Moms and Maids

Maid of Honor Troubles

When I asked my sister if she wanted to be my maid of honor she was really excited and of course said yes. Now that the wedding is getting closer, Oct.1, she has yet to ask me for a guest list or anything. She hasn't contacted any of the other bridesmaids to help plan a bridal shower.  After a week of calling and messages on facebook she finally said she's been busy and will call when she gets a chance. The other bridesmaids have emailed her as well and she hasn't responded. Obviously she is completely running from  her responsibility or just doesn't care. My parents are already barely involved in the wedding(rented the hall and aren't interested in helping further) and now she is on her way to losing maid of honor  title. What am I supposed to do???  And how do I do it gracefully. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Maid of Honor Troubles

  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    well, an MOH does not have to plan a shower for you. if she's already said she's going to throw you one, then it's up to her to see it through. if your BMs have said they're planning one, I would just let them know that your sister is super busy and you don't think that she's going to be able to help them.

    also, kicking someone out of your bridal party who is a friend pretty much ends the friendship. doing it to your sister will probably cause repercussions with your whole family, and it makes you - not her - look bad.

    there are a lot of brides who are paying for their entire wedding, so i'd feel grateful that your parents are helping with anything.

    the graceful thing to do, imo, would be to happily accept your parents generous contribution towards your wedding and to spend some time with your sister where you aren't talking about the wedding. also to gracefully let your BMs know that they should go ahead and plan the shower without the MOH - but ONLY if they've offered to throw one already. showers nad bach parties are gifts, not necessities, and you should be grateful if you receive them and not upset if you don't.

    If you read around on the boards here, you'll see that a lot of brides are surprised/upset that the people around them are not as excited as they are... but you have to remember that no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are - except your FI.

    That's my advice. Good luck!
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  • jagore08jagore08 member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:6136ff9f-f859-4695-9e22-4e12b84a55a2">Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]When I asked my sister if she wanted to be my maid of honor she was really excited and of course said yes. Now that the wedding is getting closer, Oct.1, she has yet to ask me for a guest list or anything. She hasn't contacted any of the other bridesmaids to help plan a bridal shower.  After a week of calling and messages on facebook she finally said she's been busy and will call when she gets a chance. The other bridesmaids have emailed her as well and she hasn't responded. Obviously she is completely running from  her responsibility or just doesn't care. My parents are already barely involved in the wedding(rented the hall and aren't interested in helping further) and <strong>now she is on her way to losing maid of honor  title.</strong> What am I supposed to do???  And how do I do it gracefully. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by minitchbride[/QUOTE]<div>If your other BM want to plan a shower for you they can.  Your MOH doesn't have to (or shouldn't be expected to) plan your shower.  You wedding isn't until October, almost six months away, they have plenty of time to plan a shower for you if that's what they want to do.  </div><div>
    </div><div>As for the bolded part, are you suggesting you demote her or kick her out of your wedding party?  If this is where you're mind is heading I suggest you rethink this.  This is the reason the term Bridezilla has come about.  Unless your MOH is sleeping with your FI or has outright stated she doesn't approve of your marriage there is no reason to demote or kick her out.  Any other reason will make you look like you're in the wrong.</div><div>
    </div><div>Good luck to you.

    </div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:7dc81f11-7cee-4c56-a992-dec487e4debf">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, an MOH does not have to plan a shower for you. if she's already said she's going to throw you one, then it's up to her to see it through. if your BMs have said they're planning one, I would just let them know that your sister is super busy and you don't think that she's going to be able to help them. <strong>also, kicking someone out of your bridal party who is a friend pretty much ends the friendship. doing it to your sister will probably cause repercussions with your whole family, and it makes you - not her - look bad.</strong> there are a lot of brides who are paying for their entire wedding, so i'd feel grateful that your parents are helping with anything. the graceful thing to do, imo, would be to happily accept your parents generous contribution towards your wedding and to spend some time with your sister where you aren't talking about the wedding. also to gracefully let your BMs know that they should go ahead and plan the shower without the MOH - but ONLY if they've offered to throw one already. showers nad bach parties are gifts, not necessities, and you should be grateful if you receive them and not upset if you don't. If you read around on the boards here, you'll see that a lot of brides are surprised/upset that the people around them are not as excited as they are... but you have to remember that no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are - except your FI. That's my advice. Good luck!
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

