Ummm.... wondering something

NurseyK · May 2011

So if you are engaged or married this mostly is directed at you... but all input is helpful.

My FI and I have told his parents and his sister in person, but he hasn't called any of his friends on the phone to tell them. He told his boss, but he told me his boss didn't hear him and he didn't try to tell him again. I'm bothered by the lack of effort on his part to call his friends when I called all of my friends and family within the first 3 days. Did any of your FI or DH do this when you got engaged?

lunarsongbird · May 2011

I'm going to ask Andrew about this one- he has good male perspective:

Andrew says, "We'll get around to it eventually. It's not that were not excited, we need a bit of time to let in sink in, I guess. In the fact that he has told his boss- is a good sign. If he hadn't told anyone- it would be a problem."

Andrew's BEST FRIEND, Best freaking friend, didn't tell him he was engaged for like...two freaking months. Oh wait...scratch that...Andrew found out from his flipping parents.

Most guys just don't communicate these things. He says, "It's a guy thing. You girls on the knot wouldn't understand." LOL.

NurseyK · May 2011

Well that gives me a little piece of mind..... maybe... a little.

Elle1036 · May 2011

My FI didn't run out and call lots of people either. He texted his sisters, and that was all he really needed to do. The rest of the family then knew within hours. ha.

Most of his friends just found out through facebook.

lunarsongbird · May 2011

"Guys don't gush." ::shrugs:: Silly boys...

jaycee7389 · May 2011

It definitely depends on the guy. When one of my best friends got engaged her mass text all of us (even though I helped him pick the ring) and was like "i'm engaged!!!"...some guys are just like that and others aren't. I wouldn't worry

leia1979 · May 2011

I wouldn't worry about it. Heck, even I just sent an email to my friends (which is still better than the friend whose engagement I learned about from MySpace).

I think FI just set his Facebook status to "engaged." That was his way of telling people.

zipis1 · May 2011

I was actually the one holding FI back from telling people because I wanted to do it in person. If he's had his way there would have been phone calls all night.

That said, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If he was keeping it from everyone I would be worried (or if he was like...showing your left hand into his pocket every time his friends were near), but I'm betting he'll just tell the guys in his own time.

Hazel_B · May 2011

FI told his immediate family and grandparents right away and his coworkers knew soon after. I believe the rest of his family found out via other family members and friends find out the next time he talks with them, but he doesn't go out of his way to tell people. For example, if people ask how I'm doing I think he'll tell them then but I think he views that it is a personal thing and not a general announcement that should be made.

Mind you we aren't even in a relationship on Facebook, so unless people are told or on my FB then they have no idea.

Ember01 · May 2011

FI told his immediate family that evening (we flipped a coin to decide which set of parents to call first). After that, he didn't make anymore phone calls.

He called his grandma's the next day (it was a little too late to call them that night).

He didn't tell his close friends until the next time they talked, when he also asked them to be in the wedding party, which was like a month later.

His friends that he doesn't talk to real often (like college friends), he told them when I forced him to call to get addresses for the Save the Dates (his argument, they'll figure it out when they get a STD... My argument, they won't get an STD if we don't have their address...)

As for work, he hasn't told anyone at work, except for the president (who is good friends with his parents). Now, there are some problems at work, so this is why he hasn't told them. When I went to visit him last week, I ran up to his office one day, and he told me not to wear my ring. He didn't want them knowing. But, that is sort of an odd situation, that we have discussed and agree upon.

[Deleted User] · May 2011

I'm NEY, but I agree with Lunar here - most guys don't communicate that stuff to their guy friends.

I know my BF...and I can't see him calling up a buddy just to tell him "we're engaged!" If he didn't say anything the next time they saw each other I would find that worrisome - but I wouldn't expect him to go out of his way to let the guys know. Guys are just not like that. I don't think it has anything to do with how he feels about marrying you.

calindi · May 2011

My guy was itching to change his Facebook status, and I wanted to make sure we spoke with all the people who we wanted to tell in person first (or at least over the phone, since most everyone we're close to is very far away). While I was at work that Monday, FI changed his FB status. So on his wall it said he had changed his status to "Engaged" but since I hadn't approved it yet, it didn't say to whom. So when I got home, my FB status said, "Cate is no longer in a relationship" Uh, what? My friends got all worried and started messaging me. Once I approved it and it came up, "Cate is now engaged to ---" everyone calmed down.

FI called his immediate family, but that was it. Even recently, one of his friends from childhood emailed him and was like, "So, what's going on in your life?" And he goes, "Well, I'm in my 2nd year of law school, I'm now a Marine, and I started two student organizations. This summer, I'll have an internship in So. Carolina." And I was like, "Uh... what about the fact that you're getting MARRIED?! That doesn't even hit your top 10 list?" To him, he just doesn't feel it's necessary to broadcast it, but it doesn't mean he's not excited about it.

loves2shop4shoes · May 2011

FI called everyone the night/the morning after we got engaged. Mostly because I made him. But he only told those closest to him (his mom, his sister, his close friends, 2 or 3 of his aunts, etc.) Some of his aunts/uncles found out from word of mouth.

I was definitely more ZOMG WE HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE than he was.

csousa1 · May 2011

I think a big part of that might be that they aren't surprised. They, after all, are the ones who have been planning it for weeks or months or years. We are totally surprised and excited and "SQUEEE this is new!!" but to them, although it is exciting, it is not new news. Plus, they have been keeping it a secret for quite a while as well, so that is what they are used to. All of that plays a factor, I'm sure.

polkadot111 · May 2011

I worried about the same thing when i first got engaged!! Jeff didn't feel like calling everyone, but right after I got engaged, I was calling every friend and family member I had. I thought that must have meant Jeff just didn't care about being engaged or wasn't happy or something, but it sounds like that's just how dudes are sometimes. He did tell them eventually, just took a while.

CASK85 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ummm-wondering-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:05731919-51a4-4d1c-9bdf-a9e300c782f9Post:7da923ea-290e-4fec-a59d-cea659857e50">Re: Ummm.... wondering something</a>:
[QUOTE]"Guys don't gush." ::shrugs:: Silly boys...
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
This. <div>
</div><div>FI and I called his parents pretty much right away. . . they knew he was planning to do it the night he did it. But he didn't really call/text any of his friends. Whereas I sent out a mass text to all my friends and our mutual friends. lol</div>

Ummm.... wondering something

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