FI's stupid wedding ideas!

PetraStonegirl · July 2010

You bet! I have quite the collection of Nalgenes. I love them. I even keep old, beat up ones for winter camping. I pour hot water into a couple, tighten the lids down and shove them in my sleeping bag. Toasty feet all night long, even in the snow!

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

Petra-thats so awesome. Im looking at some online now as we speak.
cew515- you're soooo right. I think that my FI doesnt understand because he doesnt have any drinking issues in his family. He comes from a family where they drink for any occasion. Including days that end in a Y. He hasnt seen what kind of damage out of control drinking can do to a family. So we do need to have a serious talk. I dont think hes trying to not be sensitive about it. I just think he doesnt understand the severity of the issue.

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

Hmmmm...after I posted that lat one it sort of seems that my Fi's family do have drinking problems. heehee They dont. They do drink...A LOT. It just doesnt interfere with their regular day to day lives, like and alcoholic.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

That's pretty much the exact same dynamic that exists with my H and I. My family has had many severe drinking issues. It's affected me to the point that it really bothers me to be around people that are drunk. It's like a visceral reaction and I immediately become uncomfortable, sad, anxious, and angry. I know it's kind of my issue and H just doesn't understand it.

His family drinks very regularly which is something that I just don't understand. We've had many talks about it and he respects my point of view. I also respect the fact that he doesn't have the same "hang ups" that I have around drinking, so I try not to let it bother me when he drinks. But, I can't honestly say that it hasn't caused a few disagreements with us and we are still in the process of finding a lifestyle that balances his happiness and my comfort. We are a work in progress in that regard.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

And I should clarify that I don't understand his family drinking regularly because the concept of drinking a glass or two in the evening and not getting completely black out / piss yourself drunk is just so foreign to me. It's hard for me to imagine having that kind of control because I grew up in a house were control was not a possibility.

quotequeen · July 2010

You should have put the issues your brother has with alcohol in your first post, that's much more relevant than the fact that he's 19. It kind of sounds like neither you is being very respectful of the other's ideas and thoughts right now, honestly.

As for the lime green suit though, you really need to just let that go. You don't get to dictate what your FMIL wears, and it's more important for the quality of your pictures that she's smiling because she's wearing something she loves and feels good in than that she matches your color scheme.

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

Well its nice to see someone with the same issues as me. My FI doesnt drink like his family does. He doesnt see the point. Why have a beer when you can just have a soda? But he does drink a hell of a lot more than me. The last time I drank was my b-day in November! It has never been a real issue with us. I dont think it ever will.
We truly need to talk about this. i would like him to read the post you just wrote if you dont mind. I think it would help get the conversation going. Seeing that other people feel the same way I/we do may help a bit.
Thanks for the support..and thats not being sarcastic.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Sure. Glad I could help. Good luck with everything!

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

Quotequeen-Yes I should have out the alcohol issues in the first post. But I;m in a bad mood today and I wrote it quickly with my 3 year old son on my lap. I just wanted to get a quick vent/point across.
I wouldnt bother me so much if my FMIL didnt come to me first and ask me what color she should wear and then AGREE to it. Then go and get a lime green suit! It does piss me off and I will let it go but I wanted to vent so I did. Thats all.
cew515-I know what you mean! My family (besides the ones I mentioned) dont drink. Maybe a glass of wine or two at weddings and maybe New Years eve is as far as we go. I dont think its wrong to drink if you can control it. I just dont get it. I much rather drink regular lemonade than have it spiked with vodka!

vegasgroom · July 2010

Don't do gift cards; they're just too impersonal. It's not that he wouldn't like having a gift card to an outdoors store, I'm sure he'd use it, but gift cards just have that oh I couldn't figure out something to buy that you'd like so here's a gift card kind of feel to them.

I'm personally trying to figure out what I'm going to get my GM's but fortunately I've got another 11 months to worry about it. Flasks crossed my mind too but then I realized I've had a flask for probably ten years and the only time I've used it was to sneak booze into a football game so I wouldn't have to buy $12 beers. I'm not sure when else anyone actually uses a flask unless they really can't make it from one location to the next without having a drink so I kind of dropped that as an idea; nothing good I've come up with yet so far unfortunately..

[Deleted User] · July 2010

Yeah. Beyond not enjoying the feeling of being drunk all that much and really not enjoying the hangover part, I just don't like the taste at all. Even, the smell of alcohol (especially vodka) tends to give me a feeling that I don't like.

But again, I fully realize that these are my hang ups and I don't ever expect anyone (like H's family) to censor their behavior or drinking around me. With H, it's a bit of a different story though, because as his wife, I should feel comfortable letting him know when his behavior has a negative affect on me. That's not to say that he shouldn't be able to drink around me, but he should at least be sensitive to the fact that it impacts me in a negative way, which he is.