    I dont agree with this at all. My BF from HS was always going to be my MOH, but after a HUGE fall out, I  didnt speak to her for almost 9 months. When we started talking again, I told her I didnt think we were the same ppl anymore and that our schedules are so drastically different that it wouldnt work for her to be the MOH. She was super pissed but realized it was true. We didnt talk for like 2 days after me telling her that, but we are still friends and are still close. I just make it a point not to talk too much about my wedding with her. (she got demoted to guest but is still coming) If OP's family IS the touchy type that would be offended if she did this then, ok I can see your point LoveMuffins
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  • edited December 2011
    Your wedding is more than five months away.  There's no reason she should have to be planning your shower yet.

    That said, a shower is not a responsibility of a bridesmaid, maid of honor, or anyone else.  It is a gift anyone may give you, if she chooses to.  You have a right to be disappointed if you aren't thrown a shower, but you don't have the right to be upset or demote anyone for not doing so.  It's not a requirement.

    All a BM or MOH has to do is buy the dress and show up to the wedding.  That's it.  Anything else, you should be grateful for.

    If you're asking how to gracefully tell your MOH that she's no longer you're MOH, we can't help you, because there IS no graceful way to do that.  It's a terrible thing to do, and makes you look like a complete bridezilla, and is likely to forever damage your friendship.

    Accept that your MOH has a life that doesn't revolve around your wedding.  Let her live her life.  And give it a couple of months.  Most showers are within the last two months before the wedding.  There is PLENTY of time.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:3c0b6e2f-6b21-4c31-b10b-f3bff0b1847f">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Troubles : I dont agree with this at all. My BF from HS was always going to be my MOH, but after a HUGE fall out, I  didnt speak to her for almost 9 months. When we started talking again, I told her I didnt think we were the same ppl anymore and that our schedules are so drastically different that it wouldnt work for her to be the MOH. She was super pissed but realized it was true. We didnt talk for like 2 days after me telling her that, but we are still friends and are still close. I just make it a point not to talk too much about my wedding with her. (she got demoted to guest but is still coming) If OP's family IS the touchy type that would be offended if she did this then, ok I can see your point LoveMuffins
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]


    Just because it worked okay for you, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.
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  • edited December 2011
    But what if that MOH is the worst pick ever? What if she has a problem (drugs, mental, etc.) that she keeps battling with and cant focus on your wedding? I mean, in most cases I totally agree that you just got to suck it up and stick with your picks but there are some cases where kicking them out is the only option.

    I know my situation was completely unique, I totally love my ex MOH and I would be there for her whenever she needed me, but we just had a really violatilefriendship and due to several of her personal issues, i had to break it off, or else bad stuff would have happened. I dont think this is the case for OP AT ALL but I do think kicking someone out under the right circumstances is ok.
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  • edited December 2011
    But in regards to OP, definitely wait it out. You have plenty of time to get everything done. She will probably get more excited as it comes closer and you guys are going much more wedding stuff.
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  • edited December 2011
    doing* not going
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Miss cyndi, aren't you the Dodger game chick who found it hilarious to publicly humiliate someone you went to a ballgame with?  Then it makes perfect sense that you'd advocate kicking someone, especially a SISTER out of a WP.  But a big good luck to you in the rest of your planning.

    OP:  unless you want to hear about kicking your sister out of your wedding at every Thanksgiving dinner and July 4th barbecue for decades to come, I'd suggest you scale back your notion of what a MOH is to be doing.

    Hint:  it's not required that she plan, execute, or even attend a shower.  If she does that's great. If she doesn't, I get that you'll be disappointed.  But try to keep the big picture in front of you.  If you have a shower, at the end of the wedding ceremony, you'll be married.  If you don't have a shower, at the end of the wedding ceremony, you'll be married.  And isn't that what this all about, after all?

