Former Friends Poll

arbolita · November 2009

Is there anybody (friend or family) that you essentially burned bridges with, and later on regretted that decision? Did you do anything about it?

mavgirl_73 · November 2009

Yes, some of my old friends from Las Vegas (I went to grad school part deux there).....it was a rough time, I've tried to make amends, some worked some didn't....that's life.

ac_in_dc · November 2009

Usually I just let friendships die a slow death from neglect.

I'm going through a phase where my relationships are rapidly changing right now--newly married and knocked up doesn't seem to match well with my single, hard drinking, triathlete girlfriends. And it's kind of painful.

bbyckes · November 2009

I haven't burned any bridges, but I have fell out of contact with a lot of friends that I miss now. I wish I could rekindle those friendships but, oh well.

vallyhoo · November 2009

Yes, there was one friend in high school that I had a falling out with. I regretted it for years and finally saw her at a funeral of a friend of ours. I took that as our chance to 'bury the hatchet' and we attempted to reconcile our friendship.

Come to find out we both changed A LOT during the five years we hadn't seen each other, and the friendship just sizzled out. I'm okay with it now because at least we tried, but when it's over, you know it.

bbyckes · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_former-friends-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e996ffc-4c46-4b0b-ad61-0d5d2247cf55Post:89908cc3-52da-4996-b333-051df5c992ec">Re: Former Friends Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Usually I just let friendships die a slow death from neglect.
Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]

I'm so bad at this.

smokeybailey · November 2009

I am friends with who I want to be friends with. I have met up with some old friends from HS and college for sh!ts and giggles but I don't think I have ever burned a bridge and regretted it.

May the bridges I burn light my path.

apple_green · November 2009

I had a roommate that decided she hated me as she was moving out, and I didn't ask why or try to communicate. I wish we were still friends.

beatlesgirl25 · November 2009

I had a friendship in college that was pretty tight, but then we ended up changing so much individually that it didn't work out, and I remember not treating her the best during this transition. Basically, she ended up kind of on the outside, and I totally moved on with better friends. I felt bad about it for years, and then we re-friended on FB recently, and now it's just like old times chatting. Except we don't talk about what happened and why we fell apart. With just an FB friendship at this point, I don't think we will. But sometimes I wonder if we should, if even for closure.

Kati0105 · November 2009

I had a big falling out with a college friend due to some pretty serious issues. We didn't speak for a couple of years post-college (during which time she got married and I did not attend her wedding). We finally spoke again at a mutual friend's engagement party and have since re-kindled the friendship. She is going to be one of my bridesmaids. I am definitely glad we made the effort to re-connect.

wadingmoose · November 2009

I don't typically do anything dramatic to burn bridges. Just less and less contact.

I did once. I backed out of a wedding party for various reasons. I was MOH. Or "old maid of honor," since she didn't know exactly how to title the role for someone divorced... I've never, ever regretted that decision, even though it ended the friendship. Your friends should enhance your life. She did not, unless you consider guilt and whining life-enhancing.

arbolita · November 2009

I'm just asking because I have a friend from college - they were one of my best friends freshman and sophomore year, and though we didn't always agree about things, ther were someone I could talk to for hours on end and we always had a great time together. Then I went through my...not very sober period of life. Within the past year 've tried reaching out to this friend twice, with no response either time. I have a nagging really that during my dark period I did/said something to them...but I have no recollection of what that might be. And it bugs me because I hate to think that I did something to this person that makes them want nothing to do with me.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_former-friends-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e996ffc-4c46-4b0b-ad61-0d5d2247cf55Post:a6f693aa-3c0e-4fb7-97ca-6ca1d49a8a81">Re: Former Friends Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]I haven't burned any bridges, but I have fell out of contact with a lot of friends that I miss now. I wish I could rekindle those friendships but, oh well.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

This.