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

Gift card a no go? Hmmm...I dont know what to do then. PM me vegas if you can think of something...PLEASE!

sarah42nd · July 2010

In Response to Re: FI's stupid wedding ideas!:
[QUOTE]and my FI just bought a 75 dollar pair of sneakers when he was supposed to give me that money to help with a lay-a-way payment for my dress.
Posted by Swiftsong8[/QUOTE]

I think theres alot of issues that he is having. But this is the one I am choosing to comment on . So he knew you need the money for your dress payment and he spends it on shoes? I think you need to sit down and have a conversation about budgeting because its only going to get worse when you get married. I would suggest take premartial counseling . It will help alot.

kd.joseph · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fis-stupid-wedding-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:766456a3-06fb-4026-879c-edc86647c015Post:61a65b3e-5ef8-45f6-8ebb-f3c9bb7e8d98">Re: FI's stupid wedding ideas!</a>:
[QUOTE]1. If he really wants a cane, why shouldn't he have one? You may think it's stupid, but if it's something he wants and it doesn't hurt you, who cares? 2. His Mom can dress herself and should wear whatever she feels best in. You shouldn't have any say in her outfit. 3. Your brother is 19, not 13. I'd feel pretty badass if I got that as a gift. And if everyone else got flasks and I got a nintendo game, I'd be pretty pissed. However, I do agree that tuxes are not appropriate for a casual wedding, and strictly speaking, they are not appropriate before 5pm. You really need to plan this wedding WITH him. It's his, too.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Listen to baby Emma, she is wise beyond her years!

Let him have some say in this, it's his day too. The cane is not a big deal let it go,my DH wore skulls on his socks. The tuxes, no find something else more appropriate.
And his Mom can wear what she wants.
Tell him if he wants to buy a ring for his mother,save it for Mothers Day.

ETA: as far as your brother not drinking. Maybe just talk to your FI about getting everyone something different. Tell him to shop as if it's their birthay.

quotequeen · July 2010

NM, Cew has made me see the light.

sarah42nd · July 2010

Just remember if your FMIL is the only one wearing a bright color she is going to look like an idiot . So I wouldn't worry about that to much , Just laugh it off.

Maybe you can include you Fi in something that he can do himself. For instance my FI is going to make the meat for our buffet style reception I told him I don't care how he does the meat as long as its can be eaten with a fork and knife , we have to include chicken and it can't be spicy .

Nebb · July 2010

[QUOTE]1. I dont care about spell check or paragraphs this is a board Im not writing an essay for school.
Posted by Swiftsong8[/QUOTE]
If you want anyone to take you seriously and give you the advice youre looking for without being hassled, maybe have some common courtesy and make your posts legible and not a wall of text. You arent in school but it just makes you look like an idiot to throw any sense of proper sentence structure/paragraphs out the window.

[QUOTE]Yes I was being sarcastic. I like peoples opnions but i HATE arguing on these boards. We all have enough on our minds with wedding planning we dont need to waste time being snappy at people that we dont even know. :)
Posted by Swiftsong8[/QUOTE]
Im already married, ive got tons of time to waste.

You seem like a Grade A idiot to me, I have to say.

brookelynpaisley · July 2010

You chose an interesting board to post on for not liking drama. And really, I planned a wedding, too. It really didn't take up that much time. I had plenty to waste - like 4 whole months and our engagement was only 9. You sound like the dramatic beebes that come here and cry and say, "we're supposed to support each other as briiiiiides!!!!1!!"

That being said, here's some advice. This is your fiance's wedding too. A tux isn't appropriate for the time and atmosphere of your wedding, but I feel he should get to choose his attire (cane included) within the parameters of what is suitable attire. I didn't dictate DH or his GM's attire at all - I assisted with picking out ties, and that's it. Same goes for your FMIL. If she wants to wear lime green, it doesn't and shouldn't affect you.

And actually, when it comes to the ring, it seems like he wants to get his mom a nice gift. It sounds like his concept of your budget is out of wack, though, so you two need to sit down and talk about that. If he wants to show his mother gratitude with a gift, help him in setting a budget and finding a gift within it.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I agree that the flask is not a good idea and I think your FI kind of sucks for not listening to you. You could always get him your own gift, the gift card or the coffe thing PP mentioned. As for the other stuff, you shouldn't have a say in what his mother wears. She's an adult and can dress herself, who cares if she wears lime green.

And you have to remember that it's your FI's wedding too, not just yours. If he wants a cane and a tux, so be it. It's what he wants for his wedding. I don't personally like it, but what if it means a lot to him? If my DH kept constantly shooting me down I'd start wondering why the hell I was with someone who didn't listen to me or care about my ideas.

And if you don't want to argue and would prefer to be validated on every single post, go somewhere else.

J&K10910 · July 2010

Clearly your FI and his mom are trying to ruin your day. That's pretty much the only answer I've got.

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

Nebb-If you don't like how I type..don't read any of my posts. Solves the problem right there. And sorry if you dont have a life like I do and have lots of time to waste.I wish that were the case with me. I work 40 hours a week, go to school for 16 hours and have 3 children I come home to and care for. When I write on these boards it's a few minutes between washing dishes or cooking a meal or palying a game or making calls regarding my wedding. Calling someone a grade A idiot...sort of brings me back to middle school. If thats how you feel, then thats how you feel. No skin off of my back.

