Paying for bridesmaid dress

Momma71511 · January 2013

are any brides paying for their bridesmaids alterations? My son's fiance is being out of control and asking the girls to pay a lot of money for the dress, alterations, and having them buy shoes.

brielleinlove · January 2013

I am not having a wedding party, but anytime I've been a bridesmaid I've been expected to pay for my own attire in full. I've never been asked to buy specific shoes, hair accessories, jewelry, etc though.

Momma71511 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:c9461671-6096-419f-92d7-ef54a236961e">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]From what I've seen of your future daughter in law on the boards, Momma, I can almost 100% guarantee that she's not doing this to her bridesmaids. That said, BMs are responsible for the cost of their dress, including alterations. The bride should talk with each to determine their budget beforehand. Specific shoes should be purchased by the bride if she requires them. ETA: and unless YOU'RE paying for any of the bridesmaids' attire, I don't see how this is any of your business regardless.
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]

My daughter is in the wedding party and lives with me, it is my business.

lyndausvi · January 2013

I've always paid for my own alterations. I'm lucky, my average billi is less than $50. Even my wedding dress was $40. My sister however isn't so lucky. Her alterations bills are always over $100. Even when we have the same dress. We are just shaped differently

I'm not sure why BM alerations are a big deal. The dress needs to fit right?

Momma71511 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:8c445e31-9b9d-4784-84ed-772d184a3bf7">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I fail to see how the bridesmaids' attire and budget discussions with your future-daughter-in-law are any of your business. This is especially ironic considering your role in inflating the guest list and wedding budget.
Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

I will end up paying for my daughter's alterations. Also, my daughter is the only one she did not buy shoes for!

rsanna · January 2013

Guys, don't engage with the BSC fmil. She just wants to hate on Carson.

Momma71511 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:b6aab532-3c7b-4b86-accc-34b9a5f3e2d4">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : Why can't your daughter pay for her own alterations? Is she a minor?
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

She is a single mother that does not receive money for child support, not that it's any of your business.

NYCMercedes · January 2013

I am a mother of the groom as well. My future DIL agreed with her bridesmaids before they ordered their dresses about who was paying for what. Is someone going back on their word? Did someone have a change of heart, such as agreeing to contribute to a wedding and then changing their mind after contracts were signed? Is that why you are asking? Do you really want to bring that up again? Do you think you will garner some sympathy here, given how you have acted towards your FDIL? Do you think anybody at all would ever agree with you?

Momma71511 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:d53f5d07-1a71-45b8-bed3-21af70c0a3a2">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a mother of the groom as well. My future DIL agreed with her bridesmaids before they ordered their dresses about who was paying for what. Is someone going back on their word? Did someone have a change of heart, such as agreeing to contribute to a wedding and then changing their mind after contracts were signed? Is that why you are asking? Do you really want to bring that up again? Do you think you will garner some sympathy here, given how you have acted towards your FDIL? Do you think anybody at all would ever agree with you?
Posted by NYCMercedes[/QUOTE]

Well it really is not fair for her to pay for everyone else's shoes other than my daughters. Maybe you should ask her about that because my son will not give me an answer!

NYCMercedes · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:58f0f64f-a52c-4a22-9674-514d15d79a27">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : She is a single mother that does not receive money for child support, not that it's any of your business.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

Right. It is not our business. Why did you make it our business by posting it then?

AddieCake · January 2013

Of course the bridesmaids should pay for their own alterations. I can't imagine expecting the bride to pay for that. Good grief. And I sincerely doubt she paid for everyone else's shoes BUT your daughter's.

I hope Carson gets a lot of liquor as wedding presents. Scratch the toasters and whatnot. She's gonna need it to survive this family.

butterlybliss · January 2013

My parents are paying for my wedding and they have decided upon paying for all of my bridesmaids dresses and alterations. That being said, the girls are responsible for purchasing their own shoes (but they are allowed to wear whatever shoes they'd like)...

On a side note: I think that if your future daughter in law is on these boards, it's best to avoid negatively commenting on her personal choices. No good could come of this. Getting people 'on your side' which is the only thing I can assume that you are trying to do (whether you succeed in doing so or not) will not promote positivity nor will it solve anything.