Most recently (like, in the past two years) I've had a falling out with two friends. I'm on decent terms with one. She just moved away (supposedly temporarily), and I went to her going-away party. She and one of my BMs are still pretty close. She screwed me over monetarily (she took my place in an apartment and refused to give me the full amount of the deposit), and she's a hard partier. At the time, I may have used money as an excuse to just take a break from that lifestyle. But I honestly like her a lot and I hope she does come back and we can hang out more.

The other was one of my best friends for 6 years. We were roommates (for the second time) right before I moved in with FI. I made some mistakes, she also made mistakes and reacted very poorly. We tried to fix the relationship after I moved out, and then she asked a huge favor of me, which I declined. She hasn't talked to me since. She's in Africa now, and she won't be back for another year and half, at least. I don't regret declining her, but I wish we had left on better terms, because that friendship might be dead forever, but it was a very important relationship for me, especially when I first moved to LA. Now I'll do things that she and I used to do together (like go to Vegas) and it makes me a little sad.

SarahPLiz · November 2009

Only one, and I don't regret it. She was a toxic influence on my life, and from what I see on other mutual acquaintances' FB pages, she still would be.

I do have a really good friend, I'd readily call him my best friend, who I have gone years at a time without talking to, but once we email, call, etc, we pick right back up where we left off and all is good. I love that type of friendship. We've been really close for 15 years, and whenever I call, he's there, and vice versa. There have been some hiccups in our relationship, but we always come around. That's how I know we are true friends.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

I don't really want to edit-to-add to that monstrosity of a response, so I will say that I don't think there's anything bad with letting friendships die out and moving on. Relationships of all kinds serve a purpose at one point in your life. It doesn't mean they will be life-long. That's pretty rare. It's not a sad thing, necessarily. It is what it is.

Then again, I see a lot fo girls I went to high school with on FB who have other friends from HS in their wedding parties. I'm MAYBE inviting like one person from HS to my wedding, period, and only because I've known her since I was 7.

julezlee · November 2009

That sucks, Arbs.

My best friend and I basically "broke up" almost 2 years ago. She emailed me 10 days before our wedding to reconnect. I emailed her back and said I couldn't deal with reconnecting 10 days before my wedding and would contact her after.

I still haven't. I just don't know what to say to her. I'm not mad about our break up anymore but at this point I'm just apathetic. And I feel like she just missed the biggest thing in my life so far. I should write her back but I don't even know what I'd say.

missy68 · November 2009

My college friendships seem to be dying - there's a severe lack of communication, both on their part and on my part.

I had a major (for high school, so you know it was over nothing) falling-out with one of my high school friends and we didn't speak for over a year. There wasn't a lot of communication between us while we were in college, and in the years following. I didn't attend her wedding (I don't remember if I was invited or not); we'd dwindled down to Christmas cards only about 8 years ago. Facebook has brought us back in contact, and she is someone I talk to quite frequently, and we've realized that one of the reasons we fought so much is because we were so close. We've bridged a lot of time and space, and I am very grateful.

arbolita · November 2009

[QUOTE] Then again, I see a lot fo girls I went to high school with on FB who have other friends from HS in their wedding parties. I'm MAYBE inviting like one person from HS to my wedding, period, and only because I've known her since I was 7.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]
Heh, two of my bridesmaids are friends from high school - I figured that since 7 years later I still see and talk to them regularly, there'sa really good chance that years from now I'll still be able to say the same thing.

crfische · November 2009

Aw! Sorry Arbs, that really sucks.

Did they have some bad habits, too? I would wonder if they felt like they had some responsibility for your dark period? Ya never know. Either way. Hugs.

I burned bridges with my ex-BFF...well...still sort of burning them, it's like the fire that won't go out, but whatevs.

Mrs_AF · November 2009

My dad. I'm starting to realize that a lot of the time when I was mad he wasn't around was because I didn't include him.

