STUDENTS and not my FRIENDS.

That being said, I went to the ceremony of my 4th grade teacher. The ceremony was at our church (parochial school) and since churches are open to the public, no invitation was necessary for the ceremony. If a parent asks when it is, you can answer, but I wouldn't invite them to go unless you are inviting them to the reception.

3.6.10Bride · February 2010

First, let me say that I totally "get" the fact that some preschoolers would want to come to your wedding. I have a 4 year old daughter, and she dearly loves and thinks of her teacher as almost part of the family. If she were to get married, my daughter would definitely want to be there. Now, whether or not this would be a good idea/professional/etc is beyond me. I'm just saying that I get it.

Have you thought about maybe having a mini reception at your school? Bring in some pictures of the wedding, bring in your new husband to introduce him to the kids, and have some fun cupcakes. This would be the most appropriate way I can think of to involve the kids, without crossing any boundaries.

As for your original question, I simply can't answer that because I agree with the other ladies. Inviting someone to the wedding and not the reception is just plain a bad idea.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

If you are super set on inviting all of them, then yeah, you should use the real invitations and invite them to the whole thing. Otherwise don't invite them. Pretty much like any other guest. If you can't afford them all, you cut your guest list. You don't have a tiered wedding and tell some people they can only come to the ceremony. Treat them like all the other guests.

And there's no need for that note. "I understand if you can't make it" - well duh. That's why you send an invitation and wait for a response: to see if they CAN make it. And if they can't, you accept it. That's always implied in a wedding invitation.

PS, I am not inviting any of my ADULT coworkers, so I agree this is a bad idea.

pooh8402 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitations-students-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:da91a88a-871c-4ab1-8de0-c7da31191ce2Post:ffae4f6a-f91c-46f0-b5ed-46a5bd937374">Re: Invitations for Students at our Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]For example, when one of my parents found out I was engaged<strong> she wrote me an email specifically saying, "We were wondering if we could attend your ceremony if you let us know what church it is at? My other son's teacher invited all of her students last year and it was so nice for him to be there" </strong>This may not be common to many of you, but it is common among elementary/preschool teachers. I have had these specific questions asked to me from several parents so I am absolutely NOT going to say no they may not attend the ceremony. That would be RUDE as well! This is NOT for me! It is for my students and their families if they choose to come. We are not having children at the reception. We are inviting 200 people~ we have huge families and couldn't feasibly invite 25 or so kids and their parents~ that's 75 more people. This is an alternative I have seen done over and over again in the teaching world. I guess I'm not getting any advice on my actual question here and will figure it out myself.
Posted by MrMrsHunt2010[/QUOTE]
so your student's parent invited HERSELF AND HER FAMILY? I'm not sure which is ruder--the parent for inviting her family to YOUR wedding, or you for playing favorites.

overall bad idea. if I had a teacher who invited me to her wedding, my parents would think she is weird. I liked my teachers, but not that much.

pooh8402 · February 2010

oh, and ditto on crossing a professional line.

Mrs.B6302007 · February 2010

As a fellow teacher, I would highly advise against this idea. In a society where teachers can lose their jobs over facebook crap, including students in your private life is just asking for trouble.

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