    GL.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:405895f7-ec7a-45d5-b404-6222b18963b7">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]Miss cyndi, aren't you the Dodger game chick who found it hilarious to publicly humiliate someone you went to a ballgame with?  Then it makes perfect sense that you'd advocate kicking someone, especially a SISTER out of a WP.  But a big good luck to you in the rest of your planning. OP:  unless you want to hear about kicking your sister out of your wedding at every Thanksgiving dinner and July 4th barbecue for decades to come, I'd suggest you scale back your notion of what a MOH is to be doing. Hint:  it's not required that she plan, execute, or even attend a shower.  If she does that's great. If she doesn't, I get that you'll be disappointed.  But try to keep the big picture in front of you.  If you have a shower, at the end of the wedding ceremony, you'll be married.  If you don't have a shower, at the end of the wedding ceremony, you'll be married.  And isn't that what this all about, after all? GL.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    <p class="MsoNormal">" know my situation was completely unique, I totally love my ex MOH and I would be there for her whenever she needed me, but we just had a really violatilefriendship and due to several of her personal issues, i had to break it off, or else bad stuff would have happened. I dont think this is the case for OP AT ALL but I do think kicking someone out under the right circumstances is ok.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> But in regards to OP, definitely wait it out. You have plenty of time to get everything done. She will probably get more excited as it comes closer and you guys are going much more wedding stuff."  </p><p class="MsoNormal"> </p><p class="MsoNormal">Dont quote me trix when you didnt read what i put. PS You are confused on the Dodger game post and dont know crap about it, only what i wrote. Next time, read before you type :)</p>
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:75f43a81-ffdc-4916-92fe-eea121001521">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Troubles : " know my situation was completely unique, I totally love my ex MOH and I would be there for her whenever she needed me, but we just had a really violatilefriendship and due to several of her personal issues, i had to break it off, or else bad stuff would have happened. I dont think this is the case for OP AT ALL but I do think kicking someone out under the right circumstances is ok.  But in regards to OP, definitely wait it out. You have plenty of time to get everything done. She will probably get more excited as it comes closer and you guys are going much more wedding stuff."   <strong> Dont quote me trix when you didnt read what i put. PS You are confused on the Dodger game post and dont know crap about it, only what i wrote. Next time, read before you type :)</strong>
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

    First of all, I was typing at the same time as you were posting.  But as for the Dodger game post, I read all of that epic thread.  And how exactly would anyone on an internet message board know about it other than by what you wrote?

    Of course we based our decision on what you wrote.  We base every one of our responses based on what people write.

    But sending good luck wishes your way.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    ITrix,   made a mistake on that thread because the point wasnt the story, it was the response from the girl, and i made it seem like the focus was the story.  But I did not forsee it to end up that way. It Definitely got out of control because girls started asuming and getting confused on what I was writing. That was my bad for sure. But i didnt tell OP to kick out her MOH. I was just saying there are some reasons that validate kicking someone out. It isnt always the case where you just have to put up with it.
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  • edited December 2011
    BTW Please excuse my spelling...I hate my work computer bc it always erases my words and jumps to different spots without me knowing it.
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  • edited December 2011
    I wouldn't freak out about this too much.  My wedding is on the 8th of October and no one has really started planning anything for me either, people have mentioned things about what i would want but that was about it, I think since the wedding is over 5 months away it's nothing that needs to be getting planned right now. 

