Engagement party guest list vs wedding guest list

melmcb55 · July 2010

My fiance's mother threw us an engagement party and she invite several of my fiance's distant relatives and some of them brought gifts. Do I have to invite them to the wedding? What about the ones who didn't bring gifts? My fiance and I had no plans to invite them to the wedding prior to this, but now I feel as thoughI kind of have to!

temerityjane · July 2010

Yes, you have to invite them to the wedding. Even if they didn't bring you a gift. It's not a gift/invitation exchange program.

shoegal715 · July 2010

You sure do

mags0607 · July 2010

You should not base your decision to invite someone to your wedding based on the fact that they did/ or did not bring a gift to your engagement party.

It was a bad move on your FMIL's part to invite people to the engagement party before consulting with you guys over who was on your guestlist. People who are invited to pre-wedding activities will expect to be invited to the wedding.

Mrs.B6302007 · July 2010

Oh, that sucks that she invited them but yeah, they should get an invite to the wedding as well. I'd be tempted to expect her to pay for those guests since she didn't confirm the list with you. Not saying that's the right thing to do etiquette wise but I'd sure want to. ;-)

_Dagney_ · July 2010

THis is the only case in which you do NOT have to invite them to the wedding.

Traditionally (I mean old school here) engagement parties were not gift giving events.

It is a party and celebration in its own rite. As most people are engaged a year if not more, in advance of the wedding, it would be difficult to know who would be on the guest list, etc.

The reason it is different for showers is partially because they are held closer to the actual wedding and presumably after the invites have gone out...ie, within the last three month preceeding the wedding, so you already know who was invited to the wedding.

If the person hosting (i.e. paying for) the wedding, is the one who hosted the engagement party, then it is reasonable to assume they knew what they were doing and intend to send invitations to both the events.

HOWEVER, someone taking it upon themselves to invite their friends/family to a party, do NOT obligate the hosts of future parties to include their entire guest lists.

Sorry to be so long winded, but it's a special case.

It would certainly be NICE of you to include all of those guests in your wedding, but it is not technically mandatory.

rknox88 · July 2010

You should if you can, however, if those extra guests cannot be accommodated in your budget you don't have to invite them. If you don't invite them I would insist that FMIL call those relatives to explain why they will not be receiving and invitation.

Also, if you FMIL is insistant upon those relatives being there she can pay for them because she is the one who screwed up.

frenchy730 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guest-list-vs-wedding-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be71debf-60c8-4574-8576-be554edd507cPost:1fe57eb9-c181-453b-b8ef-e81cd89e9c79">Re: Engagement party guest list vs wedding guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]THis is the only case in which you do NOT have to invite them to the wedding. Traditionally (I mean old school here) engagement parties were not gift giving events. It is a party and celebration in its own rite. As most people are engaged a year if not more, in advance of the wedding, it would be difficult to know who would be on the guest list, etc. The reason it is different for showers is partially because they are held closer to the actual wedding and presumably after the invites have gone out...ie, within the last three month preceeding the wedding, so you already know who was invited to the wedding. If the person hosting (i.e. paying for) the wedding, is the one who hosted the engagement party, then it is reasonable to assume they knew what they were doing and intend to send invitations to both the events. HOWEVER, someone taking it upon themselves to invite their friends/family to a party, do NOT obligate the hosts of future parties to include their entire guest lists. Sorry to be so long winded, but it's a special case. It would certainly be NICE of you to include all of those guests in your wedding, but it is not technically mandatory.
Posted by _Dagney_[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't think this is correct. I was always under the impression that anyone invited to any pre-wedding events should also be invited to the actual wedding.</div>

banana468 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-guest-list-vs-wedding-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be71debf-60c8-4574-8576-be554edd507cPost:1fe57eb9-c181-453b-b8ef-e81cd89e9c79">Re: Engagement party guest list vs wedding guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]THis is the only case in which you do NOT have to invite them to the wedding. Traditionally (I mean old school here) engagement parties were not gift giving events. It is a party and celebration in its own rite. As most people are engaged a year if not more, in advance of the wedding, it would be difficult to know who would be on the guest list, etc. The reason it is different for showers is partially because they are held closer to the actual wedding and presumably after the invites have gone out...ie, within the last three month preceeding the wedding, so you already know who was invited to the wedding. If the person hosting (i.e. paying for) the wedding, is the one who hosted the engagement party, then it is reasonable to assume they knew what they were doing and intend to send invitations to both the events. HOWEVER, someone taking it upon themselves to invite their friends/family to a party, do NOT obligate the hosts of future parties to include their entire guest lists. Sorry to be so long winded, but it's a special case. It would certainly be NICE of you to include all of those guests in your wedding, but it is not technically mandatory.
Posted by _Dagney_[/QUOTE]]

This is incorrect. Those invited to any pre-wedding function should be invited to the wedding.

_Dagney_ · July 2010

The obligation is not to invite everyone who has attended a pre-wedding-party to the wedding, but to NOT invite anyone to any pre-wedding parties who will not receive an invite to the wedding.

If the inlaw's made the assumption that their guests would all be invited to the wedding, then this was their own faux pas by not confirming THEIR guest list with the host of the wedding before their party. Their choices do NOT obligate the host of the wedding to alter the guest list.

It's not that those guests MUST now be invited to the wedding, but that they shouldn't have been invited to the engagement party in the first place.

Like I said it would be NICE to invite them to the wedding now.

It's like someone throwing a bride a surprize shower at work...that does not obligate the hosts to then invite the entire office if that was not their intent...

banana468 · July 2010

I'll agree with that.

Engagement party guest list vs wedding guest list

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