Pre-wedding Parties

Bach. Party Drama

Hi Everyone... I've been lurking for a while, but this is my first post.  I could really use some advice! 

My fiance and I decided (when our bestman and MOH asked) to have our bach parties the Thurs. before our wedding.  We've been out of college for a good decade and our friends are scattered around the country.  With everyone already flying in for the wedding, it made sense at the time to save everyone another plane ticket.  My fiance decided he really wanted a small bach. party with just his groomsmen (his brothers).  But I decided to invite all my girlfriends coming in town for the wedding.  Well now we are having a lot of drama (which I suppose we could have foreseen, but didn't), because of one half of a couple being invited to mine but the other half not invited to my finance's party.  I understand that people are flying out for the wedding as couples, but I don't think my fiance should have to invite an extra 10 or 15 people to his bach. party when what he really wants is a quiet night with brothers who live far away and that he doesn't get to see that often!  Everyone doesn't understand why we can't make just one exception for their significant other (but obviously if we make any exceptions then the others will be just that much more mad).

This is creating so many problems I feel like just calling off my bach. party.  But then I feel bad, because my BM has already planned and is really excited about it.  If I cancel it and just have a night out and all of the significant others can come then I guess it would fix the problem.  But I was looking forward to a night out with just the girls. sigh...

I hate to offend or upset people, but it seems like this is a lose-lose situation.

So I guess my question is, stick to girls only and risk really offending some friends and family members (cousins) or give up on the girls night, explain to my BM, and do a big co-ed night out. 

FYI, a couple of people have suggested I just need to tell fiance he has to invite A, B, C, etc. to his bach. party.  I won't do that.  It is his party and it is between him and his bestman to plan.  I'm NOT getting involved.

Sorry this is so long!!  Thanks!

Re: Bach. Party Drama

  • angel101798angel101798 member
    Sixth Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you are having separate bachelor/bachelorette parties just at the same time then there is no need for him to invite the significant others.  Two separate parties have two separate guest lists and no one should take offense to that.  However, if the Best Man and MOH are hosting a joint party, then not inviting them would be inconsiderate.
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I have to disagree with PP a bit.

    Normally I'd agree with that except that you're organizing your pre-wedding events for the same weekend as the wedding itself.  You've just said OK to inviting people out of town with their SOs knowingly excluding some of those SOs from the planned events.

    On paper it makes sense but logistically it's rude to your friends to say that you're not welcoming their SOs at the events of your wedding weekend.

    I'd reschedule the bachelor/bachelorette or make them more inclusive.
  • edited December 2011
    It is your choice what you want. If your FI wants a smaller Bachelor Party then that is what it should be. Just let them know that they are to separate party's. The other guys can all get together and do something on there own.  If they ask or have problems let them know, you want a bigger party then he does. There is no problem with that. What if he was not having it that night? The guys would be on there own anyway! 
  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    edited December 2011
    I would not have any problems leaving my SO sitting in a hotel room alone for one evening. Nor would I have any issue being left alone in the hotel room for one evening. I would either get roomservice and a movie or go exploring around town. I am extremely independent though. I would think people coming in from OOT would understand the legistics behind getting everyone in town and being able to afford a huge party. I would keep things how you both want it (his small, yours girls only).

    As another possible solution cant those SO's who are not going to the Bachelor/bachelorette parties get together and go out on the town on thier own? Find a sports bar, have some wings and beer or what not? If there main complaint is that they do not want to sit in the hotel alone, then going out as a group should be fine.
  • edited December 2011
    I guess I can kind of see both sides. Say FI was not having his bach party the same nite. No one would be able to say that your girlfriends s/o's should be invited to his just for something to do. However, being so close to the wedding and OOT for most people, it is kinda rude to split up couples who traveled so far. I think your options are llike a PP said, expect a few women to say no thanks for bachlorette party if their s/o will not want to take the extra time off work to sit in a hotel room. Or... Just suck it up and have a co ed party!! Either way... Just have fun :-)
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