    And everyone is right your MOH doesn't have to through you a shower or a bachorlette party, these are to be things that they want to do not feel like they have to do.   I was the personal attendant for one of my friends and I threw her the party.
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:0f18e809-1754-4700-bf9c-23fca95f82a1">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>But what if that MOH is the worst pick ever? What if she has a problem (drugs, mental, etc.) that she keeps battling with and cant focus on your wedding?</strong> I mean, in most cases I totally agree that you just got to suck it up and stick with your picks but there are some cases where kicking them out is the only option. I know my situation was completely unique, I totally love my ex MOH and I would be there for her whenever she needed me, but we just had a really violatilefriendship and due to several of her personal issues, i had to break it off, or else bad stuff would have happened. I dont think this is the case for OP AT ALL but I do think kicking someone out under the right circumstances is ok.
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
    This isn't OP's situation.  She's just annoyed that her sister/MOH isn't working hard enough to plan parties or help out with the wedding.

    There are plenty of "what-ifs" out there, it's pointless to try to address them in a thread where they aren't even relevant.

    FWIW, I think it's pretty crappy to talk about how much you love your ex-MOH, but she's been demoted to guest.  That doesn't seem like a very friendly move.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:6136ff9f-f859-4695-9e22-4e12b84a55a2">Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]When I asked my sister if she wanted to be my maid of honor she was really excited and of course said yes. Now that the wedding is getting closer, Oct.1, she has yet to ask me for a guest list or anything. She hasn't contacted any of the other bridesmaids to help plan a bridal shower.  After a week of calling and messages on facebook she finally said she's been busy and will call when she gets a chance. The other bridesmaids have emailed her as well and she hasn't responded. Obviously she is completely running from  her <strong>responsibility</strong> or just doesn't care. My parents are already barely involved in the wedding(rented the hall and aren't interested in helping further) and now she is on her way to losing maid of honor  title. What am I supposed to do???  And how do I do it gracefully. PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by minitchbride[/QUOTE]

    You asked her to be your MOH. If you wanted a personal servant or party planner, you should have made that clear to her. You should also be paying her to do those types of jobs.

    No bride is entitled to anything.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:405895f7-ec7a-45d5-b404-6222b18963b7">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]Miss cyndi, aren't you the Dodger game chick who found it hilarious to publicly humiliate someone you went to a ballgame with?  Then it makes perfect sense that you'd advocate kicking someone, especially a SISTER out of a WP.  But a big good luck to you in the rest of your planning. OP:  unless you want to hear about kicking your sister out of your wedding at every Thanksgiving dinner and July 4th barbecue for decades to come, I'd suggest you scale back your notion of what a MOH is to be doing. Hint:  it's not required that she plan, execute, or even attend a shower.  If she does that's great. If she doesn't, I get that you'll be disappointed.  But try to keep the big picture in front of you.  If you have a shower, at the end of the wedding ceremony, you'll be married.  If you don't have a shower, at the end of the wedding ceremony, you'll be married.  And isn't that what this all about, after all? GL.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    ^^^^this, all of it^^^
  • edited December 2011
    My sister is my maid of honor as well. I don't even know if I officially asked her, we just all assumed and we assumed right! However, my sister is a sophmore in college more than 1.000 miles away from where the wedding will be, and she is incredibly busy with school and is only home during breaks, so I never really expected her to plan a shower. I didn't even think I was going to have one, and then my neighbor graciously stepped in and asked if she could throw us one, and I was thrilled!! My point is, like many people have said, the MOH and BMs don't have any other responsibilities other than to show up at the wedding wearing the right dress. I think the wedding industry today tries to tell you that this is not the case. Therefore, it would certainly be nice if your MOH would throw you a shower, though it isn't really her responsibility to. If she said she would and now you can see she is busy, maybe sit her down and tell her that she doesn't have to take this project on by herself if she is feeling overwhelmed. You'd be surprised, maybe someone you'd never expect will offer to throw one! People can surprise you that waySmile
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  • edited December 2011
    No one, MOH or not, HAS To throw you a shower, b-party or anything. If they offer, great. You can't, or shouldn't, ask them to, nor "demote" them if they don't. That makes YOU look awful, not them, esp. b/c she's your sister for gosh sake! Stop talking about the wedding with her; just be her sister/friend first. If she wants to plan a party for you, she will. If not, either someone else will step up or you won't have one. Guess what? You can STILL get married without a shower!