If any of you say"i'ts his wedding too" well no $hit! If you read one of my responses in this string of posts he has helped. He has made phone calls and emails. He has helped me decided which bridesmaid dress to pick because I was stuck on 2 that I loved. He has been invloed with EVERYTHING! I just wanted to vent and get some opions on the few things that I thought were ridiculous of him.

Some of you are snarky and I LOVE IT! Others just plain bitchy. It's a fine line I guess.

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

Before I forget (sorry got distracted by a 3 year old wearing ketchup) that the cane doesnt mean a lot to him. He bought it because he thought it was cool. Then on a side note says "maybe I'll use it at the wedding" so it doesnt seem too important to him.
My FMIL can wear that crappy green all she wants. Then she should have NOT come to me in the first place and ask what color my mother is wearing and what color I want her to wear. Then agree to my color then get lime green. I know shes an adult and can wear what she wants. Yes, she will look silly and I cant wait.

MeaghanandMichael · July 2010

Personally, I love the snarky AND the bitchy

I guess that is because I don't take personally what people on a message board judge me for and how they say it. I think it is hilarious to see people get so wrapped up in calling people bitches while backpeddling and feeling as though they need to explain their life story. You really think we care that much?

Nebb · July 2010

Well arent you just precious! Please continue proving how busy you are with your numerous walls of text that are riddled with poor spelling and idiotic mistakes. Youre the one who looks incompetent!

Swiftsong8 · July 2010

If you dont care that much then why post anything at all?
I can spell and type just however I please. You dont like it...again dont read it. Noone is forcing you too.
And yes I am precious. So glad that u have noticed.
Now if you will excuse me I have important people to deal with.

Nebb · July 2010

HAH sure you do! Run along then.

MeaghanandMichael · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fis-stupid-wedding-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:766456a3-06fb-4026-879c-edc86647c015Post:bacdab0f-084b-464d-b1af-b2951e694edc">Re: FI's stupid wedding ideas!</a>:
[QUOTE]If you dont care that much then why post anything at all? <strong>I can spell and type just however I please.</strong> You dont like it...again dont read it. Noone is forcing you too. <strong>And yes I am precious</strong>. So glad that u have noticed. Now if you will excuse me I have important people to deal with.
Posted by Swiftsong8[/QUOTE]

Me thinks this is just the tip of the entitlement iceberg.

fwiw- to answer your original post - it seems like you and FI have different wedding visions that you probably should have consulted him about before you booked the venue. If he really wants a tux, perhaps you should have gotten his input earlier about what type of wedding he wants. Or, he should have spoken up. Wedding planning is about communication and the sooner you realize that the sooner these 'vent' posts will turn into productive adult conversations with your intended.

Goldlie11 · July 2010

I think that you and your FI need to sit down and really discuss what you are doing. You've mentioned in other posts how unhappy you are with other aspects of the wedding. Together the two of you should come up with a compromise.

If your FI always dreamed of wearing a tux, maybe he can get a really nice suit or something else that he feels happy in.

Piru · July 2010

No, you're not being graded for spelling. But when a post is just one giant spewing of words with no breaks, it's hard to read. TBH, I only skimmed your posts. If you want people to pay attention to your posts and to clearly understand you, then yes the spelling and punctuation is important. It's really not *that* much extra effort. My posts aren't college level paper material either but they are easy to read.

I'd agree that it sounds like your FH is going a little willy-nilly with the money and needs to be reined in a bit. Otherwise, it sounds like you're having a bit of an offbeat wedding anyway so why not accept a few of your FH's ideas? The world isn't going to crumble because your MIL is wearing a lime green suit.

As for the flask. It would be nice if your FH considered something else, but just because your bro receives a flask doesn't mean he has to immediately fill it with alcohol. I'd agree that replacing it with some sort of Nalgene or something would be a great idea- there's no law that says all the gifts have to be the same- but if your FH really insists on giving flasks that isn't going to make your bro an alcoholic. How many people actually use flasks, anyway? I was under the impression it's more of a decorative thing.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_fis-stupid-wedding-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:766456a3-06fb-4026-879c-edc86647c015Post:834b2c78-74a4-440f-b1a4-7381c332c2b9">Re: FI's stupid wedding ideas!</a>:
[QUOTE] My FMIL can wear that crappy green all she wants. Then she should have NOT come to me in the first place and ask what color my mother is wearing and what color I want her to wear. Then agree to my color then get lime green. I know shes an adult and can wear what she wants. Yes, she will look silly and I cant wait.
Posted by Swiftsong8[/QUOTE]

My MIL asked me what my mom was wearing (dark blue), asked what I'd like her to wear (I said I didn't care), then decided she too would wear dark blue to match. Fine, whatever. Then she decided on a hot pink dress. Not my style, but who cares? She felt great in it and looked beautiful.

Then again, she's not stuck with a DIL who looks forward to her looking silly so she can make fun of her on message boards.

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