As far as friends go, I don't really regret burning any bridges. The ones I did regret have been rebuilt, in just the last few years.

ac_in_dc · November 2009

That sucks, Arbs. You made an effort, though, so I think it's OK to let this one lie and wish them well in your heart. There are plenty of other friendships out there waiting to be made.

If you really miss them, though, you could tell them what you just told us. I don't know what kind of response you'd get, but it may put your mind at ease...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Lol, I'm not judging Arbs! That's great that you have that kind of friendship. I've just changed a LOT and moved across country, so my close friendships from a decade ago haven't really withstood it. Rock on if yours have, though!

Nebb · November 2009

I generally just let friendships die when I feel slighted/get bored/have nothing in common. I am big on unfriending people on facebook when I am not interested in being friends anymore (because THATS not obvious). Ive lost touch with a lot of people in my day but I figure if we were meant to be in touch we would have stayed in touch.

mwhitson14 · November 2009

The only one I regret is a girl who I was best friends with my first two years of college. She started dating a huge jerk and about 6 months after they started dating, another friend and I tried to talk to her about him. She ended up actually being engaged to the guy, and hadn't told anyone, and married him a few months later.

They're living with her parents now and she's dropped out of school to support him, and I hate it for her. I wish I could still be there for her, but she totally cut me out of her life. I almost wish I had just kept my mouth shut, and I might have if we'd known she was engaged to him.

arbolita · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_former-friends-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e996ffc-4c46-4b0b-ad61-0d5d2247cf55Post:20159327-01f8-43a6-a81c-275f9069445f">Re: Former Friends Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]Aw! Sorry Arbs, that really sucks. :( Did they have some bad habits, too? I would wonder if they felt like they had some responsibility for your dark period? Ya never know. Either way. Hugs. I burned bridges with my ex-BFF...well...still sort of burning them, it's like the fire that won't go out, but whatevs.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

They definitely had no impact on that part of my life whatsoever - I didn't even start drinking until well over a year into our friendship, so we never really partied together or anything. I was probably just really messed up and chatting with them online or on the phone

beatlesgirl25 · November 2009

Arb, that's tough, and frustrating when you can't get someone to open up communication with you who you used to be really close with. I hope they give it a shot and hear you out, and maybe you'll find out their version of what really happened between you.

crfische · November 2009

Well, that just sucks, Tree.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Oh... and when I was going through my party phase my roommate at the time (who was also a friend from college) was not and never has been a drinker/partier. I think we were so different then that we drifted apart. Like, we lived in the same city and fell out of touch for over a year. I blame myself entirely for that. She's living out of the country now, but I invited her to stay with me when she was in town. I'm trying to prove I'm back to my old self to her, and we're reconnecting through email.

arbolita · November 2009

[QUOTE]Arb, that's tough, and frustrating when you can't get someone to open up communication with you who you used to be really close with. I hope they give it a shot and hear you out, and maybe you'll find out their version of what really happened between you.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

To be honest...I'm not sure I want to know =\

BecW2be · November 2009

OMG Julez, the same thing happened to me with Friend Who Owed Me Money. 13 days before my wedding she came by my house and left the remainder of the money on my doorstep tucked inside a book about best friends. I told her I'd call her in a few weeks, and I haven't yet. I'm not sure what to say. I miss some things about our friendship, but she drained every single bit of positive energy I have every time we talked. I'm not sure I want to go back to that. It's tough.

beatlesgirl25 · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_former-friends-poll?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2e996ffc-4c46-4b0b-ad61-0d5d2247cf55Post:cab16fc1-668d-4338-9b76-1590d6f6a096">Re: Former Friends Poll</a>:
[QUOTE]To be honest...I'm not sure I want to know =\
Posted by arbolita[/QUOTE]

Aw, I'm sorry then. I guess not knowing might not be the hardest part after all. Still sucks having lost the relationship though. :(

Former Friends Poll

Re: Former Friends Poll

Choose Another Board

Search Boards