    You should pick BM's and MOH's based on their relationship to you and the fact that you want them up there with you on your wedding day, not how many parties they'll throw you or how much they'll help in your planning. The only person I would ask to help me plan is my FI. If others offer, fine. If not, it's MY wedding, so my responsibility to plan it. You're making a mountain out of a mole hill. Just step back and take a deep breath.


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  • paramedic0803paramedic0803 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:0f18e809-1754-4700-bf9c-23fca95f82a1">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]But what if that MOH is the worst pick ever? What if she has a problem (drugs, mental, etc.) that she keeps battling with and cant focus on your wedding? I mean, in most cases I totally agree that you just got to suck it up and stick with your picks but there are some cases where kicking them out is the only option. I know my situation was completely unique, I totally love my ex MOH and I would be there for her whenever she needed me, but we just had a really violatilefriendship and due to several of her personal issues, i had to break it off, or else bad stuff would have happened. I dont think this is the case for OP AT ALL but I do think kicking someone out under the right circumstances is ok.
    Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]

    I assume your MOH had her personal problems (drug, mental, etc) prior to you asking her to be in your WP. So i'd say it was still wrong of you to kick her out. Apparently, you should have rethought your decision prior to asking her in the first place. Just saying.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:f6c2dbcb-3254-4768-85e7-4fd5927b6860">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Troubles : This isn't OP's situation.  She's just annoyed that her sister/MOH isn't working hard enough to plan parties or help out with the wedding. There are plenty of "what-ifs" out there, it's pointless to try to address them in a thread where they aren't even relevant. FWIW, I think it's pretty crappy to talk about how much you love your ex-MOH, but she's been demoted to guest.  That doesn't seem like a very friendly move.
    Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

    Vicki, this wasn't a response to OP, it was a convo with another Knottie about BMs and demoting. But i forgot to quote her so i can see why there is some confusion.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:b0456660-88c2-45c6-a0ba-7341b1973904">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Maid of Honor Troubles : I assume your MOH had her personal problems (drug, mental, etc) prior to you asking her to be in your WP. So i'd say it was still wrong of you to kick her out. Apparently, you should have rethought your decision prior to asking her in the first place. Just saying.
    Posted by paramedic0803[/QUOTE]


    Paramedic, we made a pact in high school over 8 years ago that she would be my MOH. lol. She assumed this would still be the case now that we were adults, but we had to talk about because of some issues. Im not going to say what they are bc its no ones business, but this isnt about me, its about OP. And i really thought she would be a great MOH at 16.....not so much now in my 20's
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  • KateG528KateG528 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to the boards, I know that it may seem annoying that your sister is not enthused or contributing as much as you would like, however she really isn't required to do any of that so be greatful that she wants to be a part of your wedding. 

    In general, I would suggest taking Trix's advice because she usually seems to give really great advice and is correct that there are VERY few reasons to demote a MOH or BM. The title MOH is not something you give to the best slave, its to the person who means most to you.

    Good luck.


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  • minitchbrideminitchbride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I didn't ask for a shower, they said they wanted to throw one. I insisted on super casual. i am only asking about this because she isn't responding to any of the other BM and they need to travel and want to start getting ideas.yes, my wedding isn't for another few months but we live in seperate states. The wedding is going to be in OH. I need to make arrangements to travel. All i needed to know was a date. We have a child I can't just hop on a plane whenever. I just wanted to be able to get a ticket in advance so I can afford it. Yes I am grateful for the help my parents lended with renting the hall. But I would any day perfer just a motherly phone call from her. I don't care about money or who pays for what or about a bridal shower. I would just like them to be involved. The only reason I am even asking is because I really want my sister involved. I can't even get ahold of her. But she's got time to post facebook pics. Everyone is saying I am the bridezilla, I am trying to make this work. I am litterally sick over this.
  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:1474c1a6-70c8-4155-8ed9-432707d64ca3">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't ask for a shower, they said they wanted to throw one. I insisted on super casual. i am only asking about this because she isn't responding to any of the other BM and they need to travel and want to start getting ideas.yes, my wedding isn't for another few months but we live in seperate states. The wedding is going to be in OH. I need to make arrangements to travel. All i needed to know was a date. We have a child I can't just hop on a plane whenever. I just wanted to be able to get a ticket in advance so I can afford it. Yes I am grateful for the help my parents lended with renting the hall. But I would any day perfer just a motherly phone call from her. I don't care about money or who pays for what or about a bridal shower. I would just like them to be involved. The only reason I am even asking is because I really want my sister involved. I can't even get ahold of her. But she's got time to post facebook pics. Everyone is saying I am the bridezilla, I am trying to make this work. I am litterally sick over this.
    Posted by minitchbride[/QUOTE]