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:b6b662ba-1420-4baf-b258-19dda89d281b">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : Well it really is not fair for her to pay for everyone else's shoes other than my daughters. Maybe you should ask her about that because my son will not give me an answer!
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

How do you know she is paying for everyone else's shoes and not your daughters? Somehow I think after your last little rant on here, Carson would not be sharing any sort of information with you. If what you say is true, I bet there is an explanation for it and your daughter, not you, should broach the topic with the bride.

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:b6b662ba-1420-4baf-b258-19dda89d281b">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : Well it really is not fair for her to pay for everyone else's shoes other than my daughters. <strong>Maybe you should ask her about that because my son will not give me an answer!
</strong>Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

Good for him.

And really considering last time you came on here spewing all of this stuff about how evil Carson is, and how she is (or was) threatening to take away your guests. I really doubt you are being truthful in anything you are saying here. You are just trying to pick the right combination of phrases and words to attempt to garner the most sympathy.

1mobags · January 2013

I feel so bad for Carson having to deal with this one.....

Momma71511 · January 2013

My daughter told me that she is not having the same shoes as the rest of the bridesmaids. She didn't act out like she is upset about it, but I'm sure she really is.

aurianna · January 2013

When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you agree to the following:
Show up to the church on time
Show up to the church sober
Buy the dress (assuming the budget was agreed upon)
Wear the dress (so take on the added assumption that it fits)

Also it's a nice curtesy to the bride that if she says "wear black shoes" or "silver jewelry" that you comply assuming it doesn't put you out and doesn't demand specifics.

If the bride did not have a budget discussion with her bridesmaids prior to selecting the dress that's a problem. But if she did, the bride is not in the wrong.

Now, if your daughter gave her a budget but didn't take the idea of alterations into account, that's an unfortunate oversight on her part (but one I could totally understand). When I was a bridesmaid, the bridal salon I went to told me what size I should order, I listened to them, and it ended up being HUGE, so I had to eat over $200 in alterations. But that's the exception and not the rule.

Pookieson · January 2013

My bridesmaids are paying for their dresses and alterations. They have even discussed buying shoes. I told them that I don't care what shoes they wear, old, new, whatever. If they chose to buy some that's cool, if not, that's cool too.

PS. I am really glad you are not my FMIL

Weezy56 · January 2013

Momma, after reading all of your nonsense from your post last month, I can't take you seriously. Please let go of whatever anger and resentment you have towards your future daughter in law

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:b54264aa-809c-427b-97f7-75305a2a258c">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter told me that she is not having the same shoes as the rest of the bridesmaids. She didn't act out like she is upset about it, but I'm sure she really is.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

But how do you know FDIL bought them for the other girls? Maybe they already had them?

Momma71511 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:79540bc0-dac5-4e85-b9c8-05521644ea0e">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : But how do you know FDIL bought them for the other girls? Maybe they already had them?
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

My daughter told me. You can ask the princess bride to be since I'm sure all her little friends will back up her decision until they know what it really going on.

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:a275e664-a2a1-43c3-9b78-9e0013df42d7">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : My daughter told me. You can ask the princess bride to be since I'm sure all her little friends will back up her decision until they know what it really going on.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

Well even if that is the case, FDIL has the right to do whatever she wants with her money. Just like you can do whatever you want with your money, like pay for your daughter's wedding attire or pull your funding on your son's wedding. Isn't it funny how life works?

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:a275e664-a2a1-43c3-9b78-9e0013df42d7">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : My daughter told me. You can ask the princess bride to be since I'm sure all her little friends will back up her decision until they know what it really going on.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

How does your daughter know that the bride bought them? Maybe the rest of her BMs are good friends and all liked the same shoe so bought the same one? I gave no specification of shoe type to my BMs, but they decided amongst themselves to do nude shoes. One had a pair already, the other ones didn't, and I know emails were sent about possible ones.....is it out of the realm of possibility that they all went shopping together and bought the same ones?

Regardless, it is nice that you are paying for your daughters dress, etc, but it is really her responsibility to communicate with the bride.

rin89 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:b54264aa-809c-427b-97f7-75305a2a258c">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]My daughter told me that she is not having the same shoes as the rest of the bridesmaids. She didn't act out like she is upset about it, but I'm sure she really is.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

<div>So do you know for sure that your FDIL is not paying for her shoes? Because based on what you've said all it sounds like is that she has different shoes. Different shoes wouldn't automatically mean the bride is paying for everyone else's shoes. Also, your daughter is apparently not upset by it. And if she was, she's a big girl and can deal with the bride herself.</div>

butterlybliss · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:a275e664-a2a1-43c3-9b78-9e0013df42d7">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : My daughter told me. You can ask the princess bride to be since I'm sure all her little friends will back up her decision until they know what it really going on.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

<div>Stop saying words. Stop being condescending. You are not going to achieve anything by acting spiteful. Please, for the sake of your future with your son and fdil, just stop. Now. </div>

brielleinlove · January 2013

Why would this woman's FDIL still be posting her wedding plans on the Knot if she knew her nutty FMIL was running around reading everything she said and then attacking her on the boards? I would stop posting if that was the case with me. I think this is a troll...

Momma71511 · January 2013

Everyone would be alright if they were in a wedding and the bride bought shoes for everyone except you? I would be disgusted if that happened. And I have no problems with helping my daughter pay for small things when she needs it. The bride should have brought up before now, that the bridal party needed to pay for alterations and shoes.

rsanna · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:9ec99389-43ca-4d2f-a9fd-25cc12d5332a">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone would be alright if they were in a wedding and the bride bought shoes for everyone except you? I would be disgusted if that happened. And I have no problems with helping my daughter pay for small things when she needs it. The bride should have brought up before now, that the bridal party needed to pay for alterations and shoes.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

Butterlybliss, this isn't the first time Momma has been on the boards and bashing FDIL. She has already dug herself into a hole. She even printed out the supposedly horrible posts from FDIL and showed them her son, who laughed at her. She has already ruined her relationship with her son and FDIL.

Momma, you know what. Maybe I would be upset. But I'm a big girl and I get over it. Or I say something to the bride myself, as a bridesmaid. Not as a mother of the bridesmaid, not as a mother of a groom (who has attacked FDIL before), but the bridesmaid. However, at the same time maybe they were Christmas gifts to the other girls? Maybe they all got together just to spite you? Maybe they all happened to have the same pair? Maybe FDIL was hoping to surprise her bridesmaid?

The point is, you are doing yourself no favors here. But thanks for the entertainment. Please do tell us how wonderful and amazing you are and how dumb your son is for picking someone obviously so selfish and wretched. Let's see how that turns out for you.

LDubHawksFan · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:9ec99389-43ca-4d2f-a9fd-25cc12d5332a">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone would be alright if they were in a wedding and the bride bought shoes for everyone except you? I would be disgusted if that happened. And I have no problems with helping my daughter pay for small things when she needs it. The bride should have brought up before now, that the bridal party needed to pay for alterations and shoes.
Posted by Momma71511[/QUOTE]

I really don't think that is the case. Honestly, if that truly was what happened, yes I would be a little bummed but there may be a reason for it, so I wouldn't give it much thought.
If she required specific shoes, they she should be paying for them, but most brides just say a color so BMs can use what they have or buy new, their choice. Alterations are always a cost that <em>might</em> be incurred when you are a BM. The bride didn't need to specify that. It's not the bride's fault that when she asked your daughter what budget she had, that your daughter didn't consider alterations or having something on her feet.

butterlybliss · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paying-for-bridesmaid-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82857d2e-28d1-4ec1-a2ec-326de29097b3Post:dc0c5588-0efc-4bf9-8aa6-2e4654adb904">Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Paying for bridesmaid dress : Butterlybliss, this isn't the first time Momma has been on the boards and bashing FDIL. She has already dug herself into a hole. <strong>She even printed out the supposedly horrible posts from FDIL and showed them her son, who laughed at her</strong>. She has already ruined her relationship with her son and FDIL. Momma, you know what. Maybe I would be upset. But I'm a big girl and I get over it. Or I say something to the bride myself, as a bridesmaid. Not as a mother of the bridesmaid, not as a mother of a groom (who has attacked FDIL before), but the bridesmaid. However, at the same time maybe they were Christmas gifts to the other girls? Maybe they all got together just to spite you? Maybe they all happened to have the same pair? Maybe FDIL was hoping to surprise her bridesmaid? The point is, you are doing yourself no favors here. But thanks for the entertainment. Please do tell us how wonderful and amazing you are and how dumb your son is for picking someone obviously so selfish and wretched. Let's see how that turns out for you.
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>omfg...this has made me treasure my future in-laws even more</div><div><div>

</div></div>

Momma71511 · January 2013

It just feels like she is singling out my daughter because she does not like me. That makes me feel bad for my child. Even though she is an adult, I still want to protect my babies.

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