    1. Go ahead and do what I and other PPs said and tell your BMs to go ahead and plan without her.

    2. The reason you sound bridezilla-y is because you're talking about kicking out a WP member for not "doing enough" and because it sounds like you're insisting your MOH be involved int he shower planning, which she does not have to be.

    3. It's great that you want her to be involved, but really her level of involvement is up to her. Posting facebook pictures doesn't take nearly as much time and energy as planning a bridal shower... so I can see why she would have time for that but not for what you want.

    It seems from your 2nd post that you're feeling a little distant from your MOH and like you want her attention. So I am going to suggest that you spend some time with her WITHOUT talking about the wedding. re-connect your relationship, rather than focusing on this one event that's coming up.
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  • minitchbrideminitchbride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    thank u love muffins!!

    A little piece of info i didn't mention also was that the Mother of the Groom is the one insisting that I am going to have to tell the MOH that she can't be the MOH anymore. I just figured that the BMs would just go ahead with whatever they wanted to do.  Thats why i went to the message boards because that didn't sound right having to comfront her and tell her she can't be the maid of honor.
  • edited December 2011
    Your MOH's responsibilities consist of showing up on time, wearing the correct outfit, and smiling in pictures. Period. Anything else she may offer to do for you is at her discretion and is a gift to you, not a requirement.

    Unless your MOH has a) slept with the groom, b) threatened you with bodily harm, or c) outright declared that she does not approve/give her blessing to your marriage, or you have ended your friendship with her outright (for very, very justifiable reasons), kicking out or demoting a BP member is just a shady thing to do. It's also a surefire way to destroy a relationship.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_maid-of-honor-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a0ffa0b2-2faa-457e-bd32-4f41ee53a207Post:62187818-f4e3-4d7f-a085-c78516a153b8">Re: Maid of Honor Troubles</a>:
    [QUOTE]thank u love muffins!! A little piece of info i didn't mention also was that the Mother of the Groom is the one insisting that I am going to have to tell the MOH that she can't be the MOH anymore. I just figured that the BMs would just go ahead with whatever they wanted to do.  Thats why i went to the message boards because that didn't sound right having to comfront her and tell her she can't be the maid of honor.
    Posted by minitchbride[/QUOTE]

    Your FMIL has no say over who is or isn't in your bridal party, <em>especially</em> considering the person in question is a member of <em>your </em>family.

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  • minitchbrideminitchbride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just wanted to take a second and thank everyone for responding. I took everything into consideration that was said. It helped me stand back and see the bigger picture and I am grateful for that. Thank You!

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  • edited December 2011
     My wedding is Oct 8th this year and I think that you will find that things will pick up the closer you get.  For everyone but you and your FI it is a half a year away.  No one is planning my shower yet, as far as I know, other than picking a date so that any guests who are out of town can make arrangements if they want to come.  My sister is MOH, and she has a job and two small kids, so I'm not really expecting a lot of excitement just yet. 

    Honestly, at six months, I have nothing to do.  All my vendors are picked, all dresses bought, etc.  I have heard that things really pick up in the last month or two.  I bet you will get more excitement then.  Whatever you do, don't get all crazy and whiney now.  Wait and see. 

    Hope this helps, and heres a "woot woot!" for October brides!!
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